http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=glenn-beck The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 19 May 2013 03:19:35 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25883#post-70418 Wed, 01 Jun 2011 11:19:02 +0000 pinxit 70418@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yup. *****</p> <p>( '...after he cut the wrong wire and his hair flew off' - comedy gold.) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25883#post-70411 Wed, 01 Jun 2011 10:48:02 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 70411@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Very good. 5* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25883#post-70406 Wed, 01 Jun 2011 10:38:59 +0000 Ludicity 70406@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The much-heralded Sarah Palin One Nation Bus Tour has been given an added level of excitement after it was revealed that there is a bomb on board that will detonate if she takes her foot off the pedal. </p> <p>It is unclear who planted the bomb although it may have been the work of a crazed Dennis Hopper fan, or a desperate attempt by Keanu Reeves to find work. </p> <p>The former vice-presidential candidate was first alerted to the danger when Fox News presenter Glenn Beck pulled up alongside the bus waving and screaming like a madman. ‘At first we thought it was just Glenn being Glenn,’ said Palin, ‘but it turns out he was trying to warn us.’</p> <p>Beck has so far done everything he can to help save Palin by clambering on and off her bus while wildly flapping his arms about. However, this was to no avail as a visibly panicked Palin performed a number of extreme manoeuvres, veering wildly to the right and totally out of control. </p> <p>Meanwhile, an attempt by Donald Trump to get under the bus and defuse the bomb had to be abandoned after he cut the wrong wire and his hair flew off. </p> <p>Despite the setback Palin has vowed to carry on with the tour. ‘The bomb will inevitably change the campaign,’ admitted a Palin aide, ‘but so far everyone seems delighted that she is speeding through their town without stopping. If anything it might help.’ </p> <p>The tour will travel the East coast of America, allowing Palin to visit a number of ‘patriotic’ sites, although for the sake of security she will only be allowed to do so at very high speed, shouting out of the window as she goes by. </p> <p>The bus will then accelerate along an unfinished highway before attempting to jump a massive credibility gap. Palin is then expected to finish the tour driving around in circles, hotly pursued by a convoy of reporters in a high-speed media merry-go-round.</p> <p>President Obama has already dispatched a SWAT team to help rescue Palin. 'Although we have our political differences I cannot stand by and allow Mrs Palin to be blown up,’ he said, ‘her running for President is my best hope of winning.’ </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=880#post-2253 Sat, 13 Mar 2010 18:44:03 +0000 rfreed 2253@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The Republican Party in conjunction with FOX News is celebrating their collaborative publishing effort, a new book called 'Everything We Need To Know About Politics We Learned In Kindergarten'. Its publication has started such a buying frenzy among their constituents who can read that it rivals the success had by the coming out of Sarah Palin's 'Going Rogue'. The pundits of both groups are partying like its 1899.<br /> Select chapters from the book include:<br /> 101 Seemingly Innocent Ways to Get People's Attention And Keep It.<br /> Playground Power Techniques- How To Use Muscle And Mouth In Ways That The Teacher Doesn't Notice.<br /> How To So Bamboozle People That You Can Make Them Think That Dirty Diapers Are Really Clean.<br /> Using Fibs To Play With People's Heads.<br /> How to Whine Without Seeming Like Whining.<br /> Learning To Inflict Guilt To Get What You Want.<br /> How To Hold Your Breath Until You Get Your Way.<br /> Special Glenn Beck Section:<br /> The Value Of Tears In Gaining Sympathy.<br /> The Fine Art Of Putting Down People To Make You Look Smart.<br /> Acting Cute WILL Get You Somewhere!<br /> Special Ann Coulter Section:<br /> Gaining Prestige By Making Someone Else Look Bad So That You Look Good.<br /> How To Make Tirades And Tantrums Look Like Educated, Intelligent Discourse.<br /> Being A True Bitch Can Be Profitable.<br /> The Repubs claim that using the insights given in this book will give one the talent to take control and move into the power zone in any American societal or political environment that one finds oneself. The methods needed to keep that power are laid out in a book put out by the same publisher called 'The Prince- Part II' by selected senior conservative correspondents with references to Machiavelli. The new Prince refreshes ideas presented in the original giving them a modern tone. All proceeds from both books will be used to build Ceasarian palaces on a Saddam-like scale for the leaders of the Republican Party who will be taking over in 2012.<br /> Breaking News!!!- Roger Fulghum, author of the bestseller Everything I Needed To Know About Life I Learned From Kindergarten.' is suing the conservatives for stealing ideas from his book, including the concept. Mr. Fulghum is currently at work on a new volume entitled 'I Wish To Hell They Had Taught Me Something About The Legal Business in Kindergarten'. </p>