http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=dolphins The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 22 May 2013 17:26:03 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55290#post-167803 Wed, 13 Mar 2013 12:42:23 +0000 AReader 167803@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>His employer sacked him for saving children's lives while on leave for stress. What a bunch of cunts. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55290#post-167787 Wed, 13 Mar 2013 11:37:56 +0000 theinvisiblecitychannels 167787@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Wow this is back in the news as the guy has lost his job after having been seen wrestling a shark...i thought I could add to the old story.</p> <p>Jobless shark wrestling superstar to take on Octopus </p> <p>Welsh wrestling star Paul Marshallsea now has more time to continue his shallow water wrestling career, news that has been greeted with total indifference by bathing children everywhere. Paul was made jobless when employers saw him choke out a shark on the internet while he was on a two week tour of Australia that saw him pin a cuttlefish lay a smackdown on a shark and take on three dolphins in a ladder match all to packed beaches full of terrified onlookers. “it’s hard but I do it for the kids and the love of beating fish to death with my bare hands”.</p> <p>Responding to comments that the sport caused unnecessary mental suffering...to watching children Paul commented “It’s about respect isn’t it, you can’t have marine life swimming around thinking they own the bloody place”.</p> <p>Making use of his new found freedom Paul's next opponent is an octopus in the big reef tank at the Anglesey sea-life centre (available on sky box office), the hell-in-a-cell cage match, it is hoped the spectacle of a man attempting a 7 arm arm bar on a giant polypus will prove a sell out.</p> <p>A spokesman from the Department for Work and Pensions said "We understand Paul has found gainful employment wrestling sharks and will be removing any benefits he may be entitled to immediately". </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55290#post-159872 Sat, 26 Jan 2013 14:37:09 +0000 Dick Everyman 159872@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><strong>It's topical but has no real theme. </strong></p> <p>It may not have legs but it's got fins. I saw the wrestling shark story and the 'nearly' drowned Australian kid in the flood story too, so there's scope for some downunder themes. </p> <p>Maybe your fellow biscuiteers could help develop it further? I'm off out otherwise I'd jump in! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55290#post-159772 Fri, 25 Jan 2013 16:23:07 +0000 theinvisiblecitychannels 159772@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>News that sporting hero Owen Davies will continue his shallow water wrestling career has been greeted with total indifference by bathing children everywhere. Owen greeted fans at Cardiff airport yesterday after a two week tour of Australia that saw him pin a cuttlefish lay a smackdown on a shark and take on three dolphins in a ladder match all to packed beaches full of terrified onlookers. “it’s hard but I do it for the kids and the love of beating fish to death with my bare hands”.</p> <p>Responding to comments that the sport caused unnecessary mental suffering...to watching children Owen commented “It’s about respect isn’t it, you can’t have marine life swanning around thinking they own the bloody place”. </p> <p>Owen’s next opponent is an octopus in the big reef tank at the Anglesey sea-life centre (available on sky box office), the hell-in-a-cell cage match is already a sell out and it is hoped the spectacle of a man attempting a 7 arm arm bar on a giant polypus will finally bring the lesser known sport of ‘aquatic sea-life wrestling’ the recognition it deserves and possibly Olympic status in time for Rio 2016. When asked if the sport would be given Olympic status along with lobster curling, manatee dressage and kite surfing the IOC said ‘will it f*ck’.</p> <p>Another go at a sort of sport story, this time inspired by the BBC who seem to be trying to get at least one story featuring Australia on the news every week of late. It's topical but has no real theme. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46157#post-132957 Tue, 31 Jul 2012 08:26:31 +0000 Gary Stanton 132957@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks all. </p> <p>Dedicated to Bob Hall. 31st July 1998.<br /> (don't know whether you can in small type) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46157#post-132921 Mon, 30 Jul 2012 23:01:04 +0000 Yikes 132921@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Very funny! Every paragraph a gem! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46157#post-132919 Mon, 30 Jul 2012 22:59:37 +0000 dvo4fun 132919@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lovely FP - missed reading it earlier </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46157#post-132892 Mon, 30 Jul 2012 15:12:04 +0000 medici2471 132892@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The Chinese men's diving gold is now certain to fuel speculation amid concerns that the CPOC may retaliate with human-shark hybrid claims aimed at Rebecca Adlington. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46157#post-132888 Mon, 30 Jul 2012 14:02:58 +0000 Gary Stanton 132888@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The first cheating scandal of the Olympic Games erupted today when China angrily denied accusations made by BBC presenter, Claire Balding, that its six gold medals in the pool have been won by human-dolphin hybrids.</p> <p>As Chinese swimming prodigy Ye Shiwen completed an extraordinary performance to smash the world record for a dolphin, Balding responded by donning a wet suit and demanded a full public inquiry into the incident.</p> <p>Many in Team GB now suspect the Chinese have embarked on a secretive human-dolphin breeding programme to thwart British athletes who have never even looked at a dolphin that way let alone interfered with one. The BBC presenter’s claims her suspicions were raised when she overheard the 16 year-old Ye Shiwen (16 in human years) navigating her way around the Olympic pool’s deep-end using a series of clicks. </p> <p>‘Also noteworthy was Ye Shiwen’s almost docile friendliness and the way she can position herself upright in the water when not swimming at phenomenal speed,’ said Balding. She then provoked a Twitter storm by recommending that viewers ‘look at her toothy smile and her ability to balance a ball on the end of her nose.’</p> <p>Though some deemed for Balding’s comments outrageous, she later received the support of former Olympic Gold medallist , Duncan Goodhew, who recommended that Chinese swimmers be tested for dolphin traits by seeing how well they perform in tuna nets. Goodhew said ‘If they get caught up in them very easily and start thrashing about then you’re looking at a hybrid athlete who shares a lot of DNA with Flipper.‘ </p> <p>‘This has to be non-fish Rebecca Adlington’s best hope of a gold medal. Game on! ‘</p> <p>Meanwhile, an unrepentant Balding denied accusations of sour grapes, insisting she will poolside for the 800 metres freestyle final with a bucket of fish in order ‘to tell the genuine athletes apart from the slippery dolphin hybrid cheats.’</p> <p>Last night, the Chinese Peoples Olympic Committee hit back suggesting that Olympic dope-fiend Dwain Chambers had improved on his personal best in the 200 metres by grafting on the back legs on an antelope.</p> <p>(link, sorry but it's the Mail)<br /> <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2180784/Olympics-2012-Clare-Balding-questions-Chinas-girl-torpedo-Ye-Shiwens-400m-swimming-triumph.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2180784/Olympics-2012-Clare-Balding-questions-Chinas-girl-torpedo-Ye-Shiwens-400m-swimming-triumph.html</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4832#post-13608 Sat, 22 May 2010 06:26:35 +0000 rfreed 13608@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Bastards!- you won't even give me a rating.<br /> A pox on all your houses! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4832#post-13473 Fri, 21 May 2010 04:40:54 +0000 rfreed 13473@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>New Zealand scientists have proven that it is another mammal other than man that is the smartest creature on earth. Recent evidence has convinced them that the dolphin uses the most brain cells and not his distant relative the homo sapien.</p> <p>The Kiwi brainiacs had found that dolphins have an extra set of bones near their midsection that might have at one time been legs for moving about on land. In other words, the amphibious creatures once left the seas to roam the earth, then returned to the ocean. For some reason, after hanging out for a couple millenniums basking in the sun, they said "Enough of this!", decided they did not like their new environment and up and marched back to the bosom of the sea.</p> <p>This shows their superior intelligence- the dolphins returned to a protected environment full with the abundant necessitates of life. Meanwhile our monkey fore-bearers insisted on staying on dry land and we humans now suffer on the surface of this world dealing with extremes of heat and cold, tornadoes, earthquakes, floods, winds, winter, and any number of other threats to life and health. The dolphins luxuriate in a near perfect environment where the temperature changes little, they are able to move with ease, there is an abundance of food, they are protected from the upper environment of sky and land by the buffer of the sea, and there are few predators threatening them. It is little wonder they often stick their heads out of the water and chuckle- they are laughing at us!</p> <p>Douglas Adams, the great British humorist, depicted in his Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy books that dolphins are one of the two most intelligent beasts on the planet (the white mice I am not so sure about). What is scary in the book is that when they leave the planet knowing it will be destroyed they tell us “So long and thanks for all the fish”. We could very well be standing there twiddling our thumbs and wondering what is going on when it happens.</p> <p>(Proofreaders comment) Another question that should be asked is this- what happens if they grow their legs back and decide to come out of the water for another go at things? If they are so smart they might start taking over things. They would be like aquatic yuppies, thinking they are so smart and all and start bossing us around. Heaven forbid should they get hold of our guns or start messing around with our women. They seem all nice and friendly and smiley, but then so do used car salesmen. I say we should let the tuna fisherman start catching them in their nets again. Enough of this 'Save The Dolphin' stuff. That should keep them off our streets. </p>