http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=cat The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 19 Jun 2013 05:15:14 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49119#post-141716 Thu, 04 Oct 2012 20:59:18 +0000 Stanleys Dad 141716@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Comedian, entertainer and 70’s television personality Freddie Starr is today facing serious allegations that he has once again eaten a fury mammal…this time a cat owned by a 12 year old girl from Runcorn.</p> <p>According to reports, Starr had been staying at the home of friend David Clifford and his 12-year-old daughter Maxine in Runcorn, Cheshire when the incident took place. </p> <p>Starr is claimed to have returned home from a performance at a Manchester nightclub in the early hours of the morning and demanded that Mr. Clifford make him a sandwich. When he refused, he went into the kitchen and put his daughter’s pet cat, Jimmy, between two slices of bread and proceeded to eat it.</p> <p>After devouring the poor pussy, Starr, it is alleged, then began licking Maxine’s pet beaver, an odd pet granted, but fully domesticated and quite popular in Runcorn.</p> <p>Starr though is furiously denying the allegations of eating a 12 year old child’s pussy and licking her beaver. </p> <p>He says that the only time that he ever stayed at Mr. Clifford’s house was two weeks ago and that the incident is a complete fabrication. </p> <p>Starr said "I have never eaten or even nibbled a live hamster, gerbil, guinea pig, mouse, shrew, cat, beaver, vole or any other small mammal". </p> <p>Asked repeatedly by gathered press if he had ever eaten anything else, other than a small mammal, that may or may not be construed as ‘worrying’ Starr replied “I did once suck on a young boys cock. I had permission though, I didn't swallow anything, merely put the prize rooster in my mouth to dampen down his feathers prior to entering the cock into.....hold on......fuck off......I know where this is going......” </p> <p>Did the young boys cock? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15654#post-42764 Sat, 13 Nov 2010 09:48:03 +0000 FormerlyAlOPecia 42764@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>There was enough for the entire ensemble to eat, but they did run out of toast. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15654#post-42740 Sat, 13 Nov 2010 00:49:29 +0000 flim-flam 42740@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Twenty-first century Tennyson Bonjonelson? I like it.</p> <p>Kind words 4ty2, thankyou! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15654#post-42731 Sat, 13 Nov 2010 00:08:04 +0000 bonjonelson 42731@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A jewelled swan floating perilously in a sea of shite </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15654#post-42706 Fri, 12 Nov 2010 19:23:53 +0000 4ty2 42706@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>brilliantant and original 5 star material. good luck </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=15654#post-42681 Fri, 12 Nov 2010 16:45:28 +0000 flim-flam 42681@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A former Tory minister and celebrated virgin, Anne Widdecombe, who has set the nation alight with her svelte performances on the BBC’s Strictly Come Dancing show, has been asked by Russia’s prestigious Bolshoi Ballet to join their organisation. </p> <p>Rumours began circulating a fortnight ago when the former Minister for Prisons and Celebrity Fit Club star was spotted dinning with the Bolshoi’s Artistic Director, Yury Burlaka, at an Aberdeen Steak House in Piccadilly Circus. According to shocked witnesses, a chequebook-waving Burlaka was heard screaming ‘money is no object,’ while wailing that his organisation had ‘pissed away the last 200 years’ by pursuing and staging ‘shitty, shitty, crap.’</p> <p>And yesterday the Moscow-based ballet company finally confirmed that Widdecombe had ‘agreed in principle’ to assume the role of Prima Ballerina for a year before replacing Marina Leonova as the director of the Bolshoi Ballet Academy where she will be directly in charge of teaching students. The spokesperson added ‘this appointment will represent the Perestroika of the ballet world.’</p> <p>While Widdecombe insisted only last week that rumours of a move eastwards were ‘tosh’ she has now admitted to meeting the director and released the following statement: ‘My initial meeting with Burlaka was pure chance - indeed we are both lovers of meat. However, once it was put to me that my skills and perennial flamboyance could drag the Bolshoi into the twenty-first century, I realised it would be highly selfish to refuse his offer.’ </p> <p>She added: ‘However, I didn’t want to publicly divulge my decision until it was clear that my cat Pugwash III and two adopted goats, Megan and Bruce, would be granted safe passage to the Soviet…er, Russia. Fortunately, their Prime Minister, Vladimir Putin, has personally agreed to issue passports and diplomatic immunity to all three. Once these are in hand and I have won Strictly Come Dancing, I shall depart these shores towards my next adventure. </p> <p>Tickets have already sold-out for Widdecombe’s debut which is set to take place on the opening night of The Tsar's Bride at the State Kremlin Palace. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=11475#post-31515 Thu, 02 Sep 2010 13:00:18 +0000 Sharpehunter 31515@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ahhhhh! Like TopCat, was he a serial killer? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=11475#post-31505 Thu, 02 Sep 2010 12:21:22 +0000 Coldstream 31505@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Maybe they are all in wheelie bins! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=11475#post-31504 Thu, 02 Sep 2010 12:14:02 +0000 dicky37 31504@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>meow ;-) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=11475#post-31348 Wed, 01 Sep 2010 17:07:55 +0000 dicky37 31348@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>[More soon] </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=11193#post-30582 Fri, 27 Aug 2010 09:46:03 +0000 Duncan Biscuit 30582@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=6205#post-17295 Mon, 14 Jun 2010 10:48:23 +0000 Svendo 17295@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I like it... Many stars.</p> <p>Can you link this in with a blind control? Maybe using 3 mice.</p> <p>Also what is the possibly of testing this with Shroedingers theories by placing a cat in a box in with the mice so the cat is both here and away at the same time. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=6205#post-17285 Mon, 14 Jun 2010 10:16:12 +0000 Ostsee 17285@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Not forgetting the Environmental Impact Statement. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=6205#post-16969 Fri, 11 Jun 2010 19:38:50 +0000 PluckyMunky 16969@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Closing date: 12th June. Proposals to be delivered, by hand, by 9.am, to The Cat Project, 22 Mountbank, Orkney. No extensions considered. All applications must be signed by head of department, a vetinary surgeon, a JP, the deputy chair of the local research ethics committee and the Rolling Stones. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=6205#post-16967 Fri, 11 Jun 2010 19:29:29 +0000 Ostsee 16967@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I think more work needs to be done on this. Applications for research grants, in triplicate.......... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=6205#post-16940 Fri, 11 Jun 2010 17:36:50 +0000 PluckyMunky 16940@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'd like to know more about the sample, Mr 37, please. This may be a spurious result. In the meantime, have a big five. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=6205#post-16938 Fri, 11 Jun 2010 17:30:29 +0000 rickwestwell 16938@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Mousetastic, 5. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=6205#post-16932 Fri, 11 Jun 2010 17:08:01 +0000 dicky37 16932@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Scientists announced today that, far from taking advantage of the situation to engage in play, laboratory mice appeared wholly unaffected by the absence of their domestic predator. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1762#post-4985 Wed, 31 Mar 2010 07:20:01 +0000 Stan Laurel 4985@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Home secretary Alan Johnson is introduce a Parliamentary Bill which will outlaw catnip and similar feline highs within weeks following the publication of an RSPCA report that described the drug’s effect on the UK’s cat population as a “national scandal”.</p> <p>A spokesman for the RSPCA said last night “We are delighted that the Government has finally acted to protect these poor creatures. Its widespread use has reduced many cats to a pitiful state. To see the poor things hanging around the streets all hours, howling and defecating on neighbourhood gardens; just waiting for their next fix is enough to make an animal lover weep.”</p> <p>Penny Newton, director of Worthing’s Cat Shelter, works on the front line of feline welfare. “The news comes as a relief. So many people trivialise the impact of catnip but I don’t think they realise that the imported catnip available these days is far stronger than the stuff that their kittens may have tried in their days at University.’</p> <p>The tightening up of catnip follows the Government’s move to restrict other cat drugs such as M-Kat or “Meow Meow” and Kit-E-Kat. </p>