http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=homeopathy The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 19 May 2013 02:13:54 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2785&page=2#post-169975 Mon, 25 Mar 2013 15:51:50 +0000 Tristan Shout 169975@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It's been a while since this has been bumped </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50891#post-147110 Sat, 03 Nov 2012 22:37:25 +0000 Yikes 147110@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>lol, hadn't picked up on the 'complete hunt' reference! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50891#post-147109 Sat, 03 Nov 2012 22:36:11 +0000 Squudge 147109@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ta!</p> <p>I wonder if the 'Complete Hunt' idea will catch on in the NHS </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50891#post-147086 Sat, 03 Nov 2012 19:24:31 +0000 Yikes 147086@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Missed this till seeing it on neato results - great sub ... 5* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50891#post-146586 Wed, 31 Oct 2012 08:57:01 +0000 Squudge 146586@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>...mm... want to modify to 'wipe clean' re-useable spikes... mmm</p> <p>do I need to do a pic for this or does Pinxit fancy the challenge? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50891#post-146490 Tue, 30 Oct 2012 17:55:58 +0000 Squudge 146490@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>ta reforse<br /> .. a little bit of Hallowe'en influence there, mixed with digging up S*vile</p> <p>&lt;sings&gt; ♪♫ <strong>Neat-o NEAT-OOOH Neat-O</strong> ♫ </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50891#post-146489 Tue, 30 Oct 2012 17:52:37 +0000 reforse 146489@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Bedfinder Pursuivant, that's fantastic. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50891#post-146488 Tue, 30 Oct 2012 17:46:28 +0000 Squudge 146488@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In the face of rising costs, the Department of Health has unveiled new plans to augment modern therapies and equipment with those currently 'in long-term storage'. </p> <p>"It is a criminal waste of facilities to leave tried and tested instruments on display in museums, when they could be put to work long past their supposed retirement date", stated Clive Throstlemore, curator at the Medieval Torture Museum of Scunthorpe. "The Iron Maiden therapy will save on time and staffing as we automate acupuncture by gently incarcerating the patient in a traditional ergonomic chamber complete with fixed re-useable spikes", he explained deferentially, as Special-Interest Advisor to Jeremy Hunt. </p> <p>"We must learn from the ancients!" cried the Health Secretary, or 'Bedfinder Pursuivant' as he now insists on being known. Hunt, sporting a long black cloak and what looked like vampire teeth, outlined other planned treatments. "Leeches!" he exclaimed (later clarifying that he didn't mean the patients).</p> <p>Other cost-effective trusty remedies include 'The Rack', a device which, it is hoped, will reduce the number of sick days lost to 'back problems', mainly by setting a few choice examples. Meanwhile, NHS dental practices are being urged to consider using good old-fashioned pliers and a glug of alcohol or whiff of breathtaking extortion, plus kneeling on the patients chest so they don't wriggle too much. This 'dental plan' has already been discreetly trailled all over the UK, for the last 25 years, it can be revealed.</p> <p>The new 'Complete Hunt' Therapy Plan will be supported by legislation designating illness as 'anti-social behaviour', with a sliding scale of penalties. "We were thinking the hospital food, plus the effective strategy as old as time itself, of 'The Wait', with the 'patient' fully aware of what to expect. Eventually." </p> <p>"If that doesn't deter them, we also plan to run an advertising campaign over the Christmas period," murmured Hunt, swishing his silken cloak. "We will of course continue with the planned homeopathic levels of funding." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47409#post-136172 Tue, 28 Aug 2012 12:06:42 +0000 kimllfixit 136172@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Herbal medicine creators and homeopaths were today said to be “very excited” at the reports of a new natural ingredient with proven painkilling properties. Derived from the coco plant, the white powder – or ‘cocaine’ – is imported from secret Cuban forests in specially designed rubber packages.</p> <p>Representative for the National Society of Herbal Medicine David Shea-Jones was delighted at the initial test results, where users were so overcome with the power of the coco-extract that they soiled themselves. “Initially it looked like it was going to be a very expensive product as our Cuban counterparts put a lot of emphasis on purity, but when they pointed out that they were able to mix it with the charred remains of a local’s wooden hut it halved in price”. When confronted about the lack of traditional herbs and rituals, he pointed out that ‘essence of gravel’ was stirred into the powder with an elm twig on its arrival in the country, thus raising the price up to £320 per gram (including purified spring water).</p> <p>Following on from the use of secretive foreign ingredients, the researchers for the NSHM are also considering the use of poppy seed extracts to create an anti-depressant. “We’ve heard that the plant can produce a highly nutritious paste, and we want to capitalise on that by mixing it in with honey and camomile, and then watering it down until there’s sod-all left in there”, said Shea-Jones.</p> <p>The organisation was reported to be “very upset” at claims that they were actually using real drugs in their new products, having worked so hard to avoid including anything of any true value over the years. “Some people have claimed that we use marijuana in our medicines, but nothing could be further from the truth. It may be natural, but we’ll never give our patients something with a proven medicinal effect.” </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2785&page=2#post-116366 Sun, 01 Apr 2012 07:22:41 +0000 Golgo13 116366@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sorry Rikkor. Missed your follow-up line there. </p> <p>You're right, my trousers house a comedy goldmine. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40085#post-114058 Sun, 18 Mar 2012 20:47:00 +0000 weematt 114058@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Liked this. Just a bit too long. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40085#post-114031 Sun, 18 Mar 2012 16:44:39 +0000 MotoPopps 114031@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Following the announcement of the suspension of the Sunday Trading laws by the Chancellor George Osborne, Home Secretary Theresa May is set to announce the suspension of the assisted suicide laws. In a statement the Home Office has said that it fully understands that many people are heartily sick of the Olympic games and of Lord Coe in particular and is aware that many may wish to take the exit path.</p> <p>The Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr Rowan Williams has given his broad approval provided that adequate safeguards are put in place, he has been known for some time to favour an easy exit for those sick of Lord Coe, but has added that any change must be Olympic related, being sick of Nadine Dorries on its own for example is simply not enough although counselling will continue to be available.</p> <p>The Health Secretary Andrew Lansley has announced that assisted suicide would be available on the NHS but was keen also to involve the private sector and alternative medicine alongside conventional treatments. In a statement to GPs last week he expressed his concern at the rising costs to the NHS for the treatment of what is being described as Lord Coe sickness or Lo-Co as doctors are already calling it.</p> <p>The Society of Homeopaths, flushed with the success of their assisted suicide program in Banbury, have stated that they also have a cure for Lo-Co using what is now labeled as Ho-Lo-Co. In a detailed statement a representative said that Ho-Lo-Co was in fact a 10C dilution of some piss obtained from Coe when he was tested for Horlicks after the 1980 Olympics, a method central to the tenets of homeopathy, and with a 100% success rate.</p> <p>No one from al-Qaeda was available for comment but a message on their answering machine instructed callers to leave their address and waist measurement and it would be dealt with in as soon as possible.</p> <p>Owing to the fact that the Pope has not yet made a pronouncement on the subject, Cardinal Keith O’Brien, head of the Roman Catholic Church in Scotland, was unable to comment on the matter and Vincent Nichols, head of the Roman Catholic Church in England, has sent a blank piece of paper to be read from all the pulpits in England and Wales. This has left thousands of catholics feeling distraught as they are unable to hold any opinion on the matter until the Pope speaks. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31767#post-91154 Mon, 17 Oct 2011 16:27:48 +0000 Qoxiivi 91154@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ha, nice. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31767#post-91151 Mon, 17 Oct 2011 16:24:40 +0000 Des Custard 91151@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I agree Qoxii, but thousands of people obviously feel homeopathy jokes are doing them some good, so maybe there's something in it after all. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31767#post-91146 Mon, 17 Oct 2011 16:00:56 +0000 Qoxiivi 91146@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hmm. Possibly does come across as a bit harsh. I’m not having a go at anyone here, I just think there's nothing new to be gained now from the whole homeopathy territory. The central idea in all of them is the same so, if it’s now just a case of seeing how many different topics we can apply it too, I just don’t see the point. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31767#post-91141 Mon, 17 Oct 2011 15:45:19 +0000 Ironduke 91141@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Qoxiivi, you're getting a little tetchy...have you been underdiluting your medication? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31767#post-91125 Mon, 17 Oct 2011 14:29:13 +0000 Qoxiivi 91125@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Homeopathy (well, applying its ludicrous method to other subjects) really does seem to be a magic bullet for popular satire. I, personally, have been steering clear of using it as surely it's 'done' now. We get it; take the idea that less of something is more and extrapolate that 'logic' to its nonsensical conclusion for much ensuing, and now relatively cheap, I feel, hilarity. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31767#post-91115 Mon, 17 Oct 2011 13:21:00 +0000 waylandsmithy 91115@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The story has gone Spanish:</p> <p><a href="http://www.meneame.net/c/9321405">homeo pathyo</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31767#post-91114 Mon, 17 Oct 2011 13:17:37 +0000 editor 91114@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Apologies - I missed the NIB - though I wouldn't want you to think I hadn't been concentrating... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31767#post-91113 Mon, 17 Oct 2011 13:16:46 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 91113@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I have now </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31767#post-91111 Mon, 17 Oct 2011 13:09:10 +0000 apepper 91111@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I don't know if anyone's got the joke about Stephen Harliton's name... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31767#post-91104 Mon, 17 Oct 2011 12:31:57 +0000 writinginbsl 91104@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>very belated stars</p> <p>i was getting fed up of all the homeopathic jokes but then i realised the more there are the funnier it is.... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31767#post-91101 Mon, 17 Oct 2011 12:16:37 +0000 waylandsmithy 91101@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Did Stephen Fry not tweet this one?</p> <p><a href="http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2011/10/13/stunned-scientists-discover-stephen-fry-%e2%80%98of-only-average-intelligence%e2%80%99/">Stephen Fry 'of only average intelligence'</a></p> <p>Perhaps he didn't get it: he might need to do more research. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31767#post-91098 Mon, 17 Oct 2011 12:06:32 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 91098@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It was a NiB last week...</p> <p><a href="http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2011/10/14/homeopathic-economist-suggests-injecting-%e2%80%98up-to-1%e2%80%99-into-economy/" rel="nofollow">http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2011/10/14/homeopathic-economist-suggests-injecting-%e2%80%98up-to-1%e2%80%99-into-economy/</a></p> <p>I predict another rush of homeopathy based subs now too. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31767#post-91097 Mon, 17 Oct 2011 12:05:57 +0000 editor 91097@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I think this is the first time a sub on the writers' room has got more hits than the front page. (retweeted by Stephen Fry no less) Apepper why don't you write this is up as a full front page story - or if you don't have time/energy/inclination, somebody else should. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31767#post-90021 Tue, 11 Oct 2011 10:57:53 +0000 Rowly 90021@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It's all to do with the "Memory of the Pound"<br /> I vaguely remember one myself </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31767#post-89995 Tue, 11 Oct 2011 08:15:04 +0000 button 89995@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Love this 5 stars....I should I dilute that to 1 star? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31767#post-89982 Tue, 11 Oct 2011 07:45:56 +0000 Golgo13 89982@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>If that doesn't work, they can always try injecting less, or diluting it with billions of Zimbabwe Dollars.</p> <p>I think homeopathy is becoming our "Abu Hamza". </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31767#post-89968 Tue, 11 Oct 2011 06:23:16 +0000 Al OPecia 89968@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Fab - 5 </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31767#post-89955 Mon, 10 Oct 2011 22:11:58 +0000 charlies_hat 89955@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent. ***** </p>