http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=london The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 19 Jun 2013 01:23:33 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61171#post-177689 Sun, 12 May 2013 12:26:56 +0000 drs 177689@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Staff have recently reported witnessing TV programmes being produced in the BBC’s new central London studios.<br /> “We thought all that nonsense had finished when Television Centre was closed at the end of March” one insider is quoted as saying.<br /> The nasty business of actually making programmes had thought to have been moved to the extremities of the UK, with Salford used to placate those with a ‘northern accent’.<br /> BBC press spokesman, Sebastian Russell, promised to look into the allegations.<br /> “We will look into any such allegation. That sort of thing hasn’t happened for a long time. We are moving forward now, building shiny new headquarters in London and around the UK, setting up advisory boards and giving employment to think-tanks and consultancy companies”.<br /> An official memo has warned staff not to leave scripts or ‘programme ideas’ lying around and to clear desks when leaving the office.<br /> “We don’t need that sort of thing ‘polluting’ the clean lines of our desks in a new and invigorated BBC”, newly appointed BBC Director General, James Murdoch, explained. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60677#post-176213 Wed, 01 May 2013 18:33:06 +0000 Skylarking 176213@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I once met Mary Whitehouse's son. He was delightful and not even slightly prudish. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60677#post-176159 Wed, 01 May 2013 11:58:06 +0000 Golgo13 176159@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>like it. </p> <p>Shouldn't it be provoked and writhing instead of evoked and writing. </p> <p>If you click on edit at the bottom, you can edit...and I will delete this padentry. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60677#post-176152 Wed, 01 May 2013 11:34:55 +0000 No Beard 176152@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The news that London will 'road test' Dutch roundabout systems has evoked outrage from Mary Whitehouse, daughter of famous prude, Mary Whitehouse. Interviewed earlier today, the spinster do-gooder stated, 'Oh no, I won't let London fall for this one again. I may have been duped into accepting a 'Dutch oven' when my own 2 hobbed Electrolux broke down in 1991, and yes, I was cruelly tricked into taking part in a group orgy when I thought I was being offered a free copy of 1980s hardcore punk band The Circle Jerks. And then there were the 'chocolate starfish', 'Flangipan finger', and 'Bird's custard' incidents of the late nineties when I visited Keith Floyd's restaurant in Bristol. All in all it sickens me to think that yet another double entendre is going to make a fool of our great capital. When I think of the writing bodies and all that sticky residue, I'm just glad my mother isn't alive today.'</p> <p>The Transport Secretary, however, commented, 'It's a simple segregation system where a separate route for cyclists increases saftey for all road users. If Ms. Whitehouse would like to sit down and discuss her concerns, I'm sure we can find a compromise over Hobnob or even a creamed horn.'</p> <p>The debate continues. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60088#post-174535 Sun, 21 Apr 2013 12:07:42 +0000 hardev 174535@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Following the highly successful “Boston Marathon– the manhunt”, critics have slated the follow up “London Marathon –the revenge”</p> <p>Rotten Tomatoes have reviewed it saying “No drama, no explosions, no manhunt, nobody shouting “USA, USA, USA!!!” this film is a complete let down and the studios are trying to cash in on the success of the first movie, by releasing this one just two weeks later – we are not at all surprised that it went straight to TV”</p> <p>Critics did however acknowledge that it was better than the “The Twilight Saga” </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57369#post-166308 Tue, 05 Mar 2013 17:49:29 +0000 beau-jolly 166308@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Oh, OK.<br /> I though the sub was like dragging my feet through porrige, and if you have explain every bloody thing down to the car....I don't normally read long subs and in this case I wish I hadn't.</p> <p>Or words to that effect I've forgotten now. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57369#post-166307 Tue, 05 Mar 2013 17:32:39 +0000 dvo4fun 166307@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>b-j - I haven't recorded much lately but I still have a legitimate point of view about 'One Direction' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57369#post-166284 Tue, 05 Mar 2013 15:21:43 +0000 beau-jolly 166284@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>&lt;edit&gt; Critisism removed. Not like I've written anything recently. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57369#post-166263 Tue, 05 Mar 2013 14:21:59 +0000 HenryMJUK 166263@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Standing on the steps of the TUC building in London, Trinotalotasauraus Trades Union Party Leader, Archibald Aristotle Arkwright, insisted “17% in favour of all out industrial action is an absolute majority” and the clearest indication yet “the policies of the ruling coalition are having a massive impact on my membership. We’ll bring the whole country to a standstill, for at least that long and take our campaign out into the wastelands of the former industrial heartlands of our heritage, which are now occupied by foreign hi-tec enterprises and are now devoid of and in desperate need of union membership".</p> <p>‘AAA’, as he prefers to be known, took the same opportunity to announce a significant increase of membership fees, backdated five years ….. “times are tough”, he insisted, postage costs have gone up and the price of tea bags is making my eyes water. I’ve had to pay myself a seven figure bonus, just to compensate for the PPI payout I can’t get because I wasn’t a policy holder at the time, plus I’ve just learned Ramsey has been outed from Claridges – that’s me un-stuffed at lunchtimes until I can find somewhere else to hang-out.</p> <p>Pressed by the reporter for the Russell Street Bi-weekly Echo, Archie reiterated the earlier vote of members was totally legitimate and had been verified by the same people who count the votes on BGT. The fact 72% of his membership elected not to cast their vote, was merely an indication that they had better things to do with their time (quite understandable, given the state of the economy) – in such cases, members need to be aware of the small-print in their membership application (page 638, para 8, sub section 3.1.2.22) in that – ‘where the member is unable to vote, likely to vote against the motion or elects not to vote’ - the members vote, will revert to proxy under the control of the party leader. </p> <p>With that Archie marched over to his chauffeur driven Maybach (apparently a Ghia version of an entry level Merc C-Class) and chugged off for a policy meeting with two Ed’s and an ‘arry.</p> <p><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2013/mar/04/civil-servants-vote-favour-strike" rel="nofollow">http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2013/mar/04/civil-servants-vote-favour-strike</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52180#post-150198 Fri, 23 Nov 2012 09:42:11 +0000 pinxit 150198@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Boris Johnson took the opportunity to kill two birds with one stone today when he unveiled a plaque to victim of 'police mismanagement', Ian Tomlinson, and launched a wheelchair version of his bicycle hire scheme for London, inspired by the Paralympics.</p> <p>Unveiling the plaque, Mr Johnson said that the G20 incident was another example of 'a PC gone mad'.</p> <p>'Get on the wrong side of the Rozzers and you'll jolly well need one of these,' he said, leaping into one of the Barclay's sponsored mobility initiative wheelchairs.</p> <p><img src="http://i830.photobucket.com/albums/zz223/pinxit2/borisbuggy.jpg"></p> <p>'The streets of London are now opened up to every Mr and Mrs Davros. They'll be able to crawl out of their bubble cars and Robin Reliants, straight into the comfort of a Bozza Buggy.'</p> <p>'It's one small step for the disabled, one giant wheelie for the total spazzos,' said Johnson, adding, '<em>Cripes</em>. Did I say that out loud?' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50002#post-144213 Wed, 17 Oct 2012 20:27:08 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 144213@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50002#post-144198 Wed, 17 Oct 2012 19:12:11 +0000 landofdopeandtories 144198@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>London is to bid for the 2016 Olympic Games, the British Olympic Association has announced.</p> <p>"We need something to lift the national mood, which has been in the toliet since the Spice Girls finished their closing ceremony set," said Tom Daley, the bid's official spokesman. "London is the perfect candidate. We've got the venues, we've got the crowds and this time we won't even hire G4S. It's going to be top."</p> <p>London Mayor Boris Johnson described the bid as "momentous for Britain," and said he was "fully behind those getting the splendid women's volleyball players back again."</p> <p>Rio de Janeiro remains the front runner to win the campaign, but London's hopes have been raised after an impassioned presentation by Lord Coe and a renewed commitment from the IOC to brown envelopes stuffed with cash.</p> <p><img src="http://mariouana.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/Threadless-1.jpg"></p> <p>It would be the first time the Olympics has been held in Britain since August. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48259#post-138863 Tue, 18 Sep 2012 14:46:35 +0000 slapespeare 138863@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In recent weeks pressure has been mounting on the coalition government to acknowledge escalating demand for regional autonomy. No, we’re not referring to the wild imaginings of our whisky swigging cousins to the north - until they elect Mel Gibson as PM they’ve got no chance. What we’re talking about is a very credible application for the establishment of an independent state at the very heart of the capital. </p> <p>The intriguing proposal, delivered yesterday to the Commons for review, calls for the UK government to recognise the legitimacy of a new British Autonomous Region of Hackney (better known as Bar-H by those in the know). Stood uncomfortably against the garishly opulent surroundings of Westminster, grounded spokesperson, $epiahype, issued a charismatic plea, requesting a “timely and just transferral of absolute political and fiscal responsibility to a community elected council”. She continued, “All we want is the freedom and authority to protect and preserve our unique and vibrant culture.”</p> <p>So, what can we expect from Bar-H should the campaigners’ plans find success in next Wednesday’s scheduled parliamentary debate? Well, HIP$TERs (Hackney Independent Peoples’ $ Territory Enclave Residents), as they refer to themselves, had already made their manifesto available through exclusive pre-release 12” vinyl months ago, though they will be disseminating a digital copy in the coming days for the stragglers. But if you didn’t know where to get your hands on this little gem - which poignantly offsets its rousing political prose to a tumultuous, yet oddly soothing, slant on a range of tracks from David Bowie’s back catalogue - here are the crucial details:</p> <p><blockquote> Strict immigration policy: With conformity essential, examinations will assess fashion consciousness and require a list of favourite music labels, directors and blogs from each applicant.</blockquote></p> <p><blockquote> Free Market Economy: The region will be founded upon outside investment from retiring relatives, so no need to tax!</blockquote></p> <p><blockquote> No Child Policy: No children, unless born to a HIP$TER partnership (though it is recommended that in this instance you move to the peripheries).</blockquote></p> <p><blockquote> All clothes should be recycled, or at least appear to be.</blockquote></p> <p><blockquote> Independent thought is not to be encouraged. This cannot be reiterated enough despite a communal habit of suggesting otherwise.</blockquote></p> <p>These parameters all appear well considered, but how realistic are the demands for secession? The area, like much of London, has been home to decades of culture-rousing immigration which has flooded the borough with a diverse array of markets, musicians, restaurants and independent stores. Yet, what has really improved the area is the most recent influx of deep pocketed arts students and paradigm shifting left-wing-entrepreneurial types. These settlers, unlike their cumbersome predecessors, have arrived with excellent financial backing from the Home Counties and Cotswolds. This emergence of greater prosperity, not to mention, wealth of intellectualism and artistic flair, has really set Hackney apart from the rest of London and makes autonomy an entirely plausible reality.</p> <p>HIP$TER, Maxx’87 told us, “It used to be a bit scabby ‘round here, but in a sort of, unintentional way. You know? Like, loads of kids and families too. But things have been getting better recently. If we get autonomy, we’ll really go from strength to strength as a community.”</p> <p>So, Bar-H sounds like it could be a roaring success. Ambitious, young back benchers are in agreement too. An official statement from the office of junior MP, James Burbage reads, “I think they could be onto something with this devolutionary thing, it’s great value for the taxpayer. They’ve got my vote.” </p> <p>A major sticking point in the negotiations, however, may be the “Shoreditch situation.” The coveted postcode currently belongs to Tower Hamlets but is claimed to be spiritually and culturally tied to Bar-H. Only time will tell as to how events will unfold. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48125#post-138405 Sat, 15 Sep 2012 13:37:43 +0000 JulieJubilee 138405@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><strong>the Official unOfficial Queen Diamond Jubilee London 2012 Olympics Anthem<br /> FREE DOWNLOAD ... </strong><a href="http://unofficialdiamondjubileesong.wordpress.com">http://unofficialdiamondjubileesong.wordpress.com</a><br /> or <a href="http://juliejubileefreedom.wix.com/cliffs-of-dover">http://juliejubileefreedom.wix.com/cliffs-of-dover</a></p> <p>SEDATIVA is creating a new musical style coined " East meets West ".<br /> The music provokes awareness to the issues surrounding the Middle East.<br /> Whilst England celebrates the war under the guise of the Jubilee and the Olympics,<br /> SEDATIVA has released an anthem, entitled : CLIFFS OF DOVER<br /> ... as a special dedication to these events.</p> <p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7TmJYp4Mew&amp;list=PL6D865A1913DDF302&amp;feature=plcp" rel="nofollow">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7TmJYp4Mew&amp;list=PL6D865A1913DDF302&amp;feature=plcp</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47954#post-137803 Wed, 12 Sep 2012 09:15:30 +0000 Reeking Lum 137803@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>As the nations Olympic hangover recedes, one question remains and demands to be answered. Where was the flood of international prostitutes promised by the organising committee?<br /> In the months leading up to the sports extravaganza, tantalising tales were emerging from past Olympics and World Cups of the bevy of buyable beauties and that would descend on the capital to offer their own globally unique and enterprising technical skills to help games goers cope with the tension of under performance in the medals table. One east end taxi driver said " we were all geared up for it, the Latvians, the Romanians, even Saudi Arabia promised to send a couple, I've invested a fortune in Rosetta Stone tapes, for what, NUFFINK, thats what".<br /> One theory put forward by Professor Reginald Ringbinder, a fellow of the five pound fellatio society is that the advance party of pimps and prozzies sent by many countries during the Queens Jubilee were laid low with urinary tract infections after standing out on street corners in the rain for 18 hours.<br /> A LOCOG spokesman has said that despite constant promises given that the numbers being provided were well within their means, the international sexlympic committee failed to deliver, "we have only left a fraction of the amount due to be paid on the dressing table" a senior LOCOG insider claimed yesterday. A government source that has asked to remain anonymous has stated that within the corridors of power, many members of parliament are equally frustrated " the feeling is we did everything we could for them, relaxing border controls, Olympic kerb crawling lanes, we even went as far as gagging the press. You have to feel for them, it was about the only hope some of them had of a good gobble" Business leaders have been equally scathing " Its a disaster" said one, "we hoped the services provided by east Eurpoean blondes and tiny tittied Thais would have distracted George Osbourne long enough to spark an economic recovery".<br /> Its all so different from the last time London held the Games, one Olympic veteran from 1948 reminisced " we could get a tug job on the top deck of a bus for half a banana in those days". Whatever went wrong, Rio have taken note, promising a bonanza of blow jobs in 2016. "from Brazilian girls and boys alike" </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47849#post-137337 Sat, 08 Sep 2012 17:22:44 +0000 Jeremy Hunt 137337@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>More cutbacks I fear.It has to be done I'm afraid,Mr Smalls.Not so much for your own good as that of the nation.I'm sure you understand. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47849#post-137319 Sat, 08 Sep 2012 11:58:22 +0000 smalley_smalls 137319@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>With the anticipated completion of the crossrail project somewhere around 2018, mayor Boris Johnson has empathically declared the long-running London construction project that was started many centuries ago, almost complete.</p> <p>The project which had been dogged by cost overruns and slips in delivery time running to many hundreds of billions of pounds over three millennia was started as an ambitious roman project under the direction of Emperor Claudius. But it had suffered from a lack of vision and understanding of the end client requirements. This lead to constant rescoping of the project and ultimately saw many changes in leadership from the Normans to the Tudors, Blairs and finally to the Johnsons. </p> <p>Windsor,the previous incumbent contractor, had left the project in disgrace following allegations of widespread fraud and expense abuse which had even included spending on lavish Las Vegas parties that had been billed back to the project's funders, not dissimilar to the Mob backed union racketerring that had blighted New York construction projects back in the 1920's.</p> <p>The mayor said enthusiastically that the completion of the London 2012 Olympic park, the Shard and a high-level zip-wire heralded the climax to the programme. He acknowledged the bluster around extra airport capacity around the city was in fact a smokescreen to avoid additional scrutiny about final exprenditure and agreed it would never be realised. 'The project will be wound down in 2018 regardless' stated the mayor. 'Then there'll be a massive party which we'll chuck some more money at'. </p> <p>Yes, there had been some mistakes admitted Johnson. Who can forget the enormous white domed elephant built back in 1999? He put his own hands up to the spasticated upside-down red trumpet saying everyone deserved one screw up; the Orbit being his legacy. </p> <p>Funding for the project had initially been found through the imposition of a 'tax' on peasant workers, but as the costs mounted and the dawn of the industrial revolution,the country embarked on an ambitious round of fundraising invasions and wars across the globe, almost having to declare itself bankrupt in the 1930s, 40's,50's,60's,70's,again in the 80's and most recently in 2007 when the project's main banking partner realised their calculators were missing vital keys including the 'add' and 'equals to' function and couldn't in fact be powered on Krug champagne. </p> <p>With the iminent completion of the project, the design team are turning their attention to future projects. The plans for the Dundee Eye are almost finished stated the Mayor proudly, but when pushed accepted that the only additional work had been the deletion of the word 'London' from the original blueprints. 'We also have an ambitious programme of Royal Palaces and government buildings to roll out across Hull, including a 1000ft Helter-Skelter' he said wistfully. </p> <p>The mayor also hinted he may be considering taking on the more ambitious Great Britain project which so far has failed to get off the ground or attract any serious backers. The current contractor, Osbournes, has been beset by constant criticism for their failure to start construction without a signed-off design or planning approval, noting that the entire freshly-laid foundations would probably have to be dug up. Their design team had recently been exposed as being amatuer and unqualified. An investigation had discovered their previous portfolio consisted of nothing more than a small garden shed which was constructed poorly, even with the involvement of a second subcontractor, Liberal Demolitions.The shed has since collapsed.</p> <p>8m People across the city breathed a collective sigh of relief to the prospect that an end to tube upgrades, road repair closures, the Olympics, was finally in sight. 'I'm looking forward to getting out and seeing what all the fuss was about' said one. The Mayor again thanked everyone for their patience and promised everyone a free go in the Thames cable car at some undisclosed date in the future. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46635#post-134171 Thu, 09 Aug 2012 15:51:21 +0000 beau-jolly 134171@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Made me larf a lot. Loved the punch line. I'd give it stars but it has a full haul already. Oh go on. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46635#post-134165 Thu, 09 Aug 2012 15:01:54 +0000 Oxbridge 134165@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Writers of spoof news stories, who have been starved of easy targets during Team GB's exceptional performance at the London Olympics, have expressed their relief that at least the footballers did something hilariously shit by exiting the tournament on penalties in the quarter finals, just like every England team at World Cups and the Euros since some time back in the Bronze Age.</p> <p>'We were staring disaster in the face,' admitted 'Waylandsmithy'. 'Not only were British cyclists, rowers and athletes exceeding expectations by winning a ton of medals, they were also proving themselves articulate, modest and a prime example of everything good about modern, multicultural Britain. They even managed to shut the Daily Mail up. Thank God someone gave us something to take the piss out of.'</p> <p>While Jessica Ennis, Greg Rutherford and Mo Farah were wining gold in the space of an hour at the Olympic Stadium, the GB football team captained by serial shagger Ryan Giggs was bumbling its way to a deliriously awful draw with South Korea to set up the inevitable denouement. To make things even better for cynics, the decisive miss came from the ludicrously overpaid, squirrel-brained Chelsea benchwarmer Daniel Sturridge, who then stalked off like a petulant toddler who had just been refused another ice cream. </p> <p>Satire analysts agreed that the combination of predictability, schadenfreude and disgust inherent in Team GB's exit could tide the country over for just long enough until Parliament reassembles in September. Had the current tide of euphoria over Olympic success continued unabated for a few more weeks, the consequences for satirical news websites might have been disastrous.</p> <p>'I was seriously considering hanging up my pen,' added 'Oxbridge'. 'When you see 80,000 people applauding a Saudi woman for just competing at all, when Yorkshire has won more golds than Australia, what is there to sneer about? I was even working on a sub about Andy Murray turning from Scottish to British now he has won a gold medal, but I imagine that's probably been done before.' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46588#post-134141 Thu, 09 Aug 2012 11:05:46 +0000 The_RLJ 134141@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I hadn't heard the news about that when I posted. What are the chances? Think I may need to delete! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46588#post-134132 Thu, 09 Aug 2012 10:04:13 +0000 beau-jolly 134132@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Is that the same Bob Hoskins who just announced his retirement following the diagnosis of Parkinson's disease? Did I miss something? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46588#post-134075 Wed, 08 Aug 2012 23:28:04 +0000 The_RLJ 134075@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Visitors to the London Olympics have been shedding the pounds with a brand new diet – the Hoskins.</p> <p>Named after Hollywood legend and star of Super Mario Bros., Robert William ‘Bob’ Hoskins Jr, the diet consists chiefly of bizarrely prepared seafood, meat, pastry, gravy and potatoes, all served with a generous helping of the salt of the earth. </p> <p>It is rumoured that a number of stars, including Jennifer Aniston and Lady Gaga, are now starting the diet following US reports of Olympic tourists being hospitalised following dramatic weight loss. </p> <p>Talking about the diet, Logan Hogan, a Canadian fan of the Equestrian disciplines, said: “The results you can achieve with the Hoskins diet speak for themselves, with a non-rhotic flourish. After only a week, I’ve lost over half a stone and my hair has never looked thinner! The weight just falls out of you, from both ends, so it couldn’t be simpler. The only thing you’ll keep down is your weight.”</p> <p>East End food retailers are said to be delighted at the growing interest in the Hoskins Diet, after a long and steady decline in trade in recent years. </p> <p>Pieman Simon Ryman commented: “We’ve been scraping a living from TV crews filming rose-tinted news reports about the decline of the industry on slow news days, but that only buys you so many pearls. If they can keep the bleeding under control and the Hoskins goes global, we’ll be up to our mincers in bees, laughing all the way to the J. Arthur.” </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46286#post-133189 Thu, 02 Aug 2012 05:19:08 +0000 ginty 133189@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>More soon. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46278#post-133163 Wed, 01 Aug 2012 20:02:41 +0000 ginty 133163@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cheers! maybe he'd woo in election time, but it's athletics time for BJ, so he's a-wowing. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46278#post-133162 Wed, 01 Aug 2012 19:55:48 +0000 waylandsmithy 133162@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent, but 'woos' rather than 'wows', surely? 'Woos' is a great word. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46278#post-133160 Wed, 01 Aug 2012 19:50:24 +0000 ginty 133160@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>More soon. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46111#post-132785 Sun, 29 Jul 2012 19:44:48 +0000 ginty 132785@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The entire Indian Olympic contingent stormed to the top of the offended nations table after a post-graduate woman from Bangalore gatecrashed the team's entrance to the opening ceremony procession, capturing all ten seconds of camera time.<br /> The expertly timed manoeuvre, which caught the leading walkers totally unaware as they reached for their iPhones, was all the more remarkable as she was hampered by heavy blue denims, a bright red top and unofficial sponsor branded trainers. Flag carrier Sushil Kumar desperately tried to pull back the limelight stealing breakaway, but the main bunch were reluctant to support him leaving him unable to regain the centre focus.</p> <p>As the IOA chiefs demanded an apology for the security lapse, Lord Coe described the woman, believed to be a cermony cast member, as "slightly over-excited". Renowned former international interloper Karl Power described the stunning performance as "totally mad for it!". A spokesperson for G4S declined to comment on the incident, but did say they probably had a uniform in her size available if she was interested in a career change. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45381#post-130445 Sun, 15 Jul 2012 09:55:45 +0000 The Masked Frog 130445@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lucky the whale chose moderate britain for its law breaking activities. Would have got the death sentence in Japan. Whales don't know they're born in fairness. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45381#post-130442 Sun, 15 Jul 2012 09:03:18 +0000 ginty 130442@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A Northern Bottlenose whale has been the first person to be fined under new Thames Bylaws introduced earlier this month. Nanuq Naartok, of The Gully, Nova Scotia, spoke only to confirm his name in Bow Street Magistrates court.<br /> The incident, which took place on July 3rd, began after a routine Thames River Police patrol spotted the whale behaving suspiciously near Canvey Island. As the officers approached, the whale accelerated away, beginning a seven hour chase at speeds approaching six miles per hour, only ending when the defendant lost control near the Albert Bridge and was arrested. The court heard how the whale swam recklessly upstream, performing dangerous manoeuvres, including belly-flops, barge barging and tail-splashes, before exposing his genitalia to a crowd of Japanese tourists at Westminster Bridge.<br /> A spokesperson for the Port of London Authority, Jim Hawkins, said “This should send out a clear signal to anyone intending on using the river without authorisation and approved equipment. It’s a dangerous body of water. It’s important to remember just how much the river has changed since the last Bylaw change in 1978. If you want to get a feel for just how much things have changes since then, remember that in 1978 there were no mobile phones, Britain still had a failing car industry and Noel Edmonds was a respected Radio personality in the Radio 1 breakfast slot.“<br /> Naartok was fined £450, £15 victim surcharge and £200 costs for numerous breaches of the Thames Bylaws 2012 including using a non-compliant navigation system and failure to display correct lighting. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45249#post-129899 Thu, 12 Jul 2012 05:50:49 +0000 wallster 129899@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A good first sub. Keep 'em coming. </p>