http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=clergy The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sat, 18 May 2013 08:25:23 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31936#post-90553 Thu, 13 Oct 2011 12:45:40 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 90553@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I like this.</p> <p>But given that 3 of your last 5 subs have contained gimps, porn and MC Hammer, I'm beginning to build a bit of a weird impression of you... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31936#post-90513 Thu, 13 Oct 2011 10:33:03 +0000 Gary Stanton 90513@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Senior members of the clergy have denounced the decision to remove all references to Christmas from top-selling pornographic DVD ‘Horny XXXmas’ as an example of political correctness gone mad, it has emerged. </p> <p>The film, which has been re-titled ‘Horny Winterval’, originally featured the sexploits of an office Christmas party that descends into a full scale orgy following the announcement of above average yearly sales figures. </p> <p>The new version will surely disappoint fans of bongo films and churchgoers alike. Chief among the edited scenes is one where two female colleagues cavort under a fir tree decorated with fake snow, baubles and a fairy, while a noticeably aroused Father Christmas showers the pair with silly string. The fir tree has now been replaced with a ‘holiday tree’ - little more than an overgrown cheese plant - and Father Christmas has mutated into a hunky Photocopier Repair Man called ‘Chris’. </p> <p>To make matters worse, the previous dialogue in which Santa informs the delighted, and hitherto well-behaved employees, that he has ‘a big hot Christmas bonus comin’ right atcha’ has been radically altered. After replacing the flash bulb on a zeitgeisty Canon XCZ3000 Dual Interface Photocopier, Chris delivers the line ‘Oh yeah, I got a big winter bonus for ya right here. You like that huh?‘ A later scene which features Santa coming down a chimney has vanished altogether. </p> <p>Derek Jarvey, an Anglican bishop, who heads the pressure group Anglicans Resisting Secular Encroachment, sees more sinister forces at work. Last night Mr Jarvey was keen to draw attention to the fact that the DVD’s producers, Hot Splash Entertainment, are headed by none other than Jeffrey Cunliffe, co-owner of one of the largest hal al meat farms in the US. </p> <p>And James Deacon, a former minister, and founder of Presbyterians United against the Sweeping Secularisation of Yuletide said, </p> <p>‘The decision to axe the reindeer from the final group scene and replace it with a horse pays no respect to the traditional Christmas narrative and has confused and annoyed me far more than the stilted dialogue and the absence of any decent money shots. ’ </p> <p>‘I shall be writing a very stern letter to Hot Splash just as soon as my wrist recovers. ’ </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23637#post-64187 Sat, 09 Apr 2011 19:08:43 +0000 OldThingy 64187@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Criticism was launched at the Clergy today when it was realised that churches across the country have been holding ceremonies specially arranged for name-calling.</p> <p>Vicars and churchmen have been accused of naming young children and giving babies wet heads in the rituals. They are also accused of sexism by calling boys different names to girls. This amounts to a blight on the child and often is a stigma for the rest of the persons’ existence. </p> <p>One mother of six was very angry and stated that all her kids have been called names by the local vicar and now the whole family just have to live with it for all time. Her husband said it was an intrusion on family life and on society as a whole.</p> <p>The husband said that this name-calling elevated the Childs status to the point where they actually think they are somebody. He much preferred to call his children “Oyo – you” or “Hey - bandy legs – stop peeing on yer brother.”</p> <p>At the Registrars office the officer, a Mr No Comment” had nothing to say. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2430#post-7200 Mon, 12 Apr 2010 20:59:28 +0000 TerribleTim 7200@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>...more soon... </p>