http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=bollocks The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Mon, 20 May 2013 16:02:26 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47855#post-137434 Sun, 09 Sep 2012 22:00:09 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 137434@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Wow. Very demanding audience. Very discerning.</p> <p>Shuttlecock*</p> <p>*I didn't really need to add that, because it says it under that swirly thing on the left.</p> <p>Or so I'm reliably informed. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47855#post-137433 Sun, 09 Sep 2012 21:52:14 +0000 Haywood Manley 137433@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Learnt a new word today - Misandry. Cheers sylkron. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47855#post-137414 Sun, 09 Sep 2012 19:55:57 +0000 rikkor 137414@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>What pun? Don't force me to read it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47855#post-137410 Sun, 09 Sep 2012 18:55:01 +0000 quango 137410@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Has no one else spotted the pun? Took me a while but I finally get it, very clever. Well worth the time, hilarious </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47855#post-137409 Sun, 09 Sep 2012 18:23:51 +0000 JohnA 137409@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Entirely copied from her own weblog: <a href="http://kronstantinople.blogspot.com/2011/04/modest-proposal-castration-at-birth.html" rel="nofollow">http://kronstantinople.blogspot.com/2011/04/modest-proposal-castration-at-birth.html</a></p> <p>Its obviously a cry for attention. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47855#post-137404 Sun, 09 Sep 2012 17:55:06 +0000 Ironduke 137404@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>So in essence...Sylkron, maybe if you put out a bit more then you might get some. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47855#post-137389 Sun, 09 Sep 2012 15:05:35 +0000 rikkor 137389@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'm glad that reading the comments gave me a pass for not reading the sub. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47855#post-137370 Sun, 09 Sep 2012 07:20:44 +0000 Sinnick 137370@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>About as intelligent as female circumcision. And WTF has this to do with funny news stories ? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47855#post-137368 Sun, 09 Sep 2012 06:54:19 +0000 Salmon of Knowledge 137368@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It's a bit short and needs to be more rambling. Have you considered making it a bit more racist? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47855#post-137367 Sun, 09 Sep 2012 01:24:48 +0000 Yikes 137367@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>too grammatically correct to be Kaz ... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47855#post-137366 Sat, 08 Sep 2012 23:52:03 +0000 The All New Jeni B 137366@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>D'you think it's another kaztyc special? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47855#post-137364 Sat, 08 Sep 2012 23:48:13 +0000 Yikes 137364@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Not me dvo.</p> <p>I did check the last para to make sure it wasn't a super subtle piece with a killer punchline - sure enough, no lols there either. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47855#post-137361 Sat, 08 Sep 2012 22:24:15 +0000 dvo4fun 137361@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Anybody get as far as "On Sunday, a story surfaced ..."?</p> <p>If not then I'll make a bid for the prize </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47855#post-137358 Sat, 08 Sep 2012 22:03:09 +0000 Sinnick 137358@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>What a lot of bollocks. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47855#post-137357 Sat, 08 Sep 2012 21:43:04 +0000 bonjonelson 137357@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Something went wrong with this posting and they forgot to put the <a href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&amp;rct=j&amp;q=&amp;esrc=s&amp;source=web&amp;cd=1&amp;cad=rja&amp;ved=0CB8QtwIwAA&amp;url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DoHg5SJYRHA0&amp;ei=2rtLUNroMKqs0QXKt4GwAw&amp;usg=AFQjCNEcy3X8QxEz3ZqmxAznmt4YfNijBQ">cheap louboutin shoes</a> links in. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47855#post-137355 Sat, 08 Sep 2012 21:25:34 +0000 nickb 137355@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It is satirical. Wait. No it isn't satirical. Some funny names might lighten it a bit, or a reference to Nick Clegg. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47855#post-137353 Sat, 08 Sep 2012 21:06:38 +0000 arthurminnit 137353@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>does he know this is a comedy site? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47855#post-137352 Sat, 08 Sep 2012 21:05:51 +0000 arthurminnit 137352@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>im not! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47855#post-137349 Sat, 08 Sep 2012 20:51:14 +0000 Yikes 137349@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Dvo - from a skim maybe "all men are basta*rds" </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47855#post-137343 Sat, 08 Sep 2012 19:55:29 +0000 dvo4fun 137343@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Just finished the 3rd large one. Could someone precis this for me? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47855#post-137340 Sat, 08 Sep 2012 18:29:39 +0000 JohnA 137340@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ovaries are overrated </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47855#post-137333 Sat, 08 Sep 2012 14:29:46 +0000 sylkron 137333@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In 1729, Jonathan Swift penned a satirical essay entitled "A Modest Proposal," which advocated that poor people decrease their burden on society by selling their children to the rich, to be "stewed, roasted, baked or boiled" for a very delicious meal. In today's tiresome jargon, it would be characterized as a "win-win." </p> <p> I have a modest proposal of my own, and I'm not being satirical. Until some way can be found to mitigate testosterone's devastating impact on the world, I advocate that males be castrated at birth.</p> <p> Our world is saturated with violence, ruthless greed, crime, war and pornography. Let's put a stop to this madness, and train women to be "Keepers of the Testosterone." We'll hand out the syringes when we think some societal or personal benefit will be derived from a dose of this many-splendored hormone. Other than that, guys, you'll have to chill out and learn to behave.</p> <p> Our newscasts used to be about car crashes and convenience-store robberies. Now they're about sex crimes and convenience-store robberies. </p> <p> Every night on the local news there is at least one, and more often several, stories about infants who have been raped; small children who have been sexually fondled, raped and sodomized; adolescent girls who have been repeatedly assaulted by teachers, coaches or religious leaders; female joggers who were shoved off the path and horrifically brutalized -- first with a penis, then with a crushing blow to the head -- and elderly women -- some of them emaciated, demented or even paralyzed -- being raped, sometimes daily, by nursing-home staff. We could probably devote an entire half-hour every night to local sex crimes and still not be able to fit them all in.</p> <p> On Sunday, a story surfaced about the "sexually hostile atmosphere" at Yale University, where "sluts" are celebrated, "frigidity" is castigated and sex crimes, including rape, are swept under the rug by the administration. It's been noted that this is really only "news" because it's Yale, and because a Title IX lawsuit might result, but data indicate that sexual harassment and assault are widespread and growing problems on college campuses nationwide.</p> <p> And then, of course, there are the stories that have been trickling out for several years about the intimidating, hypersexualized atmosphere in the military. Remember the hideous humiliations at Abu Ghraib? They were not isolated incidents -- they were emblematic of how men often behave when they feel unconstrained by the usual rules.</p> <p> Half of all women in uniform describe ongoing sexual harassment that creates "substantial psychological distress." These women don't dare go out at night to use the toilet without waking someone up to accompany them. One in five women says she has been raped by a fellow soldier, although even the military acknowledges that the number is most certainly higher (in a Christian Science Monitor story last month, over half the rape victims said they didn't report the incident).</p> <p> In the testosterone-engorged environment of the military, even men are not uncommon targets. According to Newsweek, nearly 50,000 male veterans screened positive for “military sexual trauma” at the Department of Veterans Affairs last year. These are virtually all heterosexual men who are sexually harassed, assaulted or gang-raped by other heterosexuals "who are motivated by power, intimidation, and domination."</p> <p> A recent immigrant joined the Army and was gang-raped in his barracks by men who said they were showing him who was in charge of the United States, Newsweek added.</p> <p> Rape by soldiers -- ours and everyone else's -- has gotten much more publicity in recent years than it used to, but it has always been a part of war. Women's private parts, it seems, are a prized "perk" among the spoils of war. Even the United Nations' peacekeepers have become notorious for raping women and girls. And when you're in a war situation, plain old rape and gang rape aren't always interesting enough. So women are raped with broken bottles and large, rough tree branches, or their sons are forced to rape them, or they are raped with rifle butts and then shot internally. </p> <p> Thousands of women around the world need treatment for fistulas, which are tears so massive that the urethra and/or anus have been ripped, along with the vagina, into one big hole, so that the woman is constantly leaking urine and feces. Their communal groups exile them for being smelly and tainted.</p> <p> Testosterone is like some unconquerable pestilence that pours pain and perversion all over everything.</p> <p> As any woman in a large city will confirm, walking down a major street is like making one's way through a gauntlet of growls, moans, gropes, open-mouthed stares, flicking tongues and remarks that I won't repeat here. Men follow you, plead with you, flatter and eventually threaten you. It is exhausting. It is a constant assault. And it is infuriating not to be able to enjoy a simple stroll on a sunny day. When you get home, and close and triple-lock your apartment door, you feel an immense sense of relief. I usually jumped right into the shower.</p> <p> This is not inconsequential stuff. It is a major quality-of-life issue for millions of women.</p> <p> Not to mention domestic violence, and the global sex trade, and sex tourism, often involving toddlers who are "guaranteed virgins."</p> <p> Is the idea of castration making a little more sense?</p> <p> Most of my best friends since college have been male. Just last month, a survey indicated that 85 percent of men who have a "close female friend" harbor the hope that the relationship will evolve into a sexual one. On several occasions when I was younger, men whom I regarded as either beloved brothers or father figures got very drunk and blurted out their yearnings for me (one called it "years of torment"). I was devastated at what I had lost, and I felt so betrayed to look back on all of our warm, companionable talks, walks and even weekend getaways. I thought they were my FRIENDS. Are men hormonally incapable of being just friends? </p> <p> We've all heard the spectacularly bizarre statistics on how often men have sexual thoughts. The most often cited is every 52 seconds, which even I find hard to believe. But even the most conservative and narrow studies indicate that men have sexual thoughts, impulses and fantasies many times every hour. </p> <p> How many times do we have to hear the same old story about "great men," widely admired for their integrity, godliness and devotion to mankind, losing it all just to get laid? How many times do we have to hear what the multibillion-dollar porn industry is doing to our young men, our "happily married" middle-aged men and even our women -- who feel pressured to conform to the porn aesthetic and "anything goes" expectations?</p> <p> Let's end this insanity!</p> <p> I had a wonderful friend in New York, a famous fashion photographer and graphic designer from Vienna. He loved women, hungered for them, was rhapsodic about their scents, textures and flavors. One night over dinner he told me he would be greatly relieved when he got old and his sex drive dissipated. "It is just too much," he told me. "It gets in the way of everything else!"</p> <p> Think of how testosterone -- which gives us horny, ruthless, power-hungry guys -- affects the realms of finance, capitalism, crime, entertainment, media and politics -- domestic and global. Think how different our lives could be without this hormonal dictator running the world.</p> <p> Let's take their balls and go home. It couldn't make things any worse. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=11962#post-33123 Sat, 11 Sep 2010 14:24:22 +0000 arrghgarry 33123@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Creationists claim that all the consonants and vowels were made by a divine being in a single day about 3,000 years ago, probably while he was doing the crossword after lunch.<br /> 1 down was............. big 40 ton creature that walked ran and jumped that God never mentioned. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=11962#post-33025 Fri, 10 Sep 2010 23:06:33 +0000 arrghgarry 33025@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>bryll </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=11962#post-33016 Fri, 10 Sep 2010 22:30:52 +0000 Quaz 33016@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The Hawaiian was a bit short on ham and pineapple. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=11962#post-33012 Fri, 10 Sep 2010 22:19:30 +0000 bonjonelson 33012@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I already did the Wales bit. And Hawaiian, for those who understood my geologically derived comment. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=11962#post-33011 Fri, 10 Sep 2010 22:19:20 +0000 Quaz 33011@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The Welsh claim that they got two L's because God loved Llandudno so much that he decided to name it twice. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=11962#post-33006 Fri, 10 Sep 2010 22:09:33 +0000 FormerlyAlOPecia 33006@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>ANd the winner is Myth Wales? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=11962#post-33005 Fri, 10 Sep 2010 22:08:11 +0000 rikkor 33005@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Love it. It's screaming out for a Welsh language joke. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=11962#post-32999 Fri, 10 Sep 2010 22:01:28 +0000 Quaz 32999@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Creationists claim that all the consonants and vowels were made by a divine being in a single day about 3,000 years ago, probably while he was doing the crossword after lunch. </p>