http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=britain The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Mon, 20 May 2013 00:30:17 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61377#post-178454 Fri, 17 May 2013 07:49:24 +0000 Wrenfoe 178454@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cool </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61316#post-178443 Fri, 17 May 2013 03:44:29 +0000 weematt 178443@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Post it in the Writers Room section of the NewsBiscuit site. This is the Chat Room intended for discussions not submissions. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61377#post-178440 Thu, 16 May 2013 23:44:50 +0000 mileslloyd 178440@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>British Prime Minister David Cameron held an emergency meeting at Downing Street today to address startling statistics that show a dwindling numbers of teens and young adults who turn to recreational drug use as a way of passing time.</p> <p>Fighting back tears, the PM announced:</p> <p>“Illicit drug use in Britain is on a downward curve. Only 19% of 16-24 year-olds have used an illegal substance in the last year. These findings are very disappointing. I remember back when I was 24. Ecstasy pills had just become big on the underground rave scene - it was like a welcomed slap-in-the-face with a hot, wet, lemon scented hand towel.” Cameron paused to hold back the flow of tears: “It was magical.”</p> <p>Cameron noted that during his youth, 19% of 16-24 year olds were regularly “sparking up fat ones,” “getting a cheeky gram of coke to help them through lectures,” or, as Cameron put it, “just eagerly awaiting the weekend so they could get a nice hit of E.” Cameron fondly reminisced: “This was back when it was good!”</p> <p>“A tenner a pill would blow your tits off. We would be up all night in a barn in the middle of nowhere, dancing amongst the rays of lights – with our tops off and without a care in the world.”</p> <p>Cameron is saddened how over four- fifths of UK’s youth now waste their weekends drinking warm beer and watching Britain’s Got Talent – instead of being out at a club, chewing the inside of their own faces, and forming bonds with people they would normally consider “massive wankers.”</p> <p>The PM then went silent for a few moments before biting his fist and screaming at people to: “Get out of the room! I need time to think about Britain’s future.” After twenty-or-so minutes, the PM had pulled himself together enough to invite the press back in the to give the following final statement:</p> <p>“We can only pray for our country that these young adults lied during the survey for fear of getting into trouble, or worse, grounded for a week. May God help us all”</p> <p>Mr. Cameron then ran to his bedroom and turned off his phone. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61316#post-178439 Thu, 16 May 2013 23:42:31 +0000 mileslloyd 178439@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>What do you mean by "move it over"? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61316#post-178438 Thu, 16 May 2013 23:39:57 +0000 mileslloyd 178438@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Your wanting is stars enough for me! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61316#post-178316 Thu, 16 May 2013 08:49:30 +0000 Wrenfoe 178316@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I wanna give it stars!!! (Move it over, dude!) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61316#post-178288 Thu, 16 May 2013 06:30:37 +0000 Gerontius 178288@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Unless it's everybody else got it wrong. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61316#post-178278 Thu, 16 May 2013 05:43:29 +0000 Dick Everyman 178278@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Right drugs, wrong room.. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61316#post-178250 Wed, 15 May 2013 22:45:06 +0000 mileslloyd 178250@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>British Prime Minister David Cameron held an emergency meeting at Downing Street today to address startling statistics that show a dwindling numbers of teens and young adults who turn to recreational drug use as a way of passing time.</p> <p>Fighting back tears, the PM announced:</p> <p>“Illicit drug use in Britain is on a downward curve. Only 19% of 16-24 year-olds have used an illegal substance in the last year. These findings are very disappointing. I remember back when I was 24. Ecstasy pills had just become big on the underground rave scene - it was like a welcomed slap-in-the-face with a hot, wet, lemon scented hand towel.” Cameron paused to hold back the flow of tears: “It was magical.”</p> <p>Cameron noted that during his youth, 19% of 16-24 year olds were regularly “sparking up fat ones,” “getting a cheeky gram of coke to help them through lectures,” or, as Cameron put it, “just eagerly awaiting the weekend so they could get a nice hit of E.” Cameron fondly reminisced: “This was back when it was good!”</p> <p>“A tenner a pill would blow your tits off. We would be up all night in a barn in the middle of nowhere, dancing amongst the rays of lights – with our tops off and without a care in the world.”</p> <p>Cameron is saddened how over four- fifths of UK’s youth now waste their weekends drinking warm beer and watching Britain’s Got Talent – instead of being out at a club, chewing the inside of their own faces, and forming bonds with people they would normally consider “massive wankers.”</p> <p>The PM then went silent for a few moments before biting his fist and screaming at people to: “Get out of the room! I need time to think about Britain’s future.” After twenty-or-so minutes, the PM had pulled himself together enough to invite the press back in the to give the following final statement:</p> <p>“We can only pray for our country that these young adults lied during the survey for fear of getting into trouble, or worse, grounded for a week. May God help us all”</p> <p>Mr. Cameron then ran to his bedroom and turned off his phone. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55695#post-160942 Sun, 03 Feb 2013 09:56:22 +0000 fink 160942@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hmm. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55695#post-160931 Sun, 03 Feb 2013 00:18:17 +0000 henrygreenwood 160931@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Since the launch of the Apple Ipad in April 2010, over 100 million units have been sold across the world, but it has been uncovered by the I.H.I (International Health Institute) that the 'incredible quality' of the Apple designed screen is causing eye problems in many teenagers and adults.</p> <p>Both schools and businesses have invested heavily into the Apple corporation's revolution in technology, buying a massive bulk of sales and hence a rise in the number of cases of what is being dubbed 'Apple-eye-tus'.</p> <p>It is thought to be caused by an overuse of the Apple tech when the brightness is high, leading to 'stress of the eyes' and many school pupil's pupils mutating into the shape of the famous apple of Apple.</p> <p>Dr Steven McEie had this to say “As a doctor I have been saying for years an apple a day keeps the doctor away, but this is just taking the pip. The main problem is the screen; it's just too good, too highly defined but I believe it is down to the green and red colours on the Apple product that are causing the retina damage'.</p> <p>One school in Brighton discovered that blocking the eye's from artificial light for a few days solves the problem. The school then took the decision to ring the local council in order to order some more eye-pads for pupils to use, but due to the common name with the tablet, more Ipads arrived at the school resulting in even more cases. The council then told the school that due to government cut backs, it could not afford to take them back quoted saying on the phone “I'm not quite sure what apple you're on about, but you could try making cider?” It then turned out that the member of staff from the council was in fact joking. Sadly this was too late for the employee who had already been shot in order to save the costs of sacking. </p> <p>Apple have declined to comment until the scientific reasoning behind the eye problems are discovered. The Christian community chose not to comment either, but one Islamist group in Saudi Arabia said the Ipads were “decadent, western, material goods” that were no use to them as “the battery life was Shi'ite”.</p> <p>Whatever happens with this particular epidemic, we can be sure that whether it's Blackberry, Orange or Apple, technology and fruit don't mix. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54123#post-156266 Fri, 04 Jan 2013 12:53:34 +0000 Oxbridge 156266@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks for input, Simon, I've spliced it together as best I can. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54123#post-156260 Fri, 04 Jan 2013 11:57:21 +0000 gregle 156260@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice one. Made me laugh </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54123#post-156245 Fri, 04 Jan 2013 09:52:52 +0000 simonjmr 156245@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Here's my similar take onthis from last year - feel free to use any of it in the above.</p> <p><a href="http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38736" rel="nofollow">http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38736</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54123#post-156244 Fri, 04 Jan 2013 09:46:40 +0000 Dawsons creek 156244@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I thought that England won on the submarine-hindreds of dead method?</p> <p>I don't really understand this this doesnt seem to be just replacing one island name with another? I think it needs a better ending with a channel opening up. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54123#post-156243 Fri, 04 Jan 2013 09:44:37 +0000 Tripod 156243@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice... works for me. ***** </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54123#post-156241 Fri, 04 Jan 2013 09:39:42 +0000 Oxbridge 156241@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Argentinian president Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner has categorically refused to negotiate over the sovereignty of the Isle of Wight, despite the provocative behaviour of Britan's right-wing Coalitionista dictatorship, which recently put a full-page ad in El Diario de Buenos Aires asserting its claims to the barren island. </p> <p>Diplomats say this is the tensest stand-off since the two countries fought a brief war 30 years ago, which Argentina won on the Duckworth-Lewis method. La Isla Blanca, as it is known there, is a vital link in the South American nation's two-way trade with Europe in corned beef, polo ponies and ageing Nazis.</p> <p>'General Cameron is cynically trying to raise nationalistic fervour over this issue, because they are no longer able to distract the downtrodden British people since the X-Factor ended,' warned a UN-appointed mediator. 'However, Argentina's recent posting of its native-born singer Chris De Burgh to the island has also provoked justified anger in Britain.'</p> <p>In the recent ad, Britain denounced Argentina's 200-year possession of the Isle of Wight as a legacy of colonialism that should be corrected. Geographically, it claims, the Isle is part of Britain and could be reached in less than two hours from the abandoned port city of Southampton, in the unlikely event that anyone wanted to go there. </p> <p>The Isle of Wight is rumoured to have huge untapped reserves of clotted cream and, with heavy investment, it could rapidly be brought into the 1960s. Britain's ight-wing tabloids have urged the Coalitionistas to invade, scoffing at the very idea that a country on the other side of the world and led by a woman would fight back. Fernandez, however, dismisses this as reflecting the latent inadequacy of men in a country that has Katie Price as its icon of feminitity.</p> <p>'The future of the Isle of Wight is for the inhabitants alone to decide,' said President Fernandez. 'And, with no economic activity to speak of, constant harking back to an idealised but short-lived past and their prejudice against incomers despite being mostly immigrants themselves, they are clearly Argentine in every respect. We will use force if we must to save these poor people from the tinpot British regime, which should hopefully fall from power soon anyway.' </p> <p>[A joint effort with simonjmr. Hat tips to Sinnick and Dawsons creek. Recycled and updated from last time this was topical.] </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53981#post-156225 Fri, 04 Jan 2013 06:34:46 +0000 No No Feckin No 156225@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>No,no,feckin no,Oxbridge. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53981#post-156172 Thu, 03 Jan 2013 20:00:35 +0000 Dawsons creek 156172@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The langauge is a bit OTT, I was a bit offened if I'm going to be honest about it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53981#post-156158 Thu, 03 Jan 2013 18:24:23 +0000 The All New Jeni B 156158@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks for clarifying Bourbon, my cheeky little biscuit.</p> <p>I thought you'd caught me out again. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53981#post-156152 Thu, 03 Jan 2013 17:45:56 +0000 Bourbon 156152@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You should concentrate on peeing when at the urinal</p> <p>Oxy that is, not you Mrs B </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53981#post-156126 Thu, 03 Jan 2013 15:46:56 +0000 The All New Jeni B 156126@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>That's enough boys.<br /> Play nicely, or I'll take your internet away. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53981#post-156125 Thu, 03 Jan 2013 15:45:38 +0000 Oxbridge 156125@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>My dad's bigger than yours too. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53981#post-156124 Thu, 03 Jan 2013 15:43:59 +0000 Bourbon 156124@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You could use the same letter you wrote to him last time ;) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53981#post-156123 Thu, 03 Jan 2013 15:38:53 +0000 Oxbridge 156123@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Did not. I'm telling John of you. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53981#post-156106 Thu, 03 Jan 2013 14:13:00 +0000 Bourbon 156106@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You started it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53981#post-156100 Thu, 03 Jan 2013 13:35:35 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 156100@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Stories posted on the FP have tags at the bottom of them, I assume that means whoever is editing the FP stories has to assign the tags. Putting them on your original sub would help them because then they can just use the tags from there.</p> <p>I generally don’t put tags on my stories but have done a couple of times. One of those subs was used on the FP but the tags I’d put on it weren’t used. So I spat my dummy out and stopped putting tags on again.</p> <p>Given that WoM is awarded to the story with the most hits, if the tags from the original sub were used on any stories used on the FP then it could make for some interesting use of tags.</p> <p>Hmm... I’m going to go back through and tag my mild-mannered reporter story, just in case it gets used. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53981#post-156098 Thu, 03 Jan 2013 13:33:23 +0000 beau-jolly 156098@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Please try harder. This was almost the first flounce of the year but sort of fizzled out.<br /> I am surpised to say that I have been enjoying Bourbon's contributions. (s)he's got a niave innocence and is a biscuit who doesn't take him/herself too seriously. I have not seen anything nasty or malicious. No trollery at all.</p> <p>wrt to any self-starring. Does this really happen? Why would you? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53981#post-156092 Thu, 03 Jan 2013 13:17:21 +0000 Oxbridge 156092@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Seems a bit playground-y to say 'you started it', but in this instance, Bourbon, you did. I never have. Maybe the recycling issue might have died away if I had decided not to respond at all, but then again maybe not. Mr 1-star troll has been at it for years now, after all. </p> <p>Yikes - yes, that's what tags are meant to be for and they should ideally all be tagged. That's the theory anyway. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53981#post-156078 Thu, 03 Jan 2013 11:55:15 +0000 Yikes 156078@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>5 starring one's own subs does seem a little pointless - as I suppose is one starring such posts as a counter-balance. </p> <p>Anyway, I have a question re tags - I notice some stories (including I think this one) are posted with tags. Is the idea of this to help the editor if the story is chosen for the FP? If the answer is yes, should most stories be posted with tags? </p>