http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=labour-party The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 26 May 2013 01:45:29 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=39857#post-113059 Tue, 13 Mar 2012 18:08:35 +0000 weematt 113059@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The Labour party in Scotland have proposed setting a maximum limit to the amount of caffeine in alcoholic drinks. Debates in the Scottish Parliament have been taking far too long due to MSPs remaining awake in spite of spending hours in the bar.</p> <p>Opposing this move, Scotland's police have pointed out that reducing the caffeine could lead to drink drivers falling asleep at the wheel. “Bad enough being drunk in charge of a vehicle” said Strathclyde's Chief Constable, “but how much more dangerous if the driver is nodding off? Also we do not have the manpower these days to wait around for drunks to wake up so we can breathalyse them.”</p> <p>The Labour party responded that the police have not taken into account the many drinkers who will have fallen asleep before they get to their vehicles. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=19670#post-53001 Fri, 07 Jan 2011 14:30:39 +0000 Oxbridge 53001@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'Yvette Cooper will unnerve William Hague through the use of provocative modern dance'</p> <p>Yes, I can just see that. 5*, obviously. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=19670#post-52990 Fri, 07 Jan 2011 13:27:56 +0000 Doylem 52990@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"A political tool", indeed... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=19670#post-52989 Fri, 07 Jan 2011 13:25:32 +0000 Ludicity 52989@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Labour leader Ed Miliband has revealed that he will take a vow of silence and convey his political message entirely through the performance art of mime, using his body as a political tool. </p> <p>‘All the polls show that we do much better when Ed stays quiet,’ explained deputy leader Harriet Harman, ‘he will therefore focus on communicating his ideas through corporeal movement and a variety of facial expressions.’</p> <p>The new strategy will see Mr Miliband appearing at Prime Minister’s Questions with a white painted face and wearing a tight black Lycra bodysuit. He will then proceed to ridicule government policy by silently prancing around the dispatch box and pulling a range of silly faces. </p> <p>‘This represents a new form of political communication,’ said Harman, ‘but I am confident that Ed can get his message across to David Cameron through the use of hand gestures alone – a method I understand the general public have already been using for some time.’</p> <p>Mr Miliband has already mastered a number of classic mimes including ‘walking against the wind’, ‘the brick wall’ and ‘up shit creek without a paddle.’ However, he still struggles with more complex mimes such as explaining his position on tuition fees, something that regularly leaves him rolling helplessly around on the floor tied up in knots. </p> <p>Members of Mr Miliband’s team will also employ performance art to convey their message. Shadow Chancellor Alan Johnson will use origami to communicate his understanding of economic theory by taking a blank sheet of paper and then screwing it up. Meanwhile, Shadow Foreign Secretary Yvette Cooper will unnerve William Hague through the use of provocative modern dance. </p> <p>Speculation has been rife as to why Miliband had been so quiet in the last few months. ‘Everyone thought it was because he was nervous,’ said political commentator Matthew Parris, ‘but it turns out Ed was simply miming his opposition to government.’</p> <p>Mr Miliband has also been developing a range of special ‘looks’ that he will use to mercilessly undermine the Coalition. ‘He has already perfected the ‘rabbit staring into the headlights,’ said Ms Harman, ‘and he is making good progress with ‘man shaking his head in disappointment at whatever the government just did’. He is now believed to be working on ‘man with bright idea’ and ‘man pulling finger out of arse.’ </p> <p>Mr Miliband launched his new strategy at the London International Mime Festival where he attempted to communicate his grand political vision. 'He just stood there for while flapping his arms around and staring off into space,' said one disappointed visitor, ‘it's certainly nothing to shout about.' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=12825#post-34962 Thu, 23 Sep 2010 17:41:22 +0000 la maga 34962@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I like it. Though doesn't dropping the name Labour clear up a nominative anomaly rather than a sociological anomaly? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=12825#post-34959 Thu, 23 Sep 2010 17:29:07 +0000 billc 34959@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A controversial document will be tabled to the newly elected National Executive Committee of the Labour party after the annual conference next week. All the candidates have seen a draft copy of the document and all have endorsed its contents. Perhaps the most contentious item is a proposed name change of the 100 year old Party to " I ain’t no rich man’s bitch Party".</p> <p>The author of the report believes that the proposed name change refutes entirely the charge that New Labour has been the plaything of the rich and powerful and helps to put clear water between the perception of a party badly damaged by the expenses scandal.</p> <p>A poll of senior members reveals that many hated their association with the super rich and were appalled by the prospect at holidaying on a Russian Oligarchs Yacht, kow-towing to Rupert Murdoch and most painful of all being forced to spend weekends with Berlisconi at his luxury villa.</p> <p>"Many of us were completely stressed at the prospect" one former cabinet member is quoted.</p> <p>The report answers critics that the new party name sounds disreputable by pointing out the insulting origins of the name of the main political parties. Tory comes from the Irish word tóraidhe meaning robber or brigand whilst Libdem is derived from a Gaelic name given to a ruffian who befriends the victim before clubbing and robbing them down some dark lane.</p> <p>It concludes that by dropping the name Labour this in effect tides up a sociological anomaly as the policies of the last New Labour Government has ensured that there are no Industrial Working Class left in the country</p> <p>A Labour Party spokesperson said that the new name offered an exciting prospects for the party. "It distances us from the belief amongst our core vote that we toadied up to the rich as well as putting us closely in touch with the modern multi cultural, multi ethnic 21st Century Britain. The name will particularly appeal to the white middle class youths who like to pretend to be black"</p> <p>She added, " I am sure that if the pioneers of the party like Lady Keir Nye McDonald came back they would recognise that the new name for the party is firmly rooted in our traditions".</p> <p>At this stage it has not been decided whether that there ought to be an exclamation or question mark at the end of the new parties name.</p> <p>　</p> <p>　 </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4566#post-13023 Tue, 18 May 2010 08:01:12 +0000 Scroat 13023@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice one. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4566#post-12844 Sun, 16 May 2010 23:29:12 +0000 Doctor Moptop 12844@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Neat! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4566#post-12819 Sun, 16 May 2010 11:46:10 +0000 Jeremy Hibbard 12819@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Five more Miliband brothers have put their names forward for the Labour leadership contest, taking the total, so far, to 7. "We want to give the party the widest possible choice", said Jermaine Miliband, 47, who is likely to draw support from the inside-middle-just-to-the-left wing of the party. He’ll now compete against brothers David and Ed as well as Jackie, Tito, Marlon and youngest brother Michael. "Our parents had hoped we go into music", said Tito, 45, last night, 'but David and Ed have led the way into politics and we all want this leadership fight to be a real family affair.' </p>