http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=european-union The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 19 May 2013 16:32:37 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57956#post-168019 Thu, 14 Mar 2013 04:41:35 +0000 Gary Gonads 168019@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52193#post-150239 Fri, 23 Nov 2012 16:14:44 +0000 Jonny Shlep 150239@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Prisoner's rights organisations were jubilant last night after the European parliament decreed that law breakers in the United Kingdom can no longer be incarcerated as this could be deemed as "cruel and excessive punishment" and a breach of their human rights under European law.</p> <p>A spokesman for the prisoner's action group Jailmate spoke to reporters using his phonecard from HMP Dartmoor, where he's serving a 25 year sentence for a series of violent assaults on elderly women.</p> <p>"This is a red letter day, not just for myself but for convicted felons everywhere. Personally speaking I cant wait to get home and stick my feet up in front of the telly, as the signal I get in my cell is absolutely diabolical lately. I had to turn the sound right up the other day to hear the footie commentary on ESPN"</p> <p>The Home Secretary responded to the ruling in an emergency sitting in The Commons late last night in which he told a packed house.</p> <p>"While the government have a number of concerns with regards to this ruling we would like to reassure the public that all necessary steps will be taken to ensure their safety and that any prisoner likely to be a public danger such as art forgers and single mothers who can't pay their council tax will under no circumstances be allowed to walk free"</p> <p>It's understood that prison gates across the country will be opened in time for Christmas so that freed inmates can familiarise themselves with life on the outside before breaking into peoples house's and taking all their presents. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4141#post-11896 Tue, 11 May 2010 04:49:43 +0000 rfreed 11896@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thank you kindly. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4141#post-11683 Mon, 10 May 2010 06:47:13 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 11683@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Take 5 for the Icelandic Saga. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4141#post-11674 Sun, 09 May 2010 23:41:22 +0000 rfreed 11674@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Iceland, hammered by massive financial debts to Europe and Britain in particular, has come up with a hammer of its own to strike back with. Returning to its traditional religious roots and the old gods of the Norsemen the Icelanders have invoked their wrath to aid them in their revenge on an unforgiving European economic situation that spells doom for them. Odin, head man of the fierce Gods of the Vikings, called forth his son Thor and his magical hammer Mjollnir (pronounced 'ham-mer') to strike the Icelandic volcano Eyjafjallajokull (pronounced 'ice-land-ic vol-cano') causing it to erupt and bury Europe in ash. The ash shut down air traffic on the continent and most of the rest of Europe for weeks, costing airlines and governments billions in lost revenue.<br /> Eyjafjallajokull and the Norse gods show no sign of relenting. Odin and his men subscribe to the Viking philosophy of fighting to the death and therefore have no intent on relenting until the European Union (or the 'Union of Earth Eunuchs' as Odin and the boys derisively call them when they're tanked up on a few pints of grog) agrees to their demands.<br /> These demands include: </p> <p>A. A weekly shipload delivery of German Doppelbock beer, Doppelbock having twice the alcohol kick of regular beer which the Norse gods and hearty Icelanders need to get them off. </p> <p>B. A regular shipment of St. Pauli girls for the same reason. (St. Pauli is the red light district of Hamburg.) A lot of Icelandic farmers have only sheep to keep them company and if you ever saw what Norse goddesses look like you would have sympathy for Thor and the big boys and would understand why they died out. </p> <p>C. Free two week timeshares in Costa del Sol the first week of every February. Even Valhalla gets cold in the winter. </p> <p>D. 300,000 copies of Mr. Bean's Greatest Hits for everyone on the island and in Valhalla. Even in Icelandic he's funny. It might help them forget that the British wanted to put thumbscrews on them over the bad investments they made in Iceland. </p> <p>E. 300,000 Swedish pornos. It can only be SWEDISH pornos, no other. Blonds are the only thing that can get them off. And, yes, they do know that their kids shouldn't be seeing these things, but they want them trained to only go after their own kind.<br /> Should Europe not meet these demands, Odin has declared things could get worse. "Ever hear of the Norwegian word 'Tsunami'?" he asked in a thick, Scandinavian accent. </p> <p>Greek authorities, inspired by the Icelandic example, are checking into revitalizing Zeus for<br /> similar reasons. </p>