http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=david-beckham The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 22 May 2013 00:34:50 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45437#post-130597 Mon, 16 Jul 2012 18:03:58 +0000 Catch32 130597@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Oops, sorry, wrong forum. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30213#post-84918 Fri, 09 Sep 2011 16:03:15 +0000 Golgo13 84918@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Like it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=30213#post-84870 Fri, 09 Sep 2011 09:28:26 +0000 rebel not taken 84870@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>David Beckham is hoping to secure a switch from LA Galaxy to West London glamour club QPR:<br /> "I am fully focused on moving to QPR and helping them win the Olympics Games " said Beckham.</p> <p>The 36 year old footballer has been eyeing up a move to QPR for some time and still believes he can do the business at the highet level.</p> <p>But David Beckham is yet to persuade his wife Victoria to move from their luxury home on Venice Beach in Hollywood to up and coming Shepherd's Bush:<br /> "Victoria still thinks that QPR is a naff club owned by pikeys" said Beckham.</p> <p>But the proposed deal looks to be back on now that Bernie Ecclestone and Flavio Briatore have sold QPR to classy Team Lotus boss Tony Fernandez.</p> <p>Hello magazine have reported that Victoria is warming to the idea of David representing QPR at London 2012 after chatting to best friend Angelina Jolie:<br /> "Angelina and Brad are spending a year filming in East Acton and they are raving about QPR" said the Ex Spice Girl.</p> <p>The speculation intensified after Victoria and Angelina were papped in Shepherd's Bush Market buying plantains.</p> <p>And now it has been revealed that Angelina and Brad are next door neighbours of QPR manager Neil Warnock in leafy Richmond:<br /> "We had Angelina, Brad, David and Victoria around for a barbeque in the garden with other new recruits Joey Barton and Sean Wright-Phillips" wrote Neil Warnock in his column for The Independent.</p> <p>An insider at the club has told the Shepherd's Bush Gazette that once the David Beckham deal is tied up Brad Pitt will be the next marquee signing to be offered a contract at QPR:<br /> " Joining QPR is a no brainer and I have already passed my medical" claimed a breathless Brad Pitt. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=21683#post-58636 Wed, 23 Feb 2011 17:29:40 +0000 cuckoowatoo 58636@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In an attempt to prove that she is not too ‘posh to push’ Victoria Beckham has today announced her intention to appear on the Channel 4 hit show 'One Born Every Minute'.</p> <p>Baby number four is due this summer and the Beckhams are said to be excited about their appearance on the programme. </p> <p>Staff at the Princess Anne Hospital are delighted that the Beckhams have chosen to have their baby there and are confident she will receive the same level of care as in a Private hospital. Ros, a coordinator Midwife at the hospital, has exclusively revealed that they will be pulling out all the stops to accommodate the couple. Plans include the sourcing of 'Tesco’s Finest' bread along with some fancy teabags for Victoria’s post labour toast and tea. </p> <p>Victoria is planning a silent birth in an attempt to impress her friends Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise, however staff at the hospital envisage she will be hysterical and demanding a general anaesthetic soon after the first contraction.</p> <p>David is expected to appear alongside his wife supporting her. The show's Producer, Daniel Soiseth, says that male birthing partners usually have a sneaky “quick go” on the gas and air, this has the effect of making them somewhat incoherent and unable to string a sentence together – he predicts that in David’s case the Midwifes won’t suspect a thing.</p> <p>The couple have confirmed that their little girl will be named South’ampton after the seaside town she will be born in.</p> <p>The episode will be aired this autumn. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=13524#post-36726 Wed, 06 Oct 2010 00:04:08 +0000 Kazytc 36726@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Victoria and David Beckham are at loggerheads tonight after a woman calling herself "The Queen of Tarts" claims to have had a steamy affair with David, behind Victoria's back.</p> <p>Victoria BeckhamVictoria Beckham irate and fuming mad, hurled a total of 6,000 jam tarts at David Beckham and then went after the Queen of Tarts and got into a cat fight.</p> <p>David Beckham was unable to break up the fight between Victoria and the Queen of Tarts whose real name is In-ma Knickers and apparently a 'high class call girl', who slapped Victoria Beckham across the face, Victoria Beckham responded by hitting In-ma Knickers across her backside with a stick, resembling that of her own figure.</p> <p>When David Beckham tried to disarm Victoria and keep In-ma, at arm's length, they turned on David and bashed him with their handbags, the assault continued until a crowd gathered to watch, outside In-ma's condominium, in Sleaze Drive in the New York's, Harlem area.</p> <p>The verbal abuse shouted by both Victoria Beckham and In-ma was to say the least of choice Anglo Saxon slang, leaving many onlookers sporting disgusted expressions on their faces.</p> <p>The fight got out of hand when Victoria Beckham tore In-ma's dress off, leaving her exposed in a basque and stockings.</p> <p>In-ma responded by ripping Victoria Beckham's dress off revealing something that fortunately could not be seen side on as Victoria Beckham looks like something that just stepped out of Belsen.</p> <p>Victoria responded by kicking and punching In-ma and ripping off her basque and stockings, but this caused In-ma to become even more irate to the point where she launched further attack on Victoria and ripped off her bra and knickers.</p> <p>Both ladies now naked in the street, caused David Beckham to pitch back in to stop the punching that ensued, but Victoria so irate with David that she kicked David so hard between his legs that she caused him to double up in pain.</p> <p>Victoria dragged In-ma by her hair and into a further combat, In-ma then responded by tugging at Victoria's hair until the pair finished up rolling around in the gutter, in the rain puddles and hot dog wrappers.</p> <p>The police arrived and dragged the pair out of the gutter and after a thorough frisking down of their then naked bodies, officers shackled and handcuffed the pair of them and bundled them into the back of a police van.</p> <p>An ambulance took David Beckham to the local emergency room for kicked balls treatments and shock whilst Victoria and In-ma were charged at the police precinct with indecent exposure, affray, assault, and disturbing the peace not to mention damages to spectators eyesight and offending common decency.</p> <p>Later in New York Law Courts In-ma Knickers and Victoria Beckham appeared before Judge Roy Whip the 6th who demanded to know why they had shown no respect for the residents of the Harlem suburb by making such a spectacle of themselves.</p> <p>Victoria Beckham called In-ma, a Tart and accused her of trying to steal her husband whilst In-ma told the court that David had come to her begging for sex with a woman that he could see side on as well as front on, he was fed up banging a bag of bones in essence a stick insect who was an outright bitch and acted like a toffee nosed spoilt brat.</p> <p>Victoria Beckham became highly abusive on hearing In-ma's claims and had to be warned for contempt of court.</p> <p>Judge Roy Whip the 3rd was left with no choice but to sentence the pair to 2 years in the state penitentiary for their disgusting behaviour and ordered that they be fined $30,000,000 each for damages to the eyesight of the crowd who witnessed their disgraceful behaviour in Harlem, and also $50,000,000 to David Beckham for damages to his meat and two veg and a further $1,000 in court costs plus $2,000 to the gutter in Harlem.</p> <p>Victoria Beckham and In-ma Knickers were taken away in shackles to the state penitentiary, to a barrage of media attention outside the courts, who jeered all manner of comments of disdain at them, apart from a sex film producer who shouted , "Don't worry girls I'll give you two a job when you get out"</p> <p>In 2004 newspapers published claims that David Beckham had an affair with his personal assistant Rebecca Loose-Morals. There was much speculation as what exactly she assisted him with, but she subsequently appeared in a TV programme demonstrating how to extract sperm from pigs. Rebecca Loose-Morals is obviously a dab hand in that department.</p> <p>More news later watch this space. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4599#post-12901 Mon, 17 May 2010 11:00:31 +0000 Griffin 12901@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You didn't mention that the crayon tracks hid secret recording devices which contained a truth drug which activates when licked. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4599#post-12895 Mon, 17 May 2010 10:45:37 +0000 jp1885 12895@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hmm - I may have over-egged the pudding with this one. I started off with a nice little idea about the FA bid being drawn on with crayon, then along comes some money-grabbing bint who not only screws a lord (and England's chances of hosting the 2018 world cup) but also my sub! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4599#post-12893 Mon, 17 May 2010 10:22:35 +0000 jp1885 12893@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The England's 2018 world cup hopes have suffered yet another blow today, after governing body FIFA returned the FA's bid book, complaining that it had been 'defaced with substantial amounts of childish scribbling'.</p> <p>The 1,752 page dossier, handed to FIFA president Sepp Blatter by soccer legend David Beckham in Zurich last week, has purportedly been covered with a number of immature doodles, including a crude crayon drawing of a stick figure woman with large breasts. 'The originator obviously has some affection for this figure,' complained a FIFA spokesman, 'judging by the amount of X kisses drawn next to it.'</p> <p>In addition, a number of graphs detailing the seating capacity of England's major stadiums has been coloured in, while a section highlighting the bid's eco credentials has simply been overwritten with the word 'boring' in large capital letters. </p> <p>The back cover of the book has also been defaced; bearing a large Chad labelled 'wot no kickbacks?' The document also includes an arrow-pierced love heart bearing the legend 'Lord T 4 Mel', with the 'Mel' crossed out and replaced by the words, written in more legible handwriting, 'sneaky bitch'. </p> <p>World Cup Bid 2018/2022 has been beset with problems from the outset, with several members of the bid team falling out over the exact format of the dossier. 'Most of us were happy with the layout of the book,' said one anonymous FA insider, 'but one high-profile person kept insisting on a pop-up, or at least lift-the-flap, version.'</p> <p>The English FA has staunchly defended its bid team against accusations of tampering, maintaining that none of the books were taken out of their packaging during the flight to Zurich. Meanwhile, newly installed FA bid leader Geoff Thompson is said to be grilling the chief executive of Jacobprint, the company responsible for printing the document; and was last seen taking the 37-year-old privately educated economics and biology graduate out to lunch at RusOlé!, the trendy restaurant that she part-owns with a Spanish-Russian business associate. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=954#post-2538 Tue, 16 Mar 2010 09:23:30 +0000 Ludicity 2538@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks peoples. </p> <p>Love the Slave-WAGS idea Oxbridge - I had a feeling you might have some insider knowledge on this one - I believe there was also a scandal in which Agamemnon had an affair with a fellow team mates concubine and was forced to resign his captaincy. It was all so long ago I forget the details. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=954#post-2444 Mon, 15 Mar 2010 15:43:15 +0000 malgor 2444@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>3) Was that about the time Ajax changed his name to Vim?<br /> 2) Typo in 'Tory' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=954#post-2442 Mon, 15 Mar 2010 15:38:40 +0000 Oxbridge 2442@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You, Sir/Madam (sorry I've forgotten) are on fire at the moment.</p> <p>Some potential additions: 1) Achilles had just recovered his popularity after three years of refusing to play under the captaincy of Agamemnon, who stole three of his slave-WAGs. 2) A grudge match against Troy in the opening round, after Menelaus's WAG Kylie ran off with blonde midfielder Paris. 3) Must be able to work Ajax in there somewhere. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=954#post-2433 Mon, 15 Mar 2010 15:06:50 +0000 John Square 2433@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"Wayne the Minotaur" gets 5* on it's own....</p> <p>Also: Stop being so excellent, you bastard. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=954#post-2431 Mon, 15 Mar 2010 15:01:15 +0000 Ludicity 2431@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'I am absolutely gutted,' said the Greek hero of myth and legend, 'I was really looking forward to representing my country and now this.' Achilles, regarded by many as the bravest and most beautiful of all warriors, is currently undergoing treatment for a recurring tendon injury that may have finally ended his international career. </p> <p>'This is nothing less than a Greek tragedy for the lad,' said team mate, Odysseus, 'he must be sick a papagalos.' Team captain Agamemnon agreed: 'We are all praying to Zeus that Achilles can make a full recovery in time for June when the Trojan campaign begins. Without him on our side it could be a real battle.'</p> <p>The warrior, who had hoped to represent his country for a record fourth time, was injured during a recent minor skirmish. 'He just pulled up lame, mumbling something about his heel,’ said compatriot Ajax, 'In the end I had to physically carry him from the field.'</p> <p>Achilles is understood to be undergoing treatment with renown sports therapist, Dr Hippocrates of Cos. 'A tear to the tendon is a very serious injury indeed,' said the father of all medicine, 'There is an outside chance of recovery but I certainly couldn't swear an oath to it.'</p> <p>The loss of Achilles would be a serious blow to the Greek side that relies heavily on his experience, good looks and all consuming rage. 'This is a major set back,' said Odysseus, 'but, with or without him, I am confident that the boys can still make it through to the latter stages of the competition. Don’t forget, we still have Wayne the Minotaur on our side.'</p> <p>However, most pundits are sceptical. When asked to predict his chances of recovery, The Oracle at Delphi simply laughed and said: 'You must be having a laugh mate. There's more chance of England winning the World Cup.' </p>