http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=jordan The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Fri, 24 May 2013 21:25:06 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28654#post-80601 Thu, 04 Aug 2011 09:57:29 +0000 Textbook 80601@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Maybe Newsbiscuit shold change its name to Anal Asians. It should sort out all our revenue problems at least. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28654#post-80579 Thu, 04 Aug 2011 08:24:19 +0000 button 80579@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Great FP Textbook. Don't worry, I'm sure once she sees what a talented satirical writer you are your girlfriend will come back for some more anal. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28654#post-80560 Thu, 04 Aug 2011 06:24:22 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 80560@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Great FP. Think the editing did a good job of improving what was already a really good idea. Hats off to all involved, fantastic stuff. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28654#post-80553 Thu, 04 Aug 2011 03:13:03 +0000 Textbook 80553@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Great to have my second FP but I am bitterly disappointed by the loss of the anal loving Asian girlfriend. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28654#post-80291 Tue, 02 Aug 2011 10:49:27 +0000 Textbook 80291@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Rick's comment is funnier than my article. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28654#post-80286 Tue, 02 Aug 2011 10:28:57 +0000 rickwestwell 80286@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I liked it so much that my MANHOOD INCREASED TO MASSIVE SIZE. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28654#post-80284 Tue, 02 Aug 2011 10:23:28 +0000 Textbook 80284@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>EDIT: Replaced Julia Roberts with Beyonce (JR seemed a bit dated), added cheapest and fastest to the adjectives that describe Newsbiscuit and nude photos to the things the site covers. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28654#post-80277 Tue, 02 Aug 2011 09:51:46 +0000 ronseal 80277@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Like it</p> <p>I've added some tags that the search engines seem to like</p> <p>Anthony Jay once said that when he writes, the reader he has in mind is the editor of The Economist. The uppity pompous twat.</p> <p>Having said that. These days, people seem to write blogs designed to please Google's algorithmic search engines </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28654#post-80276 Tue, 02 Aug 2011 09:29:20 +0000 JonnyJP 80276@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The bit that made me laugh most was 'bus timetables'. 5 stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28654#post-80274 Tue, 02 Aug 2011 09:24:19 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 80274@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Like it </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28654#post-80272 Tue, 02 Aug 2011 09:13:28 +0000 waylandsmithy 80272@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>5 stars, you beat me to it! You forgot to mention Apple, though. And PhotoShop serial numbers. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28654#post-80270 Tue, 02 Aug 2011 08:59:37 +0000 Textbook 80270@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>People, who could be teenaged Asian lesbians for all we know, have accused Newsbiscuit, described by its owner as the funniest website ever, of stuffing its articles with hot sexy phrases so as to manipulate its rankings on the most popular web searches.</p> <p>Owner John Mickles, who looks a bit like Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise and Beyonce, has said that their website is great for kids, families, parents, babies, pets, teachers, managers, countries and businesses and would never construct articles around the use of the hottest, sexiest language so as to make the website turn up in lists of most popular web searches or get mentioned on Twitter, Reddit, Facebook, Tumblr, CNN, Google, Youtube, Wikipedia, the BBC, Al Jazeera or Newsbiscuit.</p> <p>Onion onion onion.</p> <p>Mickles, who has the hottest sexiest body in the Newsbiscuit office and loves FIFA, Harry Potter and gay porn, said that the accusations were worse than those against Rupert Murdoch, Barack Obama, the royal family or The Simpsons. Mickles' girlfriend is a hot sexy Asian who loves anal.</p> <p>Far from being concerned with topping lists of most popular web searches, Newsbiscuit is a website which compiles the hottest, sexiest, fastest, biggest, most popular, cheapest, highest quality news stories in one convenient place with a focus on celebrity gossip, how to attract women, SAT study tips, movie release dates, music, bus timetables, nude photos, the best Playstation 3 and Xbox games, and lingerie.</p> <p>It makes no claim that it is the hottest, sexiest, most popular web search. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23252#post-63345 Fri, 01 Apr 2011 15:28:30 +0000 rikkor 63345@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In Rhode Island, "mentalist" means "most mental" as in "that crazy bitch is the mentalist teacher at my school!" </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23252#post-63252 Fri, 01 Apr 2011 03:00:16 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 63252@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>As the realisation gradually dawns on my intellectually challenged cerebellum...it becomes increasingly clear to me that I am surrounded by mentalists.</p> <p>I shall bother you all no more.</p> <p>Until the morrow. Or perhaps the day after. All depends which way the washing blows really.</p> <p>I shall though, at some juncture submit a worthy satirical contribution to this esteemed organ.</p> <p>If it f**king kills me...</p> <p>Shuttlecock the Elder. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23252#post-63181 Thu, 31 Mar 2011 14:54:47 +0000 Jeremy Hunt 63181@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Rikkor you are.Would a phone call hurt ? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23252#post-63178 Thu, 31 Mar 2011 14:35:26 +0000 rikkor 63178@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Martin, I am Jeremy's brother, Mike Hunt. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23252#post-63156 Thu, 31 Mar 2011 13:43:28 +0000 be reasonable 63156@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Shuttlecock can be treated with a minor surgical procedure, y'know; mind you, if they get it wrong, you become a lady, or Brian Cox. Is it me, or does he look a bit like James Blunt? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23252#post-63140 Thu, 31 Mar 2011 13:02:32 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 63140@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks jp - I realised that when I'd finished it...</p> <p>had a bit of a d'oh! moment there.</p> <p>Never mind.</p> <p>Shuttlecock </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23252#post-63064 Thu, 31 Mar 2011 06:56:21 +0000 jp1885 63064@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Welcome Martin - Submissions are posted in the Writers' Room :-) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23252#post-63061 Thu, 31 Mar 2011 06:04:09 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 63061@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thank you Jeremy Hunt, for the gracious welcome.</p> <p>And thank you be reasonable for...well, being reasonable really.</p> <p>I'm not sure what "but what" means. But I'm pretty sure it's well intended.</p> <p>I thought I was posting a story/article entry there. That's what can happen when you're relaxing with a Bud - the beer I mean...</p> <p>Look, I'm new here - go easy on me, okay?</p> <p>Jeeze - is that the time?</p> <p>The wife's gonna KILL me!</p> <p>Toodle pip.</p> <p>Shuttlecock. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23252#post-63055 Thu, 31 Mar 2011 05:16:16 +0000 be reasonable 63055@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Welcome, but, what? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23252#post-63054 Thu, 31 Mar 2011 04:37:31 +0000 Jeremy Hunt 63054@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hello Martin Shuttlecock.I'm Jeremy Hunt.Welcome to NewsBiscuit. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23252#post-63029 Wed, 30 Mar 2011 20:22:47 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 63029@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I think I just made a right arse of this.</p> <p>It was meant to be a story submission.</p> <p>If anyone of you lovely people could point me in the right direction, I'll be eternally grateful.</p> <p>But no sex. I'm happily married, thankyou very much.</p> <p>That'll teach me to post stuff when I've been drinking.</p> <p>Shame on me.</p> <p>Shuttlecock. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23252#post-63023 Wed, 30 Mar 2011 20:15:25 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 63023@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Welcome to Britain in crisis.</p> <p>Most people fail to actually recognise that we're a nation in crisis, but Britain's largest organ, The Daily Male, insists that we are.</p> <p>As we wage yet another war in a country most of us have no interest whatsoever in, with equipment we don't have, and as we combat anarchy in the streets with police officers who will soon become anarchists themselves, and the bins start getting emptied on a six monthly basis...</p> <p>Britain has infinitely more pressing questions to answer.</p> <p>Is it all over between Jordan and the Daily Star? Is Peter Andre really going to propose to Kerry Katona in an Iceland store near you? Is Manchester City's Balotelli off his nut? Will Midsomer Murders really work with a new leading man? Will anarchists disrupt the Royal Wedding? Will Sky News's Anna Botting ever develop a sympathetic demeanour? Will a Wonka like Derek Acorah ever get a new series? Is any of the crap they sell on the late night shopping channels of any use whatsoever?</p> <p>And anyway...who cares?</p> <p>Who really gives a toss?</p> <p>The bottom line is that we're all pretty well screwed anyway. But according to the 'Male' it would be wrong to blame the bankers - those incompetent money grubbing nitwits who got just about everything wrong and plunged the world into recession.</p> <p>It wasn't the bankers' fault.</p> <p>They were just doing their jobs, investing everybody's hard earned in monkey nut futures. They weren't to know. Blaming the bankers for the recession is like blaming Lesley Ash's lips for a downturn in the cosmetic surgery industry.</p> <p>No foundation for it.</p> <p>So just relax - David Cameron has yet again made it all "perfectly clear" whilst obscuring the issue entirely, that we are all irrevocably fucked. Right up the arse. With a silver bullet - or a golden rivet, depending on your preferences.</p> <p>In conclusion: Let's all do a Berlusconi...</p> <p>Lie back, think of Napoli, and live to fight another day.</p> <p>A bit like the French - except they tend to think of Marseille rather than Napoli.</p> <p>Jeeze - whatever next?</p> <p>Jose Mourinho back in the Premiership? Andy Murray winning Wimbledon?</p> <p>According to the Male, all things are possible, but probably won't be realised as we're all DOOMED!</p> <p>More crap as we get it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23166#post-62775 Tue, 29 Mar 2011 12:11:29 +0000 MagnusOpum 62775@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Dwhite Yorke cited as having had impeccable taste when buying decorations... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=20611#post-55651 Sat, 29 Jan 2011 13:00:07 +0000 Skylarking 55651@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A couple of people have been tying in Katie Price with the Middle Eastern unrest, so I thought I would take it to it's not-very-logical conclusion with thanks and hat tips all around. Now, where's me OK magazine? ... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=20611#post-55649 Sat, 29 Jan 2011 12:43:09 +0000 Skylarking 55649@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The international community are voicing serious concern with the news that celeb/supermodel riots have now spread to Katie Price aka Jordan. Protestors first took to the streets of Naomi Campbell last week to protest with placards declaring 'Sense of entitlement for all' and 'Diamond's aren't *our* best friend, Naomi!' Tension estimated as riot police threw mobile phones at the protestors leading to all out rioting which has entered its seventh day.</p> <p>'The supermodel region has been toppling like a stack of dominoes' said Magdi Abdel Amir, head of Celeb and Supermodel Affairs at the London School of Economics 'First Naomi, then Pixie Geldof and Elle Bee, now Katie Price; everyone is thinking who will be next? It's like a tinderbox; if the unrest hits the Hollyoaks region then the whole place could go off...'</p> <p>President Obama spent the afternoon on the phone to a number of the model-celebs, urging calm and telling Louise Redknapp and Keira Knightly that they should seize 'a moment of great promise in the history international celebbage.'</p> <p>Katie Price is said to be coping well with the situation, having temporarily lifted the curfew and discussing increased democratic freedoms with herself. 'To be honest she's quite excited by the riots.' claimed her agent Helena Twilkes 'She would always walk into WH Smith and ask why her face was only plastered across one section of the magazine racks. Now she's on the front of Newsweek and The Economist, she has effectively doubled her reach. Thank God for water cannons!' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10019#post-27253 Sun, 08 Aug 2010 17:30:20 +0000 SingingHinny 27253@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Actually, Golgo! I've struggled to rein in ideas about the bladerunner clone sheep idea, it all got a bit David Kelly. So feel free if you want to give it a bash! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10019#post-27252 Sun, 08 Aug 2010 17:18:18 +0000 SingingHinny 27252@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cheers folks. Silliness is the way forward. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10019#post-27236 Sun, 08 Aug 2010 14:05:34 +0000 arrghgarry 27236@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>another spelunking sad end </p>