Forum » Tag: health - Recent Posts

Forum » Tag: health - Recent Posts http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=health The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Tue, 21 May 2013 01:08:59 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php brianflan on "Facebook man feels ‘cheated’ as his ‘like’ doesn’t save child from cancer death." http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61192#post-178512 Fri, 17 May 2013 10:56:54 +0000 brianflan 178512@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ what story? Wrenfoe on "Facebook man feels ‘cheated’ as his ‘like’ doesn’t save child from cancer death." http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61192#post-178511 Fri, 17 May 2013 10:56:20 +0000 Wrenfoe 178511@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ P.S. I still really like this story brianflan on "Facebook man feels ‘cheated’ as his ‘like’ doesn’t save child from cancer death." http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61192#post-178505 Fri, 17 May 2013 10:53:40 +0000 brianflan 178505@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ A molehill is a mountain to an ant - the bloke from Kung Fu waylandsmithy on "Facebook man feels ‘cheated’ as his ‘like’ doesn’t save child from cancer death." http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61192#post-178503 Fri, 17 May 2013 10:46:44 +0000 waylandsmithy 178503@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Al, Brian: I realise a lot of people don't read other sites to see if something has been done before, including the editors of this site, by their own admission. I do like to check when I'm writing, though. And when I checked in here, I noticed this sub and thought. 'I've seen that before'. So I put a link to it, and said 'been done'. That was it. As no-one else is checking, I thought I'd let you know. Christ, why does every molehill have to become a fucking mountain? Al OPecia on "Facebook man feels ‘cheated’ as his ‘like’ doesn’t save child from cancer death." http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61192#post-178500 Fri, 17 May 2013 10:35:25 +0000 Al OPecia 178500@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Another drive-by posting incident from Wayland. brianflan on "Facebook man feels ‘cheated’ as his ‘like’ doesn’t save child from cancer death." http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61192#post-178495 Fri, 17 May 2013 10:18:41 +0000 brianflan 178495@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ I am going to take a diginified silence on this one although now I've said that have I kept silent? I will have to refer to my Bertrand Rusell’s Bumper Book of Philosophy Annual 1986 (Socrates the Sailor was my favourite followed closely by Thomas Fuchs and his double entendres) Just two points about me I think Wayland should know: 1. While I have been writing a while, I joined Newsbiscuit a week ago as I wanted to dip my toe into a different genre - and have some joyful banter 2. I don’t bother wasting my time reading other satirical websites. I just waste time on newsbiscuit 4. I’ve eaten a monkey 3. I suffer from dyscalculia (yes the old ones are the best - evidently!) @ beau-jolly after seeing your occupation it took me another 2 days to work out your nick name….. beau-jolly on "Facebook man feels ‘cheated’ as his ‘like’ doesn’t save child from cancer death." http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61192#post-178392 Thu, 16 May 2013 15:13:59 +0000 beau-jolly 178392@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ @ Wayland; A bit picky? Different story about the same subject. On that basis we can only take the piss out of the government once. Just sayin'. Brianflan and Wrenfoe are new, good and prolific. Kinda fill a gap. I still don't know what twerking is though. Vertically Challenged Giant on "Facebook man feels ‘cheated’ as his ‘like’ doesn’t save child from cancer death." http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61192#post-178390 Thu, 16 May 2013 15:00:37 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 178390@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ That newsthump story is completely the opposite. This one is about somebody liking a picture on facebook failing to stop them dying, that one is about it stopping them from dying. They couldn’t be more different. brianflan on "Facebook man feels ‘cheated’ as his ‘like’ doesn’t save child from cancer death." http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61192#post-178375 Thu, 16 May 2013 13:18:44 +0000 brianflan 178375@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ I love the smell of old sweat in the morning! waylandsmithy on "Facebook man feels ‘cheated’ as his ‘like’ doesn’t save child from cancer death." http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61192#post-178373 Thu, 16 May 2013 13:06:43 +0000 waylandsmithy 178373@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <a href="http://newsthump.com/2012/11/19/8-year-old-cancer-survivor-thanks-facebook-users-for-curing-her-with-photo-sharing/">been done</a> beau-jolly on "Facebook man feels ‘cheated’ as his ‘like’ doesn’t save child from cancer death." http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61192#post-178370 Thu, 16 May 2013 12:48:39 +0000 beau-jolly 178370@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ twerking? I'm scared to google that. Vertically Challenged Giant on "Facebook man feels ‘cheated’ as his ‘like’ doesn’t save child from cancer death." http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61192#post-178362 Thu, 16 May 2013 12:35:34 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 178362@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Very good. ianslat on "Facebook man feels ‘cheated’ as his ‘like’ doesn’t save child from cancer death." http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61192#post-178353 Thu, 16 May 2013 12:09:29 +0000 ianslat 178353@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Like it. I hate those things. brianflan on "Facebook man feels ‘cheated’ as his ‘like’ doesn’t save child from cancer death." http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61192#post-178259 Thu, 16 May 2013 00:42:52 +0000 brianflan 178259@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ I'd like to watch the rest of Social Network...fell asleep half way through....a bottle of red may have been responsible though Wrenfoe on "Facebook man feels ‘cheated’ as his ‘like’ doesn’t save child from cancer death." http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61192#post-177747 Mon, 13 May 2013 08:09:50 +0000 Wrenfoe 177747@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ The dudes who sued Zuckerberg over the origins of the Facebook idea Watch the movie "Social Network" (it's an interesting dramatization of how Facebook started) Oxbridge on "Facebook man feels ‘cheated’ as his ‘like’ doesn’t save child from cancer death." http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61192#post-177746 Mon, 13 May 2013 08:04:37 +0000 Oxbridge 177746@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Neat. Who are the Winklevoss twins though? I feel so totally out of the zeitgeist these days... Wrenfoe on "Facebook man feels ‘cheated’ as his ‘like’ doesn’t save child from cancer death." http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61192#post-177742 Mon, 13 May 2013 07:48:19 +0000 Wrenfoe 177742@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ I enjoyed this. (It probably could have got combined with Skylarks e-petition FP for a longer article) brianflan on "Facebook man feels ‘cheated’ as his ‘like’ doesn’t save child from cancer death." http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61192#post-177741 Mon, 13 May 2013 07:45:37 +0000 brianflan 177741@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ A Taunton man felt a little deceived today when he discovered that the girl he ‘liked’ in the group ‘1 million likes for my daughter to beat cancer’, died. Mark Pye, a 48 year old road sweeper who once won ‘Taunton Road sweeper of the Year’ award said ‘I thought I was doing my bit. The child eventually got over a million ‘likes’ so she should have survived. It makes me wonder where these ‘likes’ are going, probably to administrators and bureaucrats. It’s not as though I have a ‘like’ tree growing at the bottom of my garden.' Facebook has recently come under criticism for the low success rates of ‘likes’ in campaigns such as curing terminal illness, improving the attention received by teenagers looking to improve self esteem and preventing people for paying for anything ever again. Mr Pye, obviously irate, continued ‘I feel as though my ‘like’ has been wasted and I am fed up of getting scammed. Next time I am going to ‘like’ something more worthwhile such as a video of a fat jack russell twerking.’ Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg was unavailable for comment as he is currently hiding under the Winklevoss twins’ house copying their new project. fink on "Ipad problems cause eye problems? “Aye” says Dr Steven McEie of the I.H.I" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55695#post-160942 Sun, 03 Feb 2013 09:56:22 +0000 fink 160942@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Hmm. henrygreenwood on "Ipad problems cause eye problems? “Aye” says Dr Steven McEie of the I.H.I" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55695#post-160931 Sun, 03 Feb 2013 00:18:17 +0000 henrygreenwood 160931@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Since the launch of the Apple Ipad in April 2010, over 100 million units have been sold across the world, but it has been uncovered by the I.H.I (International Health Institute) that the 'incredible quality' of the Apple designed screen is causing eye problems in many teenagers and adults. Both schools and businesses have invested heavily into the Apple corporation's revolution in technology, buying a massive bulk of sales and hence a rise in the number of cases of what is being dubbed 'Apple-eye-tus'. It is thought to be caused by an overuse of the Apple tech when the brightness is high, leading to 'stress of the eyes' and many school pupil's pupils mutating into the shape of the famous apple of Apple. Dr Steven McEie had this to say “As a doctor I have been saying for years an apple a day keeps the doctor away, but this is just taking the pip. The main problem is the screen; it's just too good, too highly defined but I believe it is down to the green and red colours on the Apple product that are causing the retina damage'. One school in Brighton discovered that blocking the eye's from artificial light for a few days solves the problem. The school then took the decision to ring the local council in order to order some more eye-pads for pupils to use, but due to the common name with the tablet, more Ipads arrived at the school resulting in even more cases. The council then told the school that due to government cut backs, it could not afford to take them back quoted saying on the phone “I'm not quite sure what apple you're on about, but you could try making cider?” It then turned out that the member of staff from the council was in fact joking. Sadly this was too late for the employee who had already been shot in order to save the costs of sacking. Apple have declined to comment until the scientific reasoning behind the eye problems are discovered. The Christian community chose not to comment either, but one Islamist group in Saudi Arabia said the Ipads were “decadent, western, material goods” that were no use to them as “the battery life was Shi'ite”. Whatever happens with this particular epidemic, we can be sure that whether it's Blackberry, Orange or Apple, technology and fruit don't mix. The_RLJ on "Olympic fever sparks new diet craze" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46588#post-134141 Thu, 09 Aug 2012 11:05:46 +0000 The_RLJ 134141@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ I hadn't heard the news about that when I posted. What are the chances? Think I may need to delete! beau-jolly on "Olympic fever sparks new diet craze" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46588#post-134132 Thu, 09 Aug 2012 10:04:13 +0000 beau-jolly 134132@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Is that the same Bob Hoskins who just announced his retirement following the diagnosis of Parkinson's disease? Did I miss something? The_RLJ on "Olympic fever sparks new diet craze" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46588#post-134075 Wed, 08 Aug 2012 23:28:04 +0000 The_RLJ 134075@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Visitors to the London Olympics have been shedding the pounds with a brand new diet – the Hoskins. Named after Hollywood legend and star of Super Mario Bros., Robert William ‘Bob’ Hoskins Jr, the diet consists chiefly of bizarrely prepared seafood, meat, pastry, gravy and potatoes, all served with a generous helping of the salt of the earth. It is rumoured that a number of stars, including Jennifer Aniston and Lady Gaga, are now starting the diet following US reports of Olympic tourists being hospitalised following dramatic weight loss. Talking about the diet, Logan Hogan, a Canadian fan of the Equestrian disciplines, said: “The results you can achieve with the Hoskins diet speak for themselves, with a non-rhotic flourish. After only a week, I’ve lost over half a stone and my hair has never looked thinner! The weight just falls out of you, from both ends, so it couldn’t be simpler. The only thing you’ll keep down is your weight.” East End food retailers are said to be delighted at the growing interest in the Hoskins Diet, after a long and steady decline in trade in recent years. Pieman Simon Ryman commented: “We’ve been scraping a living from TV crews filming rose-tinted news reports about the decline of the industry on slow news days, but that only buys you so many pearls. If they can keep the bleeding under control and the Hoskins goes global, we’ll be up to our mincers in bees, laughing all the way to the J. Arthur.” John Ffitch-Rucker on "Doctors call emergency political coup to force through 'important reforms'" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38986#post-110597 Wed, 22 Feb 2012 08:48:01 +0000 John Ffitch-Rucker 110597@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Angreens post is the funnier. dhaigh on "Doctors call emergency political coup to force through 'important reforms'" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38986#post-110569 Wed, 22 Feb 2012 00:08:30 +0000 dhaigh 110569@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Doctors’ leaders remained defiant last following criticism of their hastily-arranged ‘emergency political coup’ by MPs, as they aim to fundamentally change the way politics is performed in this country. Chair of the Royal College of GPs, Dr Clare Gerada, said, ‘Following decades of farcical expenses claims and wasteful spending on projects such as the Olympics and Trident, everyone agrees we need change. That is why we are overthrowing the government.’ Responding to reminders that when elected chair she promised an end to ‘pointless, top-down reorganisations of the government’, she said, ‘Listen. our plans will streamline the over-complicated existing system in which we have the House of Commons, the House of Lords and the Queen.’ ‘We will merge the two houses. We will then add in Government Commissioning Boards, Well-Being Boards and Political Commissioning Groups. Got it? Simple.’ ‘We will then, of course, add a regulator to ensure they all have to compete to rule the same members of public.’ Asked why there were no politicians invited to the the coup, Dr Gerada pointed out her orthopaedic colleague Mr Smythington-Rimley. ‘Rimmers was a student politician. He was on the Medical Society committee back at uni. He organised a great night out where we all dressed up as nuns, got hammered, and ended up pinching a cadaver from dissection.’ Flanked by a unit of renal cardiologists armed with nunchucks, Dr Gerada dismissed claims that the impromptu coup is a result of no doctors being invited to the Government’s summit on healthcare. ‘We’re all in this together. Andrew Lansley has given us his full support’. Squib on "Tesco to run ailing Cambridgeshire Hospital for next 10 years" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=33686#post-95584 Fri, 11 Nov 2011 13:43:42 +0000 Squib 95584@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Despite critics saying the Local Health Authority is off its trolley, the Secretary of State for Health is adamant that there are many good things are in store for Tiggleswade District Hospital, declaring that PFI has finally come of age after a six-month pilot produced £26.50 in cost savings, when ‘Every Little Helps’. The Chief Patient Liaison Officer boasts that 72.6% of visitors are utterly satisfied with the deal of free parking with a spend of over £40 at the on-site Tesco superstore. However, Rupert Smythe, a loyal Waitrose shopper, is campaigning against it on grounds of discrimination. He says ‘I’d need a much better incentive than a free parking ticket in order to slum it with basket-case chavs.’ Nobody except the previously incumbent hospital chefs seriously doubted that provision of Tesco ready meals on the wards would be unanimously welcomed by patient groups. In contrast, a trial of self-service counselling sessions delivered by on-screen animated psychiatrists generated numerous complaints about erroneous pronouncements of ‘Unexpected item in baggage area’. After two units were vandalised beyond repair by patients not previously diagnosed with aggressive tendencies, this product line was terminated. In A&E, staffing costs and waiting times have been slashed by a ‘Value’ Service for patients with minor injuries. In return for self-adminstration of treatment, Clubcard points are awarded up to a value of £50. Monitoring for systematic abuse is in place after pensioner Reg Filch famously purchased a widescreen TV and hottub using Clubcard points accumulated during 29 separate visits last month. Selected outpatient services are available via home delivery of a doctor or nurse consultation along with a weekly shop, for a fee of £20. Health service officials are investigating why evening slots for nurses are proving so popular among old men in raincoats who apparently make a miraculous recovery by the time of delivery. Unison has expressed concerns that the majority of members are unhappy about the 10-year deal, with worries of further redundancies and risk of injury during transit to outpatients in the back of a delivery van. A range of special offers is available to Primary Care Trusts. Current deals include ‘Buy One Get One Free’ on a boob job and ‘Three X-rays for the Price of Two’. Steve Wilson on "Lambeth Walk is actually Rickets claim doctors" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25278#post-90760 Fri, 14 Oct 2011 13:11:26 +0000 Steve Wilson 90760@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Thanks for all the stars and kind comments and especially to Al OPecia for setting this one running again and also to witless for adding the second one in the series. button on "Lambeth Walk is actually Rickets claim doctors" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25278#post-90759 Fri, 14 Oct 2011 13:09:43 +0000 button 90759@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Cor blimey gov I missed this as well. charlies_hat on "Lambeth Walk is actually Rickets claim doctors" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25278#post-90744 Fri, 14 Oct 2011 11:55:05 +0000 charlies_hat 90744@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Should have made a ticker 1st time around..... Qoxiivi on "Lambeth Walk is actually Rickets claim doctors" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25278#post-90724 Fri, 14 Oct 2011 10:10:29 +0000 Qoxiivi 90724@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Love it.