http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=eu The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 19 May 2013 02:51:55 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60612#post-176242 Thu, 02 May 2013 05:39:27 +0000 Gerontius 176242@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice work MR<br /> And you've hit upon another potential gold-mine with your 'crop spraying placebo' comment - why not explore that idea too. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60612#post-176220 Wed, 01 May 2013 21:07:41 +0000 writinginbsl 176220@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>ooh lovely</p> <p>and stars for sigmund, too </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60612#post-176209 Wed, 01 May 2013 17:58:50 +0000 sigmund 176209@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Maybe they need some cognitive bee-hive-ioural therapy. 5* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60612#post-176200 Wed, 01 May 2013 16:04:38 +0000 Midfield Diamond 176200@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nicely developed and much more Newsbiscuit than mine on the same subject which is football fanzine fodder really. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60612#post-176196 Wed, 01 May 2013 15:43:23 +0000 monkeyrepublic 176196@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I think I'm half a star short, if anyone has one.</p> <p>I thank you all (and, using a technique picked up from University Challenge contestants, I take a sip of 'smug juice' to conceal my self-satisfied smirk). </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60612#post-176195 Wed, 01 May 2013 15:40:23 +0000 beau-jolly 176195@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Bees getting a buzz of neonicotinoids is not only unavoidable it is simple genius. Have you got enough stars yet? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60612#post-176192 Wed, 01 May 2013 15:29:36 +0000 monkeyrepublic 176192@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Oh, and the 'Bee Strong' - didn't do well at avoiding those bee gags after all. Hive been such a fool! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60612#post-176181 Wed, 01 May 2013 14:29:35 +0000 monkeyrepublic 176181@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I was trying to avoid punning on bee-related words, but felt that these two were nigh-on unavoidable. But it's just unacceptable to use 'buzz' in both ways. Guess I should drop the helpline. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60612#post-176180 Wed, 01 May 2013 14:27:46 +0000 monkeyrepublic 176180@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Alright, how's this?:</p> <p>Following a Europe-wide ban on neonicotinoids, bees are to be offered patches to help them cope with withdrawal.</p> <p>The patches are part of the “Bee Strong” campaign targeting worker bees through hard-hitting adverts and hive support groups. A telephone helpline will be advertised with the slogan “Give us a buzz”.</p> <p>An EU spokesman said: “Bees are an unusual demographic for a public health campaign, but we’ll be producing advertising in the ultraviolet spectrum, which we know has proved successful in the past, and combining this with experience producing road safety and smoking cessation campaigns in the human sphere. Adverts will probably feature a dead bee. Possibly several, depending on the outcome of focus groups.”</p> <p>Though applauded by the Confederation of Queen Bees, the prohibition is not expected to be welcomed across the bee world. One worker bee said: "It's the only pleasure I've left in life. Never did me no harm. Show me the way to go home!..."</p> <p>Other objections have been raised, notably by the farming equipment industry, who have complained that other devices, such as placebo crop-sprayers, were not considered for the EU subsidies. Ecologists have spoken of nightmare scenarios around an emergent black market in neonicotinoids and gangster bees armed with sting-guns and wearing very small fedoras.</p> <p>Neonicotinoids have been widely blamed for falling bee productivity, but were the drug of choice amongst sections of the bee community and said to be notable for an excellent buzz. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60612#post-176169 Wed, 01 May 2013 13:45:38 +0000 jimmydodger 176169@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>5*....let's hope the B Division of the Met Police doesn't send in a SWAT team... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60612#post-176162 Wed, 01 May 2013 12:14:58 +0000 nickb 176162@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Bee plus </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60612#post-176145 Wed, 01 May 2013 11:07:24 +0000 thisisall1word 176145@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>5* for the headline alone - really worth bulking this one out for a NiB or more... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60612#post-176141 Wed, 01 May 2013 10:25:40 +0000 Lenny Bee 176141@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Support Bees!</p> <p>5* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60650#post-176068 Tue, 30 Apr 2013 15:40:52 +0000 monkeyrepublic 176068@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Having another stab at this. Still not coming together somehow, I feel. Oh well. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60650#post-176067 Tue, 30 Apr 2013 15:40:17 +0000 monkeyrepublic 176067@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Following a Europe-wide ban on neonicotinoids, addicted bees are to be offered telephone counselling to help them cope with withdrawal.</p> <p>The 'Bee Strong' campaign will target worker bees through hard-hitting flower-based advertising and hive support groups. Controlled-dose neonicotinoid patches will also be available on farms for bees seeking to quit independently.</p> <p>A worker bee said: "It's the only pleasure I've left in life. Never did me no harm. Show me the way to go home!..."</p> <p>Neonicotinoids have been widely blamed for falling bee productivity, but were the drug of choice amongst sections of the bee community and said to be notable for an excellent buzz. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60612#post-176065 Tue, 30 Apr 2013 15:28:44 +0000 Midfield Diamond 176065@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yes, great idea. A few more thoughts:<br /> Concern about bees also putting on weight as a consequence?</p> <p>Don't beekeepers use smoke to calm the bees down when opening the hives? Maybe they will be forced to give them chewing gum instead.</p> <p>How about a punchline linking this to the remote-controlled drones story? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60612#post-176032 Tue, 30 Apr 2013 12:56:08 +0000 monkeyrepublic 176032@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks, Gerontius. Slap up some ideas! I'm too distracted by my actual work.</p> <p>I was thinking about ecologists concerned about stigmatising addicted bees, creating a black market. Or a worker bee saying "It's the only pleasure I've left in life"... but I can't focus enough to pull it together. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60612#post-176030 Tue, 30 Apr 2013 12:41:16 +0000 Gerontius 176030@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lovely idea MR<br /> Bees on patches.<br /> It would make a great full-length thingy. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60612#post-175984 Tue, 30 Apr 2013 08:14:30 +0000 Titus 175984@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Police Raid Hive In Sting Operation </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60612#post-175976 Tue, 30 Apr 2013 07:38:46 +0000 monkeyrepublic 175976@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Following a Europe-wide ban on neonicotinoids, bees are to be offered patches to help them cope with withdrawal.</p> <p>Representatives of the pharmaceuticals industry have complained that other devices, specially adapted for the bee community, such as e-cropsprayers, were not considered for the EU subsidies.</p> <p>Neonicotinoids have been widely blamed for falling bee productivity, but were the drug of choice amongst sections of the bee community and said to be notable for an excellent buzz. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55987#post-161673 Fri, 08 Feb 2013 12:38:46 +0000 andygibbard 161673@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Pressure on the Conservative are increasing after it was admitted that the Tory manifesto dates back to a document written by William the Conqueror in 1035. The scandal started when political commentators compared the scroll - reading 'Make the rich richer, peasants poorer, keep the foreigners out' - to the Tories' top tax rate cuts, welfare reforms and planned EU referendums. When questioned by a journalist at a banquet, a David Cameron aide was heard to mutter "that's all we've got", and a full admission followed later in a press release.</p> <p>Labour leader Ed Miliband today responded to the discovery in a statement, referring to the Tories as "brutal kings in their castles, widening the rich-poor divide and ignoring the need for collaboration". Chancellor George Osborne rebutted the claims though, saying: "This comparison couldn't be further from the truth. I, for one, haven't had a functioning moat since the plebs at the council forced me to install a water meter in 2010. I have also been donating £2 a month to Oxfam for well over a month." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50459#post-145567 Wed, 24 Oct 2012 23:17:45 +0000 Chubbington 145567@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>May do so, thanks. Also not wild about the final paragraph though so it might be first for the chop when it comes to editing... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50459#post-145565 Wed, 24 Oct 2012 23:05:04 +0000 dvo4fun 145565@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Welcome Chubbington. </p> <p>For what it's worth, I think it could do with a little slapping around to reduce its length ... Maybe lose penultimate para? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50459#post-145561 Wed, 24 Oct 2012 22:53:14 +0000 Chubbington 145561@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Scotland's First Minister Alex Salmond has finally revealed the source of the legal advice he sought on an independent Scotland's prospective membership of the European Union; a giant rabbit called Frank, visible only to him.</p> <p>A spokesman for the Scottish Government today claimed that the rabbit - who also counselled Salmond on the approaching end of the world, as well as giving him nutritional advice and guidance on how not to come off as such a smug twat - assured the First Minister that Scotland would be welcomed into the EU with open arms due to the provision in the Treaty of European Union for the free movement of workers - movement which would be sufficient to kill off the waves of heart disease-ridden jocks who would flood to Poland in the event of independence to escape the SNP- therefore lowering the union's overall level of heart disease.</p> <p>"The First Minister is satisfied, not only that we would be able to join the EU, but also, as the <strike>King Overlord</strike> leader of the richest nation in the world - thanks to our hitherto untapped reserves of the little known mineral Tartanium - he would soon be appointed as The Guardian of Europe to lead a resurgence against the relentless empire building of the villainous Chinese."<br />  <br /> "In addition, his legal council, Frank - who has in turn consulted such experts in international law and finance as The Ghost Who Never Lies and Griphook the Gringotts Goblin - has asserted that Scotland would not be legally compelled to join the Euro and would in fact be allowed, nay encouraged, to conduct international business in a combination of Zimbabwean Dollars and recycled shoes."</p> <p>When asked if the mysterious legal council would ever make a public statement, the First Minister's spokesman hastily explained that he was invisible to everyone except Mr Salmond, before claiming that a vortex was forming over our heads which would herald the end of time and ran away screaming and waving his hands above his head... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43383#post-124187 Sun, 27 May 2012 05:31:16 +0000 ionb 124187@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>As the UK's results in Eurovision slumped again, Cameron says "we've got a strong song, but unless Greece gets its act together then its nil points for us"</p> <p>Vince Cable retorted earlier this morning, "maybe we should have entered something good, like Germany"</p> <p>...now what would Merkel say? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=39770#post-112852 Mon, 12 Mar 2012 10:15:15 +0000 Username 112852@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Great start. Few more electro-poultry gags, a build to a crisper punchline, and you're home.<br /> Some clucker's only given you 2 stars. here, have more. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=39770#post-112840 Mon, 12 Mar 2012 08:19:52 +0000 weematt 112840@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"The last straw." said Duracell's spokesman in a highly charged press conference, " Following on from the previously reported loss of our AAA and AA ranges due to the financial situation in Europe we no longer have the energy to cope with this drain on our resources."<br /> Defending the ban, environmentalists are not only concerned about the discomfort of the hens, who lack a natural battery compartment, they point out that poultry carcases were being disposed of with the batteries still in place causing a landfill hazard.<br /> Further support for the ban came from Tesco, Morrison's and ASDA who have been having to take steps to stop customers placing used poultry carcases in the battery disposal tubs in the foyer. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30297#post-85116 Mon, 12 Sep 2011 08:12:43 +0000 dvo4fun 85116@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I feel the stars of destiny peering over my shoulder. Do have some of them, in the spirit of collectivism </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30297#post-85097 Mon, 12 Sep 2011 05:31:02 +0000 TokyoTomato 85097@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30297#post-85094 Mon, 12 Sep 2011 04:11:29 +0000 Rick Bradford 85094@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The Democratic People's Republic of Korea (DPRK) will officially join the European Union on January 1 next year, according to a statement from the EU's Directorate of Expansion Rapporteurs.</p> <p>In the statement, the DER said it was delighted to add a new democracy to the Union, and that the DPRK and EU had much to offer one another.</p> <p>"The accession of the DPRK puts paid to the idea that the EU is a cosy Christian-only club," the statement noted. "By adding 25 million dog-eating atheists, we have vastly increased our diversity."</p> <p>The statement also pointed out that the 120,000 square kilometers of vacant land area in the DPRK is ideal for covering with energy-generating windmills, thus enabling the EU to meet its renewable energy targets "at a stroke." </p> <p>Economically, the DPRK will also benefit by being the first port of entry for all Chinese goods to the EU, enabling tariff collection to be centralised rather than having to rely on the messy collection methods of individual nation-states. </p> <p>Duties on EU goods such as champagne and cognac would no longer need to be paid by DPRK consumers, the statement added.</p> <p>In cultural terms, the accession of the DPRK will revitalize events such as the Eurovision Song Contest, challenging the current techno-glitz offerings with truly moving songs such as "I Love a Wounded War Hero" and "The Red Sun Sparkles as I Go Off To War". Tactical voting will become harder as well, the EU said.</p> <p>Furthermore, the DPRK has offered to provide facilities for the re-education of unruly European youth, by getting them to participate in the Arirang Festival, where up to 30,000 well-trained youth gymnasts perform a two-hour dance routine of holding up coloured cards to extol the wisdom of their leaders.</p> <p>"A better educational experience would be hard to imagine," the statement said. </p>