http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=bishop The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 19 May 2013 14:50:08 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52200#post-150263 Fri, 23 Nov 2012 18:07:58 +0000 Supremecourtjester 150263@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The recent vote won by conservative members of the Church of England requiring that Bishops be males has caused the Church to do some soul searching, and also some searches between the belt and the knees. As a result the Oxford English Dictionary has added an additional definition to the entry for the word "bishopric." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51996#post-149704 Tue, 20 Nov 2012 18:09:49 +0000 ginty 149704@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>more soon... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41656#post-118841 Tue, 17 Apr 2012 12:47:01 +0000 Rootin Tootin 118841@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I thought the "rooster" set up was a good gag in itself and would have worked well if the punchline involved a chicken and a kitten, as everyone would have been waiting for the obvious. A sort of treble entendre. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41656#post-118840 Tue, 17 Apr 2012 12:43:45 +0000 Rootin Tootin 118840@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>...said the actress to the ... oh, hold on. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41656#post-118812 Tue, 17 Apr 2012 11:25:08 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 118812@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You could be right, I could be spectacularly missing the point. Personally I just feel it works a bit better if you can see that it is a set up, but it's not quite so obvious what it's setting up.</p> <p>As soon as a rooster and a cat are mentioned you know what's coming. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41656#post-118805 Tue, 17 Apr 2012 11:16:45 +0000 Oxbridge 118805@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'you can see what's coming a mile off'. Fnarr fnarr, hur hur, yip yip, etc. Actually I thought being predictable was pretty much the whole point but interested in further feedback. Last para gone and some further twiddles made. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41656#post-118798 Tue, 17 Apr 2012 10:24:50 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 118798@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Don't think the last para works either. Also think that the rooster part feels a bit too forced for me, you can see what's coming a mile off.</p> <p>Is there room at the end for something like:</p> <p>The final straw came when Turnbull came home drunk one night while Waterson was trying to sleep, kicked her back doors in and left a terrible mess in the back passage. So she reported him for rape. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41656#post-118793 Tue, 17 Apr 2012 09:55:54 +0000 cinquecento 118793@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>room for 'under the doctor' ?<br /> mostly oo-er good; don't like last para - logic doesn't flow from first sentence to second, so 4 Matrons... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41656#post-118786 Tue, 17 Apr 2012 09:38:42 +0000 Oxbridge 118786@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In what is seen as a 'big blow' for celebrity watchers, The Right Reverend Geoffrey Turnbull, Bishop of Norwich, and former Hollyoaks actress Gemma Waterson have announced that their relationship has ended. According to Waterson's agent, the couple had endured too many ups and downs but simply could not stick things out any longer.</p> <p>A source close to Turnbull said that Waterson was suffering from emotional problems and he didn't want to give her one more by commenting in public. 'She has many knockers but Geoffrey won't be one of them. In fact, when two intrusive journalists pushed him too hard on the subject, he knocked one out'.</p> <p>According to Waterson's friends, however, she had frequently been up all night with worry about Turnbull's eccentric behaviour. It is alleged that he was recently abusive to Waterson when retrieving a prize winning Rhode Island Red rooster from the jaws of her pet cat, which had just chased it into a river at the bird sanctuary she runs in Devon.</p> <p>'He was screaming as he pulled his throbbing red cock from out of her wet pussy,' said Charlotte Brown, an assistant at the sanctuary. 'There were boobies and great tits banging about all the over place. Then they all calmed down, went upstairs and had sex.'</p> <p>Unfortunately, Turnbull came home drunk later that night while Waterson was trying to sleep, kicked her back doors in and left a terrible mess in the back passage. As a result, he is under arrest on suspicion of sexual assault and the split is permanent. AND the one in their relationship.</p> <p>Hello! magazine editor Rosie Nixon said that this was the worst news she had heard since the much loved comedy trio James Price, Hamish MacDougall and Paddy Murphy stopped going into pubs together after they realised that they were broadly similar in terms of intelligence and generosity.</p> <p>[Hat tip to VCG. From original by vens123] </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25880#post-70460 Wed, 01 Jun 2011 12:53:33 +0000 Dick Everyman 70460@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks for the tip VCG! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25880#post-70440 Wed, 01 Jun 2011 12:13:03 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 70440@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You can edit it for 6 hours after you post it. I very rarely leave anything as it was when I originally posted it, either adding/stealing suggestions from other people, putting something else in that I didn't think of at first, or just tidying it up a bit having read it back. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25880#post-70438 Wed, 01 Jun 2011 12:09:39 +0000 Dick Everyman 70438@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yep, agree with both of you. I enjoyed writing it but published it too soon methinks so need to hold back next time!!! Liked the idea of pirates meeting their match. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25880#post-70423 Wed, 01 Jun 2011 11:38:15 +0000 bonjonelson 70423@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>or the pirates being outgunned by the locals?</p> <p>The punchline doesn't work, unfortunately </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25880#post-70412 Wed, 01 Jun 2011 10:57:20 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 70412@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I agree with Bonjo, very good idea but maybe needs a little work.</p> <p>Perhaps something about the pirates having boarded armed with a variety of weapons but then finding that they had been stolen by the scousers? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25880#post-70405 Wed, 01 Jun 2011 10:37:46 +0000 Dick Everyman 70405@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks for comments Bonjo ;0) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25880#post-70400 Wed, 01 Jun 2011 10:10:41 +0000 bonjonelson 70400@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>needs a little work, but has potential. Stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=25880#post-70395 Wed, 01 Jun 2011 09:57:31 +0000 Dick Everyman 70395@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A passenger ferry crossing from Liverpool to Birkenhead was stormed by Somali pirates last night with more than thirty passengers and crew on board. The Manchester Ship Canal is now on full alert after a group of militia men armed with AK47’s hijacked the ferry apparently disguised as Ken Dodd lookalikes.</p> <p>Eye witness, Pete Donoghue said, “I was on my way back from Harry Ramsdens feeling a bit bloated like when I saw these guys in a big rubber dinghy smashing into the side of the ferry. A couple of the passengers helped them up. They must have thought it was a stag do gone wrong or something.”</p> <p>Port officials and Merseyside police have confirmed that thirty people are being held by the pirates and, in a dramatic phone call from one passenger to his girlfriend he said that a large amount of bling had already been stolen from passengers, but this was before the hijackers had boarded the vessel.</p> <p>In a statement to the Commons Stephen Twigg, Labour MP for Liverpool West Derby, said. “I am very concerned that innocent Liverpudlians have been caught up in this situation and need to establish if this is related to recent cuts to British Waterways’ budgets. However if Somali pirates continue to come to Liverpool they can expect a proper Kirby kiss.”</p> <p>There are now serious concerns that essential food aid shipments to Liverpool and Manchester will be affected if piracy begins to take hold in the region. </p> <p>Meanwhile, in a bizarre twist reports received from the International Maritime Organisation state that a Liverpool registered vessel has been involved in pirate attacks on merchant ships in Somali territorial waters. A senior port official in Mogadishu said, “If there’s any robbing to do around here we don’t want any Scousers sticking their oar in, thank you very much.” </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1621#post-4482 Sun, 28 Mar 2010 11:02:52 +0000 virtuallywill 4482@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Tapping your forearm or hand with a finger or any other part of your body could soon be the way you interact with gadgets.<br /> Researchers have found a way to work out where the tap touches and use that to control phones, music players, and game platforms such as the Nintendo Wii.<br /> Coupled with a tiny projector the system can use the skin as a surface on which to display menu choices, or a screen, with pictures.<br /> Early work suggests the system, called Onanism, can be learned with about 20 minutes of training, young boys however can pick up the concept "as if born with the ability" say researchers.<br /> Nintendo hope to release a set of games for older players next Friday.<br /> There will be new hardware, a wand and a bean console.<br /> There will also be a guitar hero version with songs by Pearl Jam, the Lovin' Spoonful<br /> and 10cc.</p> <p>However Church leaders are worried that excessive use will cause boils and have produced a chart to explain.<br /> <img src="http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/47538000/jpg/_47538938_skinput-charrison226.jpg"> </p>