http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=daily-express The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Tue, 21 May 2013 11:36:02 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52678#post-151869 Tue, 04 Dec 2012 14:18:54 +0000 writinginbsl 151869@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>potential</p> <p>stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52678#post-151691 Mon, 03 Dec 2012 17:20:54 +0000 WatcherMark 151691@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The BBC has recently confirmed that the announcement of the long-overdue pregnancy of Kate Middleton has ensured that there there will be no other news <em>"for the next week or so"</em>.</p> <p>Recent stories including the fallout from the Jimmy Savile scandal, Starbucks implementing new tax regulations and the possibly fatal dangers of dental X-Ray machines have all been placed 'on hold' while the birth of our future possible monarch is fully reported.</p> <p><em>"We've got a lot planned"</em> confirmed a BBC spokesman, <em>"For the first couple of days, we intend to have a lot of talking heads discussing the huge impact this child will have on the country with Royal experts drilling in the fact that she'll be third in line to the throne as well as endless shots of William and Kate's wedding. After that we'll be speaking to the public and asking them for name suggestions as we patiently wait for shots of the Duchess leaving hospital. Finally, we intend to climax with a CGI approximation of what the baby will look like."</em></p> <p>When asked about the importance of other stories in the news at the moment, the BBC spokeman shrugged and muttered <em>"Stuff like that is hardly in the public interest at the moment. We'll possibly cover it at 2am or something."</em></p> <p>Sky is due to confirm a similar plan in the next few hours, and Kay Burley is reported to be interviewing William with questions about the couple's sex life. The Daily Express is also printing a special edition tomorrow with the headline 'DIANA WOULD HAVE LOVED A GRANDCHILD (IF SHE HADN'T BEEN MURDERED)'. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28283#post-78591 Sat, 23 Jul 2011 01:32:12 +0000 Corrigan 78591@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In the wake of the phone hacking scandal, new accusations are being made against pseudo-tabloid The Daily Mail that their stories could be interpreted as having an anti-foreigner slant.</p> <p>After revelations that Red-Top journalists are actually a bunch of immoral bastards, newly emboldened commentators are beginning to venture opinions that your dad’s favourite paper might be unduly hash on people from a different country. Daily Mail executive Roger Founds commented: ‘I don’t know where these accusations have come from. We have always prided ourselves on unbiased, objective journalism. To hear that we are being accused of bias has rocked us to the core.’</p> <p>Despite these denials, Guardian editor Alan Rusbridger said: ‘It has been known for some time that The Mail might not like foreigners, some people have suggested that many of the stories featured could be seen as being fixated on immigration and EU legislation. I am sure,however, that The Daily Mail are not the only publication that could be accused of this.'</p> <p>Speaking from the graveside of Princess Diana, a spokesperson from the Daily Express said: ‘Oh yeah, we do hate foreigners. You can quote me on that.’ </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=8432#post-22674 Tue, 13 Jul 2010 12:00:20 +0000 la maga 22674@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In a study that has struck fear into the hearts of thinking people everywhere, scientists at the Royal Society have proved beyond all doubt that by 2050 the UK, or These Green And Pleasant Lands Of Ours (TM Daily Express), will be awash with Daily Express readers. </p> <p>The demographic time bomb has taken analysts by surprise. "We thought eduction would help," explained Tom Bamber of the Institute for Everything. "We're not sure whether we've been proved wrong or whether this just goes to show that our education system is shite. Either way we're all pretty terrified. It seems we're about to be engulfed by a tidal wave of bigots who just won't stop breeding."</p> <p>When asked what the government could do about the menace growing within, one scientist suggested that immigration might be the answer. "Since the Daily Express is so habitually offensive towards immigrants we figure that immigrants probably don't buy it very much, in the same way they don't line up to be slapped in the face and called 'boy'. So we're recommending as much immigration as possible."</p> <p>A government spokesman explained that as well as being a drain on the sanity of the nation Daily Express readers also contribute to the economy. "We think they may be keeping the garden gnome industry afloat," he explained. "We couldn't do without them. And frankly, who else would have them?"</p> <p>The Editor of the Daily Express was not available for comment. Fleet Street rumours claimed he was busy rolling around in a big pile of money laughing and shouting, "I can't believe we can get away with calling them 'ethnics'". </p>