http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=jimmy-saville The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Mon, 20 May 2013 00:01:13 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56037#post-161839 Sat, 09 Feb 2013 14:15:12 +0000 Drylaw 161839@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You are wise. How about Good Morning Little Schoolgirl? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56037#post-161824 Sat, 09 Feb 2013 11:38:44 +0000 lane-avenger 161824@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Officers at Operation Yewtree have uncovered a devastating new weapon in their bid to destroy the lives of the rubbish entertainers from the 60s and 70s who blighted so many young lives - Youtube.</p> <p>A source close to the investigation can reveal a series of leads which are being followed up. <blockquote>The sheer brazenness of these people is quite unbelievable</blockquote> he said, <blockquote>they are condemned out of their own mouths.</blockquote></p> <p><strong>Gilbert O’Sullivan, Clare 1972</strong></p> <p><em>But why in spite of our age difference do I cry.<br /> Each time I leave you I feel I could die.<br /> Nothing means more to me than hearing you say,<br /> "I'm going to marry you. Will you marry me Uncle Ray?”</em></p> <p><strong>Gary Puckett &amp; The Union Gap, Young Girl 1968</strong></p> <p><em>Beneath your perfume and make-up<br /> You're just a baby in disguise<br /> And though you know<br /> That it is wrong to be alone with me<br /> That come on look is in your eyes, oh</em></p> <p><strong>Sparks, Young Girls 1980</strong></p> <p><em>Young girls haven't seen the whole night<br /> And they hold you, though it might not be tight<br /> And they will kiss you, though it might not be right<br /> Because they're young girls<br /> </em></p> <p><strong>Neil Sedaka, Happy Birthday Sweet Sixteen 1961</strong></p> <p><em>Tonight's the night I've waited for<br /> Because you're not a baby anymore<br /> You've turned into the prettiest girl I've ever seen,<br /> Happy birthday sweet sixteen</em></p> <p><strong>Brotherhood of Man, Save Your Kisses for Me 1976</strong></p> <p><em>Kisses for me<br /> Save all your kisses for me<br /> Bye bye baby bye bye<br /> Don't cry honey don't cry<br /> Won't You save them for me<br /> Even though you're only three...<br /> </em> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50895#post-146877 Fri, 02 Nov 2012 09:16:56 +0000 Oxbridge 146877@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Bwahhahahahahahhaha. Of all the 'I wish I'd thought of that' subs on NB down the years, this has to be #1. Being 9 at the time, I loved this - it was actually the first single I ever bought.</p> <p>Now, is it just me or is 'Little Willy' about being unable to perform, presumably with a groupie:</p> <p>Little Willy Willy won't go home<br /> But you can't push Willy round, Willy won't go.</p> <p>Just saying... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50895#post-146694 Wed, 31 Oct 2012 18:05:42 +0000 Midfield Diamond 146694@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I've been away for a few days and have just caught up with plenty of decent subs but for some reason, this was my favourite. Please accept plenty of star-shaped eye make-up.</p> <p>And for a less glam-rock version, try John Otway's: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gACsPcbU1tg" rel="nofollow">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gACsPcbU1tg</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50895#post-146633 Wed, 31 Oct 2012 13:08:11 +0000 Skylarking 146633@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In the words of Frankie Vallie (almost) "Niche is the word" </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50895#post-146578 Wed, 31 Oct 2012 07:41:46 +0000 Gerontius 146578@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Mr. Larking<br /> I fear your fine words of warning will be lost on todays youth.<br /> I was there in the ballroom back in '73...it was a rampage.<br /> Me, Little Willy and the six teens<br /> Blockbuster and Papa Joe were handing out sweets to all the kids.<br /> I'm pleased he's been caught. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50895#post-146507 Tue, 30 Oct 2012 20:45:31 +0000 Skylarking 146507@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Police have made their second arrest following the allegations surrounding DJ Jimmy Saville, swooping on the Cambridge home of shadowy glam rock icon ‘Blockbuster.’</p> <p>The 70 year old figurehead has long been the target of press speculation, with rumours circulating widely about his fondness for approaching teenage girls with long black hair ‘from behind’ and stealing other people’s women from under their noses.</p> <p>Cambridgeshire Police have revealed that they had previously detained Mr Buster in 1973, after arresting him when he was caught shouting ‘everyone attack’ loudly in a crowded ballroom. </p> <p>‘Mr Buster was just cautioned for a breach of the peace on that occasion.’ admitted retired Chief Inspector Ryan Daly ‘But we had all heard those other, more sinister allegations. But as nobody was willing to come forward and tell us what was going on behind his disguise… well, we didn’t have a clue <em>what</em> to do about it.’</p> <p>Trevor ‘Block' Buster was finally arrested at 7am, two hours after the planned ‘dawn raid’. Police say they were unable to find Mr Buster’s three bedroomed terraced home near Grantchester. </p> <p>‘The Police were bloody hopeless’ opined local milkman Dan Bridges ‘They kept getting stuck in the one-way system. Every time they drove past me, they would wind down the passenger-side window and ask ‘Does anyone know the way?’ Get a bloody satnav you hopeless tossers!’ </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49093#post-141681 Thu, 04 Oct 2012 18:04:29 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 141681@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I like this idea, but I probably would do because I did something along the same lines a while back about a woman having not slept with Ryan Giggs, and I thought that was a good idea too.</p> <p>Don't think the story quite does it justice though, maybe wants trimming down to NiB length. Would benefit from some commas too. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49093#post-141663 Thu, 04 Oct 2012 16:40:30 +0000 Jonny Shlep 141663@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yep you're absolutely right Pinx (there had to be a first time I suppose). I've substituted "challenge" for "reinforce" and it puts the whole piece in the right context.</p> <p>You know yourself mate that sometimes you dash these things off, give em a quick read through and miss these little syntax faux pas.</p> <p>Or perhaps you dont you flash, ridiculously coiffured monkey you!</p> <p>Love the pic. Nice one mate :) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49093#post-141659 Thu, 04 Oct 2012 16:24:11 +0000 pinxit 141659@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Like the Beeb angle - with their cries of innocence and 'mea non culpa' protestations over cover-ups. There's a logic there.</p> <p>Might it not be a riposte documentary from them to the ITV allegations?</p> <p>So... "...shock claim in a forthcoming follow up BBC documentary which will <strong>challenge</strong> allegations made in an ITV expose..."</p> <p>Just a thought.</p> <p>Anyhow, the lure of the creme de menthe promise is too much. Try this squire...</p> <p><img src="http://i830.photobucket.com/albums/zz223/pinxit2/Satire/jsdoc.jpg"> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49101#post-141658 Thu, 04 Oct 2012 16:11:23 +0000 Skylarking 141658@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"Ewwwwwwwwwwww" said the pot, flinging himself across the glasshouse with wild abandon... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49101#post-141654 Thu, 04 Oct 2012 15:54:06 +0000 Oxbridge 141654@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Somehow I feel the phrase 'fishy fingers' needs to be in there... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49093#post-141650 Thu, 04 Oct 2012 15:48:01 +0000 Jonny Shlep 141650@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cheers Stan! At least somebody aint been bitten by the Pinxit Pedant Parasite hehehe</p> <p>All edited and chronologically correct now Pinx. Do I win £5.00?</p> <p>Creme de fucking menthe???</p> <p>What are you mate? Some kind of bummer?</p> <p>*seethe, gasp, wheeze, quiver* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49093#post-141647 Thu, 04 Oct 2012 15:35:44 +0000 pinxit 141647@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Language Timo, er, Jonny! No need to * flounce *.</p> <p>You still have time to edit the Savile typos, tweak the timeline as was constructively suggested by dvo4, etc.</p> <p>I'm finding the core reversal idea not quite funny enough as it stands. Mebbe attention-seeking nutters and trolls can be tough to make really funny, as they tend to be sinister and threatening or, as is often the case, funnier than anything you can think up?</p> <p>Dunno, just a thought.</p> <p>Mine's a pint of creme de menthe, with the froth blown off, if you please. =] </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49093#post-141646 Thu, 04 Oct 2012 15:30:08 +0000 Anonymous 141646@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice one Jonny..</p> <p>Stars from Stan </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49101#post-141645 Thu, 04 Oct 2012 15:27:24 +0000 Skylarking 141645@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks B-J, will make that change.<br /> And thanks for the kind words about the piece. Wanted to try and capture that sense of "now you mention it..." that I suspect a lot of people are feeling - write the word "Chari-dee" on the elephant's back and it becomes invisible... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49093#post-141639 Thu, 04 Oct 2012 14:54:21 +0000 Jonny Shlep 141639@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks dvo. Points taken on board although to be brutally fair to myself I did kinda think of altering the timeline thing to suggest that it was a follow up documentary but you know what?................I just plain couldn't be arsed :)</p> <p>Thanks again.</p> <p>Jonny </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49101#post-141633 Thu, 04 Oct 2012 14:16:55 +0000 beau-jolly 141633@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks. Passed me by and I should have known! Antiguan isn't it - don't see it much around these parts! More recognisable brands may be Pussers or Woods or Lambs if you want to avoid Capt Morgan.</p> <p>Any hoo. Loved the sub. Best of the JS ones so far. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49101#post-141631 Thu, 04 Oct 2012 14:10:02 +0000 Skylarking 141631@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thank you sir.</p> <p>Cavalier - eez Rum. According to the internet... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49101#post-141630 Thu, 04 Oct 2012 14:04:46 +0000 beau-jolly 141630@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Jolly good. (I got the nub of it without having the JS tag!)<br /> What's Cavalier? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49101#post-141627 Thu, 04 Oct 2012 13:39:10 +0000 Skylarking 141627@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Buckingham Palace has revealed its plan to knight Captain Horace Birdseye. The Captain (71) first rose to fame in a series of TV commercials in the 1970s, where he served up large platters of breadcrumbed fish to young children. He has long been considered a great British eccentric, infamous for his raucous west country mannerisms and bachelor lifestyle - living with his mother (93) in Port Isaac.</p> <p>He is receiving the honour for what The Palace is describing as “Tireless charitable work.” Birdseye founded the “Fishface Foundation” in 1976, where vulnerable young teenagers spend a fortnight sailing across the Bay of Biscay with the Captain.</p> <p>He remained a fixture on children’s TV for three decades with his “Jolly Roger” series where young people wrote in to appear on the show and be awarded a “Jolly Roger” from the jovial host as he swigged on his trademark glass of Lamb.</p> <p>“It’s hard to believe we have overlooked the Cap’n for so long.” confessed a source close to The Palace. “He embodies everything that is great about this country - I can't believe we didn't see that many years ago." </p> <p>"And I must admit I'm a big fan of his spicy goujons too." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49093#post-141624 Thu, 04 Oct 2012 13:32:45 +0000 dvo4fun 141624@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Slow build up but it made me laugh. </p> <p>Perhaps you could fiddle with para 2; my latest intel. is that Sir Jimmy has already been 'unmasked'. On ITV last night and on numerous trails beforehand </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49093#post-141613 Thu, 04 Oct 2012 12:30:25 +0000 Jonny Shlep 141613@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You absolute cunt mate! I just gave you 5 and a promise of half a lager shandy!</p> <p>Talk about harsh and uncaring!!!</p> <p>:((((((((((( </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49093#post-141607 Thu, 04 Oct 2012 12:19:29 +0000 pinxit 141607@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It's Savile with one 'L'.</p> <p>Dodgy stars. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49093#post-141606 Thu, 04 Oct 2012 12:15:17 +0000 Jonny Shlep 141606@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>There were fresh allegations in the ongoing saga surrounding Sir Jimmy Savile last night when a 54 year old woman made the claim that despite the fact that she was once an underage girl she had never been sexually abused by the late Sir Jimmy Savile MBE.</p> <p>Mrs Janet Coyte from The Isle Of Mull in The Inner Hebrides makes the shock claim in a forthcoming follow up BBC documentary which will challenge allegations made in an ITV expose that the late TV star and radio DJ was a serial abuser of girls as young as 12 during his long career as a popular showbiz icon.</p> <p>In a shockingly frank interview Mrs Coyte claims "I know that a number of other women have made allegations of being sexually abused by Sir Jimmy but I can only speak for myself and state quite categorically that throughout my early teens he never once even so much as made an inappropriate remark to me let alone tried to touch me intimately. I've always found him to be a perfect gentleman."</p> <p>Between bouts of sobbing she went on. "Yes I know I have spent my entire life on a remote Hebridian island hundreds of miles from either Leeds or London where Jimmy is alleged to have committed these terrible acts but that's beside the point. If all these shocking accusations were true then why didn't he simply get the ferry from the mainland and subject me to a terrifying and traumatic ordeal when I was 13 or 14? It just doesn't make any sense and I'm convinced these women are simply attention seeking mischief makers determined to besmirch the name of a great man when he's unable to defend himself. I think it's disgusting to be honest with you"</p> <p>Mrs Coyte was unavailable for comment last night but it's believed that she's also prepared to categorically deny that foul mouthed celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay ever told her that her cooking was "Absolute fucking shite" </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46207#post-133039 Tue, 31 Jul 2012 17:51:08 +0000 medici2471 133039@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>And still our only gold... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46207#post-133014 Tue, 31 Jul 2012 12:52:45 +0000 charlies_hat 133014@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Anthem at ceremony was played by "Sha-waddy-waddy..." stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46207#post-133000 Tue, 31 Jul 2012 11:34:05 +0000 medici2471 133000@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thank the lord for that... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46207#post-132997 Tue, 31 Jul 2012 11:30:34 +0000 button 132997@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Like it. I do hope the auctioneer managed to slip in 'Lot 38, now then now then what have we here' at some point during the auction. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46207#post-132993 Tue, 31 Jul 2012 11:22:57 +0000 ginty 132993@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>More soon... </p>