http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=lord-coe The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Thu, 20 Jun 2013 09:44:45 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53954#post-155648 Sat, 29 Dec 2012 15:52:04 +0000 Squudge 155648@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ta - all better now.</p> <p>If it weren't for some of the lesser-known genuinely deserving recipients I might have added a pic of a large poo with a medal stuck on it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53954#post-155647 Sat, 29 Dec 2012 15:16:05 +0000 dvo4fun 155647@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice rant Squudge </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53954#post-155637 Sat, 29 Dec 2012 13:23:40 +0000 Squudge 155637@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Number Ten and the Palace are said to be 'stunned' by the news that the wrong New Years Honours list has been published.</p> <p>According to the Palace, there was a minor lapse in security on Boxing day, when Philip and Camilla got a bit drunk and 'hacked' the list before the Queen got to it. "Satire, I'll show them bloody satire", the Royal Consort is reported to have quipped, before giving a two-fingered drunken salute and sliding off the pouffe in front of HRH's PC.</p> <p>The Queen's equerry, Lt Cdr Andrew Canal was visibly distressed. "It was meant to be a private joke. I mean, really, Cherie Blair, for 'women's issues'? Camillla was in fits writing that one. As for giving the bloke who steered the Banks down the drain a Knighthood!" &lt;appalled&gt; "That one was down to an offhand remark by the Queen over the turkey and stuffing that Philip decided to act upon".</p> <p>Palace officials are said to be re-vamping security after someone gave Lord Coe another gong on the spoof honours list for 'services to Lord Coe', and Tracy Emin got one for relentless and exemplary self-promotion.</p> <p>The Palace has denied the accusation that Metropolitan Police commissioner, Bernard Hogan-Howe, got a comedy knighthood for 'Plebgate', or that Wills challenged the Queen to say "Arise Sir Bernard of Plebsville" when it gets presented.</p> <p>The only error reported to have been spotted in time and redacted was the 'The Most Ancient and Most Noble Order of the Thistle', to be awarded to Tony Blair (or 'shoved up the only part of him that isn't orange') for services to international peace and security. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46111#post-132785 Sun, 29 Jul 2012 19:44:48 +0000 ginty 132785@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The entire Indian Olympic contingent stormed to the top of the offended nations table after a post-graduate woman from Bangalore gatecrashed the team's entrance to the opening ceremony procession, capturing all ten seconds of camera time.<br /> The expertly timed manoeuvre, which caught the leading walkers totally unaware as they reached for their iPhones, was all the more remarkable as she was hampered by heavy blue denims, a bright red top and unofficial sponsor branded trainers. Flag carrier Sushil Kumar desperately tried to pull back the limelight stealing breakaway, but the main bunch were reluctant to support him leaving him unable to regain the centre focus.</p> <p>As the IOA chiefs demanded an apology for the security lapse, Lord Coe described the woman, believed to be a cermony cast member, as "slightly over-excited". Renowned former international interloper Karl Power described the stunning performance as "totally mad for it!". A spokesperson for G4S declined to comment on the incident, but did say they probably had a uniform in her size available if she was interested in a career change. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=24867#post-67497 Mon, 09 May 2011 21:09:53 +0000 pineapple incident 67497@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Great idea, but sometimes truth is stranger (or just as strange) as fiction. this is actually how they're doing it! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=24867#post-67487 Mon, 09 May 2011 20:06:43 +0000 Mrblacker 67487@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>People who have requested tickets for Olympic events that are over-subscribed, will have fresh tickets allocated to them using the alternative vote system, the London Organising Committee for the Olympic Games has announced.</p> <p>Lord Coe, the Head of LOCOG explained that the counting and working out of which punter has got which ticket has taken longer than expected, which is why they're delaying taking any payments until next week.</p> <p>"Quite frankly, we didn't think the games in London would be this popular." he explained. "So we've got huge numbers of super computers and several nerds holed up in a warehouse, counting requests and working out from peoples second- and third-choice events, who'll be going where."</p> <p>However, he denied that the scheme was unfair. </p> <p>"I know there's a chance that people from Scotland could have to get all the way from places like Cumbernauld to Weymouth instead of Hampden Park, but that's just the way the cookie crumbles. And bearing in mind the Scottish diet, they'll probably hoover those up too." the Tory peer told reporters. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=20789#post-56046 Wed, 02 Feb 2011 11:50:31 +0000 John Wiltshire 56046@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>His Royal Majesty, Lord Sebastian Coe of Money-making, today announced some new events for next year's UK Olympic games.<br /> 'We've thought of some new things to give us a chance of getting some medals,' he admitted after being plied with booze and money. 'We're introducing Fire Extinguisher Throwing, Under 25s Rioting, Hitting The Duchess In A Moving Daimler and Selling The Useless Footballer For an Exorbitant Amount Of Money. We can't lose!' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4776#post-13342 Thu, 20 May 2010 09:02:00 +0000 Ludicity 13342@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Olympic mascots Wenlock and Mandeville have become the front-runners in the Labour leadership race. ‘This pair of strange, amorphous, genderless beings are exactly what the party needs,’ said acting leader Harriet Harman, ‘they add colour, diversity and a touch of magic to the leadership campaign.’ </p> <p>The shiny, one eyed mascots launched their bid for the Labour leadership at a school in East London where, like all the other candidates, they proceeded to stand there, flap their arms around a bit and say absolutely nothing. </p> <p>‘Wenlock is probably favourite to take the post having had greater experience in foreign affairs,’ said BBC political editor Nick Robinson, ‘however, many people believe that Mandeville looks cuter and could be more fun.’ </p> <p>Despite being related, both mascots have pledged not to criticise the other. ‘Wenlock and Mandeville love each other very much,’ said their mother, Lord Coe, ‘and they will compete fairly for the Labour leadership, very much in the Olympic tradition.’ </p> <p>The support for Wenlock and Mandeville is seen by many as a direct response to the recent decision by the Conservative Party to adopt their very own fluffy mascot, Nick Clegg. ‘The Labour Party clearly needs a mascot of its own,’ said Lord Mandelson, ‘especially one that I can climb inside and operate myself.’ </p> <p>The arrival of Wenlock and Mandeville has raised expectations that other ‘dark horse’ mascots may also throw their hats into the ring. Other laughable candidates include a running, jumping Big Ben, a giant spinning teapot and Ed Balls. </p> <p>Lord Mandelson rejected suggestions that the Labour Party might be resistant to another one-eyed leader: ‘They may only have one eye,' he said, 'but Wenlock and Mandeville have a singular vision for Britain.’ </p>