http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=drinking The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 19 Jun 2013 11:59:57 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=39436#post-111932 Sun, 04 Mar 2012 13:29:19 +0000 Nathaniel S White 111932@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Government officials have announced a radical new plan to ensure that the nation’s position as the 'Drunk of Europe'is maintained following shocking figures showing an increase in teenage sobriety. </p> <p>'We are aiming to target the young in order to increase the overall drunkeness of the nation' remarked PM David Cameron in a speech at a seedy Prague nightclub last night. 'Many young people do not start drinking heavily until they reach the age of 14, and we can really strengthen our position in Europe by getting this figure down to 12.'</p> <p>Many commentators have become worried that due to economic strains people are becoming less inclined to spend their money on alcohol, instead focussing on food, heat and clothing. The PM however announced a bold new policy which would see every child from the age of twelve receiving a free mini bottle of Vodka instead of milk at school. </p> <p>‘Thish bold new pppolicy will ensure tha we have a higher level of drunknenness than any other nation in Eurooope’ announced the PM in a slur that suggested he was already doing his bit for the nation. ‘We will hammer those light weight frog eaters and show Euroop who is boss’, he added before starting a brawl with one of the bouncers. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28486#post-79599 Thu, 28 Jul 2011 13:04:30 +0000 Flashman 79599@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In a scene all too familiar, parents are dipping into their nest-eggs to bail out their kids. In a report that will have cost the NHS the price of 100 hospital beds, a survey reveals that as children are drinking less, their parents are taking up the slack.</p> <p>Bryn Smyth, a civil servant from Cardiff said in between gulps of Rose, "If it's not saving to pay off their likely future credit card debts or putting aside a few pounds to pay for the university application forms it's something else. It's started to get me down. Why do we always have to take responsibility for our mistakes?"</p> <p>TBC... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=19996#post-53964 Fri, 14 Jan 2011 11:47:57 +0000 Tristan Shout 53964@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>NASA probably would adopt oxygen pills too, if it weren't for the powerful space-suit lobby. </p> <p>'Big Space Suit' has been suppressing oxygen pill technology since the Eisenhower administration. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=19996#post-53958 Fri, 14 Jan 2011 11:32:56 +0000 Ostsee 53958@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In Fireball XL5 they used oxygen pills. It saved putting space suits on. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=19996#post-53904 Thu, 13 Jan 2011 21:29:14 +0000 cskye 53904@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Warming the cockles with a swift scotch may be a thing of the past thanks to a new drug, nicknamed ‘whiskey pills’, which produces the same body heat as downing a triple, without its other head spewing effects.</p> <p>Officially called Sungut, the drug causes users to experience a pleasant burning in the stomach area, warming the body from the inside out.</p> <p>It was developed by pharmaceutical giant Medicon, after researchers discovered that drinking rates are directly correlated to bitter bleakness. Unsurprisingly, the strongest pattern was found in Scotland, where January is the dominant season.</p> <p>According to the research, January's weather, which feels like walking through damp, slightly frozen tea towels, causes alcohol to become twice as attractive. The results also revealed that heavy drinkers perceive the temperature to be 2 – 5 degrees warmer than it actually is, places to be 10 per cent less crap and people to be 20 per cent more interesting.</p> <p>For most people January also represents a glum forlornness, reminiscent of a squirrel facing hibernation a few hazelnuts short of comfort or the greyness of a 1960’s tower-block lift decorated with mould and marker pens. Medicon’s new wonder drug claims to eliminate this, elevating moods to that only experienced in the warmer months of July and August.</p> <p>Managing Director of Medicon, Noddy Scruples, said: “It’s saddening that so many people resort to consuming battery acid tasting beverages just to keep warm and upbeat. The climate is no match for today’s drugs, such as Sungut, and soon the January blues will be a thing of the past – reserved just for the very poorest people who cannot afford our reasonable prices. Prepare to see the end of the red-nosed beer gut of a drunk in denial of winter.”</p> <p>The drug was trialled successfully last year on three monkeys, five homeless Scotsmen and a group of skint students. The findings were astounding, with more than half of users drinking 5 per cent less when using the drug five times a day for six months.</p> <p>Confident of its success, Medicon is now working on an improved formula, which will include fake Dutch courage.Research is also underway for a drug which mimics the taste of salt, giving users the feeling of clogged up arteries, without any actual heart attacks. </p> <p>For more information, please visit your local pub. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=12689#post-34524 Tue, 21 Sep 2010 19:48:55 +0000 Oxbridge 34524@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Following the success of ‘in game’ gambling on football matches, online betting agency Paddy Power is beginning an experiment in what it calls ‘true life’ betting. A pilot project has begun this weekend via a network of webcams following Steve Douglas’s stag weekend in Exeter.</p> <p>‘Punters have a variety of options,’ said Paddy Power marketing director Mike Falder. ‘On the Friday, for instance, £10 would have become £25 if you’d backed the favourite Ray Mariner at 5/2 for First Rhyming of Stag with Shag, or if you’d taken part in spread betting on the time of the First Wimping Out of Kayaking Stakes, selling at 28 minutes would have netted you a tidy profit.’</p> <p>Last night, online gamblers also wagered Most Maudlin Drunken Monologue Stakes and Most Blatant Gawping at Women Young Enough to be Their Daughters Hurdle, both of which took place in and around a nightclub in the centre of town. The focus is shifting to the stag party’s lunchtime visit to a beer festival followed by a trip to the races at Newton Abbot, where betting on the party's betting will take place. </p> <p>With over £3 million turned over already, analysts have hailed the experiments as a success. Some online gamblers, however, remain sceptical. </p> <p>‘I thought I’d won big time last night in the Crassest Comment to the Hen Party Wearing Disney Princess Costumes Handicap when my 7/1 shot Tony Brown asked the fat girl dressed as Snow White if she’d eaten the seven dwarves,’ said disappointed John Wade, who followed the meeting from his bedsit in Northampton. </p> <p>‘Imagine my disappointment when the stewards ruled that 33/1 outsider Chris Stringer asking Little Bo Peep if she would like to blow his horn was the winner. How can that be worse than Tony’s effort? It isn’t even original. I tried to launch an appeal but they didn’t want to know. If you ask me, this betting lark is a fix.’ </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2821#post-8309 Mon, 19 Apr 2010 15:16:49 +0000 sauce 8309@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ouch ... bit muzzy-headed this morning but it's worn off now. 5 stars. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2821#post-8292 Mon, 19 Apr 2010 14:31:32 +0000 jp1885 8292@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ta all - written from bitter (pun semi-intended) experience! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2821#post-8278 Mon, 19 Apr 2010 13:03:32 +0000 Des Custard 8278@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Well observed. I thought it was just me. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2821#post-8262 Mon, 19 Apr 2010 11:59:48 +0000 Scroat 8262@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Love this. Cheers! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2821#post-8257 Mon, 19 Apr 2010 11:38:32 +0000 QorbeQ 8257@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Oi, you based this on me Mr Jonno? Fünf pointen! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2821#post-8244 Mon, 19 Apr 2010 09:41:32 +0000 jp1885 8244@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Britain's Chief Medical Officer, Professor Sir Liam Donaldson, has issued his strongest warning yet about the dangers of drinking in moderation. Speaking at a recent seminar, Sir Liam told the country's top medical professionals how the 'one-tin hangover' is having a 'seriously detrimental effect on people's wellbeing.'</p> <p>'To many occasional drinkers, the after-effects of having a quiet bottle of beer in front of the telly on a Friday night can be more debilitating than that of a all-day session on the pop for a seasoned alchie.' He then went on to outline some of the side-effects of having 'just the odd glass now and then', which range from feeling slightly woolly headed the morning after, to the onset of an irritating headache.</p> <p>'To the Amy Winehouses and Pete Dochertys of today these problems may seem rather tame,' he claimed, 'but to Britain's lightweights, having a mild muzziness behind the eyes is no laughing matter when you've got to take the kids swimming on a Sunday morning.' </p> <p>Sir Liam has pledged to tackle this problem by recommending to the government that the legal drink-driving limit be reduced to zero units for people 'who don’t go out as much as they used to, what with the baby and everything.' 'The onus will be on pub landlords and off-license staff,' he announced. 'Anyone over the age of twenty five who they do not recognise as a regular piss-head should be refused alcohol - especially red wine or foreign-sounding lagers.'</p> <p>An emergency meeting of the General Medical Council will be convened to debate this issue and study Sir Liam's proposal, just as soon as Niall Dickson, Chief Executive and Registrar of the GMC, is available. 'Mr. Dickson was last seen renting a copy of the latest Harry Potter film,' said a spokesman, 'and we know he's still got some Cusqueña left over from Christmas, so we expect him to be back at his desk just as soon as he's found some Asprin.' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=228#post-706 Fri, 26 Feb 2010 21:27:20 +0000 virtuallywill 706@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>still have my vinyl copy </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=228#post-685 Fri, 26 Feb 2010 17:37:49 +0000 edward hack 685@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Birmingham Town Hall Nov 1976 - Kursaals and Burlesque </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=228#post-679 Fri, 26 Feb 2010 16:46:17 +0000 Des Custard 679@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Once you get a catchy song like that in your head it can be very hard to remove. </p>