http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=bonus The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sat, 25 May 2013 01:16:47 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38375#post-108547 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 19:32:34 +0000 hokeycokey 108547@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In a surprise move that has confounded his critics, ex-RBS chief Fred Goodwin has sent a series of unequivocal messages to the Queen in response to the inglorious removal of his knighthood.</p> <p>“LOL UR FBUGLY HINESS!” was just the start of an hour-long tirade that began on Saturday night. It had been assumed that Mr Goodwin would simply slink off to his country retreat and soak up his punishment in a marble tub, but the ex-banker spared no time in sending off a volley of abusive SMS messages to Her Majesty at the weekend following a heavy drinking session. And he didn’t mince his words.</p> <p>“I WUDNT PISS ON UR ERMIN IF U HAD A HEART ATTACK,” chided the former CEO in one of several texts before going on to formally acknowledge his debasement by suggesting “U CAN TAKE UR POXY KNIGHTHUD &amp; STUFF IT UP ROYL CRACK. 2 B HONEST U CAN GO F**K URSELF THX40 SWTDRMZ.”</p> <p>The mobile message attack was roundly condemned by the current chief of RBS, Lord Jaffa of McVitie, who has never texted in his life. “It is very sad that Her Majesty has received a punch in the eye for simply doing what is right,” said a spokesman for his office. “Fred should really do the honourable thing and just own up to the fact that his twattish behaviour is what led us to where we are now.”</p> <p>Lord Jaffa, who is in fact a box of Jaffa Cakes, replaced CEO Stephen Hester in January 2011 as part of a government-led initiative to restore confidence in banking. Since then, profits have been on the increase but the incumbent CEO modestly refutes that he deserves any special reward. “I for one will not be accepting a bonus this year,” said a Whitehall spokesman for the high-calorie snack, reading a prepared written statement. “Yes, I’m in line for a knighthood. But let’s face it, what am I going to do with a few million quid anyway? I’d only piss it up the wall.” </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1923#post-5723 Sat, 03 Apr 2010 23:14:53 +0000 borednow 5723@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Chancellor to offer no claims discount of up to 60% for anyone who hasn't made a claim in over 2 years. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1923#post-5696 Sat, 03 Apr 2010 20:34:53 +0000 confidemus 5696@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Following recent criticism expressed by business chiefs of the government's plan to increase NI contributions, the Chief Executive Officers of the nationalised banks have written an open letter to the Financial Times, offering to pay all of the added levy for every taxpayer in the UK. The letter, signed by some of the City of London's leading heavyweights, including Lord Marmaduke Poindersister and Sir Christopher Mirandapopolous, outlines how bankers will voluntarily proffer a percentage of their bonuses to the Treasury to cover the NI increase and give the country the financial kick-start it needs.</p> <p>Stated the letter...<blockquote>We recognise that in these difficult times it is only proper for all good men to come to the aid of the country...notwithstanding the unfortunate lack of prudence shown by a large section of the populace in failing to save adequately while borrowing beyond their means, we must recognise that the nation stands or falls together and sacrifices must be shared. </blockquote></p> <p>It is believed the move will add a further £155 billion to the Treasury's coffers, amounting to 0.001% of the national debt. The publicly-owned banks will generate the contributions from the upward bonus adjustments applied to bankers salaries this year, as a so-called 'golden goosing' reward for the increased responsibility of managing government bail-out cash. Said Sir Christopher: <blockquote> Bankers are not used to dealing with these tangible cash amounts. It is exceedingly burdensome to manage real money when you are used to futurised virtualities and shortstock-barreling hedge-spreads. Of course we need to set bonus levels appropriately in order to retain experts with the expertise to spend the public's money wisely. It shows that the spirit of the Blitz is alive and trading in the City when these philanthropic heroes are willing to each give 2.5% of their hard-earned additional bonus payments to help the country. We owe them more than can be expressed in mere words and I think that over the forthcoming year it will of course be necessary to increase bonus payments to reflect the calibre of the individuals we now have at the helm of the economy.</blockquote></p> <p>Shadow Chancellor, Georgie Osbourne declined to comment on the announcement until the markets open, however the Chancellor, Alistair Darling, said: <blockquote>The country owes a significant debt to Lord Poindersister and Sir Christopher and all the other bankers already. This generous gesture shows just how much we will always be in their debt."</blockquote> </p>