http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=bring-a-sick-bag The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sat, 25 May 2013 14:30:56 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=6#post-168447 Sun, 17 Mar 2013 09:23:17 +0000 Titus 168447@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><em>Driving</em> a van? She <em>must</em> have a PhD.</p> <p>With a mere first degree, she would be just loading a van. If she was lucky. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=6#post-168440 Sun, 17 Mar 2013 07:40:34 +0000 Truebiscuit 168440@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sounds about right to me, Yikes. Most people who hide in university for years and years are completely useless in the real world. They just train to teach other people how to hide in university, the pointless twats. But driving vans? Everyone fucking loves parcels. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=6#post-168439 Sun, 17 Mar 2013 07:31:19 +0000 Yikes 168439@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Probably right Perks - the link you gave says she is now available to train them.</p> <p>I find it a bit odd that as a Phd she is offering her services as data entry person and courier driver ... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=5#post-168438 Sun, 17 Mar 2013 06:05:06 +0000 Perks 168438@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I believe there is even a suggestion she was trained as a private detective! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=5#post-168437 Sun, 17 Mar 2013 03:26:22 +0000 Ironduke 168437@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Wow! Pretty comprehensive.</p> <p>Just wonder if the Cardinals considered her? Can't imagine a better candidate for Pope than her. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=5#post-168436 Sun, 17 Mar 2013 02:31:30 +0000 Perks 168436@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice to see her position of comma abuser has not been lost. Now baaring in mind she has a disability, look at all the stuff she is willing to do! <a href="http://ihubbub.com/pin/serious-satirical-dr-karen-j-stevens-phd" rel="nofollow">http://ihubbub.com/pin/serious-satirical-dr-karen-j-stevens-phd</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=5#post-168433 Sun, 17 Mar 2013 01:36:10 +0000 reforse 168433@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><a href="http://stupidamazonreviews.wordpress.com/2012/12/04/dr-karen-j-stevens-phd-the-saviour-of-lives-msc-moaner-of-amazon-ba-aka-proud-scammer-from-the-university-of-life/">http://stupidamazonreviews.wordpress.com/2012/12/04/dr-karen-j-stevens-phd-the-saviour-of-lives-msc-moaner-of-amazon-ba-aka-proud-scammer-from-the-university-of-life/</a></p> <p>She has a diploma in Photography too </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=5#post-168380 Sat, 16 Mar 2013 15:40:45 +0000 Nowherefast 168380@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I heard a rumour that Rebecca may somehow be involved in all of this </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=5#post-168374 Sat, 16 Mar 2013 15:30:53 +0000 Not Amused 168374@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ah... Welcome back to an old friend... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=5#post-168371 Sat, 16 Mar 2013 15:25:37 +0000 bonjonelson 168371@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Is it two months already? At some point, bumping this will no longer be funny.</p> <p>But not yet. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=5#post-157709 Mon, 14 Jan 2013 15:33:10 +0000 beau-jolly 157709@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Fuck me! Is it that time of year again already? Before you know it ramblesid will be coming out of hibernation. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=5#post-157706 Mon, 14 Jan 2013 15:22:25 +0000 bonjonelson 157706@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Time for this to make it to the front page? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=5#post-134379 Sat, 11 Aug 2012 16:05:19 +0000 Nowherefast 134379@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>@b-j</p> <p>There's something sinister about the way she gets inside your head and makes you want to research her isn't there!</p> <p>I actually pity Dr Karen Stevens, Senior Lecturer in Creative Writing at University of Chichester (genuine). I'm surprised Dr.Karen 'poke me I'm a mental' Stevens PhD hasn't claimed that job on her CV too! An Amazon search on the name brings up both women with the former listing a book entitled <a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/s?_encoding=UTF8&amp;search-alias=books-uk&amp;field-author=Dr%20Karen%20Stevens">"Writing a First Novel"</a> due for publication next Feb. It's listed immediately above the 'Serious &amp; Satirical' offering of the beloved loony. The shared name cant bode well for sales! My "No Fucking Way!" reaction prompted the research that uncovered the genuine academic Dr Stevens. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=5#post-134378 Sat, 11 Aug 2012 15:09:57 +0000 beau-jolly 134378@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Picking at scabs again. <a href="http://www.redbubble.com/people/kazytc">photographic model</a> had me!<br /> This lady's CV grows by the minute but still just the one scary picture in dozens of websites </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=5#post-134319 Fri, 10 Aug 2012 20:08:50 +0000 Nowherefast 134319@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It would be far less painful if she'd gone for Haiku as a style. No better perhaps but at least the reading/pain experience would have been briefer.</p> <p>Summer cafe, cream tea.<br /> Spew twee verse. Done! Lick windows.<br /> All commas now used? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=5#post-134311 Fri, 10 Aug 2012 16:58:09 +0000 Gerontius 134311@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Glad I could be of help Sid </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=5#post-134306 Fri, 10 Aug 2012 15:34:41 +0000 ramblesid 134306@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Do you know, Geronimo, that the top of the range Tena undergarments, as advertised on Yesterday TV, were not adequate in containing the amount of fluid I expelled during the reading of what you've just written. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=5#post-134305 Fri, 10 Aug 2012 15:20:47 +0000 Gerontius 134305@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Like it or not...at least Kaz is putting the effort in.<br /> I was told in all seriousness by a close family member that they much preferred Kaz's offerings to most of the stuff they read on NB<br /> I think it's fair to say Kaz is an acquired taste.<br /> But how many current Biscuiteers have left their mark in such a memorable way.<br /> At one time the trolls said the same about shark's in formaldahyde and unmade beds and graffitti on walls.<br /> Kaz could well be the new Banksy.<br /> I wish I'd had a fraction of the attention that Kaz gets.<br /> It takes time and effort to produce that amount of stuff - and while I agree Kaz should seriously consider changing her dealer - let's give the gal a break. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=5#post-134304 Fri, 10 Aug 2012 15:07:54 +0000 ramblesid 134304@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>OK, Jolly Polly, let's have a full 300/400 word sub from you and see how it goes. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=5#post-134303 Fri, 10 Aug 2012 15:01:27 +0000 beau-jolly 134303@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Can we start a new thread? <a href="http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14317">This one</a> is unscathed by comments so far. It is quite disturbing on a number of levels. I confess I didn't manage to read it all. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=5#post-134297 Fri, 10 Aug 2012 14:04:32 +0000 Nowherefast 134297@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>hands ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, to @kimllfixit </p> <p>You dropped these whilst you were fixing the twees :-) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=5#post-134295 Fri, 10 Aug 2012 13:58:39 +0000 kimllfixit 134295@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Aww, thanks b-j. Deep down I know that I should've, used more, commas. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=5#post-134291 Fri, 10 Aug 2012 13:47:19 +0000 beau-jolly 134291@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'kin brilliant Kim! The PhD is in the post. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=5#post-134286 Fri, 10 Aug 2012 13:22:21 +0000 ramblesid 134286@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>RSVP Kazytc, sorry, I mean RIP. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=5#post-134281 Fri, 10 Aug 2012 13:12:36 +0000 kimllfixit 134281@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>MRS TWEE PAYS A VISIT TO COURT</p> <p>'Twas a Monday lunchtime in June -<br /> for Mr Twee not a day too soon –<br /> as he regains control of his life<br /> by divorcing his lunatic wife.</p> <p>To court she was headed today<br /> for her countryside exploits in May;<br /> Fought mother and boy for cream tea<br /> amd abused staff for all patrons to see.</p> <p>“Mrs Twee” said the judge from his chair<br /> “This hearing will try to be fair<br /> but your actions are a true disgrace,<br /> so impartiality may not be the case”.</p> <p>Her solicitor glanced up from his book<br /> and gave Mrs Twee a long look<br /> “Why the fuck did you wear that torn coat?<br /> And not wash? Shit, you smell like a goat”.</p> <p>“It’s not goat!” said the cross Mrs Twee,<br /> “It’s horse manure, cream, jam and pee”<br /> And she turned up her nose at the gent,<br /> angry he’d mistook her scent.</p> <p>The first witness, to the stand, made her way<br /> 'Twas the manager of Twee Café.<br /> “So tell us now, in your own time<br /> just what happened (please speak in a poor rhyme)”.</p> <p>So she stood up and looked at the crowd.<br /> Confidently, she announced out loud,<br /> “Well, this woman here came to my home<br /> And fought with a boy for a scone.</p> <p>The chav mother got riled-up too,<br /> And then, the next thing I knew<br /> was their food was all thrown on the floor<br /> and she’d fucked up her coat on the door</p> <p>The boy that she’d fought ‘in defence’<br /> had launched her right over a fence.<br /> To be honest I couldn’t care less.<br /> She’s a bitch – let her look like a mess”</p> <p>The solicitor knew that Mrs Twee<br /> would never regain dignity.<br /> But don’t worry! When she’s an inmate,<br /> poems about her exploits will be great!</p> <p>Bring it on Doctor, I can write poetry just as badly as you... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=5#post-134273 Fri, 10 Aug 2012 12:10:23 +0000 kimllfixit 134273@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'Mr &amp; Mrs Twee stop by the Twee Cafe' - <em>based on a true story</em></p> <p>This <em>poem</em> will be followed up by 'Mrs Twee goes to court for public order offences' and 'Mr Twee files for divorce following Mrs Twee's incarceration'.</p> <p>I'm now tempted to write the court notes up in a lengthy, pointless, occasionally rhyming rant. Actually, watch this space... :) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=5#post-134232 Fri, 10 Aug 2012 06:25:59 +0000 dvo4fun 134232@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Vogon constructor-ship Captain quality. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=5#post-134231 Fri, 10 Aug 2012 06:22:55 +0000 Golgo13 134231@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Back it up. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=5#post-134221 Fri, 10 Aug 2012 00:02:20 +0000 The All New Jeni B 134221@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Please stop.</p> <p>My brain hurts. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=14373&page=5#post-134213 Thu, 09 Aug 2012 22:22:34 +0000 Textbook 134213@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Another Mr &amp; Mrs Twee classic. You could almost do an annotated version of these, detailing how horribly everything goes wrong from a poetic point of view. The "scansion" alone would have me going for hours.</p> <p>MR &amp; MRS TWEE STOP BY AT THE TWEE CAFE</p> <p>Mr &amp; Mrs Twee,<br /> Went for a walk in the country,<br /> They discovered a twee farm shop cafe,<br /> And stopped to partake of the fayre on display.</p> <p>They sat down to a nice cream tea,<br /> Plastic tablecloth and china crockery,<br /> Lace doilies to boot,<br /> With other Twee's all around, what a hoot!</p> <p>But their peace and pleasure abruptly ceased,<br /> When in was brought a child, wanting feast,<br /> The child stole Mrs Twee's scone,<br /> He didn't want just any one!</p> <p>Mrs Twee snatched the scone back off the child,<br /> Boy oh boy was Mrs Twee riled!<br /> But the boy was determined to have her scone,<br /> And so the battle for the scone, had just begun!</p> <p>Mrs Twee determined to win the battle,<br /> And soon engaged into some tittle tattle,<br /> She told off the boy for stealing her scone,<br /> But goaded his mother to set upon....</p> <p>Set upon the barbed tongued Mrs Twee,<br /> Until the battle turned into a war,<br /> The boy crying for Mrs Twee's scone you see,<br /> Narked his mother so much she hit out and tore....</p> <p>Tore Mrs Twee's nice new coat,<br /> As a scrap commenced, go act the goat!<br /> The juvenile scrap began to make a mess,<br /> As hot tea spilled over Mrs Twee's new dress.</p> <p>The disgruntled boy flicked jam at Mrs Twee's hat,<br /> Soon all sticky and jammie, get that!<br /> Mr Twee tried in vain,<br /> To prize the warring women, apart again!</p> <p>The boy seized the chance to grab the scone,<br /> As it flew out of Mrs Twee's hand in the fight,<br /> The boy was quite a canny one,<br /> To catch her scone in flight!</p> <p>Mrs Twee was now fuming mad,<br /> Jammie hatted and riled up bad,<br /> The clotted cream slid off the falling table,<br /> Before Mr Twee was fully able......</p> <p>Able to prevent the cream landing on Mrs Twee's shoe,<br /> Which subsequently, stuck like glue!<br /> Now Mrs Twee was a walking cream tea,<br /> And visibly angry for all to see.</p> <p>The owner of the twee cafe,<br /> Ordered the warring women to leave,<br /> But in a bid to throw them out you see,<br /> The door shut on Mrs Twee's coat sleeve....</p> <p>The door ripped off the arm of Mrs Twee's coat,<br /> Oh dear did the patrons scoff and gloat!<br /> Mr Twee was unable to calm,<br /> A Mrs Twee minus her coat arm!</p> <p>Mrs Twee demanded the price of a new coat and hat,<br /> But the cafe owner would hear nothing of that!<br /> The mother and boy were determined to continue the war,<br /> And so they pushed Mrs Twee to the floor!</p> <p>Mrs Twee landed in a pile of horse manure,<br /> Leaving Mrs Twee far from demure!<br /> The battle set to get out of hand,<br /> Saw Mrs Twee rise and raise her hand.</p> <p>The mother of the boy in his defense,<br /> Pushed Mrs Twee over a paddock fence,<br /> But a raging bull was waiting there,<br /> And by his horns raised up Mrs Twee, by her hair!</p> <p>Mrs Twee struggling with all her might,<br /> Was shaking and screaming amidst the fright,<br /> The boy threw soil and stones at Mrs Twee,<br /> One hit the bull who dropped her in a puddle of pee!</p> <p>By now Mrs Twee looked far from prim,<br /> Covered in cream tea, pee and manure so grim,<br /> Mr Twee was at a terrible loss,<br /> To calm Mrs Twee the angry boss!</p> <p>Boss was she in the norm of things,<br /> But yet again reduced to messy offerings,<br /> With the boy and his mother so keen to battle on,<br /> They're war accelerated and so keen to be won.</p> <p>Mrs Twee was not to be taken out,<br /> Despite her sustaining a final clout,<br /> Which saw her land in a cow feeding trough,<br /> With onlookers laughing what a scoff!</p> <p>Mrs Twee never got to enjoy her country cream tea,<br /> Her hat and coat got a taste of more than she,<br /> Cared to sample of the countryside,<br /> Would she now go home and forever stay inside? </p>