http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=europe The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Thu, 20 Jun 2013 02:53:38 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61411#post-178589 Fri, 17 May 2013 20:21:03 +0000 Alfred Noakes 178589@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Fred Burgess of The Association of Chief Police Officers today criticised the government over its open support for the activity of the notorious ‘Dambusters’ bombers.</p> <p>Mr Burgess commented ‘At a time when the police are urging the public to be ever vigilant against the terrorist threat, Mr Cameron is holding fly pasts and galas: this group of ruthless professionals reeked death and destruction upon thousands of innocent Europeans in a war of terror campaign destroying lives and property. </p> <p>A representative of the terror cell, a man calling himself Barnes Wallis stated ‘We were freedom fighters struggling against an evil, oppressive Nazi regime’. Mr Burgess however responded by saying ‘this is the type of rhetoric we often hear, typical of the 9/11 terrorists’.</p> <p>The move comes at a time when David Cameron is trying to distance himself from Europe. UKIP leader Nigel Farage commented ‘The Tories are running scared on Europe and this blatant support for a dissident group, active in Germany, is a knee-jerk reaction to try and regain votes lost to UKIP in the local elections. </p> <p>Ed Miliband also taunted the government in the House of Commons on the issue by placing his finger and thumb together, upside down over his eyes and singing ‘Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah’. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61208#post-177909 Mon, 13 May 2013 21:36:27 +0000 Al OPecia 177909@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sure did. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61208#post-177878 Mon, 13 May 2013 19:22:22 +0000 Lenny Bee 177878@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Only a complete cad and a bounder would ask such a question -</p> <p>*blushes profusely and snorts*</p> <p>Nevertheless sir, I hope you enjoyed. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61208#post-177871 Mon, 13 May 2013 18:09:01 +0000 Al OPecia 177871@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Are you the All New Lenny Bee? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61208#post-177862 Mon, 13 May 2013 17:33:22 +0000 Lenny Bee 177862@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Many thanks for the seal of approval Golgo &amp; LS. </p> <p>Much appreciated this end. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61208#post-177808 Mon, 13 May 2013 12:25:21 +0000 Psycadelic Squirrel 177808@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>He's on to a winner there </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61208#post-177806 Mon, 13 May 2013 12:23:12 +0000 Golgo13 177806@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Like it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61208#post-177804 Mon, 13 May 2013 12:19:00 +0000 Lenny Bee 177804@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>With the Tories split on Europe even wider than a Moulin Rouge chorus line dancing the can-can, Labour supremo, Ed Miliband, is about to announce a raft of hardline election pledges.</p> <p>In a speech to Derby car workers tomorrow, he will say that he'll fight, fight and fight again to save the British sauces he loves. Then he'll pour scorn on German spaetzle sauce before warning Angela Merkel to expect plenty of British made Worcestershire and HP sauce when she visits 10 Downing Street after the next general election.</p> <p>Later he will fly to Droitwich where he'll assure housewives that a Labour government will ring-fence the price of tomato sauce. Telling them he's a pretty straight sort of guy who feels the hand of God on his shoulder, Miliband will reveal allergies to French véloute and béchamel sauce before handing out copies of a recipe for his mother's onion sauce. “Ask me my three main priorities for government and I will tell you they're sauce, sauce and sauce,” he'll tell local businessmen over a fish, chip and Doncaster sauce supper. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55987#post-161673 Fri, 08 Feb 2013 12:38:46 +0000 andygibbard 161673@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Pressure on the Conservative are increasing after it was admitted that the Tory manifesto dates back to a document written by William the Conqueror in 1035. The scandal started when political commentators compared the scroll - reading 'Make the rich richer, peasants poorer, keep the foreigners out' - to the Tories' top tax rate cuts, welfare reforms and planned EU referendums. When questioned by a journalist at a banquet, a David Cameron aide was heard to mutter "that's all we've got", and a full admission followed later in a press release.</p> <p>Labour leader Ed Miliband today responded to the discovery in a statement, referring to the Tories as "brutal kings in their castles, widening the rich-poor divide and ignoring the need for collaboration". Chancellor George Osborne rebutted the claims though, saying: "This comparison couldn't be further from the truth. I, for one, haven't had a functioning moat since the plebs at the council forced me to install a water meter in 2010. I have also been donating £2 a month to Oxfam for well over a month." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55234#post-159585 Thu, 24 Jan 2013 11:36:16 +0000 theinvisiblecitychannels 159585@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Evil Euro officials are campaigning this week for the return of Britain’s ‘war time spirit’. German MEP Hans Kirsh said the abstract concept was given to Britain in 1940 for the sole purpose of “keeping a brave face on it”, “getting by” and for absolutely “not grumbling”.</p> <p>“It belongs in a museum! Hitler only provided it so it would stop you moaning during the blitz but since then it has been grossly misused”</p> <p>Rolled out in times of perceived adversity by people just old enough to know that Hiter isn’t a weird out of control internet meme started on 4chan but whose experience of hardship wavers somewhere between “we have ran out of tea” and “I’ve dropped my Kit-Kat” the term can often be heard spouted on awful regional news featurettes by confused old people, inarticulate policemen and startled attention grabbing Politians.</p> <p>Speaking on a visit to London the minister went on “Back in the day if the discovery of an unexploded bomb cut off your electric and you had to go over to whatshisname next door to drink tea in awkward silence it was fair enough but now it is being used for any old guff”</p> <p>In recent times the vaporous metaphor has been invoked during times of heavy snow, flooding and large overpriced sporting events but is now finding new usage during the economic downturn with even Chancellor George Osborn declaring “were all in it together…snow I mean, not economic hardship obviously” </p> <p>Jim talking from under a tin foil sleeping bag at a local sports centre said it would be a shame if we had to give it back “It’s the best thing we got out of Europe, just the other day I helped an old woman up some steps after a snow covered tree fell over in some woods someplace…I would never have done that otherwise” </p> <p>UKIP nonsense spouter Nigel Farage told reporters “Who won the bloody war anyway? We understand Germany are going to the courts with this so it’s a dire time for us here at the moment but we are pulling together…there is a real war time spirit.”</p> <p>Hitler was unavailable for comment.</p> <p>My first go at a story, let me know what you think. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52201#post-150330 Fri, 23 Nov 2012 22:51:10 +0000 Squudge 150330@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>&lt;boink&gt; </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52201#post-150269 Fri, 23 Nov 2012 18:22:14 +0000 Squudge 150269@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>David Cameron stated today that his robust stance on the EU budget was due to being encouraged by the Chancellor to watch SuperScrimpers on TV. The PM said he realised the UK had 'sleepwalked' into an unaffordable lifestyle.</p> <p>"Frankly, in these austere times, we should take a good hard look at all the little luxuries we can't really afford or don't often use. Look how much gym membership costs, and how often have you or I been this year?" he said, modestly adjusting his cleavage.</p> <p>"George says it would be cheaper to take out a subscription to a different bunch of countries, so we were planning to let the Europe thing 'lapse'. They haven't published anything funny in ages, and frankly the group activities leave a lot to be desired". </p> <p>The PM outlined how the the EU Christmas Party decended into farce last year. "Angela was in charge of the transport. We thought Germany would be the obvious choice, good at trains and all that, and a dreadful minibus turned up. She insisted on sitting in Sarkozy's lap because there weren't enough seats. Silvio was in charge of the ents and hired some strippers - totally inappropriate, and as for putting Greece in charge of the drinks kitty! It didn't add up and we all had to dig deep into our pockets at the end of the night. Both Portugal and Italy whinged they'd been on mineral water the whole time and shouldn't have to pay." </p> <p>"Samantha tells me most of Europe is available free online these days, though that François Hollande keeps making noises about introducing 'pay per view'."</p> <p>Google Earth are denying reports that a certain Ms Merkel has offered them an 'undisclosed sum' to re-draw some boundaries on the map. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45142#post-129185 Mon, 09 Jul 2012 14:37:29 +0000 beau-jolly 129185@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Jared, are you American perchance? I think the "Moscow, Russia" may be a give away. There may be lots of Moscows there, but here in Europe we tend to immediately think of the one in Russia.<br /> Second everything the wize wayland says and I would add that <blockquote>tea-swilling eyes</blockquote> did it for me right away. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45142#post-129184 Mon, 09 Jul 2012 14:11:10 +0000 waylandsmithy 129184@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>This is a bit all over the place and unfocused. I have no idea what the point is you're trying to make, and the whole acronym thing is a bit wearing and tired.</p> <p>Maybe refocus it, and chop out some of the tangential stuff? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45142#post-129183 Mon, 09 Jul 2012 13:39:00 +0000 Jared 129183@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Citizens of London can turn their tea-swilling eyes to the sky this summer, and behold the great and mighty, obnoxiously bright, the imaginatively named, the overtly pointless "Shard". Soaring at over 1000ft, this badboy is a testament to the fact that we in the US are not the only ones who know how to build things far, far too large.</p> <p>Designed by architect Renzo Piano, this magnum opus now stands as the tallest building in Europe, greedily snatching the title from the "City of Capitals",in Moscow, Russia,which, in retrospect, probably wasn't good idea.</p> <p>"It is rather extraordinary what we've done," Mr.Piano, obviously drunk, lamented in a press release this morning,"We've done everything exactly the same, and MADE IT BIGGER,"At this point, Renzo slammed his hand resoundingly on the wooden podium, and briefly loses his balance,"This masterpiece is like the iPad of buildings!" Mr.Piano then staggered off stage confidently, only to puke on a particularly misfortune ginger- haired reporter seconds later.</p> <p>However, not everyone is celebrating this testament to human over-compensation. The COLLL(IN)(Citizens of Low Lying London (In Negative) have been picketing the building even before it's completion, crying out racial slurs and sexual taunts at the building's foundations.</p> <p>"It's just a monstrosity," Rita Southworth, spokesperson for the COLL(IN) group, told me monday as a local coffee shop, just adjacent to the new tower. " WE had this nice city, with all the nice towers, and it was quite, and just really, really nice...and then they go erect this NOT NICE building in my NICE town, with it's NICE towers," At this point, Rita begin to froth at the mouth,"This building stands against everything we at COLL(IN) stand for,"</p> <p>When I asked her what that was, exactly, she dumped coffee on my face, and stormed off.</p> <p>The PANOS(People's Engineers North of Switzerland) have, in retaliation, begin to contruct their own skyscraper in an undisclosed location(Frankfurt,Germany). Though they could not be reached for comment, It is clear that the height must exceed 2000m. Note: Though this is much higher than the Shard, the PANOS have quite the reputation for overdoing things(SEE:Saudi Arabia's First Bull Run).</p> <p>The Shard may not hold this title for long, as another obnoxiously tall building is about to be erected in Moscow, proving once and for all, that if Russia's going to the tallest country in the world, economy be damned. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=35782#post-100531 Mon, 12 Dec 2011 20:07:34 +0000 irregular apple 100531@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sources close to the French premier suggest he has agreed a deal with Simon Cowell's SYCO production company to judge 'Britain's Got Parliament' a new Westminster based reality extravaganza. Sarkozy has long been linked to the series in which European viewers can vote to keep their favourite parliamentarian in Westminster. Despite the parties reservations about Europe it is believed that the Conservatives will fair reasonably well with a ground swell of right wing support throughout the voting region. </p> <p>It's rumoured that Angela Merkel has been approached to judge and it's believed that Louis Walsh will be permitted to complete the panel if the Republic of Ireland agree to a debt reduction plan less achievable than the Versailles Treaty. </p> <p>The show has been the talk of Brussels today with wild speculation that a sizeable chunk of the phone vote profits will be handed over to the IMF.</p> <p>More to follow </p>