http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=dinosaurs The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Mon, 20 May 2013 07:04:48 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=678#post-1840 Wed, 10 Mar 2010 06:42:56 +0000 rfreed 1840@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Scientists from around the world have gathered together for a conference to agree once and for all on what exactly killed off all the dinosaurs so many millions of years ago. They have reached the agreement that it was an meteor strike that made them all bite the bullet. This newsletter, however, has found proof that takes a different direction. We have found evidence that points to a problem occurring when Noah came around with his ark at the time of the great flood. He was already full with the other creatures and wasn't too keen on bringing the huge beasties on board. One brontosaurus alone was the size of a whole deck. Also, many had established a taste for mammals, including human ones.<br /> Noah, after consulting with the other human and equally edible passengers, decided to leave the Stone Age beasts off the Ark, hoping that God would not notice their absence. So far He hasn't.<br /> It should be noted that there is another conspiracy theory stating that if it is true what the Christian anti-evolutionists say about dinosaurs only being a couple thousand years old, then there is the suspicion that some of the early believers beat the few, poor remaining dinosaurs to death so that they wouldn't conflict with the Genesis version of creation. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=493#post-1393 Fri, 05 Mar 2010 19:07:40 +0000 Ludicity 1393@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I prefer the metaphysical promise of a new soul. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=493#post-1390 Fri, 05 Mar 2010 19:00:38 +0000 malgor 1390@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice pic! Pity it doesn't say 'suppose-it stories'</p> <p>There was also that old reptiles' tale about sitting too long on icebergs...</p> <p>Answer me this - is it pronounced <em>a new soul</em> or <em>anus 'ole</em>? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=493#post-1389 Fri, 05 Mar 2010 18:42:42 +0000 PluckyMunky 1389@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>its a very moving piece of history you offer us here, Lucy. piles are always a bugger. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=493#post-1387 Fri, 05 Mar 2010 18:35:02 +0000 brownpaperreporter 1387@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Do you think that Anusol could have saved the various Trades Unions that disappeared in the 1980s? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=493#post-1386 Fri, 05 Mar 2010 18:31:45 +0000 Ludicity 1386@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I am sure that Red can do a better version but here's my effort.</p> <p>[img] [size 2] <a href="http://s897.photobucket.com/albums/ac180/dr_ludicity/?action=view&amp;current=anusol2.jpg"><img src="http://i897.photobucket.com/albums/ac180/dr_ludicity/anusol2.jpg" alt="Photobucket" /></a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=493#post-1356 Fri, 05 Mar 2010 13:30:04 +0000 Ludicity 1356@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>After studying twenty years of data, scientists have finally concluded that dinosaurs died out as a result of enlarged and swollen blood vessels in the anus. 'It's obvious when you think about it,' said Dr Gareth Collins from Imperial College, London, ‘and it certainly explains why they were always making so much noise.' </p> <p>'The haemorrhoids would have been particularly difficult for the dinosaurs to deal with,’ explained,' Dr Collins, 'especially the tyrannosaurus rex who only had very short arms and would have therefore been unable to apply any cream.'</p> <p>The panel of 41 experts studied all the available data and conclude that 65 million years ago the dinosaurs were struck down by massive varicose veins in the anal cavity. The claims are said to be backed up by piles of evidence in the fossil record.</p> <p>The theory also explains how the haemorrhoidal impact would have affected the natural environment. Joanna Morgan, co-author of the review, said: 'The haemorrhoids will have triggered large-scale annoyance in the prehistoric rectums of these creatures causing itching, inflammation and constipation. They will have probably stomped around in quite a bad mood for a while, no doubt sparking fires, earthquakes and tsunamis as they went.'</p> <p>The final nail in the coffin for the dinosaurs will have been the impact of a Grade Four haemorrhoid, sometimes known as 'perianal haematoma', that will have utterly devastated the Jurassic arse. ‘Not only would it have been very painful', said Dr Collins, 'but it would have also been socially awkward for any diplodocus or triceratops to walk around with something like that hanging from their bottom. I imagine many of them will have simply died from embarrassment.' </p> <p>It is not known exactly what caused the haemorrhoids to strike although many scientists believe that the dinosaurs were suffering from hypertension caused by the constant stress of thinking that they were all about to be hit by an asteroid. </p> <p>The extinction of the dinosaurs paved the way for smaller, warm-blooded mammals to populate the Earth, eventually leading to mankind and the evolution of Anusol.</p> <p>The findings are expected to form the basis of a new CGI documentary from the BBC entitled, 'Wincing with Dinosaurs.' </p>