http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=leadership The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 19 Jun 2013 20:10:28 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38523#post-109032 Sat, 11 Feb 2012 00:55:47 +0000 pete1774 109032@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A new report from a government think tank, claims that NHS leaders, a formerly endangered species, have now been completely over run by an imported American pest known by its Latin name of "manergerious targetacious" This aggressive government backed parasitic species is known for its tenacious consumption of pointless data and statistics has had a deleterious effect upon the previously patient symbiotic indigenous species "Leaderous Benevolentus MD"   </p> <p>There are a few Leaderous Benevolentus MD colonies believed to still exist in small private enclaves in the wild but the report concludes that the possibility of reintroducing them into the NHS is unlikely unless an intensive breeding program is undertaken.  Such a program would require government backing and the cooperation of the private health sector.  A spokesman for the think tank, said that in the present economic and political climate this would be unlikely.  </p> <p>However rumours in the blogosphere indicate that there may be covert groups working undercover in the private healthcare sector and even some of the more radical NHS Foundations Trusts to introduce a cloned variant of the species.  Although this species has some of the desirable traits of the former indigenous species it has an unfortunate tendency to emulate the banking sector in producing clusters of spurious bonuses at higher levels.  Scientist working in the field believe that successful introduction is fraught with problems.  They believe that the current incumbent species, manergerious targetacious would simply overwhelm any newcomer by enclosing it in demands for even more spurious data and irrelevant targets, thereby rendering it impotent. </p> <p>Attempts to introduce new species are not new. Some years ago a renegade government minister attempted to introduce the Roundtree variety into the NHS, but because manergerious targetacious was already well entrenched the newcomer disappeared without trace in 6 months. Scientist are now pessimistic and believe that the whole NHS will eventually become entombed in the mounds of waste data and statistics produced by manergerious targetacious and will eventually mutate into various sub-species or BUPA variants. A spokesman for the Department of Health rejected this analysis and produced 16.4 terabytes of NHS data and statistics to assert his claim. Nuff said! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4500#post-12608 Fri, 14 May 2010 11:27:26 +0000 Digestive 12608@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ed Balls has announced his candidacy for leader of the Labour party with the assertion that his mildly-amusing surname is a benefit, not a hindrance. </p> <p>“Politicians in this country have become rather dull,” the former Secretary for Schools and Children said, “and I’m sure the general public would welcome a bit of a laugh to liven politics up. Just imagine the fun the headline writers could have – ‘What A Balls Up’, ‘Balls To The Wall’, that kind of thing.” </p> <p>As part of his leadership bid, Balls outlined a new policy whereby he would only appoint people with funny surnames to senior positions. “I want my shadow cabinet to tickle the nation’s funny bone,” Balls explained, “and also be easier to remember.” Balls listed a number of high-profile appointments, including Stephen Pound as shadow Chancellor, Anne Begg in Work and Pensions, and Andy Slaughter as shadow Defence Secretary. “Frank Field would be an outstanding man for the Environment and Rural Affairs post,” Balls concluded, “and it goes without saying that my deputy would be John Woodcock.” </p> <p>Balls’ wife, Ophelia, offered her full support. </p>