http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=easter The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Fri, 24 May 2013 18:15:33 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58623#post-170274 Wed, 27 Mar 2013 11:36:10 +0000 james_patching_1 170274@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>George Osborne was celebrating yesterday as figures were released showing a complete turnaround for the British economy thanks to international orders for British Easter eggs and related services going through the roof.</p> <p>"The level of demand for products and services in the British Easter Egg Industry is now so high we can more or less guarantee full employment for the next two years," said a jubiliant Osborne.</p> <p>The British Easter Egg concept, which involves taking a normal chocolate bar, packaging it up with a cheap, egg-shaped piece of chocolate and raising the price significantly, has become a huge hit throughout the world with orders coming in from throughout Europe, Asia, Africa and the Americas. Head Chocolatier of Swiss luxury chocolate maker Villtenstein und Boehms said that for years his highly trained team had tried to come up with the perfect chocolate blend for Easter by mixing together an array of cocoas, spices and flavours but ultimately, "just ramping up the price of people's favourite chocolate bar and selling it with a tacky chocolate egg seems to have done the trick."</p> <p>And it's not just the chocolate egg producers themselves who are making a profit as management consultants throughout the country have seen a sharp rise in demand for their services from producers abroad desperate to find a British Easter Egg concept of their own.</p> <p>David Phillips, Partner at Lloyds &amp; Smith (a consultancy), explained how his firm saw revenues increase dramatically thanks to a project developing a British Easter Egg concept for the producers of French chocolate bar "Zig-Zag", which brought in over £10,000 a day in consultant fees.</p> <p>"We headed over to Paris and spent two weeks sampling the best restaurants and staying in luxury five star hotels in order to get a feel for the place. After this research period we discovered that the French had an emotional attachment to the Zig-Zag bar that produced happy childhood memories of playing Pétanque and singing Frère Jacques so we put together a 100 slide Powerpoint presentation, which developed a brand new concept for them. Clearly I'm unable to go into too many details here but the idea basically involved them selling the Zig-Zag bar at an overinflated price along with a cheap cholocate egg."</p> <p>Despite the celebrations at Downing Street there was one black cloud on the horizon as the release of the positive figures came on the same day that celebrity chef Jamie Oliver announced his new campaign aiming to stop children from eating British Easter Eggs and invest the time in creating their own chocolate eggs using high-quality, fair-trade, organic ingredients.</p> <p>"The timing of the campaign launch titled 'Don't eat British Easter Eggs, they're crap!' was more than a little unfortunate," admitted Osborne. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41184#post-117409 Thu, 05 Apr 2012 19:47:36 +0000 Yorkist 117409@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In York today there is news that a Maundy tradition was fulfilled when a woman of German descent gave back some money she'd had siphoned her way back to some of the people who'd had it taken. She was overheard afterwards apparently saying that giving a token back kept the unwashed off her back and she had plenty stashed away already. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1765#post-4993 Wed, 31 Mar 2010 07:58:25 +0000 Stan Laurel 4993@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>There were confused scenes at the Sanhedrin yesterday when the trial of Jesus Christ, self styled ‘King of the Jews’ collapsed after the counsel for the defence successfully argued that the location of the execution was too vague.</p> <p>Appealing against the sentence, Christ’s duty barrister, James Simon, brother of Peter Simon, son of Joseph, drew the court’s attention to a number of concerns.</p> <p>“Firstly, we have the issue of my client’s human rights. Clearly an execution is not in his best long term interests. Secondly, I’m not happy about the way of his arrest in the Garden of Gethsemane. This case stinks of entrapment and I’m certain that the soldiers exercised unnecessary force. Did the arresting officers have certificates for those swords?”</p> <p>“Finally, and most importantly,” he said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice, “there is the question of the execution site. I cannot accept that ‘A green hill far away without a city wall’ is sufficiently accurate. Unless the court is able to prove that this vaguely located green hill, wherever it is, has planning permission for a crucifixion. I must submit that the defendant is released.”</p> <p>Considering the appeal, Roman Prefect, Pontius Pilate said “Look everyone. It’s been a long day, the holiday weekend is coming up and I’ve got a fitness class to run. After due consideration I think that James Simon, brother of Peter Simon, son of Joseph, may have a point. Either the crucifixion is to be held at Calvary which is just up the road or on a green hill far away. It can’t be both.” After a sigh of exasperation, Pilate said “I can’t see that releasing one man can make that much difference to anybody, so I wash my hands of it. Case dismissed!”</p> <p>Strangely, Christ, the reprieved man, was visibly upset by his unexpected release. In a written statement read to the throng by his solicitor he said “All of this has come as a bit of a shock. It has certainly changed our plans. I don’t know what my Father is going to say.” </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1093#post-2784 Wed, 17 Mar 2010 19:01:18 +0000 thisisall1word 2784@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>. </p>