http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=david-cameron The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 19 Jun 2013 12:06:52 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61377#post-178454 Fri, 17 May 2013 07:49:24 +0000 Wrenfoe 178454@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cool </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61316#post-178443 Fri, 17 May 2013 03:44:29 +0000 weematt 178443@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Post it in the Writers Room section of the NewsBiscuit site. This is the Chat Room intended for discussions not submissions. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61377#post-178440 Thu, 16 May 2013 23:44:50 +0000 mileslloyd 178440@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>British Prime Minister David Cameron held an emergency meeting at Downing Street today to address startling statistics that show a dwindling numbers of teens and young adults who turn to recreational drug use as a way of passing time.</p> <p>Fighting back tears, the PM announced:</p> <p>“Illicit drug use in Britain is on a downward curve. Only 19% of 16-24 year-olds have used an illegal substance in the last year. These findings are very disappointing. I remember back when I was 24. Ecstasy pills had just become big on the underground rave scene - it was like a welcomed slap-in-the-face with a hot, wet, lemon scented hand towel.” Cameron paused to hold back the flow of tears: “It was magical.”</p> <p>Cameron noted that during his youth, 19% of 16-24 year olds were regularly “sparking up fat ones,” “getting a cheeky gram of coke to help them through lectures,” or, as Cameron put it, “just eagerly awaiting the weekend so they could get a nice hit of E.” Cameron fondly reminisced: “This was back when it was good!”</p> <p>“A tenner a pill would blow your tits off. We would be up all night in a barn in the middle of nowhere, dancing amongst the rays of lights – with our tops off and without a care in the world.”</p> <p>Cameron is saddened how over four- fifths of UK’s youth now waste their weekends drinking warm beer and watching Britain’s Got Talent – instead of being out at a club, chewing the inside of their own faces, and forming bonds with people they would normally consider “massive wankers.”</p> <p>The PM then went silent for a few moments before biting his fist and screaming at people to: “Get out of the room! I need time to think about Britain’s future.” After twenty-or-so minutes, the PM had pulled himself together enough to invite the press back in the to give the following final statement:</p> <p>“We can only pray for our country that these young adults lied during the survey for fear of getting into trouble, or worse, grounded for a week. May God help us all”</p> <p>Mr. Cameron then ran to his bedroom and turned off his phone. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61316#post-178439 Thu, 16 May 2013 23:42:31 +0000 mileslloyd 178439@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>What do you mean by "move it over"? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61316#post-178438 Thu, 16 May 2013 23:39:57 +0000 mileslloyd 178438@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Your wanting is stars enough for me! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61316#post-178316 Thu, 16 May 2013 08:49:30 +0000 Wrenfoe 178316@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I wanna give it stars!!! (Move it over, dude!) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61316#post-178288 Thu, 16 May 2013 06:30:37 +0000 Gerontius 178288@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Unless it's everybody else got it wrong. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61316#post-178278 Thu, 16 May 2013 05:43:29 +0000 Dick Everyman 178278@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Right drugs, wrong room.. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61316#post-178250 Wed, 15 May 2013 22:45:06 +0000 mileslloyd 178250@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>British Prime Minister David Cameron held an emergency meeting at Downing Street today to address startling statistics that show a dwindling numbers of teens and young adults who turn to recreational drug use as a way of passing time.</p> <p>Fighting back tears, the PM announced:</p> <p>“Illicit drug use in Britain is on a downward curve. Only 19% of 16-24 year-olds have used an illegal substance in the last year. These findings are very disappointing. I remember back when I was 24. Ecstasy pills had just become big on the underground rave scene - it was like a welcomed slap-in-the-face with a hot, wet, lemon scented hand towel.” Cameron paused to hold back the flow of tears: “It was magical.”</p> <p>Cameron noted that during his youth, 19% of 16-24 year olds were regularly “sparking up fat ones,” “getting a cheeky gram of coke to help them through lectures,” or, as Cameron put it, “just eagerly awaiting the weekend so they could get a nice hit of E.” Cameron fondly reminisced: “This was back when it was good!”</p> <p>“A tenner a pill would blow your tits off. We would be up all night in a barn in the middle of nowhere, dancing amongst the rays of lights – with our tops off and without a care in the world.”</p> <p>Cameron is saddened how over four- fifths of UK’s youth now waste their weekends drinking warm beer and watching Britain’s Got Talent – instead of being out at a club, chewing the inside of their own faces, and forming bonds with people they would normally consider “massive wankers.”</p> <p>The PM then went silent for a few moments before biting his fist and screaming at people to: “Get out of the room! I need time to think about Britain’s future.” After twenty-or-so minutes, the PM had pulled himself together enough to invite the press back in the to give the following final statement:</p> <p>“We can only pray for our country that these young adults lied during the survey for fear of getting into trouble, or worse, grounded for a week. May God help us all”</p> <p>Mr. Cameron then ran to his bedroom and turned off his phone. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61024#post-177530 Sat, 11 May 2013 04:22:25 +0000 Username 177530@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>On the button </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61024#post-177468 Fri, 10 May 2013 14:46:09 +0000 LensCap 177468@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I feel better just giving it a few stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61024#post-177459 Fri, 10 May 2013 12:21:47 +0000 Midfield Diamond 177459@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Great observation and very well-written. Stars. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61024#post-177438 Fri, 10 May 2013 09:56:23 +0000 Wrenfoe 177438@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent article! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61024#post-177425 Fri, 10 May 2013 09:10:03 +0000 Sinnick 177425@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Surely you're not suggesting that the Government doesn't give a flying fuck about what we think ?</p> <p>11,222 stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61024#post-177418 Fri, 10 May 2013 08:37:28 +0000 Lenny Bee 177418@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"An immediate U-turn over bees"</p> <p>5 for that alone..</p> <p>:) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61024#post-177416 Fri, 10 May 2013 08:25:11 +0000 Tripod 177416@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Funny... and true... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61024#post-177411 Fri, 10 May 2013 07:40:53 +0000 Skylarking 177411@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yes, me too Gerontius: it's so much less embarrassing without all those other shouty people along for the ride(and George bloody Galloway at the end giving a speech). To paraphrase ol' Jean-Paul: 'Hell is other protestors" </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61024#post-177390 Fri, 10 May 2013 06:09:40 +0000 Gerontius 177390@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent<br /> Been there, done it.<br /> So much easier than going on one of those tiresome marches.<br /> Gave Cameron and his chums a right bloody nose and no mistake. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61024#post-177371 Fri, 10 May 2013 00:41:23 +0000 sredni vashta 177371@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Good stuff. Perhaps we could get a petition going to get it on the front page. I'd sign it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61024#post-177293 Thu, 09 May 2013 13:29:51 +0000 hal 177293@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Was it 83%? And was it Cruise or Trident? And are they the same? I had a "86% want proper labelling on their sausages" t-shirt. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61024#post-177131 Wed, 08 May 2013 20:46:29 +0000 Skylarking 177131@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>48 year old Colin Taylor of Eastleigh is said to feeling ‘considerably more positive’ about his life, after entering his email address into a small box for an online petition last Tuesday.</p> <p>The action, which took approximately five seconds, along with another fifteen ‘to check out what it was all about’, is said to have had a significant restorative effect on Mr Taylor’s self-image as a ‘concerned and empowered global citizen.’</p> <p>‘I could feel my social conscience exploding back into life’ explained an animated Mr Taylor, squeezed into his bright yellow ‘83% say no to Cruise Missiles’ t shirt, last worn in 1985. ‘The petition was something about bees, I think: too many of them. Or not enough of them. Anyway, I was incensed and knew I had to find some way to act, as I placed the cursor over the box and clicked ‘autofill.’'</p> <p>‘And next I discovered that I was the 8,733rd person to sign it’ he added, warming to his theme. ‘It was as if I had joined of a whole army of people who were all marching on Downing Street together, telling David Cameron ‘enough is enough with this bee thing.’’</p> <p>Mr Taylor was further heartened by news yesterday that the 11,222 strong e-petition has forced an immediate u-turn by the Downing Street over bees.</p> <p>‘This was something of a wake up call for us in Whitehall I’m afraid’ confessed Sir Nathan Alcock, Senior Press Officer at the Department for the Environment. ‘We’ve had a rather cavalier attitude to this kind of policy-making, commissioning some high level research, or some such trifle. But when eleven thousand people make their feelings known by hurriedly filling out a one-line response device, you know that the nation has risen up as one and is demanding radical change.’</p> <p>Mr Taylor is said to be ‘actively searching his inbox’ for further opportunities to make his voice heard. He also plans a one-man ‘Occupy’ protest in his living room next Bank Holiday Monday, unless it’s really sunny. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60458#post-175559 Fri, 26 Apr 2013 11:43:07 +0000 johnnydobbo 175559@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Luis Suarez today condemned the Prime Minister, David Cameron, for setting a "poor example" for the nation and "fathers everywhere".</p> <p>In a wide-ranging interview on the BBC, Suarez said that "casting thousands into poverty while people who earn a vast amount - yes, myself included - get a sizeable tax cut is, frankly, reprehensible and sets a poor example to kids".</p> <p>"As a father", Suarez continued, "his abandonment of his daughter is beyond reproach. While I admit I may have had one or two issues since coming to this country, I would never do that to my own child". </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=59242#post-172152 Mon, 08 Apr 2013 14:04:53 +0000 WatcherMark 172152@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>After the earlier 'tragic' death of Baroness Thatcher earlier, David Cameron has announced she will receive a full state funeral with full military honours which will be funded by the taxpayer.</p> <p><em>"It's what she would have wanted"</em> stated an emotional David Cameron between sobs. <em>"I know that the Conservative Party wouldn't be what it is now if not for her. We're carrying on her glorious work of making the rich richer and the poor poorer. Oh, why do the good always have to die so young!"</em></p> <p>When asked if expecting the taxpayer, many of whom suffered under Thatcher's reign as Prime Minister, wasn't inherently unfair Cameron dried his tears away and took a firm stance.</p> <p><em>"No, I don't believe it's unfair at all"</em> he stated defiantly <em>"The way I see it, this way everyone gets to have some involvement in her final goodbye. In order to make this MORE equal, only people who won't be attending will have to pay towards this. Of course, this means me and my chums won't be paying a penny but as we'll be there in person unlike the majority of common people then we will truly all be in this together."</em> </p> <p>When asked if people on benefits would also have to make a contribution, Minister for Work and Pensions and Crusader against the Welfare State Iain Duncan Smith stepped forward and declare <em>"No. I have declared that all benefits will be stopped for the next month as a mark of respect with the money being channeled directly into the Thatcher fund. Some people are concerned since people are being left with nothing to live on but hey, I could easily survive on nothing a week so why shouldn't anyone else?"</em></p> <p>There are currently talks underway of holding a memorial concert for Thatcher, with several musicians admired by the Conservative party in negotiations to attend. Cameron has refused to comment on where the money for this will be coming from, but was seen to slyly wink to Iain Duncan Smith afterwards. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58828#post-171979 Sat, 06 Apr 2013 09:15:15 +0000 godly1966 171979@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Well done easily the best and the cleanest. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=59057#post-171638 Wed, 03 Apr 2013 16:39:02 +0000 Thewoodenleg 171638@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Prime Minister David Cameron his discovered that, like a Dagenham blonde, he has black roots. Appearing on the hit BBC TV show ‘Who Do You Think You Are’ Cameron’s lineage has been traced back to the West African Republic of Cameroon, where his forebears were involved in missionary work.</p> <p>‘Let me hasten to add they had nothing to do with slavery,’ Cameron said in a TV interview after the show was aired on Tuesday night. ‘Quite the contrary. But it is true that my great grand uncle the Rev. Thomas Smyth went off-piste had a mixed-race child. That wing of the family became the ‘Cameroons’, later shortened to the Camerons. I am proud of that heritage.’</p> <p>Following the programme Cameron has been papped at a number of rap gigs in what some have condemned as a desperate attempt to appeal to the black vote.</p> <p>‘No way iz aye compreemizin ma beleefs,’ he said. ‘I has alwayze torked lak dis ya get me?’</p> <p>Rap Star Jay-Z said the new duet with Cameron, ‘Two Boyz From Da Hood,’ was ‘legitimate’. ‘Dave’s got soul,’ he said in Rolling Stone. ‘But his funk could do with some work.’ </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58998#post-171476 Tue, 02 Apr 2013 22:01:12 +0000 Alfred Noakes 171476@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Steven Jones, a London market trader has stated today that he could manage to live on an income of £10,000 a week, quite easily, if he had to. </p> <p>Mr Jones held a press conference today in which he said 'I realise that top politicians like Iain Duncan Smith and George Osborne have certain responsibilities. The public expects them to dress smartly, entertain foreign dignitaries and drive an expensive car. Also, maintaining a home in central London cannot be cheap by anyone's standards'. </p> <p>He continued 'In order to deliver the demands of public office, cabinet members have only a finite income and some would be tempted to get into debt. However, having learned to budget my £53 a week income frugally, I would avoid any temptation to run up arrears through booking foreign holidays and buying expensive computers and all that'. </p> <p>Critics of Mr Jones however responded harshly to his statement. The Daily Mail has set up a campaign to get him to see if he can actually survive on ten grand per week and an online readers petition backing the campaign has already reached a million signatures. </p> <p>David Cameron, speaking from his £4million mansion home commented 'Decent hard-working politicians like myself and George Osborne are the life blood of this country and this government supports upper class working families to try and better themselves and their families. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58828#post-171088 Sun, 31 Mar 2013 21:24:52 +0000 sponge finger 171088@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'd like to see that bunny pic on some of the protest placards re the Bedroom Tax </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58828#post-171003 Sun, 31 Mar 2013 11:29:15 +0000 Squudge 171003@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ta. I have to admit the Owsla bunnies frightened me as a kid. Scary artwork.<br /> I can quite see then as bunny people-traffickers. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58828#post-170937 Sat, 30 Mar 2013 22:39:51 +0000 Ironduke 170937@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lovely work. And fair play to the watership down cartoonist who accepted the brief to 'create a really vicious looking bunny rabbit' too. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58828#post-170936 Sat, 30 Mar 2013 22:36:29 +0000 sponge finger 170936@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>neato? </p>