http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=byers The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 19 May 2013 14:50:01 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1561#post-4279 Fri, 26 Mar 2010 16:07:54 +0000 Zadok the second 4279@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Police forces across Britain are preparing themselves for scenes of violence and disorder following 6 May, when hundreds of criminals are likely to be released into the community.</p> <p>These individuals – known as ‘honourable members’ – are part of the notorious ‘Labour Commons’ gang that controlled parts of London for many years.</p> <p>Since 1997 they have been able to use a combination of scare-mongering, intimidation and indolence to get their own way, even changing sides if someone made it worth their while. But following an election these hardened criminals could soon be joining the ranks of the underclass known as NEEPs – ‘not in education, employment or politics’.</p> <p>“The trouble is, these people have been making their own rules for so long they no longer know how to behave in normal society” Jon Bracewell, a spokesperson for the Association of Chief Police Officers, commented yesterday.</p> <p>“They have no transferable skills, no prospects for the future. Thank goodness for the recent price rise in cider or they’d probably all be out of their tiny minds on Scrumpy Jack as well.”</p> <p>Some of these individuals will have lost their seats. Some will be so confused about which is their primary residence, having flipped it so many times, that they’ll be completely unable to remember where they live and end up sleeping rough at The Athaeneum or ‘popping round to see Anna-Marie – oh hang on – it’s not Thursday is it…’.</p> <p>There is some good news, however, as at least three of the individuals most at risk – known as Byers, Hoon and Hewitt – have shown some interest in starting a youth training programme which will give them an honest wage and a decent future. But sadly, the stain of being a politician will sit on their CVs for many years to come… </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1421#post-3859 Wed, 24 Mar 2010 16:12:11 +0000 trophyhusband 3859@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice one.. 5* 2 out of 2! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1421#post-3786 Wed, 24 Mar 2010 10:32:12 +0000 John Square 3786@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Bravo!</p> <p>5* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1421#post-3768 Wed, 24 Mar 2010 09:28:15 +0000 K D Adamson 3768@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Retail giant Tesco confirmed today that it is considering suing the government after a severe outbreak of ‘Byers Remorse’ amongst its senior management. The condition (bahy-ers rĭ-môrs) thought originally to affect only the Head of Legal Affairs Lucy Neville Rolfe, is understood to have spread throughout the organisation’s top brass leaving the company ‘in crisis’.<br /> According to a Tesco source the company launched an emergency investigation into its supply chain last night in an effort to contain the outbreak and tracked the source of the infection to an MP and former government minister.<br /> “I can confirm that we treated five individuals who have been diagnosed as suffering from severe Byers Remorse which is normally triggered by the purchase of higher value items which turn out to be worthless.” Said A&amp;E Consultant Laverne McDougall of The Chelsea and Westminster Hospital. “The condition is characterized by excessive swagger, verbal diarrhoea and a nasty rash of promises.”<br /> But Chief Veterinary Officer Nigel Gibbens moved to reassure the public amid fears of a pandemic, pointing out that the condition only affects reptiles and invertebrates.“There is no need for the public to panic but as a precaution we are innoculating vulnerable groups including quangos, estate agents, City workers, FTSE100 boards, all members of parliament and the Lords, and daytime television presenters.” Asked whether people should avoid their MPs Mr Gibbens continued.<br /> "All contact with the government is entirely risk free as everyone here has now been careful to wash their hands thoroughly of the whole affair.” </p>