http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=defence The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Mon, 20 May 2013 02:53:28 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57695#post-167340 Mon, 11 Mar 2013 12:08:08 +0000 Flash! Aa-aaaa! 167340@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>According to a leaked govenment document the new "Queen Elizabeth" class aircraft carriers will be mothballed upon completion to save billions. The Isle of Wight is to be cut free instead and will be towed to wherever we need to project power overseas.<br /> A trusted source confirmed this saying "It makes sense from all angles - it is far cheaper to use just three tugs to tow the island anywhere we want. It has two airfields already, plenty of room for military equipment and - for charm offensives - all the amenities you would want: shops, bingo and even those lttle glass things filled with coloured sand. It is perfect for the job and will cost less than half that to operate just one carrier - for which we have no suitable planes anyway. The population are welcome to stay as long as they undergo some military training and don't mind the odd missile base in their gardens". </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45068#post-162054 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 10:52:10 +0000 topfotogmw 162054@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>7 months old? The question should be 'what's new pussycat?'. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45068#post-162049 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 10:14:18 +0000 godly1966 162049@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A 7 month old post on the front page? It's not unusual. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45068#post-162041 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 09:51:19 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 162041@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I like this. I guess the editors keep a stash of non-topical FPs that didn’t quite make it first time around and bring them out on slow news days. Or days when every single sub is about the same news story and it’s already been done on the FP by a very handsome and talented contributor...</p> <p>Or it could be that somebody is winding Oxy up by not using the subs that he recycles but then picking one that he posted months ago, and hasn’t recycled, and using that. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45068#post-162039 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 09:46:53 +0000 Dickens or Shakespeare 162039@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>When did that song first come out?<br /> Topical or what? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45068#post-162032 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 09:15:11 +0000 dvo4fun 162032@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Even beter second time around. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45068#post-162030 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 09:08:36 +0000 Username 162030@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Gave mee a good giggle, boyo </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45068#post-162028 Mon, 11 Feb 2013 08:14:58 +0000 Sinnick 162028@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Great FP, but 7 months old ? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51741#post-149325 Sat, 17 Nov 2012 14:17:37 +0000 Squudge 149325@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Have now chucked this one over the wall (ta for the supportive remarks)</p> <p>I probably waited too long - subject now a little stale </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51741#post-148981 Thu, 15 Nov 2012 21:46:08 +0000 quango 148981@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Was a good call, think it reads well.. see, that is how all suggestions should be treated </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51741#post-148980 Thu, 15 Nov 2012 21:42:03 +0000 Squudge 148980@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>seeing as you beg so prettily...</p> <p>Unless of course the Ed decides to play with it, in which case we are both screwed </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51741#post-148969 Thu, 15 Nov 2012 19:55:09 +0000 Very Little Else 148969@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'd like the "battle-hardened member" left in please. Please? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51741#post-148866 Thu, 15 Nov 2012 09:23:20 +0000 Squudge 148866@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'm in the mood for battle-hardened...</p> <p>but have gone with your suggestion re changing 'disappointment'. I did wonder if 'let-down' seemed better but used your 'anti-climax' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51741#post-148860 Thu, 15 Nov 2012 09:02:31 +0000 quango 148860@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You should take the "battle-" out of "battle-hardened member"... Possibly change "it has been a massive disappointment" to "a massive anti-climax" </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51741#post-148855 Thu, 15 Nov 2012 08:48:51 +0000 Squudge 148855@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>on that bombshell... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51741#post-148837 Thu, 15 Nov 2012 07:51:55 +0000 Yikes 148837@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Very good!</p> <p>Was just trying to tap out something similar about the failure of Operation Minge after Generals Petraeus and Allen were forced to pull out. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51741#post-148836 Thu, 15 Nov 2012 07:46:12 +0000 Squudge 148836@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In the light of recent revelations concerning General Patraeus, senior members of UK Armed Forces have admitted that they have also been caught with their pants down, frequently having to make a 'hasty tactical withdrawal'.</p> <p>Part of the problem is their privates have often been sent into action without proper protection (adequate equipment, or indeed, top-cover). Blame has been laid squarely at the door of D&amp;ES (based at MoD Abbeywood) for their ineffective procurement strategy, including "not popping to the bloody chemist in time, then just expecting us to wing it every time MoD wants a 'surge' - frankly it is a nightmare".</p> <p>It has all been a massive anti-climax", stated a battle-hardened member of the Royal Marines who wished to remain anonymous. "I joined to see a bit of action, shoot my weapon, and go back to the NAAFI with the lads for beer and commendations." He complained that, once exposed to hostile enemy action, they are expected to 'win hearts and minds'. "What are we supposed to do? Marry them? What happened to having an exit strategy?"</p> <p>Our boys are stuck with the consequences, often committed to long drawn-out clean up campaigns, when they had originaly hoped for a 'quick in-and-out' operation. The SAS are in the enviable position that they can declare they were never officially there, however MoD are now facing a legal challenge that their actions may constitute statutory rape. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45068#post-129039 Sun, 08 Jul 2012 15:46:13 +0000 nickb 129039@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>feline news items sought? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45068#post-129028 Sun, 08 Jul 2012 13:27:07 +0000 Skylarking 129028@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>So, Oxbridge: is it commonplace for you to reference Tom Jones songs in your posts?</p> <p>go on, make my day... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45068#post-128999 Sun, 08 Jul 2012 10:06:51 +0000 Oxbridge 128999@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Any more half-remembered lyrics I could squeeze in here? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45068#post-128998 Sun, 08 Jul 2012 10:05:26 +0000 Oxbridge 128998@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The prosecution has opened its case in the trial at Cardiff Crown Court of Thomas Jones for the murder by repeated stabbing of his former girlfriend Delilah Lloyd-Thomas. Jones, 72, has pleaded guilty to manslaughter but claimed diminished responsibility on the grounds that that girl was no good for him and that he watched as she deceived him and went out of his mind.</p> <p>'The facts in this case are not in dispute,' said Roland Williams QC, who is leading the prosecution. 'Witnesses saw Mr Jones pass by Ms Lloyd-Thomas's house that fateful Saturday night and stop when he saw the flickering shadows of love on her blind. He was again spotted several times lurking across the street all night, waiting to confront her as soon as that man drove away. Most assumed he was out dogging.'</p> <p>Defence counsel Gareth Harvey QC will draw on police testimony to establish that Mr Jones, a musician, was not of sound mind at the time of the fatal attack. 'Mr Jones was provoked by Ms Lloyd-Thomas standing there laughing. He was live a slave that no man could free, even though slavery was abolished over 200 years and owners by definition had the right to free slaves. When they finally came to break down the door, was found curled in a foetal position singing that he 'just could not take any more'. Is that the conduct of a sane man?' asked Harvey.</p> <p>The notorious case has divided the women of Wales down the middle. Some feminist campaigning groups have demanded an exemplary full life sentence for Jones as a deterrent against other violent partners; other women have been hanging around the court trying to throw their knickers at the van carrying him to court, telling reporters that they 'still definitely would'.</p> <p>However, Williams is confident that the jury will convict. 'Relationships break down - It's Not Unusual - but he was sane enough to feel the knife in his hand and if you let people just go around killing their two-timing girlfriends, there won't be anyone left in Wales by the end of the week, will there? I hope it's a long time before he can say I'm Coming Home to, er, The Green Green Grass of Home. Er, will that do?' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44048#post-126014 Wed, 13 Jun 2012 19:11:20 +0000 dvo4fun 126014@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>OK. We clearly need to agree the rules for this caption competition ... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44048#post-126007 Wed, 13 Jun 2012 17:24:14 +0000 greigewart 126007@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Following recent spending cuts The Ministry of Defence unveils Britain's new independent nuclear deterrent: </p> <p><img src="http://cdn.thedailybeast.com/content/dailybeast/articles/2012/06/13/kate-s-big-push/_jcr_content/body/inlineimage_4.img.503.jpg/1339595917271.cached.jpg"> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40175#post-114269 Tue, 20 Mar 2012 12:34:28 +0000 Sinnick 114269@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>That explains all the high ranking in the officers' mess.<br /> Some stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40175#post-114264 Tue, 20 Mar 2012 11:43:04 +0000 ianrbland 114264@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice idea.</p> <p>Stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40175#post-114256 Tue, 20 Mar 2012 10:25:04 +0000 weematt 114256@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Rt Hon Philip Hammond MP announced today that the rank of corporal in all its forms is to be eliminated and the ranks of sergeant and above will handle their own privates in future.</p> <p>"Not also do we eliminate a layer of management," said Hammond "it meets the desire of many of our officers to be more in touch with their privates."</p> <p>Shadow Defence Secretary Jim Murphy said "This is another misguided policy. It is a well established fact that officers, especially the higher ranks, are already very much hands on with their privates." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=20238#post-57819 Thu, 17 Feb 2011 10:46:53 +0000 editor 57819@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>This is a strong satirical idea but needs a rewrite - any one fancy having a go? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=20801#post-56067 Wed, 02 Feb 2011 13:46:14 +0000 John Wiltshire 56067@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'I was asked what we should do about Nimrods,' explained the head of the MoD, Clive Blithering-Foole. 'I was fed up with being asked about them, so I said "No more Nimrods crap!" Unfortunately I was understood to have said "No more Nimrod - scrap!" So it wasn't my fault at all, and the fact that I'm paid by Al Quaida to undermine Britain's defence systems is irrelevant.' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=20238#post-54580 Wed, 19 Jan 2011 19:53:22 +0000 euanc 54580@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I believe Capt Mannering's banker's bonus may be in jeopardy if he were to participate. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=20238#post-54569 Wed, 19 Jan 2011 17:47:40 +0000 4ty2 54569@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>where's dad's army? </p>