http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=england The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sat, 18 May 2013 21:34:30 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60808#post-176490 Fri, 03 May 2013 15:39:00 +0000 monkeyrepublic 176490@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In local elections across England, the UK Indignance Party has made impressive gains running on a manifesto specifying no more than 'a general and de-focused outrage at the state of things'.</p> <p>Exit polls showed voters were nearly entirely ignorant of and completely indifferent to any specific policy detail.</p> <p>Party leader Nigel Farage said: "It won't do! Any of it! And we intend to change things. This election - which was, it should be said, in and of itself entirely unacceptable - this election shows that the people are not willing to sit by and accept the status quo, whatever that may be, and that we want things back the way they were at some unspecified time in the past, and we want it now!"</p> <p>He went on to explain that the party was set to reject some of the votes it received on the grounds that the individuals failed to meet the undefined specifications for a UKIP voter. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57693#post-167359 Mon, 11 Mar 2013 14:42:38 +0000 Midfield Diamond 167359@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I like this. It's just a shame that it's up against Wallster's take on the subject which is also good. Stars. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57693#post-167333 Mon, 11 Mar 2013 11:38:02 +0000 johnnydobbo 167333@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The England cricket team went to the polls today in a referendum to decide on their future as a dependency of the United Kingdom and head off a challenge for control over their future from South Africa.</p> <p>Diplomatic tensions have been raised in recent months with South Africa's claim on the team growing, but the UK Government tried to cut the row off by allowing members of the team to decide for themselves where their futures lay.</p> <p>South Africa has claimed the team since the early-'80s when, with their own national team in internatinal exile, a number of players instead turned out for England. That tradition has continued long after the reintroduction of the Proteas to the world game. The Pretoria government recently issued a statement claiming the England team as their own and further asserted their position in a series of adverts in British newspapers. "The ethnic make-up of the England team is now established at over 50% South African", runs the official statement, "hence we feel the British government should be open to talks on a transfer of sovereignty and we will be making representations to the UN in this regard".</p> <p>The position set down by Westminster is that it is the team that will decide whether there will be any negotiations with Pretoria. The vote is widely expected to back remaining part of the UK. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48101#post-138628 Mon, 17 Sep 2012 09:30:32 +0000 willedwards 138628@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><blockquote>Send the WoM mug now!! Well over 2,000 likes!!</blockquote></p> <p>Is there actually a mug?! Well that would just make my month. (Although there are 2 weeks left of September of course, sure someone here will rise to the challenge).</p> <p>Thanks for all the positive comments, glad it went down well.</p> <p>I did also see some on Twitter and Facebook who thought it was real, which was rather hilarious... I guess good satire should always have a ring of plausibility about it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48101#post-138577 Sun, 16 Sep 2012 21:48:46 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 138577@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I loved this. Fresh and funny. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48101#post-138574 Sun, 16 Sep 2012 21:44:08 +0000 writinginbsl 138574@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>wot they said </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48101#post-138569 Sun, 16 Sep 2012 20:54:59 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 138569@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Good stuff, and I think Yikes is right; first sub straight to FP, straight to WOM. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48101#post-138488 Sun, 16 Sep 2012 00:13:34 +0000 Yikes 138488@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Send the WoM mug now!! Well over 2,000 likes!! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48101#post-138441 Sat, 15 Sep 2012 17:31:16 +0000 waylandsmithy 138441@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Dustybin, it's very encouraging. It just shows that if you write something funny that fits the site format, there's a good chance it'll get used. Being topical helps too.</p> <p>There's some really good stuff from new names being put on the boards at the moment, and the editors are picking it up despite all the background noise and bickering. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48101#post-138440 Sat, 15 Sep 2012 17:20:22 +0000 Ironduke 138440@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Superb concept and great execution.</p> <p>Allez WillEdwards! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48101#post-138395 Sat, 15 Sep 2012 12:50:23 +0000 DustyBinLaden 138395@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Well done on the FP. You earned it. Looks like the newbies are getting a bit of an airing, which is encouraging. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48101#post-138380 Sat, 15 Sep 2012 11:37:25 +0000 ramblesid 138380@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Should I say Royal Tunbridge Wells Wanderers is shit? Des, or should one say Royal Tunbridge Wells Wanderers are really rather jolly good? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48101#post-138377 Sat, 15 Sep 2012 11:30:19 +0000 JohnA 138377@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Well done. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48101#post-138373 Sat, 15 Sep 2012 11:08:48 +0000 Yikes 138373@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>What a debut! Close to 500 "likes" and climbing ... tweeted by the English Defence League, lol!</p> <p>Could this be WoM for a first sub??</p> <p>Edit: having looked at a couple of tweets I have an uneasy feeling that some people have not picked up that this story is satirical!!! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48101#post-138372 Sat, 15 Sep 2012 11:01:10 +0000 reforse 138372@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Fantastic, half asleep but when I switched from the BBC to NB I thought it was real for a sec. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48101#post-138370 Sat, 15 Sep 2012 10:50:39 +0000 Perks 138370@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>This are a lovely FP, good job. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48101#post-138367 Sat, 15 Sep 2012 10:43:04 +0000 Des Custard 138367@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Same with football teams: we say 'Man U are shit' when we should say 'Man U is shit'.</p> <p>Superb FP. More soon, I trust. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48101#post-138320 Sat, 15 Sep 2012 05:24:57 +0000 Golgo13 138320@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Surely "claims" is correct? </p> <p>(Government = singular)</p> <p>Although in UK English, we often treat it as an implied plural. </p> <p>Congrats on FP by the way. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48101#post-138314 Fri, 14 Sep 2012 23:06:19 +0000 willedwards 138314@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Woo! Front page, thanks guys!</p> <p>Just noted one small grammar fail - can it please be changed to "“The French government <strong>claim</strong> they can’t stop the publication..." (rather than 'claims' as it is now)?</p> <p>Thanks again,</p> <p>W </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48101#post-138313 Fri, 14 Sep 2012 22:40:43 +0000 HIGNFY 138313@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Fantastic, 5 stars from me. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48101#post-138308 Fri, 14 Sep 2012 22:12:38 +0000 waylandsmithy 138308@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>FP, surely? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48101#post-138304 Fri, 14 Sep 2012 21:57:24 +0000 dvo4fun 138304@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>yep </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48101#post-138299 Fri, 14 Sep 2012 21:16:30 +0000 FlashArry 138299@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nicely put together - like the style : ***** </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48101#post-138293 Fri, 14 Sep 2012 20:52:37 +0000 willedwards 138293@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cool thanks very much. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48101#post-138292 Fri, 14 Sep 2012 20:47:19 +0000 button 138292@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Its good, especially like the last para. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48101#post-138280 Fri, 14 Sep 2012 19:48:06 +0000 willedwards 138280@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><strong>Violent protests outside French Embassies after Middleton pictures published<br /> </strong></p> <p>The French Embassy in South Kensington was in flames last night after being over-run by English protesters unhappy with the treatment of Kate Middleton, a public figure venerated locally as a saint.</p> <p>Burning French flags and effigies of President François Hollande, protesters chanted ‘There is no Queen but Elizabeth’ and threw bricks through the windows of nearby crêperies and charcuteries.</p> <p>The monarchists were incensed by pictures that had appeared in the French magazine ‘Closeur’ which defamed the Duchess, revered by many in the UK as ‘such a nice girl’.</p> <p>Said one protester, “The French government claims they can’t stop the publication of the pictures because of ‘freedom of speech’, when it’s clear that the whole thing’s a perfidious plot to desecrate the ancient and outmoded system of beliefs that we English hold dear.” </p> <p>He then continued stamping on an assortment of croissants and warm patisseries, while others poured a rather special 1990 Chateau Margaux down the drain.</p> <p>There have also been reports of demonstrations outside French missions in other monarchist nations, including Australia, Canada, New Zealand and The Solomon Islands.</p> <p>The protests began peacefully, but around nightfall a number of extremist monarchists reportedly joined the fray. Armed with hundreds of years of tradition and a sense of fair play, they set about breaching the embassy’s defences. Gendarmes on duty inside the building initially repelled those attempting to scale the walls, but it wasn’t long before they surrendered. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44165#post-126394 Mon, 18 Jun 2012 00:31:50 +0000 OllieChilton 126394@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>FA chairman David Bernstein has revealed that in the weeks running up to major international tounuments, England managers will step down from their roles and subsequently cause havoc in choosing a new national manager, thus lowering fans and the medias expectations for how well the team will do in the forthcoming tounuments. </p> <p>"The FA have had an emergency meeting in a lovely cafe in Krakow - just round the corner from the England team hotel. We feel that the media back home have taken Roy to their hearts simply because he hasn't yet lost a match and wasn't given much time to prepare for the euros, which has made him a saint regardless of how many top premier league players are it he squad. If we want to, we could find ourselves in a similar situation in 2 years time in Brazil which would be ideal because the participants in the World Cup are much better and far superior to those in the euros." Said Bernstein.</p> <p>The decision is set to raise England's reputation across the globe no matter when they come back to England from Poland. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44162#post-126387 Sun, 17 Jun 2012 21:01:18 +0000 Mark Gregory 126387@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>England prepares Euro 2012 victory celebrations after winning a match </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43953#post-125713 Mon, 11 Jun 2012 12:54:24 +0000 Denis Dijon 125713@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Roy Hodgson, England’s embattled manager, today hailed as a victory the agreement by Euro 2012 countries to bail out his struggling football team. It is believed that some sort of deal would be hammered out by UEFA officials who have long recognised the huge skill deficit in English football.  “England have been on borrowed time since their lucky win at Wembley in 1966” claims Franz Beckenbauer. “Their expectations have been over-inflated to a level that is unsustainable” said the former German defender.<br />  <br /> The plans are to transfer players from all the quality teams in the final stages of Euro 2012 to shore up the national team. “We need to hammer out the details but we expect at least two strikers, a left back as cover for Ashley Cole and a holding midfielder if we are to avoid another 46 years of austerity” said Gary Neville the England manager’s newly-appointed assistant.<br />  <br /> Many feel that UEFA have been forced to act after concern that the toxic playing style, favoured by successive England managers, would spread to other teams. “If England continue to believe that they can produce teams that will win tournaments without any basis in reality then the contagion will spread” reports FIFA President for life,  Sepp Blatter. FIFA are known to be concerned about the impact of a global football recession which would devalue the World Cup and all the associated inducements that their officials are accustomed to.<br />  <br /> However, there remains doubt about the effectiveness of the strategy following the widely reported comments by the Spanish team that they would be happy for England to have Fernando Torres. Other countries are already lining up for handouts. Ireland’s capacity to be an international footballing force was badly affected by their performance against Croatia on Sunday.  Roy Keane, former Irish ex-international, is saying openly that “… they are bankrupt of ideas.” </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=42014#post-120057 Tue, 24 Apr 2012 16:49:48 +0000 clicktingstampz 120057@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The Football Association today dismissed criticism of its efforts to pick a new manager of the English national team, insisting an appointment would be made by “2020 at the latest”.<br /> FA chairman David Bernstein told a press conference that an initial longlist containing 7.01 billion names had been whittled down to 130,000.<br /> In a defiant riposte to the laws of space and time, Mr Bernstein insisted a new manager would be able to improve England's fortunes at this summer's European Championships, even if he was not put in charge for another few years.<br /> Mr Bernstein said: “I fervently believe that if, for example, we find the right man in 2018, he will still be able to have a positive influence on the 2012 European Championships.<br /> “We keep hearing how hindsight is a wonderful thing; this could be our chance to prove it.”<br /> Mr Bernstein denied the FA had been dragging its heels during the process to select a new England manager.<br /> “Far from it,” he said.<br /> “We've all been watching a lot of soccerball over the past few weeks and we're inching closer to a decision.<br /> “There are many outstanding candidates, such as Kenny Keegan, Garth Crooks and Eileen Drury, but we can't rush into this.<br /> “Plus we've been ever so busy recently, what with the debate about goal-line technology, and my daughter's upcoming wedding.”<br /> Meanwhile, bookmakers have stopped taking bets on England's squad once again disgracing their country at this summer's championships, through a series of woeful performances, dressing-room bust-ups, ill-advised sexual liaisons with each other's wives and homophobic tweets. </p>