http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=f1 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sat, 25 May 2013 02:44:18 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52572#post-151345 Sat, 01 Dec 2012 04:59:08 +0000 Jonny Shlep 151345@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The world of motorsport was left reeling last night as news emerged that ex England and Lancashire cricketer Andrew Fintoff was disqualified from taking part in The British Grand Prix at Silverstone last summer after failing a breathalyser test which revealed he was 6 times over the legal drink drive limit during the formation lap.</p> <p>Speaking from FIA headquarters in France, F1 Supremo Bernie Ecclestone said last night. "In all my 97 years in motorsport I've never known anything like it. The man was absolutely blotto! I should have realised something wasn't quite right when he put his arm round me on the grid and said I was his best mate I suppose"</p> <p>Race officials were alerted to Flintoff's condition when his onboard camera showed him blowing a party squeaker from beneath his visor on the dummy grid . He was also picked up calling his race engineer a "fuckin' bashta" over his radio link and telling his pit crew that he was going to "tek the fuckin' lot of yersh" if they didn't put him on the soft compound intermediate tyre around lap 27.</p> <p>Flintoff had to be physically dragged from his Ferrari in the pit lane and restrained by marshalls as he tried to assault race director Charlie Whiting who was trying to stop him from grabbing a grid girls tits.</p> <p>Flintoff 61, was in defiant mood when he faced reporters at his local last night. "I'm not going to let this small setback deter me from my life goals" he claimed. "I fully intend to make a complete nob of myself in as many sports as I can before I get too old to give a decent account of myself. I've been a competitor and a winner all my life and I dont intend to stop accepting new and exciting challenges just yet."</p> <p>He then vomited over the shoes of a woman on the next bar stool after putting his arm around her shoulder and telling her that "I love my fuckin' kidsh I do!"</p> <p>According to his agent Flintoff now plans to partner Wayne Rooney up front for Man Utd and take part in the 2016 Olympics in Brazil as a member of the ladies synchronised swimming team. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45041#post-128911 Sat, 07 Jul 2012 10:28:43 +0000 Anonymous 128911@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hi John.. You're right..</p> <p>I called them 'Jets' in the last para but now I've switched the lot..</p> <p>Many thanks</p> <p>Stan </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45041#post-128908 Sat, 07 Jul 2012 10:13:50 +0000 JohnA 128908@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Having an F1 on jetskis would be pretty entertaining, n'est-ce pas? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45041#post-128906 Sat, 07 Jul 2012 09:50:26 +0000 Anonymous 128906@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>McLaren engineers played a surprise 'ace' this morning and revealed that Jenson Button could be on revolutionary 'Jet Ski' tyres for Sunday's British Grand Prix.</p> <p>With waterlogged Silverstone awash with cancellation rumours, the McLaren team informed race officials today that both their cars will make it to the starting grid - no matter how deep the water level on the track.</p> <p>The top secret Pirelli 'Jet Ski' tyre is rumoured to have 12 glass fibre fins embedded into a revolutionary 3”deep rubber mould. Normally it would be an option for all F1 teams. But under existing rules, McLaren signed a pre-season contract, making them official pioneers until October 31st this year.</p> <p>Button told journalists this morning the new tyre was sensational. “Just before dawn this morning I took her out for a few laps on the 'Jets',” he revealed. </p> <p>“It was pissing down and the track was nearly a foot deep in water. Wow! I hit 190mph down Maggots. I can only describe the ride as a perfectly safe controlled aquaplane.”</p> <p>With all eyes now on tomorrow's weather, F1 Officials are suddenly geared-up for a mountain of complaints from Ferrari and Red Bull.</p> <p>More as it come in.. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=32957#post-93727 Tue, 01 Nov 2011 00:10:42 +0000 BabyDinosaur 93727@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Race organisers were heard to muse, "It is a wonder Mr Hamilton Ji did not experience more success after such an auspicious slide through the muck." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=32957#post-93643 Mon, 31 Oct 2011 13:47:33 +0000 Danny 93643@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The inaugural Indian Grand Prix was a major success as an event. </p> <p>The drivers universally praised the layout of the 3.2-mile 16-turn circuit, and all agreed that swerving to avoid sacred cows sunbathing in the middle of the track provided challenges unique to the Indian Grand Prix. </p> <p>"Not knowing when a rabid dog may suddenly run across the track certainly keeps you on your toes," said Jenson Button. </p> <p>However, Lewis Hamilton, who crashed on lap 24 after skidding through some cow manure just off the racing line, wasn't quite as impressed. </p> <p>All India enjoyed watching the post race celebrations. As Mukesh Kumar, a shoe shiner in New Delhi, commented "It was so exciting to see champagne with a value far exceeding my children's higher education fund being sprayed all over the place." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=18201#post-48996 Fri, 10 Dec 2010 18:19:02 +0000 Alixir 48996@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The FIA rule makers today controversially committed to "Anything goes" for the 2011 season in an attempt to make the sport more exciting. </p> <p>The move, initially part of the turn-around on the Masa controversy, has seen a new team put forward by none other than The Hooded Claw.</p> <p>At a press conference later in the day, Bernie Ecclestone and The Hooded Claw took it in turns to speak to the press after 5 minute intervals, and curiosly declining to appear in the same room at the same time.</p> <p>(More to follow) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=8619#post-23145 Fri, 16 Jul 2010 07:47:35 +0000 dicky37 23145@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>[More soon] </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1945#post-5750 Sun, 04 Apr 2010 10:51:22 +0000 Gary Stanton 5750@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Formula One driver, Michael Schumacher has announced his decision to step down from the sport after what he describes as a clear breach of the <em>Strassenverkehrsordnung</em>. </p> <p>Schumi, had been driving down a side street in the Neustadt area of Bremen when he observed that his speedometer had strayed over the regulation 30km/h by a full one kilometre per hour.</p> <p>‘I had reached down to the glove compartment to retrieve a CD – Part 63 of Wagner’s Ring cycle – and when my attention returned to the dashboard, I noticed that, regrettably, I had strayed over the permitted speed for that road.<br /> My mistake went unpunished due to a lack of adequate speed monitoring apparatus in that particular area, but it is clearly a matter of conscience. I broke the rules and for that I am truly sorry,’ he told fans.</p> <p>Sadly, this is not the first occasion on which the former world champion has shown a flagrant disregard for the <em>Strassenverkehrsordnung</em>. Some years ago, during a protracted bout of <em>Weltschmerz</em>, Schumacher admits to pulling out onto a main road with the intention of turning left and failing to indicate. ‘ I also forgot to check my inside mirror,’ he claimed. ‘This produced a state of bewilderment in the driver behind me. I cannot turn the clock back but I hope my current decision gives him some comfort.’ </p> <p>‘Then there was the time I was parked in a quiet side road on which there was a total absence of cars but there were some children playing. I was, by my estimation, one minute late for a dentist’s appointment and, in my haste, I moved off from a stationary position whilst neglecting to check my blind spot. Nobody was killed on that occasion but it could have been so very different’ </p> <p>‘Fortunately, I arrived at the surgery on time.’</p> <p>Many in the world of Formula One have been stunned by Schumacher’s decision. On hearing the news , veteran commentator Murray Walker remarked:</p> <p>‘Oh for fuck’s sake.’ </p>