http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=kay-burley The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Fri, 24 May 2013 21:25:00 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142377 Mon, 08 Oct 2012 18:19:06 +0000 custard cream 142377@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Brilliant! max. stars! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142356 Mon, 08 Oct 2012 15:18:07 +0000 reforse 142356@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>5* for the Leon Brittan line </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142329 Mon, 08 Oct 2012 12:54:20 +0000 button 142329@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Love this Dusty </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142328 Mon, 08 Oct 2012 12:46:05 +0000 DustyBinLaden 142328@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>pinxit that is awesome. What's really brilliant is that if you cross Gove with Pink you get Deborah Meaden </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142317 Mon, 08 Oct 2012 11:28:21 +0000 Midfield Diamond 142317@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Some great lines in this, and the spiders' web on the face tattoo would make a great pic, even if the idea has been used before - I'm pretty sure a suitably-edited version of this made NiB: <a href="http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34444" rel="nofollow">http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34444</a></p> <p>(There was a bloke down the fairground where I worked with such a tattoo, so I can't claim it was wholly my idea) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142308 Mon, 08 Oct 2012 10:50:14 +0000 pinxit 142308@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Good stuff. Plenty of scope for pix... tho' it doesn't really need any.</p> <p>As for Gove... well, there's plenty of depths there to explore.</p> <p>Did you know he'd released a 'Pink' tribute album? Here it is from a couple of weeks ago...</p> <p><img src="http://i830.photobucket.com/albums/zz223/pinxit2/Satire/pinky_GOVE.jpg"></p> <p>Stars. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142302 Mon, 08 Oct 2012 10:17:43 +0000 dvo4fun 142302@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sadly, I only just got the 'GOVE'/'LOVE' bit of "‘GOVE’ and ‘HATE’": </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142270 Mon, 08 Oct 2012 08:21:04 +0000 moanygit 142270@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"‘GOVE’ and ‘HATE’":</p> <p>...superb. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142181 Sun, 07 Oct 2012 18:21:29 +0000 DustyBinLaden 142181@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Please don't shout. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142038 Sat, 06 Oct 2012 16:21:34 +0000 The Secret Cabal 142038@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>YOU ARE NOW A MEMBER OF THE CABAL. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU HAVE BEEN ...(what was that? stimulated? who the fuck are the borg? Oh)...ASSIMILATED. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142032 Sat, 06 Oct 2012 15:40:11 +0000 dvo4fun 142032@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Made me laugh Dusty esp "Weirdly though, when she sits down it looks like Leon Brittan is trying to climb out of her trousers." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-141984 Sat, 06 Oct 2012 11:29:26 +0000 waylandsmithy 141984@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lovely job, that's a brilliant punch line. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-141977 Sat, 06 Oct 2012 11:15:14 +0000 DustyBinLaden 141977@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A regrettable night on the razz has left Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne sporting a massive spider’s web tattoo on his face, just a day before he presents the country’s headline economic strategy at the Tory conference. Michael Gove will deliver his keynote address with “The poor don’t need no education” scribed on his forehead.</p> <p>The incident-filled night out in central Birmingham has left many of the senior cabinet members, coalition ‘friends’ and media politicos with regrettable inkage, including the words ‘GOVE’ and ‘HATE’ on Vince Cable’s knuckles and ‘Dave’s Biaaaatch’ on Nick Clegg’s left buttock.</p> <p>Commenting on his tattoo, Mr Osborne said: ‘This, this… thing on my face, it’s… well, let’s see now… It’s about doing everything in my power, my Spidey power… yes, that’s it. I will use every sinew of my Spidey power… Nope. Something about representing the main strands of my economic dream for the nation? How does that sound?’ At which point, the Chancellor broke down. ‘Bollocks. Bollocks. Bollocks. I am fucked. I am properly, properly fucked,’ he sobbed. </p> <p>An aide then led Mr Osborne gently from the room. </p> <p>Mr Gove, on the other hand, appears unrepentant and even rather proud of his tat. He’s been seen prodding it angrily with his finger and saying to people ‘See that? That’s what I’m fucking talking about.’</p> <p>Theresa May now has an epic ‘tramp stamp’ on her lower back, comprising an elaborate HR Giger-style biomechanical landscape, heavy on fetishistic sexual activity between humanoid aliens and futuristic machinery.</p> <p>‘Yeah, that didn’t really work,’ said Home Office minister James Brokenshire. ‘Too complex. Weirdly though, when she sits down it looks like Leon Brittan is trying to climb out of her trousers.’</p> <p>In an ironic twist, Sky presenter Kay Burley actually cried for the first time in her life after waking up to discover that two blue tears had been tattooed on her face, falling gently from her left eye. There are rumours that these were scribed some time before the night out, under direct instruction from Rupert Murdoch.</p> <p>Perhaps one of the most surprising revelations came when two strippers dressed as police officers playfully removed Andrew Mitchell’s clothes in the lobby of the Hyatt Regency hotel, whereupon it was discovered that Mitchell has long been tattooed from neck to ankle in tweed.</p> <p>Prime Minister David Cameron escaped a piece of permanent skin art, although not for want of trying. Tattooist Danny Brown said: ‘He asked for a heart and the name Richard Clayderman on his cheek, but I just couldn’t get the ink to stay on. It was like trying to tattoo an uncooked Poundland sausage.’</p> <p><em>Hat tip to waylandsmithy</em> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7963#post-21566 Tue, 06 Jul 2010 19:54:38 +0000 SallyOldcow 21566@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><center><img src="http://i981.photobucket.com/albums/ae292/SallyOldcow/tony-blair-wealthfoundation_810.png"></center></p> <p>Burj Al Arab, Dubai, 6 July 2010. It has been only a few days since Former Prime Minister Tony Blair was awarded  The Liberty Medal, from the National Constitution Center,  and the $100,000 prize given to those whose "actions represent the founding principles of the United States". Now, in a conference room of the 7 star Burj Al Arab Hotel with views over the Arabian Sea, the tanned and relaxed Tony Blair launched the Tony Blair Wealth Foundation.</p> <p>

Former British Prime Minister Blair gave a customary assured presentation and stated that  the aim of his foundation is to "make him the richest man on Earth". Mr Blair gave particular thanks to Gordon (Gordon Brown, former Chancellor of the Exchequer who succeeded Tony Blair as PM) for giving him the idea for this new venture. Gordon, he said, had demonstrated that if you want to spend billions of pounds then it is best to have the money in your possession first rather than borrow it and face crippling interest payments. Mr Blair said that prior to the official launch of The Tony Blair Wealth Foundation he had already tested his business model by accepting numerous prizes and substantial donations and on current projections he had every confidence in the success of his new venture and expected "to be a billionaire by Christmas, sorry Eid." He said that the website had just gone live and was accepting donations by credit card although he was "still, obviously, allowing personal approaches from high net worth individuals".</p> <p>

Yousri Fouda from Al-Jazeera, the Arabic satellite television station asked the former prime minister how this aim of acquiring vast wealth sat with the aims of the Tony Blair Faith Foundation? Mr Blair replied that "The aims of the two foundations are entirely compatible. What we are looking to do is  develop a paradigm shift in wealth creation. We will implement a robust process, which at the end of the day will bring synergies and align the tactical requirements and strategic values of both foundations".

</p> <p>Mr Blair then accepted a question from Ashfaq Ahmad, chief reporter Gulf News, who congratulated Mr Blair on receiving the Liberty medal and said that in the Arab world there is a special word - "eghtina", for what Mr Blair is doing. This remark drew the attention of the Arabic speakers in the room but left the rest of us in the dark. Before Mr Ahmad could elaborate Mr Blair said "shukran" and then took a question from Kay Burley of Sky News.</p> <p>Kay Burley asked Mr Blair what he intended to do with all his wealth. Mr Blair thanked Ms Burley for an interesting question and replied that one aim was "to get involved in the media, much like Silvio Berlusconi", the Italian Prime Minister. Mr Blair continued by saying that he thought "Mr Berlusconi had made a tactical error by controlling the media while serving as Prime Minister compared to my plans to control erm, be involved in the media after leaving office, because the past is such an uncertain place don'tcha know. Gosh Kay, ha ha, maybe you could come and work for me"

.</p> <p>Mr Blair then invited everybody to have lunch in the hotel's Al Mahara ("Oyster") restaurant which features a large seawater aquarium. Mr Blair apologised for not joining everybody for lunch as he was going jet-skiing with Euan, although not, ha ha, in the aquarium. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=314#post-984 Mon, 01 Mar 2010 21:14:30 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 984@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>This is extremely witty and I may be obliged to put you on "RSS" feed. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=314#post-934 Mon, 01 Mar 2010 13:37:56 +0000 Ludicity 934@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>“It was horrendous,” said fellow presenter Adam Boulton, “Kay was just standing there when I heard the noise of breaking news. By the time I turned round, the entire wall had collapsed and she had been crushed by the full weight of events.”</p> <p>The Sky News presenter, now trapped under the rubble of the giant interactive video screen, continues to give regular live updates. “I am reporting to you quite literally from inside the news,” said Burley, “around me all I can see are the shattered remains of events, stories that have been tragically cut off in their prime, news items that will never now see the light of day. But one story remains. A story of hope. A story of triumph over disaster. And that story is me.” </p> <p>A search and rescue operation is already underway, led by Sky Weatherman, and all action hero, Francis Wilson. “If I have to pull the rubble apart with my bare hands then I will do it,” said Wilson, ripping off his shirt and adjusting his hair, “I will do whatever it takes to save that woman.” </p> <p>There is increasing concern that Burley, who is caught within a multi-media air pocket, will soon run out of the oxygen of publicity. “We will report on her plight for as long as we can,” said Dermot Murnaghan, “but, inevitably, there will be a point when we get bored of her and move on to another more important story. We can only hope and pray that during this critical period all sports stars stop having affairs.”</p> <p>It is unclear what caused the News Wall to collapse although many had warned that it was structurally unsound. “A lot of the wall was held together by much weaker items that were not made of actual news,” said media expert, Raymond Snoddy, “Within the rubble we have already found the remnants of celebrity gossip, tittle tattle and idle speculation. These features will have severely undermined the integrity of the wall and made it vulnerable to collapse.” </p> <p>Hopes were beginning to fade for Burley last night, who is being kept alive by a 24 hour news feed. “We don’t know how long she can survive in there,” said a tearful Eamonn Holmes, “but we really need to get her out soon because tomorrow she’s got a very big interview with Peter Andre.” </p>