http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=budget The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sat, 18 May 2013 10:27:17 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58290#post-169238 Thu, 21 Mar 2013 05:11:59 +0000 Yikes 169238@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice NiB! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58320#post-169223 Thu, 21 Mar 2013 01:19:31 +0000 mugwump 169223@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Roger Moore soon.... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58290#post-169202 Wed, 20 Mar 2013 23:09:05 +0000 Sinnick 169202@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>7, including yourself.</p> <p>I didn't think the sub was brilliant either, to be honest, but better than some NiBs I've seen. Trying to be objective, I really think the idea was very good but the plot depended on the one big gag with not enough quips in support, where there is plenty of material. My writing style is far too rigid to get the big laughs, but I'm working on that. Slowly. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58290#post-169200 Wed, 20 Mar 2013 23:07:40 +0000 Squudge 169200@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>oh stoppit Wayland </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58290#post-169198 Wed, 20 Mar 2013 23:04:18 +0000 Bob 169198@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Confused?... Why would anyone have more than one login? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58290#post-169183 Wed, 20 Mar 2013 22:34:55 +0000 LensCap 169183@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>... we know you've already said so 6 times </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58290#post-169180 Wed, 20 Mar 2013 22:32:02 +0000 Bob 169180@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Well I liked it... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58290#post-169179 Wed, 20 Mar 2013 22:31:44 +0000 Lens Cap 169179@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I feel imitated. There should be rules against that sort of thing </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58290#post-169176 Wed, 20 Mar 2013 22:25:06 +0000 LensCap 169176@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>No offence, and it's hardly unique, but so much mutual admiration for something so distinctively average (as most posts are in fairness)?? Makes you wonder </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58290#post-169158 Wed, 20 Mar 2013 21:11:07 +0000 Sinnick 169158@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yes, it's the only way I can get stars. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58290#post-169150 Wed, 20 Mar 2013 19:52:35 +0000 LensCap 169150@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Can I just ask - are you all the same person? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58290#post-169142 Wed, 20 Mar 2013 18:45:43 +0000 Sinnick 169142@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks. It needed a tidy. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58290#post-169139 Wed, 20 Mar 2013 18:06:13 +0000 dvo4fun 169139@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>yep </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58290#post-169135 Wed, 20 Mar 2013 17:13:38 +0000 Perks 169135@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lovely NiB sinnick </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58290#post-169093 Wed, 20 Mar 2013 13:48:39 +0000 Perks 169093@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice. It already has its own language. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58290#post-169092 Wed, 20 Mar 2013 13:46:13 +0000 Squudge 169092@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>If this doesn't get used, it would make a lovely FP come Scottish independance debate time. Say if you twisted it a bit to salami-slice off all the undesirable or unfashionable bits south of the border and designate them as bonus bits for Scotland.</p> <p>You could have a whale of a time 'bigging up' Scotland and making the UK (sorry - English) Parliament look disingenuously generous while Salmond &amp; co get into conniptions trying to prevent dilution of their heritage. The bits in the middle could flounce about their status.</p> <p>mother lode.... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58290#post-169080 Wed, 20 Mar 2013 13:16:01 +0000 Sinnick 169080@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Noooooooooooooooooooooooo ..... !</p> <p>You mentioned <em>that</em> song - at Primary School, I was forced to listen to it, not as punishment, but for <em>fun</em> !? I never forgave them. Bastards.</p> <p>Purely to get more stars, here's the link:<br /> <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJIZGTYHhWI" rel="nofollow">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJIZGTYHhWI</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58290#post-169075 Wed, 20 Mar 2013 13:06:34 +0000 beau-jolly 169075@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I won't hear a good thing said about Liverpool. I hate the bloody Beatles and Lilly the Pink makes me cringe. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58290#post-169067 Wed, 20 Mar 2013 12:39:26 +0000 Sinnick 169067@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'm still reeling from when Liverpool were "City of Culture" a couple of years back. Yes, they had the Beatles, but ... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58290#post-169066 Wed, 20 Mar 2013 12:37:28 +0000 Tripod 169066@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><blockquote>the self-reported musical heritage</blockquote></p> <p>Oof, cruel. The Quarrymen were quite good in their time, you know... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58290#post-169064 Wed, 20 Mar 2013 12:34:27 +0000 Sinnick 169064@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yes, I know it needs polish, but I'm happy to receive polite suggestions </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58290#post-169062 Wed, 20 Mar 2013 12:33:20 +0000 Sinnick 169062@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The Chancellor has today astounded critics by proposing that the City of Liverpool is to be forcibly given independence from the UK. He further announced the construction of a 20 mile wall in the North West of England.</p> <p>In his annual budget speech, George Osborne justified this bold proposal to revive the UK economy by explaining that unemployment would drop by 165,000 at a stroke, complemented by 40,000 vacancies in the construction and security sectors to establish and maintain the border.</p> <p>Osborne explained that the Home Office were particularly pleased, as the Police could achieve their targets without further cuts.</p> <p>He noted that the loss of Liverpool’s comedians, such as Ken Dodd &amp; John Bishop, and the self-reported musical heritage, would be a small, but necessary sacrifice.</p> <p>Visitors to Liverpool would be given until 31 March to leave.</p> <p>The Opposition Leader, currently Ed Miliband, accused the Chancellor of doing this just to get popular support, and he would support the proposal only if Newcastle was included in the plan. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57881#post-167801 Wed, 13 Mar 2013 12:23:42 +0000 Flash! Aa-aaaa! 167801@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ahead of the budget, our Investigations Team has been working on what is actually owed by each country - and to whom. </p> <p>Helping us was a retired maths teacher (who can't be named because the court case is still pending). He showed us how every country owes billions to almost every other country. "Now" he said as he stood at a big blackboard "if we subtract here and here, and cancel out above and below the line we get the actual amount Britain owes. Some chalkdust later we discovered it is exactly £977.53. We then set off to scour records to see who we owe this to.</p> <p>After much digging we found the savings account of a retired miner Mr Scargill (92). He put 3d a week into the account from age 12 when he first went down the pit and it mounted up from there. So the good news is that we aren't broke but the bad news is that he plans to visit the Post Office next week to withdraw it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52201#post-150330 Fri, 23 Nov 2012 22:51:10 +0000 Squudge 150330@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>&lt;boink&gt; </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52201#post-150269 Fri, 23 Nov 2012 18:22:14 +0000 Squudge 150269@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>David Cameron stated today that his robust stance on the EU budget was due to being encouraged by the Chancellor to watch SuperScrimpers on TV. The PM said he realised the UK had 'sleepwalked' into an unaffordable lifestyle.</p> <p>"Frankly, in these austere times, we should take a good hard look at all the little luxuries we can't really afford or don't often use. Look how much gym membership costs, and how often have you or I been this year?" he said, modestly adjusting his cleavage.</p> <p>"George says it would be cheaper to take out a subscription to a different bunch of countries, so we were planning to let the Europe thing 'lapse'. They haven't published anything funny in ages, and frankly the group activities leave a lot to be desired". </p> <p>The PM outlined how the the EU Christmas Party decended into farce last year. "Angela was in charge of the transport. We thought Germany would be the obvious choice, good at trains and all that, and a dreadful minibus turned up. She insisted on sitting in Sarkozy's lap because there weren't enough seats. Silvio was in charge of the ents and hired some strippers - totally inappropriate, and as for putting Greece in charge of the drinks kitty! It didn't add up and we all had to dig deep into our pockets at the end of the night. Both Portugal and Italy whinged they'd been on mineral water the whole time and shouldn't have to pay." </p> <p>"Samantha tells me most of Europe is available free online these days, though that François Hollande keeps making noises about introducing 'pay per view'."</p> <p>Google Earth are denying reports that a certain Ms Merkel has offered them an 'undisclosed sum' to re-draw some boundaries on the map. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40885#post-116292 Sat, 31 Mar 2012 12:35:09 +0000 weematt 116292@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cheapass Chips, the popular high street chip shop chain intends to beat the budget by installing an innovative range of ambient temperature kitchen appliances. The new appliances known as LowVAT* Fryers operate at or around ambient temperature.<br /> Popular magazine 'Cooking with Cholesterol' found the chips and other LowVAT* snacks to be rather cold and especially greasy so they ticked the important boxes for UK market requirements.<br /> Chief executive of Cheapass Chips, Jaime Olivier, was pleased with the magazine review. "The magazine shows we have listened to the public and delivered what they want. Our independent market research has also shown that the customer gets a longer lasting taste experience. Scientists have explained that due to the lower temperature of the cooking process a barely perceptible layer of grease adheres to the roof of the mouth making the flavour last that bit longer. We expect quite a lot of talk about our products when they are launched. A few pints and some of our snacks and it won't be long before LowVAT is brought up. We hope our products hit the streets soon."<br /> * LowVAT is the registered trade mark of Stein Kalt Kuchenapparat GMBH, Hamburg/Frankfurt. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40302#post-114647 Thu, 22 Mar 2012 13:05:37 +0000 weematt 114647@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40285#post-114603 Thu, 22 Mar 2012 08:52:36 +0000 weematt 114603@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thousands of millionaires returning to the UK after the budget give away by Chancellor Osborne are almost certain to cause a shortage of suitable mansions. This has been forecast on the Lucky Bee web site which was set up as a forum for UK lottery and Euromillions winners to share and discuss the interests of previously poor, financially naive, suddenly wealthy, lucky bastards.</p> <p>"Coming, as we do, from mainly poor uneducated backgrounds, we just remained in the UK after we won our millions and paid all our taxes in full." said John X (Bristol, Euromillions £33m) "Now we are going to have all these tax avoidance millionaires rushing back now that the UK has become a tax haven. Nice for us that have already won the dosh but what about the next generation of (lottery) winners. Where are they supposed to live? There won't be a mansion to be had, all that money yet you end up feeling homeless. You play the lottery all your adult life and end up in a housing queue." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40225#post-114425 Wed, 21 Mar 2012 08:41:45 +0000 weematt 114425@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Great marketing opportunity for WD40. Flavours and fragrances, edible, etc </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=40225#post-114419 Wed, 21 Mar 2012 08:25:25 +0000 Brenda SugarTits69 114419@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You could lubricate the passengers so more could fit onto existing rolling stock. </p> <p>That would get the support of the hot soapy naked lesbian community. </p>