http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=fuck-off The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 19 May 2013 04:19:04 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56747#post-164189 Thu, 21 Feb 2013 23:34:35 +0000 Truebiscuit 164189@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>So good it crashed the fucking site. Fucking hell, what a piss-funny bit of hist-o-bollocking-larity. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56747#post-164179 Thu, 21 Feb 2013 19:00:21 +0000 Truebiscuit 164179@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Fucking brilliant work Truebiscuit, another belter. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55838#post-161241 Tue, 05 Feb 2013 11:58:24 +0000 Roger De Logerey 161241@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>John O Farrell founder of Newsbiscuit says Newsbiscuit has been such a sucsess that hes decided to reveal himself as the new Jesus to all his Newsbiscuit followers as in his words he said "they need me".Holy John or as he now calls himself Li Hongzi gave this facinating interview this morning from his Chapham home,deep inside his underground bunker hes had built in his back garden.<br /> Li Hongzi what is it about you that makes you think your the new Messiah?<br /> Ive know for a long time Im special,ever since I was a small boy,then I started practicing Falum Gong,then I knew,I knew I was God.<br /> I see Falum Gong what is Falum Gong?<br /> Falum Gong is basicaly Falum Gong you have to experience Falum Gong to realy,you cant explain it,but its given me supernormal powers through its cutivation and practice.<br /> What kind of powers?<br /> Levitation<br /> Levitation you cant realy expect us to believe you can levitate.<br /> Why not David Copperfield can.<br /> Whats your message for the people John now your special<br /> My message is aliens.<br /> Aliens?<br /> Yes aliens,they want to take over the world,their here now...their everywhere.<br /> Are you from earth Li Hongzi?<br /> I dont wish to talk about myself....people wouldnt understand......they might think Im insane or something.<br /> Tell us more about aliens.<br /> They wont to take over the world,they introduced modern machinery like airplanes and computers and space hoppers,becouse they new wed use them to kill ourselfs.Cloning they wont to enter human form through cloning,once cloning sucsessfull were finished.<br /> You mean aliens will take the oppontunity to enter human form through clones?<br /> Yes yes then once their in human form their infriltrate Parliment and bring a legistration to make everyone stop having sex then well be finished.<br /> You say they are her already what do they look like?<br /> You dont want thoughts like that in your head.<br /> Oh go on,I can handle it.<br /> Ok if your sure,some look like us but their not quite right,ugly with funny shaped heads,Jeremy Clarkson hes one of em.<br /> Any other messages for your followers?<br /> Yes practice Falum Gong until you get complete Buddha Foo and the mighty ding mingin,its better than Tao,and soon you will reach Nivana and become a enlightened being like me.Buy all my books,buy lots of them and give em to your friends. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55504#post-160513 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 02:21:15 +0000 Quaz 160513@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>And our next caller is Eddie from Dunstable.</p> <p>Well J, it's certainly a sign of the short commings of crumbly cheese and coleslaw. I mean Wendsleydale? It's not so much a cheese as curds and rennet in a lose alliance, much like the government. As for ham and mayonnaise, you need to put it in the microwave on reheat for a few seconds until it is at body temperature and feels more like the real thing before you...</p> <p>Ok, next caller. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55504#post-160491 Wed, 30 Jan 2013 22:52:11 +0000 J Vine 160491@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Our subject for today's phone in: "eating ham and coleslaw sandwiches naked in front of the mirror, masturbating to climax whilst watching PMQ", an everyday habit, or sign of our crumbling society? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55504#post-160483 Wed, 30 Jan 2013 22:37:59 +0000 Squudge 160483@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>nope - it was a little posh, so I got ...fuck orf </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55504#post-160449 Wed, 30 Jan 2013 18:28:30 +0000 Sinnick 160449@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I think he said "Will you shut up"; didn't look quite right for "will you fuck off". Let's hope someone here is practised at lip-reading. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55504#post-160447 Wed, 30 Jan 2013 17:22:48 +0000 dvo4fun 160447@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I was watching it live whilst eating a ham &amp; coleslaw sandwich &amp; had to spend an hour this afternoon cleaning the spray off the mirror. </p> <p>Better get John Terry to make a judgement there though; just to be sure </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55504#post-160436 Wed, 30 Jan 2013 15:41:15 +0000 Rizzo 160436@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5v2vPsxwKXE&amp;list=HL1359550839&amp;feature=mh_lolz" rel="nofollow">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5v2vPsxwKXE&amp;list=HL1359550839&amp;feature=mh_lolz</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54684#post-157914 Tue, 15 Jan 2013 14:59:55 +0000 Ironduke 157914@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Two penn'orth of what he's been dipped in please, and call my mum. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54684#post-157907 Tue, 15 Jan 2013 14:23:53 +0000 Dick Everyman 157907@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>If the cap fits...</p> <p>Not my star by the way, I gave you minus 5 for the poetry. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54685#post-157905 Tue, 15 Jan 2013 14:12:09 +0000 dvo4fun 157905@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Well, there's a lot to be said for consistency. Not my star either </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54685#post-157894 Tue, 15 Jan 2013 13:14:24 +0000 beau-jolly 157894@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It does put one in mind of Hemmingway but only just before he vomits up a bucket of Daquaries </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54685#post-157892 Tue, 15 Jan 2013 12:47:51 +0000 Dick Everyman 157892@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Another gem. I love your stream of unconsciousness approach...</p> <p>Not my star by the way - I gave you minus 5 for Lesley's sex change half way through.. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54685#post-157888 Tue, 15 Jan 2013 12:26:15 +0000 Thubs Swirlim 157888@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I was lying back in bed Lesley was smoking a extra long Silk cut I had my pipe,Lesley always loved a smoke after wed made love,i settled for my pipe,i knew it annoyed Lesley,me with my pipe,especiely when I hit her with it,thats why she made love in a crash helmet and body armour.always the same "why John why do you have to hit me with that dam pipe after weve made love?"I was always sorry after Id hit Lesley with the pipe,drain pipe it was,carried everywhere,couldnt sleep without it."Your nothing but a cheap slut I told Lesley thats why?"I picked Lesley up from the local building site after Id seen him laying bricks,his tash,his broken nose,the smell of cheap labourer sweat,they all did it for me,I had to have him,but now I felt dirty.Dirty another guy Id met,a small town soap dodger from Bristol with a liking for being felt,these were the kinds of lovers I picked up for cheap frills and kicks."Come on then come and try to take me" I said enraged swinging my pipe,standing on the bed,"come on ya bastards I said or are you frightened eh eh is that what you are? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54684#post-157883 Tue, 15 Jan 2013 12:08:25 +0000 Thubs Swirlim 157883@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"Land ahoy sir",cried sailor Fred,"bring her about keal Fred make fast the grog for the boys",said I.It had been a long trip,wed been in the bath for over an hour,but finally wed made it,a hat of newspaper.Now I had my hat I could finaly work on my poems,nothing could be done without that hat,my sea hat,a hat made for a head,a poets hat,a hat that would make me a genius.<br /> Flowers flowers to for a penny<br /> Jam and fish to for a dime<br /> Henry and Bertie their love was so true<br /> Who what or where........nobody new.<br /> See see what can be accumplished when you have a paper hat?I can do anything now I have this hat on,why I could rule the world. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41192&page=2#post-117677 Sat, 07 Apr 2012 18:27:00 +0000 bonjonelson 117677@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>This Bittern's got talons</p> <p><img src="http://www.birdguides.com/Assets/BGL/Data/species/020059/020059a001_j2.jpg"> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41192&page=2#post-117573 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 19:42:59 +0000 GollieP 117573@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The new OllieP and GollieP </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41192&page=2#post-117568 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 19:36:42 +0000 JonnyJP 117568@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The new Torville and Dean </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41192&page=2#post-117528 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 14:27:39 +0000 bonjonelson 117528@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>the new Cease and Desist? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41192&page=2#post-117527 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 14:24:20 +0000 The All New Jeni B 117527@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>More like the new Black and Decker. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41192&page=2#post-117521 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 12:20:23 +0000 bonjonelson 117521@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Wayland and VCG are clearly the new Ant and Dec </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41192&page=2#post-117520 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 11:44:55 +0000 JonnyJP 117520@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Reminds me of a cartoon in Viz: Britton's got Tarrant. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41192#post-117519 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 10:52:57 +0000 weematt 117519@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You should move this to the chat room </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41192#post-117517 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 10:49:20 +0000 dvo4fun 117517@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You four should choose two representatives to get round a table and sort this out. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41192#post-117511 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 09:23:06 +0000 JohnA 117511@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>This is a spectacularly poor effort. 5* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41192#post-117477 Thu, 05 Apr 2012 23:33:21 +0000 bonjonelson 117477@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You're both just jealous of my fine FP. Go to bed. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41192#post-117476 Thu, 05 Apr 2012 23:32:21 +0000 dvo4fun 117476@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Stand clear ... depo injection dart ...fire! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41192#post-117475 Thu, 05 Apr 2012 23:14:39 +0000 camford 117475@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Bumpity bump. This stuff really is toppers. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41192#post-117474 Thu, 05 Apr 2012 23:10:55 +0000 redbrick 117474@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Up you go! Haven't laughed so much in ages! </p>