http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=education The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Tue, 21 May 2013 20:58:14 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61282#post-178340 Thu, 16 May 2013 11:42:14 +0000 brianflan 178340@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>NiB Postman??????</p> <p>It's a gas meter reader conspiracy I tell thee. I'm off to contact Mel Gibson - if he isn't burning down synagogues in a drunken rage..... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61282#post-178336 Thu, 16 May 2013 11:12:36 +0000 Wrenfoe 178336@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Gratz on the NiB :D </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61282#post-178257 Thu, 16 May 2013 00:00:40 +0000 brianflan 178257@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>BJ happy it could be read as real.....the level of satire I aspire to.</p> <p>As one who is returning to the UK in the not too distant future I may go down the job centre and ask for that all important position on the Maldives I've had my eye on </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61282#post-178179 Wed, 15 May 2013 13:22:19 +0000 beau-jolly 178179@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I did think that this was a real story. </p> <p>It works both ways. I had redundancy insurance kick in once but I had to sign on to get it. I told them I was looking for work as an international marketing director on £shitloads. Are you qualified? Yes. Oh, We don't have any jobs like that. Good. See you in 2 weeks. Occasionally I would get them to pay for a train trip to London by showing them an advert in the Times.</p> <p>I knew a guy who got his travel paid to go for a job interview in Paris. He knew he wouldn't get it as he didn't speak French. He just fancied a trip. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61282#post-178175 Wed, 15 May 2013 12:54:33 +0000 blacklesbian 178175@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Just the job. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61282#post-178170 Wed, 15 May 2013 12:46:23 +0000 Dick Everyman 178170@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yep, a slap in the face especially when you are over-qualified for a role. Have you noticed how the word 'Executive' in a job title no longer means a highly qualified and experienced person but also applies to jobs paying under £17.5k a year? </p> <p>There are other examples I'm sure... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61282#post-178169 Wed, 15 May 2013 12:20:16 +0000 brianflan 178169@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The sad thing is this is just a twist on the story of a good friend of mine - job applicant not self important recruiter I may add </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61214#post-178148 Wed, 15 May 2013 10:11:43 +0000 Bertrand Twisted 178148@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Is that Rikkor the Redbricker? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61282#post-178141 Wed, 15 May 2013 09:50:24 +0000 Dick Everyman 178141@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>He should've walked the plank... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61282#post-178139 Wed, 15 May 2013 09:41:34 +0000 brianflan 178139@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A Masters student was yesterday turned down for a role as a meter reader due to his lack of professional walking experience. </p> <p>Mark Pye 43, an ex Chief Petty Officer in the Royal Navy, who is currently in his first year of an Msc in applicable maths at The London School of Economics was left angry yesterday when he was turned down by a 19 year old Recruitment consultant for the role of seasonal meter reader with British Gas.</p> <p>‘I just wanted something to tide me over the summer to get a bit of money before I start my second year. All my Navy pension is swallowed up in CSA payments to the ex and her new bloke.' </p> <p>My Pye attended a presentation for the 5 positions with the 398 other candidates, amongst them former politician Chris Huhne.</p> <p>‘It didn’t start well when I said it would be nice to be out in the open and do something stress free.’ My Pye said of his interview. ‘The recruitment lady baulked and said it could be very stressful if something like a battery or pen ran out. She then asked me what walking experience I have as it was a physical job; you know walking, bending down, reading meters, and a bit more walking. I said I was an avid hiker and had recently completed the South Downs Trail. She replied that recreational walking couldn’t be considered and had I done any walking in a professional capacity. When I said in addition to over 40 years of normal walking I used to walk to work, she told be not to be facetious. She then asked me if I had ever read a meter. I told her as a former watchkeeper on a nuclear submarine that it was my responsibility to monitor gauges and displays to prevent a nuclear meltdown and a possible global catastrophe. To which she replied ‘yeah but it ain’t a gas meter innit’.’</p> <p>A spokesperson for Bluestone recruitment stated ‘While we cannot comment on individual cases it is our responsibility to ensure the client gets the best applicants possible. For this particular position the standard of applicant was exceptionally high, and we are confident we recruited applicants with the experience of walking through flowerbeds, calling in sick when the weather is slightly too warm or too cold and have the appropriate amount of surliness, and as it was an immediate vacancy we needed those people who could start in 8 weeks. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61214#post-178135 Wed, 15 May 2013 09:27:10 +0000 Oxbridge 178135@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"Not that Oxbridge entrance is the be all etc."</p> <p>You tell Rikkor that... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61214#post-178053 Tue, 14 May 2013 20:03:54 +0000 Bertrand Twisted 178053@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Quango - it's just in reference to the fact that the real college in question sought to justify their decision to stop the rugby fixture on the basis that the other college is, in essence, solely an academy for professional rugby players of the future in contrast to their own highbrow academic aspirations. </p> <p>That all sounds fair enough until it emerges that said "professional rugby academy" got 2 students into Oxbridge last year (as genuine undergraduates, not what you're referring to above), precisely the same number of students as the college with the loftier academic pretensions. </p> <p>Not that Oxbridge entrance is the be all etc,, but it tends to be the measure that most schools use, especially those who wish to portray themselves as academically successful. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61214#post-178052 Tue, 14 May 2013 19:23:53 +0000 quango 178052@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Don't get the Oxbridge reference tho - the rowing team for both is made up of people who are as thick as shit, but win them races. Same for rugby </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61214#post-178023 Tue, 14 May 2013 14:58:44 +0000 Bertrand Twisted 178023@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Well, funny names or not....that is the question. Spot on about Llandovery. Glad to hear you were good at tennis 30 years ago...I wasn't.</p> <p>Don't want to get too clever for my own good with Welsh words and spellings....probably should change the teachers names and maybe the schools too, but not sure how ! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61214#post-178020 Tue, 14 May 2013 14:52:23 +0000 blacklesbian 178020@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Life is Bywyd in welsh and Llyf is I think flood although might be spelt with an 'i' not a 'y'. I liked Llandofmyfathus as well, especially as the real place is Llandovery. They may be a big rugby school but our comprehensive slaughtered them at tennis thirty two years ago. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61214#post-178015 Tue, 14 May 2013 14:27:38 +0000 Bertrand Twisted 178015@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>If I can't edit the text any more, are there any other ways to tidy up the funny names problem...or do I just have to reissue as a new version? Any suggestions? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61214#post-178014 Tue, 14 May 2013 14:22:35 +0000 Bertrand Twisted 178014@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ah ok, thanks for the tip - I didn't know there was a no funny names rule....although, on reflection, I guess they are a bit cheesy. I don't know about the Welsh spelling, tricky subject. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61214#post-177991 Tue, 14 May 2013 12:56:35 +0000 beau-jolly 177991@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Has promise but breaks the no funny names rule a few times. Having said that I did like University of Llyfe although I am sure you spell it Llyff. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61214#post-177945 Tue, 14 May 2013 08:24:48 +0000 Bertrand Twisted 177945@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sorry about that Oxbridge....nothing personal, I'm sure</p> <p>("nothing personal?....how much more personal can you get.....") </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61214#post-177943 Tue, 14 May 2013 08:17:26 +0000 blacklesbian 177943@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Apparently some of the public schools have banned buggery as well now. It never did me any harm. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61214#post-177941 Tue, 14 May 2013 08:09:14 +0000 Oxbridge 177941@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"Last week I heard rumours of 2 students gaining entry to Oxbridge"</p> <p>My ass hurts.</p> <p>Stars anyway. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61214#post-177939 Tue, 14 May 2013 08:02:05 +0000 Bertrand Twisted 177939@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Here you go.....</p> <p><a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-22443380" rel="nofollow">http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-22443380</a></p> <p><a href="http://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/wales-news/wales-oldest-schoolboy-rugby-fixture-3664228" rel="nofollow">http://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/wales-news/wales-oldest-schoolboy-rugby-fixture-3664228</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61214#post-177857 Mon, 13 May 2013 17:01:26 +0000 Titus 177857@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"... did you by any chance come across the real story to which this is thinly veiled reference?!"</p> <p>No. Gissa link. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61214#post-177856 Mon, 13 May 2013 17:00:03 +0000 Wrenfoe 177856@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>No - but I know half a dozen Colleges that sound just like this lol </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61214#post-177852 Mon, 13 May 2013 16:45:13 +0000 Bertrand Twisted 177852@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Well, thank you very much for that...did you by any chance come across the real story to which this is thinly veiled reference?! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61214#post-177851 Mon, 13 May 2013 16:42:05 +0000 Wrenfoe 177851@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Friend or no - I liked it! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61214#post-177850 Mon, 13 May 2013 16:34:22 +0000 Bertrand Twisted 177850@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Haha....I like that I can give myself a 5* vote - who needs friends?! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61214#post-177844 Mon, 13 May 2013 16:10:28 +0000 Bertrand Twisted 177844@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A leading independent school in Wales has decided to ban certain rugby matches due to new research from the University of Llyfe, which shows that getting hit by other people wearing skin-tight lycra and studded boots can cause mild symptoms of what doctors call "pain".</p> <p>The Head of Jesus H. College, Miss Ingdepointt said, "This research shows that not only does rugby hurt, but certain games hurt significantly more, mainly the ones you lose. We have reached the sad but inevitable conclusion that all rugby matches which we are unlikely to win are therefore inherently unsafe and regrettably must be banned." </p> <p>The first casualty of this decision will be the historic 500 year old 1st XV fixture against local rival Llandofmyfathus College, which in recent years has focused exclusively on rugby, at the cost of almost everything else.</p> <p>"It’s not easy to be this dedicated to rugby," claimed Llandofmyfathus Head Coach, Dai Trying, "even if we are Welsh. We have to be absolutely single-minded in our mission. Last week I heard rumours of 2 students gaining entry to Oxbridge, which is totally against College policy and you can expect citings and drinking fines of the toughest order to follow. Similarly, there have been stories of some pupils with long hair wearing make-up and skirts. I expect it’s only the colts back-rowers having a laugh, but you can’t be too careful."</p> <p>Asked about the prospectîve loss of the world’s oldest sporting fixture, Trying said, "It’s a shame, but we’ll get over it. Last year we had to deal with a major crisis in changing the College motto from "Crouch, Touch, Pause, Engage" to "Crouch, Touch, Set", in line with IRB regulations. We survived that, so I’m sure we’ll get through this too."</p> <p>On whether other sports would be affected at Jesus H. College, Miss Ingdepointt commented, "There’s nothing in the research that indicates any dangers at all associated with other sports, especially those involving large wooden sticks, which coincidentally we happen to be quite good at and for which we offer numerous scholarships – all applicants welcome, especially those from St. Trinians." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60197#post-174803 Mon, 22 Apr 2013 22:03:34 +0000 Sir Lupus 174803@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I think the 'average' joke has been done before, but I like the story development. Feel it somehow needs to be a bit sharper, but alas I don't have the talent (or application) to help much just now! but I particularly liked the phrases "legacy subjects" and the "roll out of continuous improvement" ending up with just one pupil who gets a book token. perhaps that's the line to end it on. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60197#post-174766 Mon, 22 Apr 2013 18:43:52 +0000 thisisall1word 174766@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The latest figures released by the Department for Education show that half of all state schools are now below the national average. Ministers have used such falling standards to push for a wider take up of education from the private sector.</p> <p>"Throwing tax payer money into any failing business is a waste of scarce funds" claimed Education minister Michael Gove, "and as the data clearly shows, these schools are failing themselves, the community, and the Great British taxpayer too".</p> <p>A departmental white paper has begun circulation suggesting tax breaks for businesses, charities and extreme fundamentalist religious groups who would be willing to take over many secondary schools, on a 'no questions asked' basis.</p> <p>The paper details significant concessions which could be made to increase the attractiveness of private sector involvement; the business would be exempt from FOI, would class students grades and attendance as commercially sensitive and with no requirements to publish results and attendance, and also the syllabus would be open to the removal of many ‘legacy’ subjects such as English and Maths in exchange for studies such as hard labour, building smart phones, or telesales studies.</p> <p>Gove also pointed out that by removing the failing 50% of schools this would produce a new %50 of schools newly failing to meet the national average; “I cannot see our roll out of continuous improvements to education ever ending, until perhaps we are left with the one school”. Although Gove also said he would consider sub-dividing this school repeatedly until one student was left who “perhaps could be given a book token, some sort of scholarship to public school and small paper crown” although George Osbourne later pointed out that any book tokens would be “subject to Treasury sign off”. </p>