http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=earthquake The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 22 May 2013 18:55:51 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57817#post-168486 Sun, 17 Mar 2013 19:49:58 +0000 nickb 168486@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I still say I salute him. The guy has a right to die publicly. I mean in the comedy sense. He has bravely exercised his right to do this, by putting up something he must have imagined to be edgey. Bless him, no faulting the ambition. Sadly, it turns out to be simply poor, ccording to all who have taken the trouble to post here. And ungrammatical, although it's cruel to kick a man when he is so clearly down, Blacklesbian! In this case a kicking by a blacklesbian has got to hurt this guy, I'd imagine.</p> <p>Look, fellah, Scoobey Doo or whatever you're called. It hurts. We know, we know. And Titus is right. Pakistan is not off limits when it comes to humour. But the clue is in that last word. Risky stuff has to go that extra mile to be funny. So, what have we learned here? Room for improvement. Don't take it too hard. Give it another go. Get back in the saddle. Or find a hobby where you can really excel. They say flower arranging is a lot of fun! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57817#post-167809 Wed, 13 Mar 2013 12:58:44 +0000 Titus 167809@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The only real problem is that it is a worn-out, very old joke. But I agree, Pakistan has just as much right to be included as South Wales, Birmingham, Anywhere-Oop-North or any other tedious city, town, district or country of your choice. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57817#post-167771 Wed, 13 Mar 2013 10:52:17 +0000 medici2471 167771@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Has there been a massive earthquake in Pakistan? </p> <p>I recall there was one in Dudley a few years ago that cause just hundreds of pounds worth of improvements... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57817#post-167769 Wed, 13 Mar 2013 10:38:36 +0000 Midnight Dreary 167769@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>After. But the grammar is still the best bit. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57817#post-167751 Wed, 13 Mar 2013 10:01:57 +0000 blacklesbian 167751@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Shouldn't there be an apostrophe before the 's' in 'pounds'? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57817#post-167748 Wed, 13 Mar 2013 09:58:20 +0000 Perks 167748@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I think the biggest problem is that the joke is a very very old pub joke. It offers nothing new. I've heard it about cities, areas of cities, earthquakes, tornados, fires. It's the equivalent of putting a poor knock-knock joke up and thinking people are missing comedy genius.</p> <p> As for other things written, I don't think dignify a response </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57817#post-167747 Wed, 13 Mar 2013 09:57:48 +0000 Midnight Dreary 167747@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><blockquote>Hey, a guy who once wrote subs here is lauded in death (only a blue plaque on the website is missing)</blockquote></p> <p>Don't worry Tripod, if anything ever happens to you, I'm sure we'll all make it clear just how much we miss you.</p> <p>This sub offends people because it's such an old joke, btw, not because of the racism, that's just tired. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57817#post-167734 Wed, 13 Mar 2013 08:36:29 +0000 Jeremy Hunt 167734@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>''Hey, a guy who once wrote subs here is lauded in death (only a blue plaque on the website is missing), while dead celebrities are greeted with mocking laughter.''</p> <p>Indeed.Of course celebrities A-Z don't have feelings or families.I know Jade Goody didn't.Nor do I. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57817#post-167729 Wed, 13 Mar 2013 08:17:51 +0000 Tripod 167729@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><blockquote>a raw nerve</blockquote></p> <p>It's not always easy to know where 'the line' is. Hey, a guy who once wrote subs here is lauded in death (only a blue plaque on the website is missing), while dead celebrities are greeted with mocking laughter. Go figure, as they say in the USA... </p> <p>Of course, the best defence is to write something so funny that readers are bent double with laughter before they realise they're offended... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57817#post-167709 Wed, 13 Mar 2013 03:00:38 +0000 Scoby Watson 167709@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I think it's safe to say I've hit a raw nerve. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57817#post-167690 Wed, 13 Mar 2013 00:12:24 +0000 nickb 167690@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Calling this shit does shit a disservice. Otherwise I would agree. Chilly today wasn't it? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57817#post-167678 Tue, 12 Mar 2013 23:51:44 +0000 Golgo13 167678@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Shit </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57817#post-167674 Tue, 12 Mar 2013 23:46:17 +0000 nickb 167674@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I heartily support the freedom for this kind of shit to be posted. More dumb shit, Scoby. Try some funny as well. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57817#post-167656 Tue, 12 Mar 2013 22:34:11 +0000 LensCap 167656@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>or alternatively say Birmingham or Wales - it's always all right to take the piss out of these places </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57817#post-167653 Tue, 12 Mar 2013 21:29:32 +0000 Dumbnews 167653@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>maybe "investment" instead of improvement, and something less tragic than earthquake like flooding? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57817#post-167647 Tue, 12 Mar 2013 21:03:22 +0000 Scoby Watson 167647@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22332#post-68211 Mon, 16 May 2011 11:54:13 +0000 Mrblacker 68211@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I like this. clever and witty. Although Rikkor's right - no fart jokes. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22332#post-68182 Mon, 16 May 2011 07:02:55 +0000 David Ng 17 Lot St E Tupper NY 68182@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Very funny. It's almost as if you are, like, observing things. The spoof reply was also very clever - sounded like an actual pretentious individual. But I agree: keep writing. Thanks for putting that together.</p> <p>Best,<br /> Dave </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22451#post-60697 Sat, 12 Mar 2011 15:17:45 +0000 Grover 60697@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Following a recent series of horrific world events including earthquakes in New Zealand and Japan, tsunamis, nuclear power plant leaks, and the on-going humanitarian crisis in Libya, world-renowned lucky bastard Mark Zuckerberg has announced that his popular social networking website <em>Facebook</em> will be adopting a new interaction button, allowing users to express a wider range of reactions to the video clips, photos, and status updates their 'friends' post. </p> <p>"It's something we've been talking about informally for a long time," said Zuckerberg, with his usual shit-eating $13.5 billion grin. "But when our users started posting footage of the Japanese tsunami and their friends kept clicking 'like', we realized we had to act fast".</p> <p>As of 1 April 2011, Facebook will introduce a new button for postings. Alongside the familiar 'like', 'comment', and 'share', users will now be able to click 'sympathize with the victims of this tragedy'. </p> <p>Zuckerberg and his arse-lickers are optimistic that this addition to the Facebook repertoire will elevate social networking to what they laughingly refer to as "a new level".</p> <p>Not everyone shares their optimistic view, however. Pseudo-pundits who can't find a real job and have to resort to monitoring 'internet trends' point out that Facebook's users tend have a tendency to resist changes to the website. </p> <p>"Facebook users protest every time something about Facebook changes," says Brad Benzie, a wanna-be journalist who writes a blog that no one reads. "It's a characteristic of Facebook users that is well-documented. Or it would be, if anyone were documenting it".</p> <p>Facebook insiders dismiss the criticism. </p> <p>"The 'sympathize with victims' button is just a pilot scheme anyway," said one Facebook programmer, who spoke on condition of anonymity. "If no one uses it, we'll take it down. But if uptake is positive, we may adapt it to a more general 'sympathize' button, which would stop people clicking 'like' when someone posts that their father just died".</p> <p>More buttons are anticipated, including a controversial 'You have so much to live for' button, intended for people who post their suicide notes on Facebook. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22332#post-60306 Wed, 09 Mar 2011 16:52:35 +0000 rikkor 60306@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Too erudite, I'm afraid. Lacks fart jokes=lacks stars. I am a firm believer that all Gehry buildings will be architectural laughing stocks in 10 years. Keep writing, though. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22332#post-60291 Wed, 09 Mar 2011 14:25:47 +0000 Q William Bacon 60291@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><img src="http://qwilliambacon.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/marques.jpg"></p> <p>An earthquake measuring 8.5 on the Richter Scale has struck 62 buildings located throughout the world. The buildings were designed by renowned architect Frank Gehry.</p> <p>Damage varies from minor surface warping to, in a few cases, imminent collapse. All occupants managed to safely escape the slowly collapsing Marques de Riscal Hotel, pictured above.</p> <p>MIT geologist J. David Sallen says, "We're all familiar with the planet's major tectonic fault lines, but there also exists thousands of less dangerous microfaults, including the one I study, which lies under the MIT campus. The faults form a fracture network connected within the outer crust, so when one microfault moves, they all move. </p> <p>"Building over a known microfault is generally avoided. Safety officials tell me that Gehry's Stata Center at MIT is safe to re-enter, but there's no way I'm going back in there. The building is clearly teetering."</p> <p>Gehry himself, when asked if he knew about the microfaults, replied, "Hell, yeah. I'm the only architect with my work on faults because I'm the only architect with the balls to do it.</p> <p>"I knew about the faults, so I designed the structures to flex with a quake. So, some of the walls got bent. Some of them are leaning. Some of them broke. Big deal. Given the magnitude of the disaster, I think my designs held up extremely well.</p> <p>"My only regret is the complete structural failure of my Marques de Riscal. I thank God that no lives were lost." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=19504#post-52553 Tue, 04 Jan 2011 22:56:19 +0000 Matt T 52553@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The earthquake which hit northern England at 9pm last night has been blamed on John Prescott who fell off a ladder whilst reaching for some pies, sending shockwaves through Skipton.</p> <p>The former MP and failed anorexic is said to have been suffering a mid-evening yearning for a couple more packs of mince pies before beginning his annual January detox.</p> <p>House of Lords chums say that Lord “Of course I don’t want a peerage” Prescott had already scoffed four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree which unsurprisingly had left him feeling rather peckish.</p> <p>Some commentators have suggested that Mr Prescott might have misunderstood Government healthy eating guidelines leading him to wrongly believe that the “5-a-day” advice applied to Christmas treats as well as fruit, vegetables and shagging his secretary, although this was denied by a spokesman.</p> <p>Lord Prescott’s lovely wife Pauline emerged from one of her husband’s many Jags to defend him against the accusations, saying: “John and I are deeply hurt by the scurrilous allegations in today’s tabloids. Although my husband has often been correctly described as a ‘political heavyweight’ he was not the cause of yesterday’s earth tremors. In fact he was making love to me at the time and I can categorically assure you that the earth did not move at our house.”</p> <p>Lady Prescott continued, “In any case, John’s not allowed up ladders these days. Our lovely Polish au-pair Monika does all that for him whilst he thoughtfully stands below and looks up intently to ensure that she doesn’t fall. Although come to think of it, both our sons grew up and left home years ago so I’m not sure why we have an au-pair…”</p> <p>Local MP William Hague was also hit by the incident whilst saying in a Leeds Travelodge after it caused him to trip and fall naked onto the pre-lubed cock of a male researcher with whom he was holding a strategy meeting. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=243#post-846 Sun, 28 Feb 2010 11:53:46 +0000 virtuallywill 846@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thank you very much HFT, there was a time when I did get some front pages, those days are long gone, well they were last month... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=243#post-842 Sun, 28 Feb 2010 11:43:31 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 842@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I thought this a very perspicacious HL. I want to give it a 10. I've been trying to give it 2 fives. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=243#post-723 Sat, 27 Feb 2010 08:21:47 +0000 virtuallywill 723@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>more in nine months </p>