http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=gordon-brown The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sat, 25 May 2013 21:39:29 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48812#post-140798 Fri, 28 Sep 2012 21:19:47 +0000 waylandsmithy 140798@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I wonder if he sat on his blind side? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48812#post-140795 Fri, 28 Sep 2012 20:46:08 +0000 Squudge 140795@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/gordon-brown/9571894/Gordon-Brown-cancels-a-UN-press-conference-after-just-one-reporter-turns-up.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/gordon-brown/9571894/Gordon-Brown-cancels-a-UN-press-conference-after-just-one-reporter-turns-up.html</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47569#post-137454 Mon, 10 Sep 2012 06:36:53 +0000 Squudge 137454@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>timing is everything - should have subbed this today, with a nice pic of a wheelchair rugby competitor turned turtle - with Nick Clegg's sad face.</p> <p>Red got one of those? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47569#post-136562 Fri, 31 Aug 2012 21:01:30 +0000 Squudge 136562@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>couldn't quite stretch this to dub participants 'Pareletic'</p> <p>...I'll get my coat </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47569#post-136558 Fri, 31 Aug 2012 20:54:28 +0000 deskpilot3 136558@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lib Dems demand handicapping system for next election. (Main handicap is that broken promise on student fees.....) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47569#post-136525 Fri, 31 Aug 2012 16:23:53 +0000 Squudge 136525@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In the wake of the inspirational Paralympics, Nick Clegg has called for a 'Parelection' following the next General Election, to provide a level playing field for politicians of all abilities.</p> <p>"It isn't fair that the same big parties win everything", Clegg said, with a sad face.</p> <p>Vince cable has begun training in anticipation, and is already tipped to win gold in the 'toe-curling dance' event. Nigel Farage however, is expecting stiff competition in his favoured event, the tosspot dressage.</p> <p>Dame Tanni-Grey Thompson is currently unavailable for comment, after reportedly rejecting Clegg's offer to be a 'champion' for the Parelection. A spokesman from LOCOG is quoted as telling Clegg that "no Paralympic athlete will ever be as lame as any of your lot".</p> <p>The BBC have already vowed to ban broadcast of the defiant anthem 'Drasticus Economicus' (penned by Gordon Brown and George Osborne, disadvantaged politicians from mainstream parties), as being 'too close to the bone'.</p> <p>The proposed Parelection logo has already caused some unease for "looking a bit too much like Bart and Lisa Simpson bribing one another". </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14651#post-39649 Tue, 26 Oct 2010 19:23:16 +0000 dogwheels 39649@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The government has raised the UK threat level to 'Severe' after scientists found conclusive evidence that the days are becoming shorter.</p> <p>The new threat level means the security services believe the UK is in immediate danger.</p> <p>Prime Minister David Cameron told journalists at an unscheduled Downing Street press conference: "Our top boffins checked their watches when the sun went down yesterday and again today.</p> <p>"They have concluded that it is now getting darker earlier and earlier each day - clearly something is wrong and the nights are drawing in at an alarming rate."</p> <p>The Prime Minister continued: "I know some of you religious types will be running around and screaming that it's the end of the world.</p> <p>"Well, I don't want to alarm you but it's looking as if this may well be the case."</p> <p>Further scientific research will now be carried out to learn more about this phenomenon.</p> <p>It's understood a team of researchers has been sent to America to try and establish if the US is facing the same threat.</p> <p>Professor Ian Creep, who has so far led the research, said: "Nobody seems to remember the exact point things started to change - one day we all came out of the office and it was dark really early.</p> <p>"We were freaked out, to say the least."</p> <p>"This really couldn't have happened at a worse time of year; just before Christmas."</p> <p>The source of this latest threat to British lives is unknown but Mr Cameron said MI5 had intelligence to suggest that both terrorists and the recession were the cause.</p> <p>He added: "I blame Gordon Brown, personally. His liberal attitude to law and order has brought this apocalyptic threat to our doors." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=13868#post-37604 Mon, 11 Oct 2010 16:20:20 +0000 custard cream 37604@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The bidding war for Liverpool FC took another unexpected turn today, when chairman Martin Broughton announced a rival bid from a new consortium. "I am pleased to say that a three man consortium called the Sure Fire Bankers has formally made a bid to rival the one we are already considering from the New England Sports Venture group", said Mr Broughton. Although initially reluctant to provide further details about the new bidders, Mr Broughton eventually named the trio as Mr Jerome Kerviel, who until recently held a top job at the French bank Societe Generale, Mr Nick Leeson, formerly a highly regarded currency and securities trader at Barings Bank and Mr Gordon Brown, former Prime Minister and Chancellor, credited for ending the 'boom and bust' economic cycle in the UK economy. "I am pleased we are attracting this level of interest", said Mr Broughton, "With backers such as this, the future of Liverpool football club is in safe hands." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=13867#post-37603 Mon, 11 Oct 2010 16:19:49 +0000 custard cream 37603@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The bidding war for Liverpool FC took another unexpected turn today, when chairman Martin Broughton announced a rival bid from a new consortium. "I am pleased to say that a three man consortium called the Sure Fire Bankers has formally made a bid to rival the one we are already considering from the New England Sports Venture group", said Mr Broughton. Although initially reluctant to provide further details about the new bidders, Mr Broughton eventually named the trio as Mr Jerome Kerviel, who until recently held a top job at the French bank Societe Generale, Mr Nick Leeson, formerly a highly regarded currency and securities trader at Barings Bank and Mr Gordon Brown, former Prime Minister and Chancellor, credited for ending the 'boom and bust' economic cycle in the UK economy. "I am pleased we are attracting this level of interest", said Mr Broughton, "With backers such as this, the future of Liverpool football club is in safe hands." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=617#post-15984 Mon, 07 Jun 2010 09:48:06 +0000 virtuallywill 15984@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>They are still being held, but it is no longer news. Sign of the times when a topical news story has an out of date Prime Minister. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4406#post-12526 Thu, 13 May 2010 20:13:01 +0000 Quaz 12526@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Liked this. I like to think that Brown read it and is now thinking "Oh sh*t, I really didn't clear the browser history!" </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4406#post-12459 Thu, 13 May 2010 15:15:46 +0000 Jimmy 12459@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Downing Street sources today have revealed that before hurriedly leaving Number 10, former Prime Minister Gordon Brown had forgotten to clear his Internet Explorer browser cache, leaving successor David Cameron access to his history, saved passwords, favourites, and default form entries.</p> <p>Brown's omission granted also Cameron access to his Hotmail and Twitter accounts. A sweaty, anxious Brown subsequently gathered reporters to issue the following statement: 'Please ignore all messages from me. I do NOT have a tiny penis. If anyone, it is Mr Cameron, who has the tiny penis.'</p> <p>He has also received numerous copies of Caddyshack on DVD, delivered by Amazon.co.uk to his North Queensferry residence. A bemused Brown told reporters 'but I don't even play golf'.</p> <p>The story escalated when an anonymous source leaked the browser's history contents onto the internet. Having sifted through the data, Brown's internet movements during his last few days in office reveal an interesting portrait of the man.</p> <p>Most notably, on the Friday after the election Brown made numerous repeated visits to the wikipedia entries for 'Alternative Vote' and 'Proportional Representation', and proposed the question 'Who would you rather, Gordon or Tony?' on Yahoo Answers. Immediately after announcing his intention to resign on Monday he spent several hours editing his own wikipedia entry, before vandalising David Cameron's, adding 'Dave was made to look silly-bum-biddies compared to Gordon Brown in the general elecetion (sic) leader's debates.'</p> <p>On Saturday he watched half of an episode of 'Dragons Den' on BBC iPlayer, and then spent the rest of the afternoon googling terms such as 'how to start a business' and 'tennis shoe business scotland' giving an impression as to what his plans are next. It also appears Brown is a fan of internet sensation Susan Boyle, and a member of her mailing list.</p> <p>Sources revealed that although he searched hard, Cameron could not find any pornography on the Windows XP based machine. Brown retorted 'Ha, silly Dave, every Scotsman knows to hide all his videos in a folder named Rugby Clips, to hide them from the misses.' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4406#post-12455 Thu, 13 May 2010 15:05:09 +0000 Jimmy 12455@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hi, thanks guys, useful pointers; I've just had another stab at restructuring, posted below.</p> <p>As for pairing George with Ask Jeeves... very good! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4406#post-12437 Thu, 13 May 2010 13:54:14 +0000 Skylarking 12437@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Oh dear this is turning into a love-in isn't it? I laughed out loud when I read the headline. A great start! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4406#post-12417 Thu, 13 May 2010 12:51:09 +0000 editor 12417@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent first sub Jimmy and a likely front page. I would get straight to the most embarrassing stuff - (internet readers are not very patient) and save the cleverer bits for those who have stayed with it. Also just note the house style of NewsBiscuit (headline sentance case, single quote marks etc). Why don't you have one more pass at it incorporating the suggestions you agreed with and then post it again below. (There is a time limit to edit your initial subs)</p> <p>But great stuff and welcome to the site! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4406#post-12390 Thu, 13 May 2010 11:07:42 +0000 Genghis Cohen 12390@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lovely idea, and agree with the others.</p> <p>I'd lose the second para, and maybe you could finish up with civil servants discovering the favourites and browsing history of Cameron and Osborne. George could have asked Jeeves how to save £160bn, and maybe Cameron was searching for tips on getting to first base on your second date. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4406#post-12376 Thu, 13 May 2010 09:32:52 +0000 Mrblacker 12376@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Agreed - a worthy start and I'd have to agree with Zadok - bump the jokes to the first third and it's a winner.</p> <p>By the way - welcome along </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4406#post-12370 Thu, 13 May 2010 09:14:14 +0000 Zadok the second 12370@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Morning Jimmy, lovely sub. Maybe a tad too long in my humblest, with some of the best jokes in the second half, but a neat idea, and plenty of scope for pictures. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4406#post-12308 Wed, 12 May 2010 23:08:55 +0000 AlistairBurns 12308@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Great angle to start with and really funny execution. But I'm brand new to this site as well, so what do I know?</p> <p>"Most notably, on the Friday after the election Brown made numerous repeated visits to the wikipedia entries for 'Alternative Vote' and 'Proportional Representation'." Great gag! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4406#post-12292 Wed, 12 May 2010 21:20:21 +0000 Jimmy 12292@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hi there, first post to this site. Any feedback, suggestions, gags or edits more than welcome. Cheers. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4406#post-12291 Wed, 12 May 2010 21:16:42 +0000 Jimmy 12291@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>London: Downing Street sources today have revealed that before leaving Number 10, former Prime Minister Gordon Brown had forgotten to clear the browser cache on his Internet Explorer 7 application, leaving successor David Cameron access to his history, saved passwords, favourites, and default form entries. </p> <p>Upon discovery of Brown's omission, an excited Cameron immediately called his best friend and new next-door neighbour, Chancellor George Osborne, into his office and the two browsed through the computer's contents whilst “giggling loudly”, insiders reported. Nick Clegg was reportedly not called to examine the contents of the computer, to which he was markedly disappointed, and walked around huffing for a while until a senior civil servant told Cameron to let Clegg in. </p> <p>The story escalated when an anonymous source leaked the history contents onto the internet. Having sifted through the data, Brown's internet movements during his last few days in office reveal an interesting portrait of the man.</p> <p>Most notably, on the Friday after the election Brown made numerous repeated visits to the wikipedia entries for 'Alternative Vote' and 'Proportional Representation'. Immediately after announcing his intention to resign on Monday he spent several hours editing his own wikipedia entry.</p> <p>We can also reveal that Brown spent two hours on Friday night after the election browsing the website HotOrNot.com, rating the attractiveness of various females, presumably to console himself after his defeat. He then went on to visit Chatroulette.com, but left the site within seconds.</p> <p>On Saturday he watched half of an episode of 'Dragons Den' on BBC iPlayer, and then spent the rest of the afternoon googling terms such as “how to start a business” and “tennis shoe business scotland” giving an impression as to what his plans are next.</p> <p>The saved browser passwords also granted Cameron and Osborne access to Brown's Hotmail and Twitter accounts. Brown subsequently felt compelled to issue the following press statement: “Please ignore all messages from me. I do NOT have a tiny penis.”</p> <p>Though they tried hard, apparently Cameron and Osborne could not find any pornography on the Windows XP based machine. At the time of going to press, the two naughty boys are currently getting ready for bed and therefore couldn't be reached for comment. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4295#post-12240 Wed, 12 May 2010 15:35:46 +0000 FormerlyAlOPecia 12240@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Stanley Baldwin leading in YouGov Poll </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4295#post-12040 Tue, 11 May 2010 18:29:23 +0000 sailingoxford 12040@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Voters in Britain may still be waiting for an election result, but on Thursday voters on the Isle of Wight could finally give the country an answer. </p> <p>Since a serious error involving postal votes at Osborne House in the late 19th Century, elections in the Isle of Wight have been held one week later than the rest of the United Kingdom. With only 649 seats out of 650 counted so far, and a hung parliament in Westminster, the result could be crucial. </p> <p>The Party Leaders are expected to visit the Isle of Wight shortly in a last-ditch attempt to secure the final seat in Parliament. Conservative Leader David Cameron is planning to visit the yachting capital of Cowes jointly with Liberal Democrat Leader Nick Clegg, whilst former Labour Leader Gordon Brown is expected shortly in an old people’s home in Shanklin, accompanied by leadership contender David Miliband. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4120#post-11739 Mon, 10 May 2010 11:18:47 +0000 virtuallywill 11739@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Darling to come out of the err.....cabinet </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4111#post-11618 Sun, 09 May 2010 14:30:33 +0000 Duff 11618@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hmmmmm.</p> <p>Oops! I have just spotted Lucidity's earlier headline on the same topic. I honestly didn't see it, not unless I wrote my sub after some kind of subliminal influence.</p> <p>Bollocks!! This place can be a minefield it would appear. </p> <p>No intention to nick. Honest squire. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4120#post-11611 Sun, 09 May 2010 13:42:45 +0000 virtuallywill 11611@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><img src="http://redshoesllc.typepad.com/my_weblog/images/2007/09/17/brown_dotty_cabinet.jpg"> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4111#post-11581 Sun, 09 May 2010 11:10:19 +0000 Duff 11581@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>An eighties children's TV show is set to make an amazing entry into the political arena, following the stalemate in the wake of the General Election. Lame-duck PM, Gordon Brown, has been reported as wishing to attempt to prop up his failing administration in a so-called Rainbow Coalition.</p> <p>The plan has seen mandarins in Whitehall thrown into complete panic as they try to establish whether there is anything within the constitution to allow such a move. Sir William Tomkins, a constitutional expert said last night. "Mr Brown has certainly thrown the cat among the pigeons with this move. I feel certain that it wouldn't be allowed, but up to this point we are unable to find anything that says he actually can't attempt to do it."</p> <p>Yesterday evening the press-pack and world media were treated to the rather odd sight of Geoffrey, Zippy, George and Bungle alighting from a limousine outside Number 10 to meet the PM, for what Downing St described as "Informal Discussions." It's understood that the four will return later today to continue the talks with a joint statement expected by 7.00PM this evening.</p> <p>Meanwhile all eyes will be on the City when the Stock Exchange opens tomorrow to see if Mr Brown's last-ditch, and some say increasingly desperate plan, will instill any confidence in the markets. None of the Rainbow stars has any previous track-record in fiscal stewardship and money analysts see the plan as a long shot with little or no chance of success. </p> <p>A source close to Geoffrey said that he was shocked to be playing such a pivotal role in the nation's future, but that he was delighted to be back in the spotlight and would not shirk from doing his duty for the country. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4063#post-11532 Sat, 08 May 2010 17:12:23 +0000 Ostsee 11532@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Angela Rippon as Minister for Dancing. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4063#post-11529 Sat, 08 May 2010 16:54:08 +0000 Ludicity 11529@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks people. Most lovely of you.</p> <p>The opportunities for Fantasy Political Football League are endless - maybe we need a new section.</p> <p>I guess Jonathan Dimbleby would end up running his own smaller government on Radio 4 although people would endlessly confuse them. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4063#post-11519 Sat, 08 May 2010 16:22:47 +0000 Ostsee 11519@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Arnold Schwartzeneger Minister for Gay Rights. </p>