http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=lord The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sat, 25 May 2013 06:12:14 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51937#post-149515 Mon, 19 Nov 2012 12:22:22 +0000 bilstonjay 149515@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lord Vader, keeper of the dark side, today announced he has been talking to his lawyers about suing over 10,000 users of the social network site Twitter for claims he may have inappropriately touched a protocol droid that he built when he was a young lad. </p> <p>He has already tried hard to clamp down on the allegations by killing hundreds of Bothans who had been trying to get a message to the rebellion but the rumours got through. Some people have speculated that his harsh treatment of the Bothans may actually be a sign of guilt. Something Lord Vader has strenuously denied. </p> <p>“Yes I may have completely destroyed a planet once in cold blood, but interfering with a protocol droid? That’s an accusation that is completely false and without any basis, people have gone too far!” </p> <p>Most twitter users will be expected to pay a nominal fee to Lord Vaders favourite charity, Fathers 4 Justice, a charity who he’d worked close with to try and gain him access to his twins, one of whom was housed pretty much under his nose with Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru. </p> <p>But stronger users of Twitter may be forced to fight him like a man to the death and with every passing moment they’ll be punished by moving closer to the dark side. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4609#post-12954 Mon, 17 May 2010 16:02:44 +0000 Oxbridge 12954@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Seemed to be petering out until a classic pay-off line. Have a 4.788. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4609#post-12934 Mon, 17 May 2010 14:07:34 +0000 The All New Jeni B 12934@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"I was so distressed....and then all my clothes fell off!" </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4609#post-12930 Mon, 17 May 2010 13:51:48 +0000 QorbeQ 12930@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>...extent of my dis-dress? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4609#post-12929 Mon, 17 May 2010 13:48:14 +0000 Zadok the second 12929@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lovely, with an exceptional final para. </p> <p>Here's a photograph of me on a bed in a basque and high-heels to truly show the extent of my distress. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4609#post-12915 Mon, 17 May 2010 12:00:38 +0000 jp1885 12915@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A pretty 23 year-old former civil servant has told of her 'pleasant, yet uneventful' evening with a top Tory peer 62 years her senior.</p> <p>Stunning brunette Michelle Warnstone first met Lord Cambersham, an expert in Far Eastern horticulture and a member of DEFRA's East-Asian Advisory Committee, while working as a junior researcher for the agricultural ministry. 'Straight away I knew there was a spark between us,' she revealed, 'I'll never forget the way he barely acknowledged me in that Whitehall corridor.'</p> <p>According to Ms. Warnstone, further clandestine meetings followed; 'he'd call me into his office on a daily basis, usually to ask for the latest figures on UNESCO's East Timor reforestation project,' claims the shapely divorcee, 'during all that talk of root balls and seed drills he never showed the slightest flicker of desire, but deep inside his heart was racing as fast as mine. I knew he was married but while it seemed so wrong it felt so right.'</p> <p>After months of secret courtship, Lord Cambersham finally seized the initiative by inviting the attractive Glaswegian to an intimate supper at a high-class London venue. 'It was just me and him - alone at last, with only 300 or so fellow delegates of the Annual Common Agricultural Policy Symposium between us. The air in that conference centre was electric.'</p> <p>However, after being wined and dined at the buffet table at the back of the hall, Michelle's dreams of passion were to be cruelly dashed when former animal feeds distributor Cambersham brushed left without so much as a single glance or gentle caress. 'He just upped and went, paying more attention to those paramedics and their defibrillator than me, the love of his life.'</p> <p>'I was distraught - the only way to ease the pain was to tell my story to the tabloid journalist who'd tried to set me up with him in the first place. All I have left now are my memories - his lingering glances, his casual flirting asides, oh, and that time David Cameron took me up the arse during a Tory party conference, but no-one want's to hear about that do they?' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=901#post-2297 Sun, 14 Mar 2010 12:11:45 +0000 virtuallywill 2297@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>name does not live up to physique </p>