http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=iceland The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 19 Jun 2013 14:07:27 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25541#post-69367 Tue, 24 May 2011 19:29:20 +0000 jp1885 69367@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice idea - have some stars! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25541#post-69354 Tue, 24 May 2011 17:50:31 +0000 Neil Palfreyman 69354@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Last year’s Icelandic volcano eruption resulted in long term and wide spread disruption to broadcasts and reporting across Europe as presenters struggled to cope with the news. According to volcanologists this phenomenon was caused by the abrasive nature of the name of the offending volcano; Eyjafjallajökull. “These uniquely harsh combinations of component syllables can get stuck as they’re ejected from a presenter’s mouth, coating the vocal chords and rendering them temporarily inoperative. This can result in stuttering, mumbling and in more extreme cases a complete loss of words. In such circumstances the news can only be restarted safely by substituting an impromptu, made up approximation.”</p> <p>Over the last few days shares in broadcasting companies have once again tumbled as news of yet another Icelandic eruption emerges and investors fear a return to last year’s pronunciation chaos. Scientists, however, are keen to point out the differences that may make these fears unfounded; “The underlying name structure of the latest volcano to erupt; Grímsvötn is significantly different to that of Eyjafjallajökull. The syllables are simpler and larger meaning that they will fall out of a news reporter’s mouth much more quickly. We’re simply not expecting the same scale of invented names that we had with Eyjafjallajökull where presenters often had to resort to a bad Bruce Forsyth impression in order to get on with the rest of the news.” </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25471#post-69166 Mon, 23 May 2011 13:54:42 +0000 suepersonic 69166@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>More soon ... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=5569#post-15159 Thu, 03 Jun 2010 09:23:53 +0000 andrewmellor 15159@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>EU leaders assembled in Brussels today in an attempt to break the deadlock over what constitutes ‘tasteful’ popular music. The crisis talks follow Saturday’s Eurovision Song Contest in which nation states demonstrated ‘woeful misunderstanding’ of previous directives on so-called Euro-Pop and unwittingly voted for a song without a kitsch dance routine and with no obviously discernable upward key-change as the contest’s winner.</p> <p>‘It’s deeply concerning that contestants should be denied points despite following the letter of the law on Eurovision’, said a spokesman for the contest. He referred by implication to Iceland and Georgia, who despite offering relentlessly up-beat songs employing obvious harmonic progressions and synchronized dance routines, still failed to score highly.</p> <p>Veteran Eurovision commentator Andre von Strunckel railed against what he called ‘clueless’ voting patterns on the night of the contest. ‘For nations to take it upon themselves to reward fringe, quasi-indie acoustic musical styles at Eurovision is a gross dereliction of duty’, he said. His sentiments were immediately echoed – though a semitone higher – by a group of Georgian backing vocalists. </p> <p>After Germany initiated an emergency appeal to Eurovision’s general council this week, Iceland and Greece have agreed to plug the country’s Euro-Pop black hole with ‘appropriately naff, nostalgic and camp’ songwriters and choreographers in time for next year’s contest in Berlin. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4141#post-11896 Tue, 11 May 2010 04:49:43 +0000 rfreed 11896@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thank you kindly. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4141#post-11683 Mon, 10 May 2010 06:47:13 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 11683@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Take 5 for the Icelandic Saga. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4141#post-11674 Sun, 09 May 2010 23:41:22 +0000 rfreed 11674@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Iceland, hammered by massive financial debts to Europe and Britain in particular, has come up with a hammer of its own to strike back with. Returning to its traditional religious roots and the old gods of the Norsemen the Icelanders have invoked their wrath to aid them in their revenge on an unforgiving European economic situation that spells doom for them. Odin, head man of the fierce Gods of the Vikings, called forth his son Thor and his magical hammer Mjollnir (pronounced 'ham-mer') to strike the Icelandic volcano Eyjafjallajokull (pronounced 'ice-land-ic vol-cano') causing it to erupt and bury Europe in ash. The ash shut down air traffic on the continent and most of the rest of Europe for weeks, costing airlines and governments billions in lost revenue.<br /> Eyjafjallajokull and the Norse gods show no sign of relenting. Odin and his men subscribe to the Viking philosophy of fighting to the death and therefore have no intent on relenting until the European Union (or the 'Union of Earth Eunuchs' as Odin and the boys derisively call them when they're tanked up on a few pints of grog) agrees to their demands.<br /> These demands include: </p> <p>A. A weekly shipload delivery of German Doppelbock beer, Doppelbock having twice the alcohol kick of regular beer which the Norse gods and hearty Icelanders need to get them off. </p> <p>B. A regular shipment of St. Pauli girls for the same reason. (St. Pauli is the red light district of Hamburg.) A lot of Icelandic farmers have only sheep to keep them company and if you ever saw what Norse goddesses look like you would have sympathy for Thor and the big boys and would understand why they died out. </p> <p>C. Free two week timeshares in Costa del Sol the first week of every February. Even Valhalla gets cold in the winter. </p> <p>D. 300,000 copies of Mr. Bean's Greatest Hits for everyone on the island and in Valhalla. Even in Icelandic he's funny. It might help them forget that the British wanted to put thumbscrews on them over the bad investments they made in Iceland. </p> <p>E. 300,000 Swedish pornos. It can only be SWEDISH pornos, no other. Blonds are the only thing that can get them off. And, yes, they do know that their kids shouldn't be seeing these things, but they want them trained to only go after their own kind.<br /> Should Europe not meet these demands, Odin has declared things could get worse. "Ever hear of the Norwegian word 'Tsunami'?" he asked in a thick, Scandinavian accent. </p> <p>Greek authorities, inspired by the Icelandic example, are checking into revitalizing Zeus for<br /> similar reasons. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2624#post-7753 Thu, 15 Apr 2010 14:05:25 +0000 Mrblacker 7753@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>more soon </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2600#post-7727 Thu, 15 Apr 2010 12:10:24 +0000 smyke 7727@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Or the ticker-tape version:</p> <p><strong><em>Iceland fined £50 for dropping ash on British street</strong></em> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2600#post-7702 Thu, 15 Apr 2010 10:16:32 +0000 AdrianJ 7702@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cock! I was just about to post...</p> <p>"Iceland clear UK debt, with issue of world’s largest Pumice invoice"</p> <p>I'll get you next time Smyke. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2600#post-7700 Thu, 15 Apr 2010 10:06:50 +0000 smyke 7700@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Prime Minister Gordon Brown has rejected an attempt by Iceland to repay thousands of British investors’ lost bank deposits with airborne mineral deposits.</p> <p>Near-bankrupt Iceland claimed today that its airdrop of the nation’s most valuable remaining assets right across Europe represents ‘full and final settlement’ of the nation’s international debts.</p> <p>Finance Minister Steingrimur Sigfusson told reporters at a hastily convened news conference: “After several minutes consideration, we have decided to announce that this is the fairest way of settling our financial differences with our European trading partners. </p> <p>“Once swept up, the ash will represent a valuable stockpile of highly prized elements including magnesium, iron, gold and some traces of platinum.</p> <p>“We say that this is the fairest way of distributing the resources that we have left and puts an end to the unseemly squabbling that erupted when our banking system collapsed.”</p> <p>Mr Sigfusson said that he believes most people will welcome the fact that only a very small amount will fall into the hands of bankers.</p> <p>“As they all work on the top floors of very tall buildings, they won’t be able to get downstairs quickly enough with a dustpan and brush.”</p> <p>Gordon Brown said that the offer is ‘unnacceptable’ and warned Iceland that dropping ash on British streets is an offence that carries an on-the-spot fine of £50.” </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=593#post-1717 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 09:38:59 +0000 Ostsee 1717@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>But James was only trying to deposit some money into his Icesave account. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=593#post-1682 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 22:59:59 +0000 malgor 1682@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Great. Serves him right for having 'penetrated [Blofeld's] secret base', as you so delicately put it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=593#post-1668 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 21:08:50 +0000 antharrison 1668@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Very nice - Will the Daily Mail back him? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=593#post-1664 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 20:50:12 +0000 The All New Jeni B 1664@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sounds just like a normal shift on NB Evil Island.<br /> Except we make Quaz wear the bikini. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=593#post-1606 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 14:05:58 +0000 Oxbridge 1606@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Megalomaniac villain Ernest Blofeld has responded vigorously to claims of unsportsmanlike conduct in his treatment of a British agent who penetrated his secret base beneath a volcano in Iceland last week. The agent, unofficially identified as James Bond 007, was summarily executed after being captured by Blofeld’s guards.</p> <p>‘This man was a menace,’ Blofeld told reporters. ‘Despite being armed with only a service revolver, he somehow tunnelled into my lair using a helicopter that converted itself into a submarine and got within 50 yards of the clock that was counting down the seconds until I launch nuclear warheads at the world’s capitals.’</p> <p>Other super-villains have joined in the chorus of condemnation, arguing that although Blofeld was within his rights to shoot Bond through the head, it was in violation of the spirit of the game. Blofeld himself, however, is unrepentant.</p> <p>‘He killed seven of my henchmen. Do you know how much henchmen cost in Iceland, even with all those unemployed bank clerks?’ asked the scarred Germanic egotist. ‘What was I meant to do? Rig him up to some Heath Robinson contraption he could get out of? Give him a guided tour and explain my world domination scheme to him?’</p> <p>Blofeld and his team considered leaving Bond in the custody of his sulky blonde girlfriend, who was wandering around the base in a bikini. However, after a brief debate during which those who advocated this course were fed to piranhas, the decision was taken to kill him without delay. Blofeld admits that personal animus towards the British upper classes played a role in his decision.</p> <p>‘I hate the supercilious smirks on those public schoolboys’ faces. ‘Do you expect me to talk?’ he says. Well, I told him straight ‘No, Mr Bond, I expect you to die’ and blew his brains out on the spot. That shut the fucker up,’ said Blofeld. ‘Now nothing can stop me from taking over the whole world, do you hear me? Nothing! Oh sod it, that bloody cat has gone and pissed all over my lap again.’ </p>