http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=itv The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sat, 18 May 2013 15:20:12 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43702#post-125062 Mon, 04 Jun 2012 13:57:09 +0000 Duff 125062@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hospitals across the capital are reporting a surge in admissions today as a steady stream of TV Royal Correspondents appear to be signing themselves in for treatment. It's understood that they are all suffering from a new and worrying illness, seemingly brought on by The Diamond Jubilee, that media insiders are dubbing <em>Grovel-meltdown</em>.</p> <p>The first high profile casualty is believed to be the BBC's Nicholas Witchell, who was spotted last night at UCLH looking completely deranged. A hospital source told reporters, "Nick is at the end of his tether. This Diamond Jubilee business is killing him, quite literally. He has spent the last two weeks grinning to camera for up to sixteen hours a day; filling in with endless, pointless inane drivel about the most tediously uninteresting royal trivia."</p> <p>It's understood the well-loved veteran presenter, who coincidentally is known to be Prince Charles's personal favourite Royal Correspondent, finally flipped when he was asked to do a piece with a psychic who claimed to be able to predict the future of The Monarchy by analysing the Queen's Corgis' turds.</p> <p>And meanwhile bosses at Sky News are stringently denying that roly-poly housewives' favourite, Eamonn Holmes is close to breaking-point at having to front-up their Jubilee coverage. Speculation intensified as his <em>Sunrise</em> co-presenter, Charlotte Hawkins, was seen leaving Hammersmith Hospital last night looking ashen-faced and shaken. In the light of no official statement having been released by the satellite broadcaster many are now drawing their own conclusions. Certainly Holmes is nowhere to be seen today following yesterday's marathon broadcast from the Thames River Pageant.</p> <p>ITV is not immune from this worrying trend either with as yet further unconfirmed reports suggesting that Alastair Stewart spontaneously combusted last night on the set of ITV news. </p> <p>Stewart, widely regarded by Royal watchers as the groveller <em>par excellence</em>, had just "thrown" to a VT report on The Thames Pageant, but when the item finished and the studio feed resumed he had been mysteriously been replaced by Julie Etchingham, who looked rattled and according to some viewers had tears in her eyes.</p> <p>Spokesman for <em>The National Union of Anchors</em>, John Molloy, speaking to Jeremy Paxman on <em>Newsnight</em> said, "The strain on my members has become intolerable. How would you like to be under that sort of pressure yourself? Having to bow and scrape, fawn and coo, and tug your forelock continually at every utterance and reference to The Queen and the Royal Family; no matter how banal it is? It's hardly surprising that something's had to give. And believe me the major broadcasters will have to pay for this big time. You mark my words!" </p> <p>Mr Molloy added, "And before anybody sees this as an anti-Royalist rant, I'd just like to pay my own personal tribute to Her Majesty. Sixty wonderful and glorious years and not so much as one foot put wrong. We're lucky to have her, oh yes! Her devotion to duty and personal sacrifice is amazing. The money and tourism she brings to these islands is simply staggering. Did I tell you I'm getting an OBE next January? Oops! Sorry don't let that bit go out as it's meant to be a secret. OK?" </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34266#post-96861 Sat, 19 Nov 2011 17:27:15 +0000 Clarky 96861@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yes. Go for it. How will the judging be done? Will the great British public be able to televote? What will the dosh generated be used for? How have GPs reacted to the news? Loads of potential. Good luck. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34266#post-96844 Sat, 19 Nov 2011 14:50:03 +0000 waylandsmithy 96844@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>That's a great bit of work, nice one! Funny too, which helps. </p> <p>The Stephen Hawking reference is inspired! I don't know who Jessie Jay is, which means he/she is either a football player, or a contestant/judge on X Factor/I'm a Dancer Get me a Brother. But that's not a fault with the sub. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34266#post-96839 Sat, 19 Nov 2011 14:11:12 +0000 mpaterson 96839@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Okay, I'll leave it at that I think. I've got to go an collect a second hand cooker for someone now. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34266#post-96837 Sat, 19 Nov 2011 13:44:53 +0000 waylandsmithy 96837@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Just a guide! NiBs (news in brief) are typically 150 words, FPs anywhere from 350 to 450. But bear in mind its easier for an editor to cut than add, so going slightly over isn't a major issue. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34266#post-96833 Sat, 19 Nov 2011 13:17:06 +0000 mpaterson 96833@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>150 words. Okay. I'll take that advice of focusing on quality over quantity too. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34266#post-96830 Sat, 19 Nov 2011 13:05:52 +0000 waylandsmithy 96830@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>If I might make a suggestion, it's worth spending a bit of time on one sub and making sure you're really happy with it before posting it, rather than submitting lots of good ideas with no development. This idea is a great place to start, if you can write a tight 150 words it'll easily make it as a NiB. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34266#post-96829 Sat, 19 Nov 2011 12:56:03 +0000 mpaterson 96829@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Okay I shall, thanks! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34266#post-96826 Sat, 19 Nov 2011 12:49:16 +0000 waylandsmithy 96826@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Great idea, definitely worth expanding to at least NiB length, but easy to extend further and try for an FP. Go on, give it some thought! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34266#post-96823 Sat, 19 Nov 2011 12:32:31 +0000 mpaterson 96823@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>People's fitness for work is to be judged by Independent Television (ITV) hosted by Jeremy Kyle. Tasks will include 'standing up from a seated position' and 'rubbing your tummy whilst patting your head'.</p> <p>It's hoped the show will produce another Stephen Hawking. Kyle even enthused 'we're passionate about taking ordinary people and giving them the chance to shine people's shoes or office toilets.'</p> <p>The Show, 'Britain's Got Lazy' will be judged by Lord Tebbit, Jessie Jay and a Brick Wall. When asked why she wanted to be a judge, Jessie said, 'bit of a laugh really, plus I get to sit down a lot'. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31556#post-89770 Sun, 09 Oct 2011 16:31:51 +0000 Al OPecia 89770@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'll be dropping into "None-of-your-Business-on-the-Wold" soon, you heartless bastard. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31556#post-89762 Sun, 09 Oct 2011 15:48:44 +0000 Gary Stanton 89762@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Actually . apologies also to anyone else who has sent PMs and has had me unsubscribe them. I just couldn't see a delete button and so assumed that was it. I wasn't being unfriendly. Come back ! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31556#post-89760 Sun, 09 Oct 2011 15:45:19 +0000 Gary Stanton 89760@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Shit, sorry. I thought unscribe was simply a way of deleting existing mails from your inbox as a means of housekeeping. I didn't realise it was an ongoing channel of communication. I did the same thing to Al. Sorry Al. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31556#post-89749 Sun, 09 Oct 2011 13:20:47 +0000 rickwestwell 89749@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>How about "Scottish farmers reject switch to Hammer Time"?</p> <p>P.S. This is getting out of hand. I replied to your PM, but according to newsbiscuit's PM system, you've already unsubscribed from our chat. Bastard.</p> <p>You killed my father. Prepare to die. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31556#post-89742 Sun, 09 Oct 2011 11:06:25 +0000 Gary Stanton 89742@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I think "British Summer Time to be replaced with Hammer Time" is a slightly more concise title and might win the doubters over. I'd be interested to hear what others think. Only slightly interested mind. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31556#post-89741 Sun, 09 Oct 2011 11:01:35 +0000 Al OPecia 89741@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Fixing two wall anchors to stop my Missus' bush flapping about in the wind. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31556#post-89740 Sun, 09 Oct 2011 11:00:40 +0000 Gary Stanton 89740@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>So is anyone doing anything this afternoon ? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31556#post-89739 Sun, 09 Oct 2011 10:58:17 +0000 Gary Stanton 89739@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sent you a reply Al. Did you see what I did there? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31556#post-89737 Sun, 09 Oct 2011 10:54:22 +0000 Al OPecia 89737@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I left one in your message box which you haven't replied to, you rude lady's front bottom. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31556#post-89736 Sun, 09 Oct 2011 10:51:03 +0000 Gary Stanton 89736@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>That's technically correct, yes, but if he's anything like me he won't bother looking in it for weeks on end and draw the hasty conclusion that I'm some kind of rude cunt. Which I'm not. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31556#post-89735 Sun, 09 Oct 2011 10:23:30 +0000 Al OPecia 89735@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Won't he see the reply, in his PM box? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31556#post-89732 Sun, 09 Oct 2011 10:17:06 +0000 Gary Stanton 89732@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Rick - have sent you a reply . Thanks . </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31556#post-89731 Sun, 09 Oct 2011 10:15:36 +0000 Al OPecia 89731@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I know my place. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31556#post-89728 Sun, 09 Oct 2011 09:51:58 +0000 Gary Stanton 89728@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I know, it's exactly the kind of arrogance that I detest. You snivelling cretins. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31556#post-89709 Sun, 09 Oct 2011 07:38:24 +0000 Al OPecia 89709@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Somewhat self-defeating caveat I suspect GS. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31556#post-89704 Sun, 09 Oct 2011 01:47:34 +0000 rickwestwell 89704@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent. The sub, that is, not your brazen assumption that it should be published, which is scandalous. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31556#post-89660 Sat, 08 Oct 2011 09:41:09 +0000 Gary Stanton 89660@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I've tried to PM the editor but his box is full . It was just a request to not use this as a News in Brief as I'd rather offer it up elsewhere than see an abbreviated form appear if I'm honest. Please don't interpret this as a request that I think it should be published, that's not for me to decide. I was just after an indication (via PM) whether he had my piece in his pipeline as it were. Ooh look at you.</p> <p>In the meantime I hope you spend your Hammer Time both productively and resourcefully. Thanks. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31556#post-89601 Fri, 07 Oct 2011 16:04:22 +0000 beau-jolly 89601@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Love it. Can't touch that. Stars.<br /> Best not adopt Bowie's Time or we'd all be flexing like whores and falling to the floor furiously pleasuring ourselves. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31556#post-89597 Fri, 07 Oct 2011 15:33:08 +0000 button 89597@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>and the rest can go and play ***** </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31556#post-89596 Fri, 07 Oct 2011 15:26:20 +0000 TokyoTomato 89596@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Very good.<br /> Five almost-forgotten '80s pop stars. </p>