http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=business The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 19 Jun 2013 12:20:03 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=62600#post-182241 Mon, 17 Jun 2013 08:29:53 +0000 George_BKZ 182241@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Most managers of medium to large enterprises find themselves in a predicament whenever they are in the office. How can they make the best use of the free time given to them subsequent to delegating their workload among the members of their teams?</p> <p>We have has surveyed 1,000 top executives from multiple international organizations across fifty industries to answer this question.</p> <p>The study has shown that a remarkable 70% of successful managers are more likely to use the free time on their hands to engage in the following Key Managerial Tasks (KMT): taking longer lunch hours under the pretense of “decision-making and strategic meetings”, extended albeit nonsensical conversations with members of their team under the guise of “team management and motivation”, and leaving the workplace early by claiming that they are “heading to client meetings”.</p> <p>The remaining executives have not been as successful in carefully maintaining their free time; 10% have identified playing mobile and computer games as the number one way of wasting their time in the office. The last 15% of bosses are the least successful ones studied in this survey due to their attempt at taking on an extra load of work.</p> <p>Ensuring you have a productive day requires a calculated approach at juggling the various responsibilities of the KMT; doing so effectively will help you get the least amount of work done and guarantee you a decent day. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=62595#post-182225 Mon, 17 Jun 2013 04:56:16 +0000 George_BKZ 182225@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nolan Bushnell, Steve Jobs’ first boss at Atari, has recently authored a new book entitled Finding the Next Steve Jobs - How to Find, Hire, Keep and Nurture Creative Talent.<br /> As per the title, Bushnell seeks to assist managers in unearthing their own Steve Jobs for their organization. However, this is a dangerous endeavor if one is to partake in it.<br /> Our experts will tell you what to do to in order to keep creative talent away from your business and suppress any Steve Jobs-type threat to your comfortable way of life.</p> <p><strong>Never Tolerate Individuality</strong><br /> Most of the Internet Age organisations allow their employees some degree of expressions of individualism. Thankfully, other corporations that adhere to traditional standards of maintaining a dull corporate culture still exist. To keep this tradition alive; never tolerate employees that wish to wear jeans to work, or have any form of body modification, these personalities are a major menace to the current corporate culture. </p> <p><strong>Qualifications, Qualifications, Qualifications</strong><br /> Having the exact qualifications that you personally require is of key importance, even if the job responsibilities don’t include them. Make sure that job applicants have attended Ivy League schools and graduated with a high GPA. Applicants must also be selected because they have no other opportunities to explore.</p> <p><strong>Interview is War</strong><br /> After selecting the right applicants, the time comes to put them through a rigorous interview process. Make sure that the candidates sit through multiple ultimately inconsequential math and personality assessment tests as a means for further screening and ensuring more of them drop out. For example, when interviewing for a marketing position, a math component to the test is crucial, for it allows you to fill with random geometry questions. A panel of random managers should then scrutinize the remaining of these applicants over a course of three weeks. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=62132#post-180955 Wed, 05 Jun 2013 13:59:45 +0000 John Wiltshire 180955@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It's obvious! They will get them from other airlines, such as - oh yes, I see what you mean... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=62132#post-180902 Wed, 05 Jun 2013 04:07:45 +0000 Arthur 180902@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Have you thought this through?</p> <p>I mean, where will Ryanair get these smiling, courteous staff? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=62132#post-180893 Wed, 05 Jun 2013 00:05:36 +0000 brianflan 180893@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The age-old saying ‘manners cost nothing,’ now seem to be a thing of the past as Ryanair has introduced a surcharge for courtesy.</p> <p>Mark Pye, Public Relations Executive said. “In today’s fast paced world we don’t really see the need for niceties, it’s just a case of flinging on the passengers without a care in the world - like we do with their baggage. However, for those who still see air travel as something of a luxury we are now offering a premium product where certain levels of politeness will be charged on a ‘per service’ rate. A smile, for instance, will cost an extra £3. A 'please' or a 'thankyou' will cost £2 each and we have included a pre-pay option, where for £25 you can have a variety of niceties, although the phrase ‘have a nice flight’ has now been taken off the schedule as we have been approached by Trading Standards.’ </p> <p>Mr Pye added that while uptake on the service has been slow, he is confident that customers will eventually embrace this novel approach. ‘For those who still just want to get on a flight and complain about anything and everything - usually those who live within 10 miles and don't even pay for parking - you will still get a surly check-in girl who regrets getting pregnant at 15 and cabin crew who would all rather be on the BA flight to Barbados.” </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61282#post-178340 Thu, 16 May 2013 11:42:14 +0000 brianflan 178340@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>NiB Postman??????</p> <p>It's a gas meter reader conspiracy I tell thee. I'm off to contact Mel Gibson - if he isn't burning down synagogues in a drunken rage..... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61282#post-178336 Thu, 16 May 2013 11:12:36 +0000 Wrenfoe 178336@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Gratz on the NiB :D </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61282#post-178257 Thu, 16 May 2013 00:00:40 +0000 brianflan 178257@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>BJ happy it could be read as real.....the level of satire I aspire to.</p> <p>As one who is returning to the UK in the not too distant future I may go down the job centre and ask for that all important position on the Maldives I've had my eye on </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61282#post-178179 Wed, 15 May 2013 13:22:19 +0000 beau-jolly 178179@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I did think that this was a real story. </p> <p>It works both ways. I had redundancy insurance kick in once but I had to sign on to get it. I told them I was looking for work as an international marketing director on £shitloads. Are you qualified? Yes. Oh, We don't have any jobs like that. Good. See you in 2 weeks. Occasionally I would get them to pay for a train trip to London by showing them an advert in the Times.</p> <p>I knew a guy who got his travel paid to go for a job interview in Paris. He knew he wouldn't get it as he didn't speak French. He just fancied a trip. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61282#post-178175 Wed, 15 May 2013 12:54:33 +0000 blacklesbian 178175@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Just the job. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61282#post-178170 Wed, 15 May 2013 12:46:23 +0000 Dick Everyman 178170@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yep, a slap in the face especially when you are over-qualified for a role. Have you noticed how the word 'Executive' in a job title no longer means a highly qualified and experienced person but also applies to jobs paying under £17.5k a year? </p> <p>There are other examples I'm sure... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61282#post-178169 Wed, 15 May 2013 12:20:16 +0000 brianflan 178169@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The sad thing is this is just a twist on the story of a good friend of mine - job applicant not self important recruiter I may add </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61282#post-178141 Wed, 15 May 2013 09:50:24 +0000 Dick Everyman 178141@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>He should've walked the plank... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61282#post-178139 Wed, 15 May 2013 09:41:34 +0000 brianflan 178139@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A Masters student was yesterday turned down for a role as a meter reader due to his lack of professional walking experience. </p> <p>Mark Pye 43, an ex Chief Petty Officer in the Royal Navy, who is currently in his first year of an Msc in applicable maths at The London School of Economics was left angry yesterday when he was turned down by a 19 year old Recruitment consultant for the role of seasonal meter reader with British Gas.</p> <p>‘I just wanted something to tide me over the summer to get a bit of money before I start my second year. All my Navy pension is swallowed up in CSA payments to the ex and her new bloke.' </p> <p>My Pye attended a presentation for the 5 positions with the 398 other candidates, amongst them former politician Chris Huhne.</p> <p>‘It didn’t start well when I said it would be nice to be out in the open and do something stress free.’ My Pye said of his interview. ‘The recruitment lady baulked and said it could be very stressful if something like a battery or pen ran out. She then asked me what walking experience I have as it was a physical job; you know walking, bending down, reading meters, and a bit more walking. I said I was an avid hiker and had recently completed the South Downs Trail. She replied that recreational walking couldn’t be considered and had I done any walking in a professional capacity. When I said in addition to over 40 years of normal walking I used to walk to work, she told be not to be facetious. She then asked me if I had ever read a meter. I told her as a former watchkeeper on a nuclear submarine that it was my responsibility to monitor gauges and displays to prevent a nuclear meltdown and a possible global catastrophe. To which she replied ‘yeah but it ain’t a gas meter innit’.’</p> <p>A spokesperson for Bluestone recruitment stated ‘While we cannot comment on individual cases it is our responsibility to ensure the client gets the best applicants possible. For this particular position the standard of applicant was exceptionally high, and we are confident we recruited applicants with the experience of walking through flowerbeds, calling in sick when the weather is slightly too warm or too cold and have the appropriate amount of surliness, and as it was an immediate vacancy we needed those people who could start in 8 weeks. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50853#post-146639 Wed, 31 Oct 2012 13:27:21 +0000 Squudge 146639@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice NiB there Dusty! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50875#post-146587 Wed, 31 Oct 2012 09:03:46 +0000 Squudge 146587@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>ta - I don't think I'd object if Teresa May let this one go </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50875#post-146583 Wed, 31 Oct 2012 08:45:37 +0000 Sinnick 146583@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Great ticker, Squudge. No-one else seems to have noticed </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50875#post-146581 Wed, 31 Oct 2012 08:23:04 +0000 Idiot 146581@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>...and his daughter Courtney. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50875#post-146580 Wed, 31 Oct 2012 08:05:05 +0000 nickb 146580@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Haha fish </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50885#post-146543 Tue, 30 Oct 2012 23:34:57 +0000 dvo4fun 146543@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>yep! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50885#post-146526 Tue, 30 Oct 2012 22:20:56 +0000 Not Amused 146526@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I was about to write the same thing except with the butterfly in the Isle of Wight ... </p> <p>so, of course, i like it ! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50875#post-146509 Tue, 30 Oct 2012 20:51:52 +0000 Squudge 146509@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>yay. I got a ticker.<br /> (happy face after a rubbish day) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50853#post-146496 Tue, 30 Oct 2012 18:22:50 +0000 pinxit 146496@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>This boogar has earwormed me the last 24 hours...</p> <p>'Sandy the angels have lost their desire for us<br /> I spoke to 'em just last night and they said they won't<br /> set themselves on fire for us anymore<br /> Every summer when the weather gets hot they ride that crazy road<br /> down from heaven on their Harleys they come and they go<br /> And you can see 'em dressed like stars in all the cheap<br /> little seashore bars parked making love with their<br /> babies out on the Kokomo<br /> Well the cops finally busted Madame Marie<br /> For tellin' fortunes better than they do<br /> This boardwalk life for me is through<br /> You know you ought to quit this scene too<br /> Oh Sandy the aurora is rising behind us<br /> The pier lights our carnival life forever<br /> Oh love me tonight and I promise I'll love you forever<br /> Hey Sandy Girl...' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50885#post-146487 Tue, 30 Oct 2012 17:32:37 +0000 reforse 146487@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Like it </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50885#post-146470 Tue, 30 Oct 2012 14:55:40 +0000 medici2471 146470@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice one ted **** </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50885#post-146468 Tue, 30 Oct 2012 14:43:29 +0000 tedweasel 146468@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50875#post-146445 Tue, 30 Oct 2012 12:28:06 +0000 Squudge 146445@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>...more soon </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50853#post-146411 Tue, 30 Oct 2012 10:39:34 +0000 DustyBinLaden 146411@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>That's got to go in somewhere Squudge... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50853#post-146399 Tue, 30 Oct 2012 09:34:57 +0000 Squudge 146399@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>was he blown away by the dramatic way Sandy put his cigarette out?</p> <p>&lt;soz&gt; </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50853#post-146392 Tue, 30 Oct 2012 08:39:38 +0000 DustyBinLaden 146392@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Rydell High School student Daniel Zuko was left stranded at a drive-in cinema theatre last night, as Sandy, whose full name is Sandy Olssen, hit the east coast of America. </p> <p>Rydell’s Principal Blanche McGee commented, ‘The boy is a fool for letting himself get into such a dangerous situation. Even so, we’re glad he’s back. He is one of ours and it would be true to say that we go together like rama lama lama ka dinga da dinga dong.’</p> <p>Speaking after his ordeal, Mr Zuko said: ‘My biggest concern was, what will they say, Monday at school?’</p> <p>Asked how he kept his spirits up during the eight hours he spent wandering around and sitting on a swing, he said, ‘Mostly, I just sat and wondered why-y-y.’</p> <p>Mr Zuko said that he first realised he was in trouble when Sandy extinguished his cigarette in a spectacularly coquettish fashion.</p> <p>Fellow student Elizabeth Rizzo, a declared supporter of Governor Mitt Romney's presidential campaign, said: ‘There are worse things he could do, like go with a boy or two.’ </p>