http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=bond The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Tue, 21 May 2013 19:28:16 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=35897#post-100845 Tue, 13 Dec 2011 22:10:16 +0000 malgor 100845@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jIyNzRvKBw4"><strong><u>Unlikely lines to hear in the movies</u></strong></a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=35897#post-100841 Tue, 13 Dec 2011 21:28:04 +0000 Quillie 100841@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The producers of the new James Bond film, Skyfall, which is scheduled for release next summer, have revealed that the suave double agent will be driving a second-hand 2004 Ford Focus as he fights evil and beds beautiful women for Britain. </p> <p>‘We have always made an effort to keep the franchise fresh and up-to-date,’ said producer Graham F. Nisbet, ‘and since every other car on the road these days seems to be a bloody Ford Focus, we thought we should put Bond in one. I can’t understand why they’re so friggin’ popular, I mean, it has all the style and panache of some cow turds in a burlap sack. I see people driving this car and I ask myself: “why would they want to look they’re driving around in the face of a depressed, middle-aged divorcee?” It really is the blandest, least appealing piece of junk on wheels. But anyway, it’s what people drive, so there you go. Putting Bond in one gives him a more human feel, like he’s one of us at heart.’</p> <p>The car will, of course, feature a range of gadgets to keep the rakish spy one step ahead of his enemies. ‘There’ll be three cup holders,’ said production designer Ken Fisher, ‘we’ve customised the glove box to give it more space, and there’ll be two nuclear warheads mounted under the bonnet, each with the capacity to destroy an entire city in seconds.’</p> <p>In addition to updating the lecherous womaniser’s car, the producers have made a few other minor tweaks in an attempt to keep the franchise contemporary. They have given M an iPad 2, the plot will involve hard-line Islamic fundamentalists attempting to bring down the west, Bond will spend a lot of time onscreen carrying out mundane administrative tasks such as filing and adding information to databases, and the star of the film, Daniel Craig, will play the character as an ethnically diverse mother of two, living in a Brixton council flat and struggling to cope with the harsh economic realities of modern Britain. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22283#post-60174 Tue, 08 Mar 2011 14:56:07 +0000 beau-jolly 60174@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Arse! I thought this was going to be a good gag about Prince Philip "circling the drain". </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22283#post-60173 Tue, 08 Mar 2011 14:52:55 +0000 spiraldrain 60173@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>City analysts have suggested that "it's only a matter of time" until High Street stores such as Tesco sell foreign government debt next to cheap baked beans. With the price of Greek 10 year bonds steadily declining, and currently at a level where they are effectively buy-one-get-one-half-price, it won't be long before BOGOF pricing can be factored into the sales model.</p> <p>An un-named analyst at a City investment bank said "if we can get the term BOGOF involved we'll be able to dump all our Greek shit onto Tesco customers, and they're already on benefits so no one loses except them. We'll be looking at getting rid of the rest of the PIGS as their pricing deteriotes. The ultimate sales channel would be Bid-TV because we'll be able to cream an extra £10.50 per sale for P&amp;P". </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=3380#post-9745 Wed, 28 Apr 2010 12:19:32 +0000 Stan Laurel 9745@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Chinese shipping company given junk status ....... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=3380#post-9706 Wed, 28 Apr 2010 09:17:22 +0000 MrChigleysAunt 9706@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>No, keep it as a one-liner - it made me laugh just as it is. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=3380#post-9704 Wed, 28 Apr 2010 09:14:32 +0000 Des Custard 9704@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>After the failure of talks aimed at tackling the structural fiscal deficit at struggling MGM, credit rating agency Standard &amp; Poor’s has downgraded the corporation’s bonds, James Bonds, to junk status. The credit rating of the Bond franchise has been down rated from 007+ to 911-.</p> <p>Commentators say the studios, a feared empire in the classical era and once thought too big to fail, sought to overcome their deficit by issuing increasing numbers of Bonds of decreasing quality as demand dwindled. The rating of the James Bond is in stark contrast to the German Bund, Jakob Bund, and it now languishes at a similar level to the Irma Bunt, once thought to be the villain of the piece.</p> <p>MGM is understood to have refused to accept the imposition of austerity measures which would have given it a fighting chance, saying its stars’ contract riders were sacrosanct.</p> <p>[No more soon; apologies to Mr CA below who preferred it as a one liner] </p>