http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=immigration The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Mon, 20 May 2013 09:12:05 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55369#post-160131 Mon, 28 Jan 2013 23:10:41 +0000 sponge finger 160131@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Quel fromage </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55369#post-160128 Mon, 28 Jan 2013 22:57:38 +0000 topfotogmw 160128@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I am sure the authorities have had an oeuf of them. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55369#post-160126 Mon, 28 Jan 2013 22:55:39 +0000 Squudge 160126@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>v kind - it made NiB</p> <p>I can't quite seem to get past the 'bung' theme on this Neato<br /> <a href="http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55422">yet another blockage</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55369#post-160123 Mon, 28 Jan 2013 22:52:11 +0000 custard cream 160123@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>superb - hope it makes the front page! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55369#post-160115 Mon, 28 Jan 2013 22:32:09 +0000 Squudge 160115@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>yay (chuffed)<br /> <a href="http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2013/01/28/uk-borders-agency-accused-of-stuffing-channel-tunnel-with-impatient-visa-applicants/">dodgy bung</a></p> <p>ta ... I couldn't think of how to wedge Eric Pickles in there too, sadly. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55369#post-159993 Sun, 27 Jan 2013 22:07:58 +0000 sponge finger 159993@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>&lt;Stephen Hawking voice&gt; Ha Ha Ha </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55369#post-159989 Sun, 27 Jan 2013 21:55:15 +0000 Squudge 159989@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The UK Border Agency (UKBA) has today admitted that it has been using the Channel Tunnel as a storage facility for immigrants, after complaints from Eurostar.</p> <p>Some 14,000 applicants, growing at a rate of 700 a month, have already been refused the right to stay in Britain, but are still pleading with the UK Border Agency to reconsider. UKBA started offering those awaiting their cases temporary shelter in the tunnel in 2008, where they had access to their case notes, handily presented in cardboard boxes. Since then the problem appears to have grown.</p> <p>The tunnel has become so constipated with refugees and boxes of paperwork that trains won't fit down the hole any more. The French authorities meanwhile, are complaining that their own illegal immigrants escaping from holding centres, handily close to the border, are being turned away from the tunnel as it is too full and the doors won't close.</p> <p>"The smell is like rotten eggs", sniffed a gallic official, appreciatively.</p> <p>Another 2,100 cases were still waiting for an initial decision at the time of inspection, with some dating back a decade, although the UKBA says these have now been cleared. A spokesman has strenuously denied that the individuals were 'trafficked' to a shady organisation fronted by a Professor Brian Cox, who is alleged to have 'vanished' the immigrants into the Large Hadron Collider. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38194#post-108065 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 13:16:06 +0000 Drylaw 108065@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sensible policies for a sensible Britain. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38194#post-107979 Thu, 02 Feb 2012 13:51:40 +0000 ukvillafan 107979@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The government has today announced that immigrants will only be allowed into the country in future if they are able to command a salary of over £31000 per year.</p> <p>In a document entitled "How we intend to keep the riff-raff out" the government has specified that it is not in favour of encouraging additional numbers of scroungers and benefit cheats into the country - "We have more than enough white British people who can laze away and scrounge off the state without encouraging more dirty foreigners in to do the same," a spokesperson said.</p> <p>An unidentified source confirmed that as the government was multiplying the number of British residents who require middle-management or unskilled jobs, it would be crazy to add more at this time. "To be fair, we're doing these potential immigrants a favour, the source said. "With all the white people losing their jobs at the moment who is going to employ some smelly foreign oik? They're better off staying in their own country and cleaning the bogs there instead.They'll thank us for this in the end."</p> <p>Another MP confirmed that only people who would improve the country will be allowed in. "We need people who can speak English and earn loads of dosh," said the noted backbencher and 1922 committee member, "You know, proper supporters of the country who will promote the best of British values such as fairness and compassion."</p> <p>No opposition was heard from Tory backbenchers who were satisfied that their personal assistants, both male and female, were likely to comfortably meet the expressed limit. It is understood that these, mostly exotic, helps command fees of over £300 per hour with added bonuses for late night and weekend 'unsocial hours' working.</p> <p>Opposition MPs commented that the government approach was elitist and likely to lead to a reduction in community cohesion and the availability of all-night corner-shopping.</p> <p>The government's coalition partners were said to be giving full consideration to the report, which they said had not been seen before publication and had not been discussed with them, as usual. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31461#post-88976 Tue, 04 Oct 2011 18:25:46 +0000 Clarky 88976@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice headline </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31461#post-88963 Tue, 04 Oct 2011 17:59:50 +0000 Boutros 88963@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>i like </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31461#post-88953 Tue, 04 Oct 2011 17:39:56 +0000 kga6 88953@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Today, Theresa May confirmed that an illegal immigrant would "be having his human rights abused" if he were to be deported before he'd had chance to "use up his minutes".</p> <p>The Asian man, who due to spelling difficulties cannot be named, is reported to have somewhere in the region of 24 texts and 62 minutes remaining on his 'stay-as-you-go' bundle with Virgin Mobile, equating to roughly £15.32.</p> <p>Officials are primed to react when the minutes are used up, or a technical error causes them to mysteriously disappear.</p> <p>The man, who also has a cat named Lu-Poll, is said to be pleased to learn he has so many minutes left. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25996#post-70830 Fri, 03 Jun 2011 15:39:40 +0000 SingingHinny 70830@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks very much, Be Reasonable. It is a giant hedgehog from a really weird attraction at muncaster castle in the lakes. The stuff of children's nightmares. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25996#post-70825 Fri, 03 Jun 2011 15:12:49 +0000 be reasonable 70825@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Very good. By the by, your gravatar is spectacularly unnerving - is it a bloke in a hood or a very black cat on a dark night? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25996#post-70803 Fri, 03 Jun 2011 12:49:55 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 70803@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Fantastic headline, worth stars for that alone. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25996#post-70796 Fri, 03 Jun 2011 11:59:05 +0000 SingingHinny 70796@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cheers, folks. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25996#post-70792 Fri, 03 Jun 2011 11:45:41 +0000 pere floza 70792@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>ha ha , have some Daily Stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25996#post-70790 Fri, 03 Jun 2011 11:32:04 +0000 Qoxiivi 70790@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Awesome. Where’s the six-star button? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25996#post-70787 Fri, 03 Jun 2011 11:17:13 +0000 SingingHinny 70787@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The Daily Mail has published a startling editorial, in which it alleges that it has recorded footage of liberally-minded people entering UK ports and airports with illegal immigrants and asylum-seekers stashed under their hats. The paper alleges that as many as 100,000 extra immigrants remain undetected underneath liberal headware.</p> <p>Editor Paul Dacre writes that it is not clear whether all the people carrying the immigrants are complicit on every occasion and that “Some people may have been infected with immigrants and be carrying them into the country none-the-wiser to the dangers posed. Yet, we cannot underestimate the liberal threat from within our own borders.”</p> <p>“It is a genuine concern for right-thinking British people,” wrote Dacre. “Gone are the days when you could search a trade van or lorry and hope to find tens of dead Angolans. These people have organised and are now breaching our defences one-by-one stuck underneath a beanie hat and amazingly, sometimes dressed as a beanie hat.”</p> <p>“And what of the terrorist threat?” Dacre continues,"how can we protect ourselves against Al Qaeda when you can fit at least two people in a turban?! And you can’t ask to check it because they are wearing it for religious purposes. Political correctness strikes again!”</p> <p>The response in the later editions of other newspapers has been muted, with The Guardian and The Independent both labelling Dacre “a maniac”. </p> <p>However, The Sun has published the details of all known immigrant-protectors, and a series of novelty paper hats marked “No Immigrants Here!”, “Asylum-seekers love hats” and “Did Jew check yours?” to be worn in a show of “right-minded defiance.” </p> <p>The Sun is also calling upon the government to act strongly against the new threat by introducing immigrant sensors at all points of entry to the country and by following the Australian model of “official, open and compulsory racism.”</p> <p>The government has refused to be drawn on whether it was aware of the threat, with David Cameron stating that, “We will investigate the situation and the evidence. But you’ll have to bear with us; politicians tend to get a little nervous when you ask them what they have been keeping under their hats.” </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=12128#post-33297 Sun, 12 Sep 2010 23:56:43 +0000 SingingHinny 33297@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ok then, not just a bump but edits. Tightened up, hopefully. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=12128#post-33284 Sun, 12 Sep 2010 22:06:31 +0000 SingingHinny 33284@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The X Factor is at the centre of a fresh immigration row, after a Panorama investigation revealed that British hopefuls are being turned away from auditions due to a flood of immigrants seeking fame and fortune in the UK. </p> <p>Traditionally, The X Factor is a breeding ground for new British artists with the many going on to successful careers in 'Heat'. However, international contestants have become a regular feature on the show over recent seasons, with several non-Brits making it to the main shows, as well as large numbers appearing on the sister show 'The Xtra Factor' which is historically the stomping ground of Britain's mentally ill. As a result, Panorama argues, hundreds of thousands of highly talented British singers are being forced to consider prostitution and in some extreme cases, actual full-time employment just to support their children.<br />  <br />  <br /> The programme, to be shown this week, follows the progress of several former auditionees whose path to stardom was denied by foreign entrants. Alison Watson, an unemployed singer from Basingstoke, took part in The X Factor in 2005 and 2009: 'It makes me sick seeing them coming here with their cute accents and sob-stories about genocide and poverty. Doesn't Uganda have an 'X Factor?! I know Chico was technically Welsh, but don’t even get me started on Jedward.’<br />  <br />  <br /> ‘There is a genuine risk that some of Britain’s most talented nieces and grandsons will go undiscovered and may actually be forced to finish their A-Levels,’ according to Prof. James Lowe of the Institute of Fiscal studies. ‘We need to work to protect opportunities for British-born singers, otherwise we will lose them to the seedy unregulated underworld of pub-singing and karaoke. Or even worse, to the world of children’s TV.’<br />  <br />  <br /> Whilst Endemol, the company behind The X Factor admitted that they are restricted by current anti-discrimination laws and the immigration system, a spokeperson from the Home Office stated that the attraction of The X Factor is causing major concern: 'We welcome immigrants who bring their valuable skills to the economy. But there has to be a limit. As it stands, there are literally millions of people without adequate housing, no grasp of English and no concept of good music. And that's just the Brits.' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9304#post-24957 Wed, 28 Jul 2010 11:38:20 +0000 MaverickRat 24957@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Wrong room again....... I'll get my coat! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9304#post-24956 Wed, 28 Jul 2010 11:35:46 +0000 MaverickRat 24956@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Due to the recent success of BP's cap building department it was announced today that they had won the tender to construct the immigration cap. The Prime Minister said that this gave him the confidence that it would not blow up in their faces. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=8432#post-22674 Tue, 13 Jul 2010 12:00:20 +0000 la maga 22674@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In a study that has struck fear into the hearts of thinking people everywhere, scientists at the Royal Society have proved beyond all doubt that by 2050 the UK, or These Green And Pleasant Lands Of Ours (TM Daily Express), will be awash with Daily Express readers. </p> <p>The demographic time bomb has taken analysts by surprise. "We thought eduction would help," explained Tom Bamber of the Institute for Everything. "We're not sure whether we've been proved wrong or whether this just goes to show that our education system is shite. Either way we're all pretty terrified. It seems we're about to be engulfed by a tidal wave of bigots who just won't stop breeding."</p> <p>When asked what the government could do about the menace growing within, one scientist suggested that immigration might be the answer. "Since the Daily Express is so habitually offensive towards immigrants we figure that immigrants probably don't buy it very much, in the same way they don't line up to be slapped in the face and called 'boy'. So we're recommending as much immigration as possible."</p> <p>A government spokesman explained that as well as being a drain on the sanity of the nation Daily Express readers also contribute to the economy. "We think they may be keeping the garden gnome industry afloat," he explained. "We couldn't do without them. And frankly, who else would have them?"</p> <p>The Editor of the Daily Express was not available for comment. Fleet Street rumours claimed he was busy rolling around in a big pile of money laughing and shouting, "I can't believe we can get away with calling them 'ethnics'". </p>