http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=buddhism The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 19 May 2013 07:49:15 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=28818#post-80794 Fri, 05 Aug 2011 15:26:10 +0000 DavidW 80794@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The criminal justice community was stunned last night by the news that the new Metropolitan Police Commissioner is to be 49 year old Panjit Sum, currently leader of the South Lambeth Centre for Peace and Meditation. Home office sources indicated that the high profile monk has been chosen to bring to an end the ongoing concerns over corruption, subservience to media interests and misuse of office that have rocked the capital’s constabulary over recent months. The Plodchen Lama, as he is known in religious circles, is a man of impeccable integrity. “He’s probably the one public figure in London who has never been bought lunch by a News International executive”, said a government spokesman. “But then, how do you wine and dine a man who subsists on two bowls of plain rice a day?” The Lama’s unswerving commitment to absolute celibacy is also felt likely to make him less susceptible to undue influence.</p> <p>According to Dr Andrew Gilham of Streatham University’s Centre for non-competitive co-operation the Lama, originally born Wayne Fosdyke, is the seventeenth most senior figure in British Buddhism. He first came to attention in policing circles following a successful project to turn around South London’s most notorious police station. “We were a pretty thuggish bunch”, said Sergeant Colin Stone, “but then Panji and his lads came in and showed us a more effective way of policing Lewisham’s gang culture. We’ve got hardened drug dealers who can take hours of shouting, abuse and accidental trips on the station stairs. But they sing like canaries after you put them in an interview room with two officers for three hours of contemplative silence”.</p> <p>Mayor of London, Boris Johnson has made clear this appointment is not simply to bide the force over a difficult period. “The great thing about these Lama chappies”, he told journalists, “are that they never retire. And when he does pop his clogs we just scout around the city to find his next reincarnation. None of that politically correct recruitment stuff to bother about”. </p> <p>Commissioner designate Sum was not present for yesterday’s announcement, apparently he is away undertaking an advanced levitation course which it is hoped will reduce the police dependence on helicopters. However evidence of the new regime was already apparent when the press conference was concluded with the force’s new catchphrase, “Good night, and mindful how you go!” </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=775#post-2053 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 15:00:24 +0000 Anonymous 2053@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"Lama-ing live" Love it! Nice work. 5* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=775#post-2052 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 14:58:18 +0000 Ludicity 2052@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'The Chinese have absolutely nothing to fear from my lamas,' insisted Surrey farmer, Chester Rivet, 'They are all very peaceful and I deliberately keep them ignorant of international politics to avoid any trouble.' </p> <p>However, the Chinese government remains unconvinced. 'The breeding of lamas is not something that we want to see,' said Chinese Foreign Minister, Yang Jiechi, 'They might seem innocent enough grazing in a field in Hazlemere. But what happens if they escape? Before you know it they will be running round the world demanding a free Tibet.'</p> <p>Foreign Secretary, David Miliband, is still holding out for a compromise: 'We are currently looking at the possibility of cross breeding the Dalai Lama with the more docile Panchen Lama,' he said hopefully. However, early attempts to get them to mate are proving difficult since each lama refuses to recognise the other.</p> <p>The issue is made all the more sensitive because we are right in the middle of the lama-ing season. 'So far we have seen a number of live lama births,' said Kate Humble, presenter of BBC 2's <em>Lama-ing Live</em>, 'if only the Chinese could just hold one of these beautiful baby lamas in their hands, then I really think that they would change their minds.'</p> <p>'Lama farms are crucial to the spiritual well being of the world,' said actor and deeply profound man, Richard Gere, 'all my jumpers are made from lama wool and drinking their holy milk imbues me with a wonderful sense of transcendental calm.' </p> <p>Hopes of a diplomatic solution were beginning to fade last night as the Chinese issued the British Government with an ultimatum: 'either close the farm or allow it to be annexed by the People's Republic.' </p> <p>'We can’t just stand by and watch this happen' said Mr Miliband, 'I for one intend to shut my eyes and hope the whole thing just goes away.' </p>