http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=fat The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Fri, 24 May 2013 05:48:54 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48333#post-139200 Thu, 20 Sep 2012 16:10:13 +0000 rikkor 139200@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>May we crucify you upside down? Or maybe on a St. Andrew's cross? (Why was he so cross anyway?) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48333#post-139181 Thu, 20 Sep 2012 15:39:16 +0000 Anonymous 139181@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It was messy, they were sweating plus the two daughters and the mother were wearing leggings - that in itself was messy enough.</p> <p>The whole thing was drawn out, their 100 yard dash took them 4 minutes to complete.</p> <p>They were gingers to. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48333#post-139122 Thu, 20 Sep 2012 06:53:53 +0000 Backup Brian 139122@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I can see the joke, bit but its all a bit drawn out and messy. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48333#post-139117 Thu, 20 Sep 2012 04:01:06 +0000 Anonymous 139117@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Okay, based on this story <a href="http://www.theonion.com/articles/everyone-at-airport-delighted-by-chubby-family-rap,29616/?ref=auto" rel="nofollow">http://www.theonion.com/articles/everyone-at-airport-delighted-by-chubby-family-rap,29616/?ref=auto</a> from the Onion but modified, adapted for a British audience, without the canned laughter and with the obligatory use of the word "cunt." </p> <p>Go on...crucify me. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48333#post-139116 Thu, 20 Sep 2012 03:56:21 +0000 Anonymous 139116@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Day-trippers to Blackpool were yesterday still laughing out loud after recounting the hilarious sight of a family of four obese visitors from Glasgow desperately shuffling in vain to board a tram bound for the Pleasure Beach from outside the North Pier. </p> <p>Holiday makers watched aghast as the overweight quartet frantically began to "fat man jog" (a combination of walking while waving ones hands manically in the air, pausing for breath, with hands on hip, then walking again) towards a stationary tram screaming "hang on, wait for us you Sassanach bastard!" </p> <p>"It was simply delightful" said Brenda Grimson of Warrington "the mother was desperately hanging on to her bag of chips with one hand and her can of Tennants Extra Strength Lager in the other, she was huffing and puffing like a bull on heat and sweating like a complete twat." </p> <p>Another witness commented "they were all wearing Celtic shirts and it was obvious that the tram driver was oblivious to their screams of 'wait a fooking minute ya cunt'...what I didn't understand though was the eldest daughter stopping to light up a cigarette before she carried on waddling towards the tram stop. It was blooming funny."</p> <p>After failing to reach the tram before it departed the lardy group collapsed in a heap before being informed by a watching ice cream seller that they were actually "running" in the wrong direction and that the tram they had failed to catch was actually headed to Fleetwood and Southbound trams ran on the adjacent track.</p> <p>"It was priceless to see their ruddy pig like faces watch in horror as a Southbound tram departed from the other track moments after they realized they were on the wrong side" chuckled Stan Tipps, a factory worker from Slough "it really made my day." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30915#post-87204 Sat, 24 Sep 2011 15:55:29 +0000 tvhack 87204@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Rickewestwell, I only joined this website yesterday and have been blissfully unaware of your work until two minutes ago. Sorry if you used the phrase before, but it sprang into my mind independently from you, strange as that may seem. But if any book of quotations wants to use it, I'll happily cede that you got there first. Cheers. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30915#post-87188 Sat, 24 Sep 2011 12:46:44 +0000 rickwestwell 87188@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"Time bomb waiting to happen", eh? Hmm.</p> <p><a href="http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=18094#post-48648">Time bomb waiting to happen</a></p> <p>Co-inky-dinky. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30915#post-87185 Sat, 24 Sep 2011 12:27:00 +0000 tvhack 87185@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>IMHO, you're probably right. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30915#post-87154 Sat, 24 Sep 2011 09:02:23 +0000 writinginbsl 87154@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>funny<br /> lots of stars</p> <p>but could better if be written in a more detatched way IMHO </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30915#post-87105 Fri, 23 Sep 2011 23:04:07 +0000 Screenie 87105@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Oh, and by 50% do you mean the top half or the bottom? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30915#post-87104 Fri, 23 Sep 2011 23:02:59 +0000 Screenie 87104@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'Advanced forms of modern guesswork'. Stars for that. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30915#post-87102 Fri, 23 Sep 2011 22:51:25 +0000 dvo4fun 87102@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>This one had me chuckling and wobbling from start to finish. Have some high-fat stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30916#post-87094 Fri, 23 Sep 2011 21:52:55 +0000 Golgo14 87094@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Doesn't do it for me. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30915#post-87086 Fri, 23 Sep 2011 20:24:54 +0000 FlashArry 87086@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The combination of perky breasts and lego was always going to be a winner for me - 5* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30916#post-87084 Fri, 23 Sep 2011 19:05:59 +0000 Stephen Norman 87084@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>World economists were left red-faced today following the publication of a New York Post investigation that reveals the true cause of the 2007 financial crash.</p> <p>According to the 200 page document, the blame has been wrongly placed at the feet of the world’s financial institutions and at the widely publicized housing market problems. Instead, the New York Post’s crack team have revealed that “fat people ate the money”.</p> <p>According to the investigation, 2006 saw the American and English obesity epidemic spiral out of control as overweight individuals became lazier and lazier in their preparation of food. Even take-away outlets began to suffer as picking up the phone to order had apparently become “too much effort”.</p> <p>It wasn’t long before the inevitable happened and they began to eat their own money. FBI agent Roger Cole remembers the moment his organisation realised what was going on, “It was late 2006 and we were hearing rumblings of the economy being in trouble, we were getting panicked reports from bankers all over the US who couldn’t understand where the money had gone. Then the breakthrough came, my colleague Agent Foster and I were taking a break in a coffee shop when I noticed a blimp-like gentleman across the room eating what first appeared to be potato chips, on closer inspection they were one dollar notes. After that day the reports started to tumble in, ‘chunky eating coins like mintos’, ‘fatso eating credit cards as a cracker substitute’, it was all happening.”</p> <p>“We knew we had to act fast, so we did the only sensible thing. We moved the world’s population of fat people to a mountain prison in the hills of Morocco”. </p> <p>With the fat people out the way, and with FBI agents covering for their absence in fat suits, the world’s economy began to recover. That is until the decision was made last month to close the Moroccan prison and release the fatties. With the chubsters back, the world now faces the threat of a double dip recession as it remains to be seen if the world’s governments can find a more permanent solution to the money munchies. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30915#post-87083 Fri, 23 Sep 2011 19:00:42 +0000 tvhack 87083@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"It's a plastic time bomb waiting to happen," - not the words of a shrieking 24-hour rolling-news-harpie with a spray-tanned botoxed face and perky 'look-at-me' silicon breasts barely constrained by crisp white blouse, but the sober conclusion of an academically-respected institution that eats life and shits facts. Swaffham University, long recognised as the leading research institution in the country specialising in the study of children's plastic figures, has published the findings of a 5-year study into the changing shape of Lego characters. Their conclusion, based on computer modelling and the most advanced forms of modern guesswork, predicts that half of the all Lego figures will suffer from 'Legobesity' by the year 2030. It means a generation of fat pirates, rotund construction workers, and a set of Stars figures that will require an Extra Large in Death Stars, Tie Fighters and Jedi Knight Robes. </p> <p>Its thought that the problem may be caused by exposure to human beings. 'Lego characters are merely a representation of the human form in plastic. It's no surprise that they are adapting to reflect the fact that we are becoming huge waddling bags of undifferentiated saturated fat,' says the report.</p> <p>The problem was first noted in 'Weebles', which tended to wobble but not fall down. However, in subsequent years, it has emerged among other plastic figures in the Sylvanian community, the Action man range and Katie Price.</p> <p>It's understood that the research group will turn their attention next to premature hair-loss among gonks. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25430#post-69079 Sun, 22 May 2011 14:43:54 +0000 mbalton 69079@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>McDonald’s stockholders have voted down a recommendation that the company stop marketing its products to children to counter the growing obesity epidemic among the world's youth.</p> <p>The plan called for the retirement of Ronald McDonald and would have required the removal of toys from the company’s Happy Meals. It was rejected by every McDonald’s stockholder except one, the Hamburgler, who reportedly does not like children.</p> <p>“Rather than restrict the popular Happy Meals concept, we’re going to expand upon it,” a McDonald’s spokesman said. “The new idea is to create Happy Meals for children of all ages.”</p> <p>Instead of toys, the adult Happy Meals will contain single doses of either McCrack or McMeth, two new products now being developed in the company’s McLab. “We want to give our adult customers an adult choice,” the spokesman added. “And have some adult fun.”</p> <p>In line with the new product launches, the company also announced a major change for McDonald’s mascot. The name of Ronald McDonald will be changed to Ronald McPusher.</p> <p>“We're through clowning around,” a McDonald's spokesman said. “We've been cooking our customers' their favorite burgers for more than half a century. Now we're going to fry their brains.” </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1928#post-5728 Sun, 04 Apr 2010 00:46:20 +0000 The All New Jeni B 5728@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice to see you back Peter, and with a fab story with enough of a hint of reality to make it probable. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1928#post-5714 Sat, 03 Apr 2010 21:25:27 +0000 virtuallywill 5714@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It would be better with 8 teams from different cities, maybe from some other polytechnics. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1928#post-5712 Sat, 03 Apr 2010 21:21:04 +0000 Peter749400 5712@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><img src="http://www.betternetworker.com/files/useruploads/16675/fat%20guy%20on%20sinking%20boat.jpg"></p> <p>Oxford University last night blamed Oliver ‘Fatty’ Perkins for their crushing defeat in the annual boatrace, in which they finished some 1 ¾ miles behind Cambridge - their biggest ever loss. It is unclear how the sedentary, mouth-breathing economics student gained a place in the boat, although critics were quick to point to the generous donations his father, the Chief Executive of ‘Massive Pies Limited" recently made to Oxford University Boat Club.</p> <p>The 20 stone self-professed cake and pie lover seemed to tire early on in the race, putting down his sweat-drenched oar and unwrapping what appeared to be a pork pie from a lunchbox placed under his seat. Having eaten the pie, the gargantuan oarsman used a chubby hand to claw crumbs away from his mouth, before picking up his oar to pull a few more lack-lustre strokes for the world-famous University. The Oxford boat momentarily accelerated, before the unbalancing effect of Perkins’ mass moving up and down the boat began to disrupt the rhythm of his team mates, finally rocking the boat so violently that Perkins lost hold of his oar and fell backwards into the lap of the bow-man, who is still recovering from his injuries. </p> <p>For the rest of the race Perkins sat almost motionless and shouted occasional words of encouragement to the rest of the crew, although his detractors have pointed out that this was motivated less by a desire to win the race than it was by a need to find and eat more food, having exhausted the provisions he packed before the race. </p> <p>Mr Perkins was unavailable for comment last night, beating a hasty retreat from the riverbank to a nearby eatery. His father commented: "My lad gave of his all today - he's as fit as a butcher's dog - bulging with muscle. There is no connection between my decision to buy Oxford a new boathouse and his place in the crew. If some of the others in the boat had followed his lead and packed some of my massive pies then they might have had the energy to row a bit faster".</p> <p>Mr Perkins' older and fatter brother, Sam, is to ride the favourite in the Grand National next weekend. Mr Perkins senior denies any link between this and the funding of a new pie shaped pavilion at Aintree racecourse. </p>