http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=ireland The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 19 Jun 2013 08:13:08 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=33307#post-94689 Sat, 05 Nov 2011 11:33:44 +0000 apepper 94689@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The Vatican has responded aggressively to the Irish decision to withdraw their ambassador. "From now on, the Irish can buy their porn elsewhere.", said a Vatican spokesman. The Catholic church is one of the largest suppliers of pornographic literature in Europe and this is likely to hit the Irish hard. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=27666#post-76309 Sun, 10 Jul 2011 18:20:12 +0000 Ostsee 76309@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Question: why did they all go to the place the potato come from in the first place? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=27666#post-76301 Sun, 10 Jul 2011 16:52:04 +0000 Christopher Frost 76301@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25494#post-69243 Mon, 23 May 2011 22:53:24 +0000 rikkor 69243@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>There's hope yet. Maybe Prince Harry Hewitt has some Irish blood through his father. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25494#post-69239 Mon, 23 May 2011 22:43:45 +0000 Titus 69239@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The Queen's advisors admitted last night that they had "missed a trick" and that President Obama had "pulled a bigger crowd" with his gig in Ireland because of his loudly proclaimed Irish ancestry.</p> <p>"We made the mistake of thinking that just being a visiting head-of-state would be a big enough draw" they said. "It was only when we noticed that even the President of the USA had to play the 'Irish Great-great-great-great grandfather' card in order to get the punters in, that we had blown it."</p> <p>"As for willingness to drink a pint of Guinness (or not)- well, let's just say that we're grateful that diplomatic relations haven't been broken off." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25057#post-68004 Fri, 13 May 2011 12:58:21 +0000 acwanaut 68004@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ryanair's Micheal O'Leary has joined the cabinet of the new taoiseach Enda Kenny in the Irish Republic today following the swift departure of Michael Noonan for mis-handling renewed talks with the IMF. O'Leary, with no direct Government experience but a long history of self-promotion, is seen as the ideal candidate to facilitate the cost-cutting needed to stem Ireland's debt.</p> <p>Although not officially beginning the role until Monday, O'Leary has already outlined his new agenda by taking out a cheeky ad in the Irish Times. In the ad O'Leary indicates how much cheaper it will be to live in Ireland with a base rate of tax at only 7%. He also claimed that Ireland will be a cheaper place to live than any other country in Europe. </p> <p>However, opposition members from Fianna Fail are already criticising O'Leary's agenda, "We all know that he is the king of cut price, but Ireland's citizens should expect to have to pay for a lot of things they didn't even realise they received." Further details in a leaked document show that on top of the base rate of 7%, Ireland's tax payers will now be subjected to additional charges for voter registration, shamrocks on their guinness head and fees for the top of the stairs - so called 'landing charges'. </p> <p>O'Leary is also planning to revolutionise the country's tax collecting body, giving them the ability to charge for bellies deemed too big for standard bus seats and also to sell scratch cards and perfumes while performing tax assessments. It is expected that Ireland will return to profitability in 2013 and that mass migration to America, flying with United, will begin again in late 2012. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=24000#post-65262 Mon, 18 Apr 2011 17:33:09 +0000 rikkor 65262@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Whoever tagged that I wouldn't like this is wrong. Pretty funny. I don't care where you are from, who the fcuk would call their kid Enda/Edna? Their are some traditional names that should just die from lack of use. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=24000#post-65257 Mon, 18 Apr 2011 16:43:41 +0000 Scroat 65257@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yo. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=24000#post-65228 Mon, 18 Apr 2011 11:40:25 +0000 Grover 65228@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Enda Kenny, Irish Taoiseach, has arrived in the United Kingdom, where he or she plans to meet with Prime Minister David Cameron. Discussion topics are to include how to pronounce the word 'Taoiseach', what a 'Taoiseach' actually is, and whether 'Enda' is a boy's name or a girl's name. </p> <p>Mr Cameron told reporters 'Ireland and the United Kingdom once had a very close relationship, not unlike the relationship a pimp has with the women in his stable. But since 1916 our two countries have pursued separate paths, separate politics, and separate languages. I am anxious to see what these Irish are actually like now, and learn some of their oddly-spelt words'. </p> <p>Speaking through a translator, Mr or Mrs Kenny said the s/he would have a pint of Guinness, corned beef hash, and some soda bread. S/he then danced a jig without moving his/her arms before getting into a fist fight with Nick Clegg. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1237#post-3303 Sun, 21 Mar 2010 09:19:30 +0000 edward hack 3303@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'Papal Noncio' alone gets a galaxy full of stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1237#post-3300 Sun, 21 Mar 2010 08:58:59 +0000 Ludicity 3300@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Many thanks. I think I might pitch this one to Dragons Den. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1237#post-3238 Sat, 20 Mar 2010 15:32:27 +0000 malgor 3238@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A Message To You, Ludi: 'Stop your messin' around, a-ha.' Far too good. I shall have to vote twice. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1237#post-3235 Sat, 20 Mar 2010 14:40:25 +0000 Ludicity 3235@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Pope Benedict XVI has announced plans for all Roman Catholic clergy to be installed with a special ‘panic button’ that will allow users to report suspected paedophiles. </p> <p>In a pastoral email, the Holy Pontiff revealed that the emergency button would be accessible at the bottom right hand side of all cassocks, providing a direct link to CEOP – the Catholic Exploitation and Online Protection centre. </p> <p>The Pope assured the faithful that the button would mean an end to any more cover-ups: ‘Every complaint registered with us will be thoroughly investigated,’ he promised, ‘by our newly appointed Papal Noncio.’ </p> <p>Father Flynn O’Flaherty, head of CEOP, welcomed the decision. ‘With over 1 billion users worldwide, Catholicism is one of the largest social networking sites. It is therefore imperative that we make it look like a safe environment for all our users.’ </p> <p>Experts believe that the ‘panic button’ will help to deter offenders because once pressed it not only contacts CEOP but also sends a 2000 watt electric charge to the offender’s genitals.</p> <p>However, some clergy have raised objections to the button. ‘We already have a number of measures in place,’ said one anonymous Irish Cardinal, ‘I have a ‘privacy button’ which allows people to raise any concerns about my behaviour. All I ask is that anyone wishing to lodge a complaint agrees to sign a legally binding confidentiality clause.’</p> <p>‘From next year all our priests, bishops and cardinals will be expected to carry the new CEOP icon’ said a Vatican representative, ‘for many years our clergy have carried religious icons but these have not had as much effect on their behaviour as we might have hoped.’</p> <p>The new 'panic button', featuring the image of a 'Smiley Pope', also gives users instant access to CSI-Vatican – a crack team of cardinals who will visit the scene of the crime and, using the very latest forensic techniques, miraculously find no evidence whatsoever. </p>