Forum » Tag: Dr. Who - Recent Posts

Forum » Tag: Dr. Who - Recent Posts http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=dr-who The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 22 May 2013 19:38:47 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php arthurminnit on "anglo-irish governments apologise for Hillsborough" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48041#post-138100 Thu, 13 Sep 2012 20:50:04 +0000 arthurminnit 138100@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ We could still have been lobbing petrol bombs at yer, ya english bastards, so you are! For the Government of Ireland ...................... Gearoid Mac Gearailt Shut it paddy, or the potato famine will seem more like a day without crisps! For the Government Of the United Kingdom ...................... Margaret Thatcher arthurminnit on "anglo-irish governments apologise for Hillsborough" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48041#post-138085 Thu, 13 Sep 2012 18:56:59 +0000 arthurminnit 138085@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ . . . Exiled Royal on "Dr. Who Bollards are dropped" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40521#post-115226 Mon, 26 Mar 2012 14:09:36 +0000 Exiled Royal 115226@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Plans for Dr. Who-shaped bollards outside a primary school are rejected by parents who described them as 'scary'. The makers of the bollards said they remained "proud" of them. MD Mike Reepygran told us, "Plymouth City Council came to us saying they wanted a set of bollards outside the Primary School to dissuade kids from running into the road. What better than Dr. Who-style bollards?" Mr. Reepygran, from Drop-a-Bollard Ltd explained the process. "We invited all of the Dr. Who actors still living to be plaster-cast, and simply increased their size to approximately three feet. This was apart from legend Chris Eccleston who didn't even need the bollards to be artificially enlarged. Gee, that guy!" Mother Rachel Lane said: "They might work, but they are pretty scary. I think they might frighten the children. I'd prefer to see a lollipop man and a zebra crossing because the roads near the school are so busy." Mike Reepygran is unapologetic. "Children need to get used to bollards in their lives. I mean, what kid will go through life without having to negotiate a few dozen bollards? I know I haven't." The offending replicas have, however, since been replaced by full-size statues of Freddy Kreuger setting about a lollipop with his razor fingers. One councillor told us, "We still have a responsibility to scare the shit out of kids where road traffic is concerned." The bollards are now for sale on eBay, currently accruing a bid of 37 pence each. <img src="http://mw2.google.com/mw-panoramio/photos/medium/679539.jpg"> Scaring the shit out of schoolkids at a school near you Exiled Royal on "Dr. Who Bollards are dropped" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40520#post-115225 Mon, 26 Mar 2012 14:08:02 +0000 Exiled Royal 115225@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Duff on "Have A Go Hero Thwarts Dalek In Bungled Post Office Raid In Peckham" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29613#post-83150 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 10:32:18 +0000 Duff 83150@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ The Metropolitan Police are hunting for a Dalek in connection with a bungled raid that took place on a post office in Peckham earlier today. The failed robbery happened in broad daylight on the busy High Rd and shoppers were said to be traumatised by the event. Have-a-go-hero, plucky pensioner Albert Henry, describes what happened next. "I was in there gettin' me pension and then I was going to go on to the butchers to get a nice sirloin for me tea and that. See, I likes a bit of red meat of a Wednesday. Anyway blow me, next fing like, in trundles this robot matey and it goes up to the counter. It says to the girl behind the window, "Put-the-money-in-the-bag-darlin-and-nobody-will-get-hurt," sort of all mechanical like. Well I weren't having that I was a Desert Rat. So I goes up to remonstrate wif it but it starts giving it all this old "Exterminate-exterminate!" malarkey. So I says to it, "Fak off you tin bastard or I’ll knock your bleedin ‘ead off." Well it kinda waggled this fing on its 'ead at me then bleeped and buzzed a bit before we had something of a set-to. During the tussle I broke its arm off when at that point it's shouted out, "Boll-ocks!-it's-all-come-on-top," and scarpered like." Mayor of London, Boris Johnson, released the following statement. "I yi yi yi yi yi yi yi yi! Albert's a real trooper and I wish there were more like him. He will be guest of honour at a gala lunch next week when we will also be awarding him a good citizen medal and a year's supply of Findus Crispy Pancakes." Detective Constable Jim Finch of Peckham CID had this warning for the public. "If members of the public spot the Dalek we urge that they keep well clear. It's wounded and by now most probably desperate. The safest course of action is to call Peckham CID and let us deal with it." rebel not taken on "Chiswick invaded by Daleks." http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=29475#post-82799 Sun, 21 Aug 2011 10:13:00 +0000 rebel not taken 82799@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Geek Porn films are proud to announce a strictly limited event celebrating the Dalek invasion of Turnham Green. A private screening of a rare and controversial film will be shown at The Doctor Who Convention which takes place at the George 1V comedy club in Chiswick High Road this weekend. A £40 ticket for the event allows Dalek fans the opportunity to join in the Hiding Behind The Sofa Seminar. This promises to be a lively discussion on how the Cyborgs used their plungers to interface with technology and purge the Universe of all non-mutant life. The mass debate will include a demonstration of a Dalek crushing a local man's skull by suction and extracting information about the best curry houses in Chiswick and the precise location of missing cats. The seminar will be followed by a private screening of the unauthorised pornographic film The Dirty Daleks. In the film, the evil mechanical robots abduct three scantily-clad models and force them to perform lesbian acts while smearing plasma over their Dalek bumps and wearing laddered fishnet stockings. For an extra £10 viewers can hire a bonded polycarbide brain coil and watch the Dalek flick holding a single mechanical eyestalk with a rotating dome. Copies of The Dirty Daleks DVD can be purchased from the Turnham Green Geek Porn Society by mentioning the code word Exterminate. Steve Wilson on "Saturdays Rapture big flop as 'taken' discover it coincides with Dr Who." http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25445#post-69110 Mon, 23 May 2011 06:51:50 +0000 Steve Wilson 69110@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ More soon MightyBlair on "May turns to Time Lord as BA strikes hinder campaign against terror." http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=5294#post-14481 Sat, 29 May 2010 13:26:37 +0000 MightyBlair 14481@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ The British government has turned to Dr Who to help carry out flights of 'extraordinary rendition', in the light of massive back-logs caused by current cycle of BA strikes. Whilst a large number of such flights are usually carried out on privately chartered planes, British Airways is often used to facilitate a less suspicious paper trail, and to use up the airmiles accrued by minisiters using their nectar cards. The government had attempted to contract Ryan-Air, but the budget airline refused to remove a default ‘terrorism assistance’ levy, and would only fly to Dusseldorf . As a result, The Doctor is to begin facilitating the removal and systematic torture of terror suspects as of the Tuesday 2nd July. ‘With the eyes of the nation and the aviation world firmly fixed upon the UK ,’ said a senior civil servant within the Home Office, ‘it just isn’t possible to get people in and out without noticing. Furthermore, the queues at Heathrow are a nightmare and taking an age to clear the backlog really isn’t an option this time; we really can't afford to miss our targets two quarters in a row. So getting The Doctor involved works on two levels – firstly we can take them anywhere in the known multi-verse and not worry about looking a bit dodgy, and secondly, he can ostensibly drop everyone off just after he took them away. Which should certainly stop us having to answer any awkward questions!’ It is believed that the move will also help to alleviate the professional difficulties raised by long delays. ‘The people can be terribly anxious when they are waiting to be tortured,’ continued the source. ‘They have a tendency to just sit and bite their nails; which from a professional point of view is difficult because it means they’ve less to pull out! Plus, they can be terribly dreary and it can get a little awkward as there is no common ground for conversation; sometimes it can be like pulling teeth!’ The Home Office also claim that the use of the nation's favourite Time Lord is a responsible use of tax-payer's money, on the grounds that 'whilst an expensive alternative to normal working practices, using The Doctor is considerably cheaper than using BA-owned facilities for temporary detention because only the 'Executive Business' rooms at Heathrow terminals have the facilities to chain people up.' In addition, it is hoped that negating the need for operatives and detainees to wait in an unsecure location where boredom is risk-factor may reduce the chances of embarrassing lapses of security, following an incident in which a prisoner ran off and hid behind a stack of Toblerones in duty-free, and another detainee was allowed to escape when he tricked an operative into a game of ‘cats-cradle’ using handcuffs. Unsurprisingly, the news has come as a shock to The Doctor’s followers, who had previously considered the erstwhile time-traveler incorruptible and certainly not one for supporting torture. However, The Doctor stated that whilst ‘I’m not condoning the use of force to extract information, sometimes you have to accept that just asking the question a few times and threatening people with a glowing screwdriver isn’t enough. Plus, the Tardis doesn’t just run on the power of the Time Vortex anymore, you know? Bloody austerity measures meant I had to have it converted because it was wasting too much time. And biofuel isn’t cheap! So, as long as I get the money, they don’t get in the way and at least one of them is worth a shufty, then I’m game! But I’m not bringing the Daleks, no matter how good they are for this kind of job! They are messy, rude and they never flush the toilet!’ Unite, the union representing the striking BA workers, is also unhappy at the move as it means the loss of contracted work for which the crew are trained and for which they would otherwise have received considerable bonuses. Tony Woodley, joint leader of the union stated that 'BA cabin crew usually form an integral part of the initial phases of torture. They are specially trained to create an atmosphere of fear and isolation by exhibiting dispassionate, unreachably dead-eyes, whilst simultaneously talking in an agonisingly chirpy voice; the contrast is quite unnerving and causes high levels of distress. They are also trained so that they instantly forget to bring you what you orderered, or in special cases, deliberately bring the wrong thing. By the time the time we have deliberatley misplaced the passengers' luggage, they are so exhausted by anger that they'd tell you anything you want for a good cup of coffee and a muffin.' The contract is expected to expire following a resolution of the current situation, but it is unlikely to be the last time Dr Who takes on contracted or corporate work. It is rumoured that the Time Lord is currently in negotiations with the board of Virgin over space tourism proposals and the possiblility of having Richard Branson placed into permanent geostationary orbit around the Earth. MADJEZ on "Great FP, Jez - and fabulously unnerving TARDIS, Red" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2103#post-6659 Fri, 09 Apr 2010 08:59:20 +0000 MADJEZ 6659@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ High praise indeed, thanks all. My follow up piece which I thought was much funnier has brought me crashing down to earth by gaining absolutely f***-all votes ! Mary Evans on "Great FP, Jez - and fabulously unnerving TARDIS, Red" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2103#post-6252 Wed, 07 Apr 2010 09:43:18 +0000 Mary Evans 6252@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ And kudos to you too of course Jez! I love the way your twisted little mind works - well done you. Mary Evans on "Great FP, Jez - and fabulously unnerving TARDIS, Red" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2103#post-6250 Wed, 07 Apr 2010 09:41:44 +0000 Mary Evans 6250@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Red, your pics have been especially fab at the moment and this one is the glace cherry atop the royal icing on the lemon financier (or whatever the posh cake was on masterchef last night). You are a legend. Scroat on "Great FP, Jez - and fabulously unnerving TARDIS, Red" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2103#post-6248 Wed, 07 Apr 2010 09:37:46 +0000 Scroat 6248@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Yes, nice one. nealdoran on "Great FP, Jez - and fabulously unnerving TARDIS, Red" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2103#post-6236 Wed, 07 Apr 2010 08:28:40 +0000 nealdoran 6236@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Cracking story, classic pic. MADJEZ on "Great FP, Jez - and fabulously unnerving TARDIS, Red" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2103#post-6223 Wed, 07 Apr 2010 07:49:43 +0000 MADJEZ 6223@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Blimey that FPs rubbish ! Thanks all, especially to the Ed who managed to tart up my usual ramblings into something much better (he deserves a lot of the credit). Also cracking pic Red, I looked everywhere for a party leader in front of the Tardis shot without success. I've had this one sitting in the workshop for about 6 months waiting for the election to be announced. Stan Laurel on "Great FP, Jez - and fabulously unnerving TARDIS, Red" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2103#post-6214 Wed, 07 Apr 2010 06:54:47 +0000 Stan Laurel 6214@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Yeah. Swell FP Madj (and Red, of course) edward hack on "Great FP, Jez - and fabulously unnerving TARDIS, Red" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2103#post-6208 Wed, 07 Apr 2010 05:44:26 +0000 edward hack 6208@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ Go Mad - excellent stuff. And what a classic pic to go with it. Inspired. sauce on "Great FP, Jez - and fabulously unnerving TARDIS, Red" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2103#post-6207 Wed, 07 Apr 2010 05:43:10 +0000 sauce 6207@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ You've both ruined the new Dr Who series for me now. *flounce* virtuallywill on "Doctor Who goes on tour of the UK" http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=613#post-1663 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 20:50:06 +0000 virtuallywill 1663@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <img src="http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2009/1/5/1231152499462/Gallery-Matt-Smith--Matt--003.jpg"> The new Doctor Who will be introduced to fans across the UK later this month as a tour gets under way showcasing the first episode of the upcoming series. Gaunt McFoetus will visit Newport during the chartist riots, Liverpool while The Beatles headline at The Cavern, Edinburgh during the Jacobite rising and Brighton in the period of a Fatboy Slim gig. There also may be a visit to Cardiff during the alcohol famine of 2312.