http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=james-bond The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Tue, 21 May 2013 22:28:28 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52626#post-151634 Mon, 03 Dec 2012 11:53:46 +0000 sigmund 151634@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><blockquote>Since when would anyone carry an expensive casino chip around in a gun case, especially an expert assassin?</blockquote><br /> Ask golgo13 - although, if he's got chips in his gun case, they're probably coated in salt and vinegar. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52626#post-151586 Mon, 03 Dec 2012 00:50:25 +0000 rfreed 151586@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>WARNING! THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS SPOILERS! YES, ENOUGH TO RUIN THE MOVIE FOR YOU IF YOU READ THEM. AND YES, I AM A BASTARD FOR WRITING THEM.</p> <p>Skyfall, the newest of the James Bond series that is now in its fiftieth year of creation, is an expensively made, well wrought thriller with gorgeous scenery, gorgeous music (by Adele) gorgeous women, gorgeous violence and, unfortunately a story line with severe defects. Oh well, you can't have everything, even if you are James Bond. So, I will proceed to shoot Skyfall full of holes, much like JB did with many of the bad guys in the movie.</p> <p>As impossible as most of the James Bond films are, there are some bits in the film that really send it over the top.</p> <p>The first is a shot James Bond takes an incredibly long fall off a very high Turkish bridge...and survives. Even for a fit super spy like him this would be a tall order, but you must also throw in the factors that he has been shot and is apparently unconscious when he hits the water. He also appears to go deep into the water (which doesn't look like it should be that deep in the first place). They he falls (still unconscious) over a couple small waterfalls. Then, miracle of miracles, he suddenly appears at a beach resort in what was either a Latin American country or is still in Turkey. He doesn't let anyone know where he is to enjoy the new found freedom of his 'death'. If he is in Latin America though, wouldn't M16 have noticed that he entered that country? Also when he roaming around shirtless, did he not have one bullet hole in his chest when he was shot twice? And wasn't the one that you do see in the opposite side from when he first looked at it on the train? If he had been hit or even nicked by the high powered rifle on the train it would have done some pretty serious damage to him as well.</p> <p>Other discrepancies that come up are:</p> <p>M16 has a huge, obvious building in the middle of town- they are lucky that weren't sabotaged before. Anyone could lob a grenade up on that thing.</p> <p>Later in the movie the wounded Minister is able to walk directly into Q's computer room and surprise them without apparently getting stopped by any form of security.</p> <p>Bond manages to get into M's apartment which logically should be as secure as Alcatraz was in its day.</p> <p>The bad guy gets an entire island's people to get up and leave due to a scare hoax- as we have seen with Katrina and Hurricane Sandy not everyone listens when you warn them.</p> <p>Bond finds a casino chip worth 4 million Euros in the gun case of a crack assassin that he has killed. Since when would anyone carry an expensive casino chip around in a gun case, especially an expert assassin?</p> <p>Bond gives a vulnerable young girl a suitcase with 4 million Euros in it at a notorious Macao casino. He might just as well hung a sign on her that said 'Mug Me!”</p> <p>Bad guy in subway chase blows hole in side of tunnel although he did not have time to set the explosive.</p> <p>Bond returns to his childhood home in Scotland. In the books he is French/English.</p> <p>Bond doesn't hide the Austin (car) when hiding out at Scottish home although the bad guys are looking for him.</p> <p>Although he kills everyone else he wants to in the movie the bad guy doesn't kill the Scottish houseman when he captures M.</p> <p>Since when do two small propane tanks create enough of an explosion to blow up a stone mansion when ignited?</p> <p>The next exterior scene at the Skyfall mansion is at night when a moment before inside it was still day.</p> <p>Band falls through the ice in a pond outside home in Scotland and goes impossibly deep into it, although from the size and location of the pond it cannot be that deep.</p> <p>Although the knife Bond throws at the bad guy is not balanced it manages to land perfectly and penetrate his leather jacket and go deep enough into his body to kill him. It is also unlikely because the blade is not long enough to reach his heart. </p> <p>M dies way too conveniently at the end of the Skyfall drama.</p> <p>Lastly, and most importantly, James Bond is blond. No way a blond could ever become the top British spy! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46082#post-132561 Sat, 28 Jul 2012 18:14:25 +0000 ionb 132561@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>...still looking for two mysterious parachutists last seen over the Olympic stadium last night </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15774#post-43095 Mon, 15 Nov 2010 15:44:16 +0000 Ostsee 43095@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>They will just have to delay giving out free prescriptions for a month or so. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15774#post-43094 Mon, 15 Nov 2010 15:42:37 +0000 Griffin 43094@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Scottish Parliament to approve 10 billion Euros to purchase it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15774#post-43050 Mon, 15 Nov 2010 11:56:55 +0000 flim-flam 43050@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Wow, missed this bit of news completely:</p> <p><a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/art/art-news/8110758/Oil-painting-of-Sean-Connery-naked-found-in-unseen-collection.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/art/art-news/8110758/Oil-painting-of-Sean-Connery-naked-found-in-unseen-collection.html</a></p> <p>"He never sold or exhibited any of his paintings, but it is pretty obvious he was a very talented artist." </p> <p>Er, very talented indeed.. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15774#post-43047 Mon, 15 Nov 2010 11:51:09 +0000 flim-flam 43047@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>With regards to the 'priceless sketches' that's one Cash in the Attic episode I would tune into - people of Glasgow, get looking! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15774#post-42993 Mon, 15 Nov 2010 08:53:45 +0000 IABP 42993@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'Huge prick?' asked a reporter to one of the art students.<br /> 'Yes' was the reply.</p> <p>I think we already knew that anyway. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15774#post-42989 Mon, 15 Nov 2010 08:42:52 +0000 Griffin 42989@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>He was also a live model for art students in Glasgow. Someone, somewhere, has some priceless sketches. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15774#post-42983 Mon, 15 Nov 2010 07:58:27 +0000 Golgo13 42983@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Exshellent </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15774#post-42975 Mon, 15 Nov 2010 02:29:51 +0000 arrghgarry 42975@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yes Indeed ,I am surprised to hear of a Russian woman having other talents then snagging wealthy husbands.<br /> Lazenby was in the news recently charged of doing crazy things (wife beating )<br /> heres a wife beating song by yours truly</p> <p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqNrQnFf-RU" rel="nofollow">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqNrQnFf-RU</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15774#post-42970 Mon, 15 Nov 2010 00:20:39 +0000 flim-flam 42970@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>George Lazenby of course! As if you needed to ask...</p> <p>And I think a flick with Mel Gibson portraying the life of Nelson Mandela would be a cast-iron, Oscar-winning blockbuster. </p> <p>Speaking of Bonds and Scottish/Australian nutcases/freedom fighters, I see that Timothy Dalton and Mel have both fathered children with Russian pianist and singer-songwriter, Oksana Grigorieva. </p> <p>It's a small world! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15774#post-42968 Sun, 14 Nov 2010 23:16:55 +0000 arrghgarry 42968@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Iheard that when his wife divorced him she cried "freedom" with Nelson Mandela voicing I hear ya baby </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15774#post-42966 Sun, 14 Nov 2010 22:59:44 +0000 IABP 42966@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>We can't really celebrate until that other great Scot, Mel Gibson, gets released. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15774#post-42965 Sun, 14 Nov 2010 22:47:28 +0000 arrghgarry 42965@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>nice ,5 who was the first best Bond </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15774#post-42919 Sun, 14 Nov 2010 12:20:25 +0000 flim-flam 42919@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Scotland’s foremost freedom fighter, Sir Sean Connery, has been released from house arrest in the Bahamas from where he has been campaigning for Scottish Independence for the past few decades.</p> <p>The former milkman and second-best ever James Bond has been living in tax exile, but has continued to valiantly fight for Scotland’s right to separate from the English junta, formerly led by General Brown before General Cameron’s coup d’etat in May. </p> <p>Addressing reporters at an impromptu press conference from his private golf course on Winding Bay, Connery said: ‘If you have tried everything else – and woman are pretty good at this, they can’t leave it alone – then you give them the last word. But they’re not happy with the last word, they want to say it again. Then you give them a slap.’ </p> <p>The former Royal Navy sailor, bricklayer, lifeguard, coffin polisher and Mr Universe (1950, 3rd Place) has recently applied for political asylum in Monaco. Sources say that Sir Sean is planning to raise an army in the Principality before landing off the north coast of Scotland on the island of Eriskay from where The Highlander and Tarzan’s Greatest Adventure star will take the A96 to Culloden, recently slated by motorists as ‘Scotland’s second most unpopular road.’ </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2844#post-8435 Tue, 20 Apr 2010 07:37:23 +0000 theumpire 8435@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"Ashen-faced" got me too! A well-earned 5, Lucidity. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2844#post-8430 Tue, 20 Apr 2010 06:28:15 +0000 Ostsee 8430@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>..but he is relieved that James Bond is not longer employed. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2844#post-8418 Mon, 19 Apr 2010 22:56:21 +0000 malgor 8418@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'ashen-faced criminal mastermind' saw my literal sides split. 4* for 'ashen-faced' plus 1* for mastermind plug for Oxy. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2844#post-8414 Mon, 19 Apr 2010 22:06:20 +0000 Ludicity 8414@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks all. Most lovely. </p> <p>And you are quite right JP. It was all just an elaborate excuse to do the Sooty gag. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2844#post-8296 Mon, 19 Apr 2010 14:34:35 +0000 jp1885 8296@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>This sub is typical Ludicity rubbish, but I award it 5 points for calling the cat sooty. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2844#post-8287 Mon, 19 Apr 2010 14:03:04 +0000 riesler 8287@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>his mood didn't improve when Sooty spent ten minutes fluffing up his leg with his claws, then walked round in circles five times and dribbled on his trouserleg. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2844#post-8285 Mon, 19 Apr 2010 13:41:19 +0000 MightyBlair 8285@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>As always, absolutely brilliant. The static caravan is a tremendous inclusion. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2844#post-8282 Mon, 19 Apr 2010 13:22:21 +0000 Ludicity 8282@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>International supervillain Ernst Stavro Blofeld is reportedly ‘hopping mad’ today after news that his plans for world domination could be set back by months due to problems with his secret volcano lair. </p> <p>‘The whole thing has really blown up in my face,’ said Blofeld, ‘I thought that we had the ideal location to take over the world, hidden away in an Icelandic volcano. But it’s completely impossible to work in there now. You can’t see a bloody thing.’</p> <p>Blofeld, who was hoping to achieve his dream of world domination by next Tuesday, is now adjusting to the fact that his dastardly plans could face major delays. ‘The whole project is already seriously over budget,’ said the ashen-faced criminal mastermind, ‘and the builders say that they can’t even look at the volcano until the middle of next week.’ </p> <p>‘If it’s not one thing, it’s another,’ said henchwoman Rosa Klebb, ‘although he’s only got himself to blame. If only he had stuck to the Giant Laser like I said, then we wouldn’t be in all this mess. But, oh no! He knew better. He thought he could build a Giant Lava Gun.’</p> <p>The problems with the volcano have also created major disruption to the day-to-day work of the global criminal organisation, SPECTRE. ‘Most of our operatives have been grounded for days,’ said agent Kronsteen, ‘I have been forced to postpone a number of high profile assassinations and this afternoon I was supposed to be stealing the warhead from a nuclear submarine. It looks like I will probably have to cancel that as well.’</p> <p>Blofeld, who is currently holed up in a static caravan just outside the volcano, vowed to continue. ‘I don’t give up that easily’ he said, stroking his cat Sooty, ‘if only I could devise some sort of evil scheme that would bring the world to a standstill.’ </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=593#post-1717 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 09:38:59 +0000 Ostsee 1717@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>But James was only trying to deposit some money into his Icesave account. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=593#post-1682 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 22:59:59 +0000 malgor 1682@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Great. Serves him right for having 'penetrated [Blofeld's] secret base', as you so delicately put it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=593#post-1668 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 21:08:50 +0000 antharrison 1668@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Very nice - Will the Daily Mail back him? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=593#post-1664 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 20:50:12 +0000 The All New Jeni B 1664@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sounds just like a normal shift on NB Evil Island.<br /> Except we make Quaz wear the bikini. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=593#post-1606 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 14:05:58 +0000 Oxbridge 1606@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Megalomaniac villain Ernest Blofeld has responded vigorously to claims of unsportsmanlike conduct in his treatment of a British agent who penetrated his secret base beneath a volcano in Iceland last week. The agent, unofficially identified as James Bond 007, was summarily executed after being captured by Blofeld’s guards.</p> <p>‘This man was a menace,’ Blofeld told reporters. ‘Despite being armed with only a service revolver, he somehow tunnelled into my lair using a helicopter that converted itself into a submarine and got within 50 yards of the clock that was counting down the seconds until I launch nuclear warheads at the world’s capitals.’</p> <p>Other super-villains have joined in the chorus of condemnation, arguing that although Blofeld was within his rights to shoot Bond through the head, it was in violation of the spirit of the game. Blofeld himself, however, is unrepentant.</p> <p>‘He killed seven of my henchmen. Do you know how much henchmen cost in Iceland, even with all those unemployed bank clerks?’ asked the scarred Germanic egotist. ‘What was I meant to do? Rig him up to some Heath Robinson contraption he could get out of? Give him a guided tour and explain my world domination scheme to him?’</p> <p>Blofeld and his team considered leaving Bond in the custody of his sulky blonde girlfriend, who was wandering around the base in a bikini. However, after a brief debate during which those who advocated this course were fed to piranhas, the decision was taken to kill him without delay. Blofeld admits that personal animus towards the British upper classes played a role in his decision.</p> <p>‘I hate the supercilious smirks on those public schoolboys’ faces. ‘Do you expect me to talk?’ he says. Well, I told him straight ‘No, Mr Bond, I expect you to die’ and blew his brains out on the spot. That shut the fucker up,’ said Blofeld. ‘Now nothing can stop me from taking over the whole world, do you hear me? Nothing! Oh sod it, that bloody cat has gone and pissed all over my lap again.’ </p>