http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=cambridge The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Tue, 21 May 2013 08:35:54 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60188#post-175199 Wed, 24 Apr 2013 13:37:25 +0000 Sally1985 175199@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I saw this on FaceBook and it inspired me to sign up. I thought it was really well written and made me laugh. Thankyou </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60188#post-175179 Wed, 24 Apr 2013 10:58:00 +0000 Boutros 175179@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>V. Good FP and blimey it's real satire.</p> <p>What's going on?</p> <p>Where will this end? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60188#post-175120 Wed, 24 Apr 2013 06:52:11 +0000 Golgo13 175120@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Genuine welsh bees? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60188#post-175098 Wed, 24 Apr 2013 05:29:40 +0000 Squudge 175098@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>nice FP </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60188#post-174977 Tue, 23 Apr 2013 17:39:54 +0000 nickb 174977@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Fat Jaspers sounds like a rock band. Bump/Buzz </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60188#post-174948 Tue, 23 Apr 2013 15:32:01 +0000 Squudge 174948@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I saw a cherry tree in full flower today and realised as I got close that it had a whole hive of bees in it - hundreds if not thousands of the little souls droning away.</p> <p>I stood underneath and felt properly happy for the first time in ages.</p> <p>I'm with Titus on WoW though, but prefer to evict the fat jaspers from my conservatory intact, if annoyed. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60188#post-174913 Tue, 23 Apr 2013 13:03:06 +0000 fink 174913@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Brings back memories of the old NewsBiscuit classic <a href="http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2008/02/10/toddlers-admit-failed-strategy-in-war-on-pigeons-017/">Toddlers admit failed strategy in War on Pigeons</a>. Probably the best piece of true satire I've ever read here. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60188#post-174907 Tue, 23 Apr 2013 12:49:02 +0000 AReader 174907@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>They should get back to their beehives and away from our good British flowers forthwith! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60188#post-174855 Tue, 23 Apr 2013 09:14:13 +0000 Titus 174855@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>This is wide of the mark. You have been deceived. The true enemy of Man is wasps, who have cunningly diverted attention from themselves by blaming picnic disruptioon on innocent bees who don't in fact steal strawberry jam at all but who lead productive lives in their workers' communes.</p> <p>Bees are the honest hardworking proletariat.</p> <p>Wasps are bourgeoise parasites / capitalist lackeys / anarchists, depending on your political philosophy.</p> <p>Join the War on Wasps. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60188#post-174840 Tue, 23 Apr 2013 06:40:56 +0000 Not Amused 174840@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I've often wondered what the cynics scoff when they scoff. Do you ave more chance against them when they are fully fed ? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60188#post-174836 Tue, 23 Apr 2013 05:39:42 +0000 ronseal 174836@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>One sting! They've only got one sting! They've only got one sting... (etc) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60188#post-174801 Mon, 22 Apr 2013 22:01:07 +0000 writinginbsl 174801@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>yep - well done oxy </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60188#post-174798 Mon, 22 Apr 2013 21:56:50 +0000 nickb 174798@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yes </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60188#post-174757 Mon, 22 Apr 2013 18:08:39 +0000 sigmund 174757@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice one, oxbridge - and no obnoxious tags either! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60188#post-174742 Mon, 22 Apr 2013 16:29:33 +0000 Paddy Berzinski 174742@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Probably the best piece of true satire I've ever read here. Stars aplenty. Inspired. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60188#post-174741 Mon, 22 Apr 2013 16:23:07 +0000 reforse 174741@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>They come into our country, stealing our pollen, they haven't even got the decency to learn the language. The Mail has it right, time to move to Spain where they speak English. UKIP forever. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60188#post-174728 Mon, 22 Apr 2013 16:01:31 +0000 Al OPecia 174728@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Bees - just piss off!!! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60188#post-174726 Mon, 22 Apr 2013 15:52:32 +0000 monkeyrepublic 174726@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Tell it like it is, Oxbridge! Those kleptomaniac bastards have wandered in and out of my garden with their baskets of pollen for the last time. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=60188#post-174724 Mon, 22 Apr 2013 15:45:17 +0000 Oxbridge 174724@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cynics scoffed and said that it would go the same way as the ‘War on Terror’ and the ‘War on Drugs’, two more scourges of mankind that were too ubiquitous to fight properly. Yet as of today, when the last remaining honey bee was humanely destroyed in a laboratory in Cambridge, humankind has finally triumphed over one of its most ruthless and cynical adversaries.</p> <p>‘At last after thousands of years, we can finally look forward to picnics no longer being disrupted by these furry jam-crazed psychopaths with their slightly irritating humming noise,’ said Professor Norman Jensen of the Insect Research Unit at the university’s Department of Zoology.</p> <p>After years of trials, scientists working in cross-national teams from Europe and America finally managed to infiltrate bee terrorist cells and cause them to collapse gradually from 2006 onwards. This was largely thanks to new techniques of warfare based on the neonicotinoid class of pesticides, which caused many militant bees to get lost on the way home to their ‘hives’. The first confirmation that this strategy might be working came in the summer of 2008, when a threatened wave of suicide assaults on people eating ice cream on Blackpool beach failed to materialise.</p> <p>Some, meanwhile, have accused the politicians and scientists of arrogance in assuming that they alone have brought about the victory. In the US, there have been calls for the Congressional Medal of Honour to be awarded to the humble varroa mite, which is said to deserve much of the credit for bravely attaching itself to the bees’ receptors and causing their wings to deform. Millions of the heroic mites have died in the process.</p> <p>‘I’ll admit to a grudging respect for bees,’ said Jenson. ‘The way they funded their assault on civilisation by getting us to buy honey from them was pure genius, the conniving little bastards. But now, no more peering nervously into the bushes! No more waving our arms about in a comically unco-ordinated way whenever they blunder past an open kitchen door! Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty we are free at last.’ </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53253#post-153521 Sat, 15 Dec 2012 10:17:04 +0000 pinxit 153521@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>This works. Stars.</p> <p>Could be incorporated <a href="http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52392&amp;replies=15#post-153520">here</a>? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53253#post-153477 Fri, 14 Dec 2012 22:27:38 +0000 dvo4fun 153477@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yep - does it come in a useful brown paper bag? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53253#post-153464 Fri, 14 Dec 2012 19:26:17 +0000 Squudge 153464@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>fab </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53253#post-153462 Fri, 14 Dec 2012 19:24:11 +0000 custard cream 153462@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Mag-nifi-cent! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53253#post-153455 Fri, 14 Dec 2012 18:58:20 +0000 Sexton A Blake 153455@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Franklin Mint, famous for their collectibles that "elevate the gifting experience" according to their US website, are to produce a souvenir bone china bucket to commemorate the Duchess of Cambridge's confinement in hospital with severe morning sickness.<br /> A spokesperson for the American company said "Finally we've found a product to appeal to everybody. Ardent royalists will want it as a keepsake, those suffering empathetic pregnancies or the Norovirus will find it of great use, as will those nauseated by press coverage of royal stories. Did I mention it was the ideal Christmas gift?" </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1928#post-5728 Sun, 04 Apr 2010 00:46:20 +0000 The All New Jeni B 5728@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice to see you back Peter, and with a fab story with enough of a hint of reality to make it probable. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1928#post-5714 Sat, 03 Apr 2010 21:25:27 +0000 virtuallywill 5714@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It would be better with 8 teams from different cities, maybe from some other polytechnics. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1928#post-5712 Sat, 03 Apr 2010 21:21:04 +0000 Peter749400 5712@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><img src="http://www.betternetworker.com/files/useruploads/16675/fat%20guy%20on%20sinking%20boat.jpg"></p> <p>Oxford University last night blamed Oliver ‘Fatty’ Perkins for their crushing defeat in the annual boatrace, in which they finished some 1 ¾ miles behind Cambridge - their biggest ever loss. It is unclear how the sedentary, mouth-breathing economics student gained a place in the boat, although critics were quick to point to the generous donations his father, the Chief Executive of ‘Massive Pies Limited" recently made to Oxford University Boat Club.</p> <p>The 20 stone self-professed cake and pie lover seemed to tire early on in the race, putting down his sweat-drenched oar and unwrapping what appeared to be a pork pie from a lunchbox placed under his seat. Having eaten the pie, the gargantuan oarsman used a chubby hand to claw crumbs away from his mouth, before picking up his oar to pull a few more lack-lustre strokes for the world-famous University. The Oxford boat momentarily accelerated, before the unbalancing effect of Perkins’ mass moving up and down the boat began to disrupt the rhythm of his team mates, finally rocking the boat so violently that Perkins lost hold of his oar and fell backwards into the lap of the bow-man, who is still recovering from his injuries. </p> <p>For the rest of the race Perkins sat almost motionless and shouted occasional words of encouragement to the rest of the crew, although his detractors have pointed out that this was motivated less by a desire to win the race than it was by a need to find and eat more food, having exhausted the provisions he packed before the race. </p> <p>Mr Perkins was unavailable for comment last night, beating a hasty retreat from the riverbank to a nearby eatery. His father commented: "My lad gave of his all today - he's as fit as a butcher's dog - bulging with muscle. There is no connection between my decision to buy Oxford a new boathouse and his place in the crew. If some of the others in the boat had followed his lead and packed some of my massive pies then they might have had the energy to row a bit faster".</p> <p>Mr Perkins' older and fatter brother, Sam, is to ride the favourite in the Grand National next weekend. Mr Perkins senior denies any link between this and the funding of a new pie shaped pavilion at Aintree racecourse. </p>