http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=celebrity The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Fri, 24 May 2013 04:39:58 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=42419#post-121285 Thu, 03 May 2012 16:08:37 +0000 victimms 121285@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Peg more like </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=42419#post-121261 Thu, 03 May 2012 14:03:02 +0000 MizAnnieG 121261@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Featuring the moving story of one woman's daily battle with what to wear, set in the rolling expanse of her walk-in wardrobe. The hard-hitting story highlights the plight of fashion victims on both sides of the catwalk,with Victoria Beckham as the eponymous wooden filly. 'Clothes Horse' - previously brought to life on the stage at the National Theatre with stick-figure puppets - is soon to be brought to life on screen with a stick-figure person. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38626#post-109350 Mon, 13 Feb 2012 17:11:42 +0000 Makkers1 109350@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"there must be one somewhere, we'll find him", says a close relative, holding back tears. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=36852#post-103380 Sun, 01 Jan 2012 15:03:12 +0000 antharrison 103380@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Love it </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=36852#post-103378 Sun, 01 Jan 2012 15:01:19 +0000 victimms 103378@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>More to follow </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=32385#post-92014 Fri, 21 Oct 2011 18:24:25 +0000 delightfullyodd 92014@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>SIMON Cowell's replacement as a judge on the x-factor is not the real Gary Barlow it was claimed yesterday. Tracey Lambert, 39, of High-Wycombe claims that the former singer-songwriter of Take That lives with her in her 2 bedroom flat and works in Greggs in the town centre. </p> <p>Tracy also claims that the real Barlow was ditched for his double in 1998 because he was "boring, fat and lifeless."</p> <p>"I had an ad in the local paper looking for a lodger and this man appeared at my door. I recognised him right away. He explained to me that record executives had dumped him because his single <em>Love won't Wait.</em> was the final straw and they needed to get rid of him and replace him with someone much more attractive and better at writing songs." Tracy explains.</p> <p>The "new" Barlow is in fact a man named Gerry Bradshaw, 43, a former joiner from Oldham. He was spotted in a local chemist one day by a Sony BMG executive and a deal was struck.</p> <p>No one at Sony BMG or ITV was available for comment. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28378#post-79048 Mon, 25 Jul 2011 16:50:29 +0000 victimms 79048@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The world renowned Psychic Derek Acorah has struck a deal with Apple. He plans to release his own range of mobile phones.</p> <p>The I’m-Dead will now enable you to speak to, not only your living friends and family, but those dearly departed ones as well. </p> <p>Mr Acorah told us that he has been working on this, in secret, for the best part of 15 years. Even after numerous spirits dismissed the idea as mumbo jumbo he was determined to raise it from the ground.</p> <p>Veteran Astrologer Russell Grant said of the innovative new phone ‘it’s a great way to keep in touch with those loved ones that we miss so much. I see a bright future for this phone and am sure it will bury any competition in its wake. </p> <p>Steve Jobs, head of Apple, was said to be very happy with the prospect of yet another market leading product and confirmed that customers who bought the phone would qualify for a full refund on death. He suggested that there would be tariffs to “suit all our customers, alive and dead”. Market research has suggested that the most popular tariff would be the ‘Pay As You Rest’. However, there will be a contracted version available, even though these tariffs seem to be dying out. </p> <p>Of course a product like this can also have its downside, so we wanted to find out how this new range of phones will affect the livelihoods of the working medium.</p> <p>Using the phone we have been able to contact Doris Stokes, who is now the Chairwoman of the DMS (Dead Medium Society). She had this to communicate: ‘I am a long time fan of Mr Acorah, but I can see a future where mediums will no longer exist. I foretell that we will see a very sharp decrease in the number of mediums, and this phone may eventually kill off our business’. She went on to say that dark times are ahead but hopes Mr Acorah 'will walk into the light’ </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=12081#post-33151 Sat, 11 Sep 2010 15:25:50 +0000 DonnaQuixote 33151@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>“Freedom of the press is all very well”, claims clerical worker JS, “but as somebody who nobody has ever heard of, I have a right to publicity too. Why should these A-list celebs get photos of their body parts plastered all over the media, when I have worked in local government all my life and never had so much as a mention in Hello Magazine?”</p> <p>JS (whose real name is too insignificant to mention) is so desperate to avoid the cold glare of mediocrity that she has posted seventeen videos on Who?Tube showing scenes from her daily life: walking the dog, going to the gym, even a long lens shot of her getting ready for bed behind the net curtains of her terraced house in Sutton Coldfield.</p> <p>“I've tried everything”, she complained. “I have even taken out a court injunction against the paparazzi who consistently ignore me. But every morning when I come out of my house to go to work, there is absolutely nobody camped on the doorstep.”</p> <p>“I have complained time and time again to BT about the lack of nuisance phone calls, but they say there is nothing I can do except keep my existing number and give it to everyone I meet. I've even put it on my FaceBook page, but I've only got one Friend and that's only because I have the same name as someone he went to school with .”</p> <p>At a time when the right to publicity is being claimed as a fundamental civil liberty by incognitos worldwide, a spokesman from the Press Council hotly defended the right to keep uninteresting individuals out of the public eye. “Nothing beats a good scandal”, he pronounced, “and it's cheaper too.” </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10260#post-28155 Wed, 11 Aug 2010 16:42:01 +0000 pinxit 28155@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yum! Thank you sir.</p> <p>I had wondered whether I should include his TV co-presenter Jaunty Roads in the item. But, even though the antipodean seems to be morphing into a constipated toad, the lack of girth and mirth ruled the fella out (for now). </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10260#post-28142 Wed, 11 Aug 2010 15:30:25 +0000 Sharpehunter 28142@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Smooth &amp; tasty like Ardennes Pate! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10260#post-28140 Wed, 11 Aug 2010 15:25:16 +0000 pinxit 28140@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>TV's 'Celebrity Masterchef' presenter Gregg Wallace was today named 'Glutton of the Year' for the second year running by the prestigious publication. Awarded 10 out of 10, Wallace easily beat off the nearest competition. Evening Standard food critic Charlie Campion, who racked up a mere seven, finished second with Michael Winner, who has dropped from a ten-year dominance since shrivelling to the size of a whippet, third.</p> <p>Describing his feelings on retaining the title, a beaming Mr. Wallace said he was 'like a pig in shit'.<br /> Asked why he insists on retaining the extra 'g' on his forename, Mr. Wallace retorted 'Well, it's <strong>big</strong>, it's <strong>beefy</strong> and it has an <strong>egg</strong> in it. Nom nom nom!" </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10229#post-28028 Wed, 11 Aug 2010 10:40:06 +0000 pinxit 28028@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A group of box-dwelling frogs in Tring are taking a national newspaper to court over allegations that they share similarities to British fashion-designer Dame Vivienne Westwood. </p> <p>"It's outrageous!" fumed Jez Fisher, the community's spokesfrog. "A slur on all box-domiciled amphibians, who simply want to get on peaceably with their lives. We're fed up with being compared to the elderly eccentric Dame. Yes we ARE mad - hopping mad!"</p> <p>This is not the first time that apparently innocent creatures have been sullied with the so-called 'Westwood Simile'. In Australia, Bob, an unrestrained Kangaroo in the top paddock of Melbourne's Flemington racecourse and Tony, a copulating koala that fell out of a eucalyptus tree have both 'suffered the indignity' of Westwood comparison.</p> <p>Others who have taken umbrage at links with the world-renowned designer include a Milliner (although he later dropped charges as Westwood chose him to work on her range of hats) and an untightened screw.</p> <p>There is a precedence for the frogs' recourse to legal action. Last month a Picnic hamper manufacturer successfully sued for damages when their product was referenced in a simile with Christine Hamilton. The judge ruled that "The Picnic Company suffered malicious metaphor and simile, simply because of their decision to exclude one extra sandwich and that their delicious fruitcake was laden with many nuts".</p> <p>Dame Vivienne, who launches a new winter collection in the Paris area of Chaillot next week, was unavailable for comment. Her Press Officer said "She's out to lunch". </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=9487#post-25676 Sat, 31 Jul 2010 03:09:17 +0000 Cook 25676@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><strong>Amazing</strong></p> <p>In possibly the most amazing celebrity story of the year George Michael is believed to have driven home safely last night.</p> <p><strong>Sensational</strong></p> <p>Not a single nut or bolt of the £80,000 black 4×4 was damaged during the singer’s 4 mile journey from the ‘100 Club’ in London’s West End to his family home in leafy Hampstead.</p> <p>Our Home Affairs correspondent Sir Arthur Mitchell told how ‘I Want Your Sex’ singer George, 46, drove the entire length of Tottenham Court Road without incident and apart from running over a few stray dogs on Camden High Street the journey was a complete success.</p> <p><strong>Surely not</strong></p> <p>A source said: “There is a lot of talk about George being a dangerous driver when under the influence of potent hallucinogenic drugs but as far as I could see he looked to be in control of the vehicle. He did appear to fall asleep at the traffic lights outside Kentish Town tube station but a quick toot on the horn from the lorry behind and he snapped back into action. I think people should get off his back”</p> <p>However friends and relatives have refused to travel with the troubled pop star since 2001 when in an 8 month period he wrote off 3 Lamborghini’s, 2 Aston Martin’s and a Bentley belonging to friend and retired comic Jimmy Carr.</p> <p><strong>Fuck Me</strong></p> <p>George’s Aunt Mrs Panayiotou said yesterday: “We all love him dearly but he’s a menace behind the wheel. I think it’s his nerves. He is genuinely terrified of driving, he always has been. To watch a man trying to roll a joint and self administer rectal diazepam at a level crossing does not inspire confidence. I’d rather let the train take the strain nowadays”</p> <p>Local resident Laurie Rowe, 43, who travelled behind for the last leg of his journey through the Hampstead suburbs said that George was driving at a sensible 30mph throughout.</p> <p><strong>Ted Rogers (20 July 1935 – 2 May 2001)</strong></p> <p>“I couldn’t believe it. When I saw who was in front of me I expected the car to veer off at any moment and go hurtling into a lamp post or pedestrian. George is notorious around this neighbourhood. Everyone stays inside when we hear him starting up his engine. I saw him knock down Judy Finnegan last week. The frightening thing is he never saw her even as she bounced off the bonnet of his car”</p> <p>A spokesman for the Royal Free Hospital in Hampstead confirmed yesterday that they had treated a 66 year old lady for minor injuries last week.</p> <p>. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=8617#post-23143 Fri, 16 Jul 2010 07:45:30 +0000 dicky37 23143@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A series of oversights and a 'serious error of judgment' resulted in an entire edition of NOW magazine being published without a single reference being made to the Girls Aloud singer, the star's management claimed last night... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=8374#post-22534 Mon, 12 Jul 2010 14:55:23 +0000 curry muncher 22534@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><img src="http://www.thejudge.me.uk/imagebank/illustrations/prick.jpg"> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=8374#post-22516 Mon, 12 Jul 2010 12:44:41 +0000 mr blue 22516@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Barry Cryer would be proud of his old jokes being recycled so efficiently. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=8374#post-22514 Mon, 12 Jul 2010 12:33:20 +0000 Dangerfield 22514@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>At the centre of the row that led to the end of the endorsement deal was the packaging on a line of organic sausages. The celebrity felt that the prominence of the wording "Prick with a fork" was more a comment about him than a cooking instruction. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2592#post-7674 Thu, 15 Apr 2010 09:09:12 +0000 Codec 7674@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Both Posh and H1N1 (Swine Flu) have felt the absence of the media spotlight for a while, and they clearly hunger for the attention they lost. So, in a move calculated to shock, they have combined forces to get themselves back on the front pages they are clearly missing. </p> <p>"It makes a lot of sense to combine forces" said Posh, "We both have needs that are unfulfilled, and this merger is a logical step". They both have something to bring to the party, global fear and panic, an allergic reaction, a sense of nausea - although when pressed the media agency refused to apportion the roles.</p> <p>The rebranded H1N1 titled "essence of neuraminidase" will be available in a spray form, in a "to-die-for exquisite cut glass dispenser" from exclusive outlets, yet to be defined. Bird flu was unavailable for comment at this time. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1768#post-5003 Wed, 31 Mar 2010 08:59:04 +0000 Darkbill 2.0 5003@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A new report from an influential group of genealogists says that 50.22 per cent of men, roughly half the total population of the earth, can be linked romantically to American actress Jennifer Aniston, simply by being in her presence.</p> <p>Professor Geoffrey Winstanley, Head of Cambridge University’s Celebrity Genealogy Studies Unit, says, “We discovered that male co-stars of Aniston are likely to show signs of 95-97 per cent romantic linkage, with that figure rising to an irrefutable 98/99 per cent speculated linkage if they are already married or currently dating someone else. The team took a series of measurements of brainless web chatter and vacuous newspaper speculation and when combined with a steady stream of ill-informed data from glossy women’s mags concluded that being male and within a ten foot radius of Aniston increased the chances of being labeled the ‘new love in Jen’s life’ by a ratio of 89:1.</p> <p>“As men make up just over half of the entire 6,790,062,216 people on earth this means the chances are very good that you or someone you know could be romantically-linked to Aniston should she ever visit your town, or you land a part in one of her movies. Maybe you are just bringing her a coffee and you are big on Y-chromosomes. Boom, you’re dating. At least that’s the theory.”</p> <p>It is rumoured that Aniston’s publicist has repeatedly stated that Aniston’s relationships with male colleagues and acquaintances are ‘merely good friendships’ so many times that she has resorted to having a pre-prepared statement printed on laminated cards, and now simply sends them to the media on a weekly basis. The name of the current alleged beau is tippexed out and updated in marker pen.</p> <p>The remaining 49.75 per cent of the population are female and there is so far no evidence Aniston is romantically interested in them – despite male scientists insisting this would be ‘amazing’ and almost certainly something they’d like to document, probably on video. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=798#post-2092 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 21:54:53 +0000 Dai_Happy 2092@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A well-known celebrity today broke down as he delivered a tearful admission to allegations that he had not cheated on his wife at any point in the past. In a hastily-arranged press conference the celebrity, whose professional career involves public performance of some kind, began by stating how sorry he was for letting down his wife, family and friends.</p> <p>“I am truly sorry for my actions, and the shame they have brought to those I love and respect so much. My job involves being away from home a great deal, and to deal with this I have actively sought to avoid putting myself in positions where I could be tempted to stray from my wonderful wife. I often acted foolishly by making polite talk with female admirers, before stating that I was not interested in any form of sexual activity and returning to my hotel where I would go to bed early with a good book. I am sorry to say that I even telephoned my wife and child on the very same nights that I refused all offers for no-holds-barred sex from attractive strangers, pretending as though nothing had happened.”</p> <p>The celebrity, who is probably a sportsman or in the entertainment industry, went on to explain how he now fully understood the consequences of his actions. “I now fully understand the consequences of my actions”, he said, before continuing. “My children will have to explain to their friends why their Mum and Dad live in the same house, and share the responsibilities of parenting. My wife has to go to work and face her colleagues, knowing that they'll be wondering how she could forgive a man who respects the institution of marriage in the way that I do. I have prevented a number of surgically-enhanced fame seekers from obtaining sizeable amounts of money from the tabloid newspapers. And finally, I have caused my fans who have supported me for so long in what it is that I do to wonder if they really should be supporting me in what it is that I do. To you all, I am truly sorry”.</p> <p>The celebrity's family were not present at the press conference, having gone to the supermarket to get something nice to eat for tea that night. </p>