http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=daily-mail The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Fri, 24 May 2013 01:43:38 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61534#post-179017 Mon, 20 May 2013 22:31:42 +0000 blacklesbian 179017@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I don't need one of these I am married </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61534#post-178965 Mon, 20 May 2013 18:09:46 +0000 sredni vashta 178965@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>On reflection.....it's great. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61534#post-178958 Mon, 20 May 2013 17:47:17 +0000 andrewl81 178958@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A Glasgow nightclub has come under fire after secretly installing mirrors in the gents bathrooms that allow people to see the impact they'll have on the planet.</p> <p>"We meant to install one way mirrors that looked into the female toilets so that our male customers could have a perv but unfortunately we have these ones that tell the men how meaningless and insignificant their lives are"</p> <p>The mirrors work by forcing men to confront where they are in life. This works on both a spiritual level and a literal level. </p> <p>As soon as men realise they are literally in Shimmy's they realise how awful their life is and feel spiritually bereft. The effect is devastating.</p> <p>The mirrors caused havoc in the past when they were installed in the gents toilets at the Daily Mail. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60511#post-175729 Sun, 28 Apr 2013 10:14:22 +0000 andrewl81 175729@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Disagree. The Sun is openly cuntish, the Daily Mail attempt to hide behind some code of decency. That makes them much worse. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60511#post-175721 Sun, 28 Apr 2013 06:53:55 +0000 Titus 175721@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Wrong paper. This is about the <em>Sump</em>, not the <em>Daily Wail</em>. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60511#post-175710 Sat, 27 Apr 2013 21:32:07 +0000 andrewl81 175710@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In a shock move The Daily Mail have advertised for a Necrophilia-in-Residence to join their editorial team.</p> <p>The main role of the Necrophiliac-in-Residence will be to scour the Facebook pages of recently deceased females in the hope of finding a bikini shot from a beach holiday. The pictures will be then be used to illustrate stories of the young girl's death.</p> <p>John Nevis, Commissioning Editor for Death, Grade 4 Celebrities and Dog Pictures at the Daily Mail said:</p> <p>"This is a very exciting time for the Daily Mail. We're keeping ahead of the opposition by making bold decisions.</p> <p>"In the olden days when a pretty girl died we used to have doorstep her parents or ask family friends or distant relatives if they had a picture we could use. This meant that we always ended up with the same school picture. You know the one: blue background, toothy grin, that sort of thing.</p> <p>"Now thanks to social media we can often get pictures that are both bang up to date and contain some decent norks.</p> <p>"Our Necrophiliac-in-Residence will spend time tracking these pictures down. Normally we only use pictures to illustrate pictures of dead girls we've written stories about but if our necrophiliac finds a picture of a pretty dead girl that we've not written a story about then we could end up covering her untimely demise in the paper. And if he finds a really pretty girl who's alive then there's no reason we couldn't bump her off like we did Diana."</p> <p>The news follows the recent appointment of the Daily Mail's first Masturbation Editor. The Masturbation Editor's job is to make sure that no picture that is not masturbatable to is put online. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60317#post-175249 Wed, 24 Apr 2013 17:08:16 +0000 monkeyrepublic 175249@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ah! Triffic! I didn't see that. All the shirking from my real work has paid off! Thanks folks! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60317#post-175244 Wed, 24 Apr 2013 16:53:16 +0000 Titus 175244@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hey, Monkeyrepublic - don't beat yourself up. My posts are full of trypos, and I often get lots of inspired ideas for brilliant revisions - just after the 'edit' time-limit has expired.</p> <p>And hey - congratulations, you got a News-in-Brief. Result! (And they did any necessary editing for you. Even better still ...) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60317#post-175239 Wed, 24 Apr 2013 16:31:09 +0000 Dick Everyman 175239@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Six hours ;o) move on, move on... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60317#post-175234 Wed, 24 Apr 2013 16:18:59 +0000 monkeyrepublic 175234@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Dangit! I thought I WAS a sad nitpicking anorak. Fluffed that one.</p> <p>Can't edit the above, now that I have time to do so. How long do you get? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60317#post-175227 Wed, 24 Apr 2013 15:11:46 +0000 Dick Everyman 175227@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You've been nibbed ;o) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60317#post-175205 Wed, 24 Apr 2013 13:46:14 +0000 Titus 175205@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I will evade a repuation as a tedious sad nitpicking pedantic anorak by refraining from comment about the misuse of the word "disinterested" to mean "un-interested". </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60317#post-175176 Wed, 24 Apr 2013 10:34:08 +0000 Dick Everyman 175176@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice addition and plenty of time to re-jig if you need any input from other biscuiteers. Shame no one talks about the Queen's arse anymore except when she's suffering with gastro enteritis - no respect anymore ;0</p> <p>haha nicely put Tripod! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60317#post-175175 Wed, 24 Apr 2013 10:33:45 +0000 Tripod 175175@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><blockquote>I can't remember what they were calling her while she was being fertilized.</blockquote></p> <p>After she was taken up the aisle? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60317#post-175174 Wed, 24 Apr 2013 10:27:42 +0000 monkeyrepublic 175174@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In response to your comment, Dick, I've added a bit (David Attenborough doc... wonder if that would have been a better approach from the word go, actually...) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60317#post-175170 Wed, 24 Apr 2013 10:06:56 +0000 Dick Everyman 175170@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>BBC referred to images of her today as the 'Duchess in Bloom'. </p> <p>I can't remember what they were calling her while she was being fertilized. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60317#post-175165 Wed, 24 Apr 2013 09:46:03 +0000 Titus 175165@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yeah. I'd rather leer at Pippa. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60317#post-175143 Wed, 24 Apr 2013 08:42:16 +0000 monkeyrepublic 175143@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Shocking figures today reveal that the majority of the British public don’t give a stuff whether the Duchess of Cambridge’s baby bump is small, medium or large.</p> <p>The findings come from a national poll assessing the buttocks, breasts and other anatomical features of leading figures from the Archibishop of Canterbury to Angela Merkel.</p> <p>A spokesman for the Daily Mail expressed shock at the results. “The failure to engage with constant scrutiny of the bodies of our Royal Family is a sad indictment of our generation and bodes ill for the future of our nation. It is our patriotic duty to ogle the Duchess with a mixture of deference, resentment and lust.”</p> <p>In response to the survey results, the BBC is said to have shelved a 12-part documentary series, voiced by David Attenborough, on the mating and birthing habits of the Royal Family. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=59105#post-171879 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 10:50:55 +0000 Not Amused 171879@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yes, love the phrase "decommissioned over-reactor" as well ...<br /> late stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=59105#post-171871 Fri, 05 Apr 2013 10:01:15 +0000 Midfield Diamond 171871@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Great stuff, got to be worth a bump. (And welcome back DBL)</p> <p>I see the FA are also co-operating with the government by investigating all Derby County fans following publication of the photo of Philpott in a replica shirt. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=59105#post-171817 Thu, 04 Apr 2013 19:21:19 +0000 DustyBinLaden 171817@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice to be back and venting though. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=59105#post-171812 Thu, 04 Apr 2013 18:49:02 +0000 DustyBinLaden 171812@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks dvo. I've been a poorly chap, unfortunately, so had to take a break. Occasionally I was tempted to put something together, but wasn't up to it, and watched a double-bill of Pointless and Eggheads instead. This is my convalescence piece. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=59105#post-171805 Thu, 04 Apr 2013 18:31:20 +0000 dvo4fun 171805@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ah, back and hitting the ground running DBL</p> <p>"David Cameron and George Osborne spent this morning jointly restarting a decommissioned over-reactor in Basildon. " had me chuckling.</p> <p>Been away? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=59105#post-171802 Thu, 04 Apr 2013 18:14:05 +0000 DustyBinLaden 171802@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>An influential Daily Mail article by AN Wilson declaring child murderer Mick Philpott to be “pure evil born out of welfare dependency” has encouraged the government to bring forward drastic new measures to protect us from those who have been radicalised by the welfare state. </p> <p>David Cameron and George Osborne spent this morning jointly restarting a decommissioned over-reactor in Basildon. Meanwhile, work and pensions secretary Iain Duncan Smith has formed Kristallnacht-style strike squads to undertake night-time raids on council tenants suspected of becoming evil through over-exposure to the pernicious effects of dole cheque addiction.</p> <p>‘We’re starting with the high-risk targets,’ said IDS. ‘This will include anyone who has either a) a snooker table, b) more than one television, c) a spare room for visitors, or d) has a growing urge to murder their own children directly proportionate to the amount they receive in state benefits.</p> <p>‘We’ve been looking too far afield, in places like Iran and Afghanistan’ he continued, ‘when they’ve been right here all the time. As of next week, we shall be recalling our troops from abroad and mobilising them throughout the council estates of Britain.’</p> <p>Professor of social sciences at the University of Sussex, John Wentworth, has suggested that this may present the government with a tricky moral dilemma. ‘You see, many of the troops we honour and respect as defenders of the realm actually come from the same council estates that we’ve come to know and hate. The truth is that one of the only alternatives to long-term unemployment and poverty is going off and getting killed for your country.’</p> <p>Chancellor George Osborne, sporting his new mockney accent, said: ‘He’s a prick for sayin’ that, an’ ’e can kiss goodbye to ’is research grant. Gawd bless the ’ardworking people of Briddan.’</p> <p>‘We are asking for full public support on this,’ said home secretary Theresa May. ‘If you know of anyone who may be stockpiling their £53 a week to build an evil empire, please inform the police. Be vigilant about what may seem like innocent purchases. Four 2-litre bottles of Asda cola and a bottle of Just For Men is a potential bomb. And frequent purchases of new white trainers almost certainly points to a child murderer training camp.’ </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58998#post-171476 Tue, 02 Apr 2013 22:01:12 +0000 Alfred Noakes 171476@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Steven Jones, a London market trader has stated today that he could manage to live on an income of £10,000 a week, quite easily, if he had to. </p> <p>Mr Jones held a press conference today in which he said 'I realise that top politicians like Iain Duncan Smith and George Osborne have certain responsibilities. The public expects them to dress smartly, entertain foreign dignitaries and drive an expensive car. Also, maintaining a home in central London cannot be cheap by anyone's standards'. </p> <p>He continued 'In order to deliver the demands of public office, cabinet members have only a finite income and some would be tempted to get into debt. However, having learned to budget my £53 a week income frugally, I would avoid any temptation to run up arrears through booking foreign holidays and buying expensive computers and all that'. </p> <p>Critics of Mr Jones however responded harshly to his statement. The Daily Mail has set up a campaign to get him to see if he can actually survive on ten grand per week and an online readers petition backing the campaign has already reached a million signatures. </p> <p>David Cameron, speaking from his £4million mansion home commented 'Decent hard-working politicians like myself and George Osborne are the life blood of this country and this government supports upper class working families to try and better themselves and their families. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58349#post-169552 Fri, 22 Mar 2013 10:52:56 +0000 Yikes 169552@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Perfect </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58349#post-169518 Fri, 22 Mar 2013 09:02:47 +0000 Username 169518@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>handy. 5* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58349#post-169393 Thu, 21 Mar 2013 18:01:55 +0000 Golgo13 169393@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58349#post-169366 Thu, 21 Mar 2013 15:07:32 +0000 Not Amused 169366@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>stars .. nice one </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58349#post-169343 Thu, 21 Mar 2013 12:53:36 +0000 charlies_hat 169343@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yep. </p>